Felicity: Welcome to the latest edition of UCW Mayhem. What a card that we got coming up, two titles to be defended, a #1 contender for one of those titles will be decided, and bragging rights between two new comers to UCW.
Boot: This should be an interesting night, I can't wait. First up, we have our tag team titles decided ... in a singles match up. I'm sure we all know the great history that led up to this type of match under these circumstances ...
F: ...
B: ...
F: Well? What are they?
B: What are what?
F: Oh forget it ... but we should also note that Crazed Killer still has to be a bit sore from taking a fire ball from Pyro last Fury which cost CK the chance to get at Pyro before. Not to mention that was the second time CK took a fireball from Pyro ... will tonight be a third?
B: I think it might, lets get the camera to the back stage area.
F: It's Pyro, walking to the ring. This match should be under way soon. Now here is Crazed Killer heading to the ring ... this match is next!
B: Hey! CK and Pyro just met each other in the hallways ... this never happens to Rock or HHH! They look at each other for a second ... now the punches are starting ... looks like this match is getting started early.
F: Getting started? They can't start back there! Get to the ring!
B: Eventually they will, but CK just threw Pyro over a table ... hey! That was all our snacks for later! Those bastards!
F: Pyro is getting something from his shorts ... will it be another trademark fire ball? For the third time?
B: Is CK that dumb? No, he ain't, he has a cookie sheet! He holds it in front of his face and blocks it. Good to see CK taking some effort into knowing his opponents.
F: Now he hits him with the cookie sheet. Pyro is reeling, and CK hits him again ... Pyro just staggered through the curtian and CK follows him.
B: Now they made it into the ring, this match is under way ... at least officially any way. Pyro is in first ... now here comes CK. But Pyro catches him and kicks the middle rope as CK was climbing in ...
F: Ding!
B: Yes ... ding. What is Pyro doing? Tarantula! Pyro with a Tarantula on Crazed Killer! The referee is checking to see if CK wants to give up.
F: Here comes Shadow. Shadow will be fighting TWIST tonight for the Internet title, but now he is here to make sure he stays the tag champion also. He has a chair ... and a shot to the head of Pyro! The referee never even saw that!
B: Now Pyro is busted open, looks like we are getting the handicap match we were promised for last Fury. Wait a minute ... here comes somebody else ... who is that?
F: That is Darien! What is he doing down here? He just attacked Shadow though ... he must be Pyro's new tag team partner to replace Patch.
B: Now Darien and Shadow are fighting it out ... and CK has a hold of Pyro.
F: Shadow trys to whip Darien into the guard rail ... but Darien reverses and Shadow goes into the guard rail! Shadow is down!
B: CK with a suplex trying to get Pyro back in the ring ... but Darien just grabbed the leg of CK! Pyro falls on top and Darien is holding the leg of CK and CK can't get up! The referee doesn't even notice ... 1 ... 2 ...3! We have new tag team champions!
F: The first ever official title change in UCW! And in this type of match! This is history! We'll be right back with the #1 contender cage match!
Felicity: Welcome back. What match we just had right here folks. And now coming up we will be deciding who the #1 contenders to those tag titles that have just changed hands will be.
Boot: Pyro and Darien better not celebrate to quick. They better get a check on the competition. Either of these teams should be worthy contenders.
F: The cage has been lowered during the break, and here come our first team. Coming out to ... you guessed it ... Limp Biskits My Generation ... we have the Siema Brothers. Johnny and Thommy Siema.
B: This is the type of match these guys have been wanting for a while now. Now it's time to see how worthy they are of a cage match.
F: In the back stage ... here are Dude and CBA. They are walking to the ring. Look, just walked by is the former champion Crazed Killer and Shadow! CBA and Dude notice them/
CBA: Tough break guys. Better luck next time. Maybe after we win the belts we will consider giving you two title shots hahahahaha ...
F: Dude and CBA walks away, turnig their backs to CK and Shadow ... bad move! Cause here come the fomer champs from behind. CK and Shadow nail CBA and Dude!
