Prez Boot: And here we are once again for our second broadcast of UCW Monday Mayhem. I'm Boot and, as always, to my left is the lovely Felicity.
VP Felicity: Thank you Boot, and might I say you look quite handsome yourself. We have some great matches today, including perhaps the biggest match in UCW history!
Prez Boot: That's right Felicity, we have a fatal four way match involving Crazed Killer, Falcon, the UCW Internet Champ Twist, and the UCW World Heavyweight Champion RJ Souza.
VP Felicity: This all stemmed from the Final round of the World Title tournament last Thursday on Fury. Falcon and Crazed Killer interfered in that match, so we decided to book the four of them in a match and let them sort this mess out.
Prez Boot: Damn strait! I can't have every wrestler with a beef go around interfering in all these matches. And you what I always say, fair is fair.
VP Felicity: Exactly, we also have a three way rookie match tonight facing Darien, Terminator, and DTM against one another. This will be great for them as a learning experience.
Prez Boot: That's right Felicity, you don't want to throw them to the wolves quite yet. Let them get their feet wet as they say. And our opening match for today is a drop the soap match involving the always bitching Star King and the always being someone's bitch Gay Bandit.
VP Felicity: How poetic, Here comes Star King, of course his music isn't playing because we just don't feel like it.
Prez Boot: That's right, and his pyro isn't there either, that's stuffs hellaexpensive. Boy, Star King doesn't look to sure of this match. An understandable feeling, I'm not too sure about this match myself.
VP Felicity: And here comes the Gay Bandit as "It's Raining Men" hits the sound system and the glittered up Bandit slowly makes his way to the ring. Is he . . . . . . is he . . . . . is he wearing a towel?
Prez Boot: Why yes Felicity, I believe he is wearing a towel, he's also wearing a pink shower cap and little shower sandals with little pink tuffs on the toes. The gay Bandit slides into the ring and the match begins.
VP Felicity: Star King wastes no time, he immediately begins to stomp on Bandit, not giving him any opportunity to gain an advantage in this drop the soap match.
Prez Boot: Ooops, I almost forgot, they don't have the soap yet. They can only win the match if their opponent drops the soap. I'll just hand these to the referee.
VP Felicity: The wrestlers get separated as the referee hands each of them a bar of soap. The referee starts the match again and GB gets the advantage this time with a kick to the gut followed by a ddt. It looks like Gay Bandit is going to drop the soap intentionally.
Prez Boot: I don't think so, HEY BANDIT, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!! If he does I swear he'll be sent back to that all girl boarding school so fast. I don't like wrestlers taking the easy way out.
VP Felicity: Speaking of the easy way out, Star King just dropped the soap on purpose I guess he had enough of the Gay Bandit. But GB isn't done he slaps him across the face and whips him face first into the corner. But Star King dropped the soap, he lost the match.
Prez Boot: Oh he lost more than that, he's just been violated. And the bell rings as GB is declared the winner. The crowd begins to cheer, and . . . . . . uh oh, I don't like the look on Bandits face.
VP Felicity: What's wrong, what could he possibly be thinki . . . . . Oh my, there goes the towel and . . . . . . . well, at least he finally listened to you and stopped wearing the thong.
Prez Boot: Ha ha, very funny. Dammit Bandit put some clothes on, I told you on that stupid island that if you ever got naked again in my presence there'd be hell to pay. And Bandit leaves as the traines come to help Star King out of the ring, he'll never be the same again.
VP Felicity: It's a good thing we're on Fox, any other network would have us yanked off the air after a scene like that. Stay tuned, we'll be back after this messages from Coors Light and Dorito's.
Felicity: Welcome back to UCW Mayhem. I still can't get over what we just saw! If that is not the most disturbing sight ever in a wrestling ring, then I don't know what is.
Boot: How about having to watch a Konnan match?
F: I stand corrected.