B: Hey look, the snack table has been fixed.
F: CK has Dude ... Power bomb through the snack table!
B: Doh!
F: Shadow with a chair to the head of CBA! CBA and Dude are out ... now who will be in this match?
B: Looks like CK and Shadow will be. They start to walk to the ring ... but CK stops Shadow.
CK: You focus on winning that Internet title, I'll take care of this.
B: What courage, what heart ... what a dumb ass! He just had a match just then, and now he is going to enter a cage with the Siemas? This guy is more guts than brains!
F: CK runs down the aisle and is in the cage, a knee to Thommy and a fist to Johnny, knocking them back. CK with Johnny in the corner delivering some knees to the stomach ... who does he think he is? Kevin Nash?
B: Thommy with an ax handle from behind ... nope, not Kevin Nash, CK is selling.
F: Now heres Johnny with a chop block to CK! Now the double team is starting. Both Johnny and Thommy throw CK into the side of the cage busting him open.
B: Both Johnny and Thommy are punching away on CK. They are just toying with him now. They should just end the match now that they have it won.
F: They are signalling for the Siema Pain. I guess these guys want to rub it in to the Crazed Killer.
B: Wait! Some one just jumped over the guard rail! Some fan or something, where is our security ...
Camera shows the back stage area where a fat guy wearing an hawaian shirt and a security hat is seen from behind eating donuts at what is left at the snack table.
F: Was that who it looked like?
B: He needed the work, as long as he never yells "Spinarooni, spinarooni, spinarooni" things are fine.
F: He's not doing a good job, that fan, or what ever he is climbing into the cage. Who is this guy ... he seems some how familar ... but he is dressed in olympic type wrestling gear ... but he has a skull painted onto his face. He also has a chair in hand, are you going to allow this?
B: *shrugs shoulders*
F: OK then, who ever this guy is, he nails Thommy with that chair and grabs the head of Johnny Siema and throws him into the side of the cage. This guy just saved the Crazed Killer!
B: He is reaching into his tights ... and has taken out a pair of hand cuffs. He has a hold of Thommy ... and is cuffing him to the side of the cage. Now the tides have turned!
F: Again with the chair to the head of Thommy! Thommy's face is a bloody mess and he is out cold. CK is getting up ... and he ntices this person who is helping him! CK seems to recognize him, but he still seems confused.
B: Johhny Siema is struggling to his feet on the other side of the ring. The rushes in to try gain an advantage ... but his caught by CK. CK holds Johhny in a bear hug type position ... here somes this new person off the ropes with a clothesline ... shades of the old Hart Foundation! 1 ... 2 ... 3! Who ever this guy is, him and CK are the #1 contenders for the tag titles! What a wild and crazy match this has been. We'll be back and hopefully we'll find out who this person is some time in the future.
VP Felicity: Welcome back everyone for the second half of Monday Mayhem. Boy Boot, what a monumental event we just saw in the Crazed Killer vs. Pyro Match.