B: But here comes our next match up, a triple threat match with 3 new comers to UCW. This should be interesting to see the upcoming young stars of wrestling make their debuts.
F: Here comes one of them now, coming out to Walk by Pantera, and weighing in at 235 pounds, and standing at 6'4", is Dan the Man ... DTM for short.
B: Now ... coming out to ... a ... song ... of some sorts. It's Terminator. I hear Terminator is making a come back from a head injury of some sorts.
F: Let me guess, a tumor?
B: It's not a tumor!
F: Very funny, how long have you been dying to say that?
B: Long enough, but any ways, here comes our next debuting superstar ... who for some reason has a fixation with talking about my ass? Coming out to My Generation by Limp Biskit? Alright, that does it, screw this match, I'm out of here!
F: Oh, sit down!
B: Either way, this is Darien. A big guy, standing at 7 foot even. A size advatage over these other two.
F: All three are in the ring ... there goes the bell. A stand off. Neither of these guys wants to be to anxious in thier debut UCW matches ... *sigh* Any minute now boys. You can start anytime.
B: Well somebody better get moving! We want blood! BLOOOOOOOOD!!!!!
F: Calm down! Your like a child some times! What the ... Killing Time by Metallica is playing! This is the music of the tag team champion Crazed Killer and his partner Shadow. CK has a match later tonight in the main event, but what does he want now?
B: All three in the ring are looking confused, they don't know what it happening. What? The lights just went out!
F: The fans are going wild! They know something wild is about to happen.
B: The lights are back! CK and Shadow are in the ring! Wait, if Shadow is here, I beter check on my car!
F: All three wrestlers are watching the aisle, neither of them know what is behind them.
B: CK and Shadow both have chairs ... Darien turns around ... and gets nailed by CK! There goes the big man ... that'll learn him! No body talks about my ass and don't expect bad things to happen!
F: Shadow nails Terminator across the back who then tumbles to the outside. Now DTM turns around and is left with the tag champs.
B: Dan looks worried. But I think he is going to fight. He runs at Shadow ... but Shadow ducks. Shadow picks up DTM, here comes CK ... a 3D! Why, that brings back memories. That one was a little sloppy, at least compared to the ones me and Rob would give to people ... but still effective.
F: Wait a minute, Lilith is on the outside ... she's setting up a table. She orders Shadow to the outside, who naturally obeys. The set up the table, and they lay Terminator on it.
B: CK is picking up the near lifeless DTM. He's motioning to the table. And Darien is struggling to his feet in the corner.
F: CK has DTM up, looks like a running power bomb ... to the OUTSIDE into the table that Terminator is lying on!
B: Hey look, the referee is counting. Darien is still in the ring. I think Darien wins by count out. Luckliy Darien knows better and gets out the ring once the referee makes his decision. Smart move. But now Shadow is pointing to me? What does he want now?
F: Looks like he is pissed about getting the shaft once again. They are sending a message to you. Now CK is waiting for his next match. We;ll be right back with it.
VP Felicity: And we're back, now for the main event. Falcon and Raine came to the ring during the break, and here comes Crazed Killer. CK slides into the ring and starts fighting with Falcon before the match even begins.
Prez Boot: The two exchange punches as the monster Twist slowly walks down the walkway, with his Internet Title over his right shoulder. He stops at ringside, not wanting to get involved just yet. A pretty smart strategy, I must say.
VP Felicity: Not really, RJ Souza doesn't even wait for his music to play as he runs into the arena at top speed. He tosses his World Title towards a UCW security person and attacks Twist from behind.
VP Felicity: Twists title belt falls off as RJ backs him up with a fury of lefts and rights. He grabs him by one arm and whips him hard into the guardrail. Meanwhile in the ring CK whips Falcon into the ropes and plants a spinebuster.
Prez Boot: What the hell? Is he going for that elbow that other wrestler in that other fed uses? The bastard! The lawsuit will cost us millions!!!
VP Felicity: As CK bounces off of the ropes Boot hits him in the head with a paper cup. CK turns around to give Boot an ear full as Falcon drop kicks him in the back. Twist and RJ take their respective corners as Falcon gets CK in a reverse chinlock.
Prez Boot: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that this match has only two wrestlers in the ring at one time. At any time a wrestler can tag in either of the other two wrestlers as if they were his tag partner.
VP Felicity: And the winner of this match becomes the #1 contender to the World Title. If RJ wins then there will be no #1 contender. Falcon backs into the ropes and pushes off CK, as CK comes off the ropes Falcon connects with a high knee.
Prez Boot: Falcon picks CK up and walks him to the corner. Falcon climbs the turnbuckle and delivers a devastating tornado ddt. Falcon covers, 1 . . . 2 . . . and Twist stomps on Falcons head, stopping the count.
VP Felicity: But Falcon isn't too pleased, he knocks Twist off the ring apron, but that gives CK enough time to lunge to the other corner and tag in RJ. Falcon turns around to take RJ on when Twist tags himself in by slapping Falcon on the back.
Prez Boot: Falcon reluctantly leaves the ring as Twist and RJ lock horns. Twist has to be less than satisfied with winning his Internet Title, he obviously thought that he should have won that match, but it doesn't matter what he thinks, it's only my thoughts that count.
VP Felicity: Twist lifts RJ high overhead and drops him on his head. He immediately picks RJ back up and whips him into the ropes and nails a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.
Prez Boot: RJ's in trouble, he needs to tag somebody in. But Twist picks him up again and lands a belly to back suplex. Twist covers, 1 . . . 2 . . . and RJ kicks out. Twist wastes no time in continuing his onslaught. He sends RJ to the mat with a bone crunching headbutt.
VP Felicity: I think RJ's out cold, Twist covers again, 1 . . . 2 . . . And Crazed Killer stops the count. And Falcon attacks CK, all four men are in the ring!!! It's total Mayhem, excuse the pun.
Prez Boot: Twist takes RJ outside the ring and throws him headfirst into the steel steps. Meanwhile Falcon levels Crazed Killer with a clothesline. Falcon follows by picking CK up and landing a northern lights suplex into a pin. 1 . . . 2 . . . and Twist pulls the referee out of the ring.
VP Felicity: Now the ref is in Twists face, and Raine gets in the argument. RJ has a chair!!! He swings at Twist, but Twist ducks and RJ nails Raine by mistake busting her wide open.
Prez Boot: While Falcon is distracted by the commotion outside CK leaves the ring and grabs a steel chair. He slides back in and wipes Falcon out. CK hooks the leg, but there's no referee in the ring!
VP Felicity: CK leans over the ropes to get the refs attention. RJ still has the chair, and he lays out CK with it. But he turns around to have Twist kick the chair into his face. Falcon stumbles to his feet as Twist enters over the top rope.
Prez Boot: Falcons going for a ride, Twist grabs Falcon by the throat and delivers the proverbial chokeslam from hell!! Twist mockingly pins Falcon down with one foot, 1 . . . 2 . . . 3.
VP Felicity: And this match is over, your winner and #1 contender for the UCW World Heavyweight Title is Twist. I guess that wraps it up, hang on, what's Shadow and Lilith doing here? They aren't booked to fight?
Prez Boot: Shadow grabs RJ by the head and slams his face into the ring post. He didn't even wait for RJ to get to his feet. Shadow then enters the ring and ducks a big boot attempt by Twist. Shadow nails Twist with a super kick followed by a face buster.
VP Felicity: He takes one look at Falcon and realized he's already had enough. Lilith grabs a mic!
>Lilith: RJ, Twist, Falcon, anybody who messes with Killer messes with us!
Prez Boot: Shadow picks CK up and helps him to the locker room. RJ, Twist and Falcon are still unconscious. And we're out of time, please join us Thursday when we decide the #1 contenders for the tag straps.