VP Felicity: Crazed Killer better hope that Shadow wins the Internet Title tonight or else he may suffer the repercussions of his loss to Pyro. Prez Boot: Yeah, I guess if Shadow wins he won't care so much about losing the tag straps. But Twist is quite a mountain to climb over to get the title. It won't be easy for the little bastard! VP Felicity: Boot, that's hardly a nice word to use! Prez Boot: But that's what he is, I looked it up in the dictionary. VP Felicity: Well I'll have to give the dictionary people a call. And I can hear Metallica playing in the background as Angel Of Death appears at the entrance. What a match we should be seeing here, two self proclaimed kings of hardcore. Prez Boot: And I've got a little surprise for these two . . . . . . Hey where's Cycho? His music is playing but I can't see him. VP Felicity: There he comes, through the crowd. He's sneaking up behind AOD with a monkey wrench. Prez Boot: I don't think so! There ain't no wrestling gonna happen here. VP Felicity: What the? Boot just grabbed a mic and headed for the ring. He just got between AOD and Cycho and whispered something to them, they're smiling for some reason. Prez Boot: As I just explained to our competitor's here this will not be a wrestling match. Instead, we will have UCW's first ever hardcore challenge. AOD and Cycho will see who can take the most punishment. He who takes the punishment and makes it to the ring first will be declared the winner. VP Felicity: Well, this is different, a hardcore challenge? This'll be another UCW match to be plagiarized by another promotion for sure. Prez Boot: If you'll look to the right of our Jumbotron screen you'll see three setups. The first is two lines of 10 LAPD officers holding steel chairs, or the steel gauntlet as I like to call it. Each wrestler will walk the gauntlet, receiving one skull fracturing chair shot from each of LA's finest. Prez Boot: And next to that is a setup of 10 flaming hoops, each one getting progressively smaller. Beginning with a seven foot hoop and ending with one only three feet in diameter. I like to call this one the inferno gauntlet. This will test their will to win. After being singes and scorched by the larger hoops they will have to suck it up for the bone burning smaller ones. Prez Boot: And finally, we have two stacks of tables, each 10 tables high. I like to call this one the . . . . . . VP Felicity: Let me guess, the wood gauntlet, no the oak gauntlet, or maybe the splinter gauntlet? Prez Boot: No, I call it the tower of tables. Having all three with gauntlet in their names would just be stupid. And as I already stated, after the wrestlers finish these challenges they must enter the ring to win. Ant questions? Then 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . GO! VP Felicity: And Boot calls for the bell and both wrestlers rush to the first challenge. Welcome back to the announcers table Boot, this is quite an idea you came up with. Prez Boot: Well, both kept claiming how they're both the greatest hardcore guys in here so I decided to let them prove it. And they finally reach the steel gauntlet. VP Felicity: Oh my, a sound to wake the dead. Chair shot after chair shot, steel bouncing off of bone and flesh. Ear piercing clangs echoing through the arena. Both men are neck and neck. They both stumble after the sixth and seventh shots. Prez Boot: Woah! That one rocked Cycho's world! VP Felicity: That's right Boot, Cycho gets knocked to the groung by the tenth shot as AOD shakes it off and heads for the fire gauntlet. Prez Boot: Flame Gauntlet!!! VP Felicity: What? Prez Boot: You said the fire gauntlet, but it's called the flame gauntlet. VP Felicity: Fire, flame, whatever. AOD's through the first three hoops before Cycho gets his senses back and tries to catch up. AOD is through the fifth one now as Cycho lunges through hoop number two at full throttle. Prez Boot: Did Cycho have eyebrows? VP Felicity: Now what kind of stupid question is that? Of course he had eyebrows. Prez Boot: Well, he doesn't now. They must have burned off! VP Felicity: AOD stops at the tenth hoop. I don't think he's too sure he can fit through. He shields his eyes as Cycho barrels through, tripping up in the last hoop catching his boot on fire. As Cycho puts the flame out AOD's pride consumes him and gives him the balls to jump through the last flaming hoop. Prez Boot: These two call themselves hardcore? Why I remember A great hardcore match I had with this guy called Rave . . . . . VP Felicity: Boot, I think you're confusing your memories with a certain other promotions card last Monday. You've never been in a hardcore match in your life. Prez Boot: Yeah, you got me there, but I could have been the king of hardcore if I wanted. VP Felicity: Sure Boot, AOD and Cycho race to the tower of tables and begin to climb the ladders to a height of approximately 30 feet. They both reach the top and look a little uneasy about the drop. I guess their both realizing the rashness of their earlier comments. Prez Boot: In other words they dug their graves and now they have to ly in them. VP Felicity: Exactly, AOD gives Cycho a sarcastic salute and jumps through the tables. Cycho flip him the bird and jumps off after him. Both men make it through the first nine tables but the tenth doesn't break. Prez Boot: Huh, I specifically order the workers to bring out 22 tables, 20 gimmick and two real ones for us and the spanish announcers. I guess they brought out 4 real ones by mistake. They must have hit hard on a solid table like this.<.p>
Boot slams his fist on the announcers table to make his point when the table crumbles under his half *ssed blow. VP Felicity: I guess they accidentally switched out tables with two that should've been over there. And AOD and Cycho are paying for it as both men ly unconscious only 50 or 60 feet from the ring and the win. Prez Boot: It looks like this match will have to be ruled a draw, we can't wait forever and neither one looks like they'll regain consciousness any time soon. Hold on, is that CBA and Wolf? VP Felicity: It's the other two members of Hells Fire coming to the aid of AOD. Wolf picks up AOD on his shoulders and carries him to the ring as CBA wails on Cycho with a hockey stick. Wolf slides AOD into the ring and the bell sounds. Prez Boot: I guess that's it, I never though to stipulate that they would have to reach the ring under their own power. Well we'll be right back after these messages for our Main Event, Shadow vs. Twist for the UCW Internet Title. You won't wanna miss it! Prez Boot: And welcome back everyone to the final match of the night. This is Twist's first Internet Title defence and it's against Shadow. VP Felicity: Shadow is one mean compeditor, I think he'll give Twist a run for his money. We may see UCW's first singles title change right here tonight in Los Angeles, California. Prez Boot: Here comes the challenger Shadow, he's alright, he hasn't wrecked any cars in a while. He is, as always, accompanying Lilith. Shadow slides into the ring and awaits the champion. VP Felicity: And here he comes, Twist walks down the aisle with his Internet Title draped over his left shoulder. He gives Shadow a smug look, he looks pretty confident. Prez Boot: Confidence can be a bad thing when you underestimate your opponent. We have seen some great things from this young star and I predeict even greater things yet to come. VP Felicity: Twist steps over the top rope and the match begins. Shadow doesn't waste any time, he instantly goes for Twist's knees. He stomps on that left knee like his life depended on it. Prez Boot: Twist lunges at Shadow but Shadow dodges the attack and delivers a drop kick to the already tenderized knee of Twist. Twist goes down to one knee and Shadow knocks him on his back with a clothsline. VP Felicity: Shadow covers, 1 . . . Not even a 2 count. It's way too early for a pin fall yet. Shadow argues with the ref over what he believed to be a slow count. Prez Boot: The call seemed fine to me, I think Shadow's a little to concerned about ending this match early. Twist gets to his feet, Shadow turns around just to get a mouthfull of Twist's size 20 shoe. Twist follows with an elbow drop. VP Felicity: Twist picks up Shadow and whips him into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Twist. Shadow is finallt fealizing that this match isn't like some of the chumps he's fought in the past month. This is the big leagues, Twist won't go down easily. Prez Boot: Twist sends Shadow backward with a series of savage chops. He backs Shadow into the corner and chokes him with his boot. He then grabs Shadow by the head and sends him to the mat with a snap mare. VP Felicity: Why isn't Twist going for the pin? I think he wants to really inflict pain. He's smiling at Lilith, she doesn't seem impressed, she snaps her riding crop against the ring apron and yells some commands to Shadow. Prez Boot: SHe's trying to get her progeny back into the match. Twist grabs Shadow by the throat. I think he's going for a chokeslam. But Lilith gets up on the apron, the referee trys to get he down. While the referee is distracted Shadow kicks Twist in the lower extremedies. VP Felicity: Twist is reeling from that blow. He backs into the ropes, Shadow whips Twist into the corner, but Twist hits the referee! The ref is out cold!! Prez Boot: Who's that running to the ring? It's Darien! He and Pyro cost Shadow and CK the tag titles earlier tonight. It looks like he's going to try and stop Shadow from winning the Internet Title, what a bastard! VP Felicity: Shadow knocks Twist to the outside, he turns around just in time to get a chokeslam from Darien. Darien yells several obsenities then starts to throttle Shadow, that's just a blatent choke! That's not even legal, but the ref is out! Prez Boot: But here comes the cavalry, CK runs in from the back with a nail gun in hand. He slides into the ring and points the nail gun at Darien. Darien is pleading to him for some sanity. CK just looks at Lilith, who nods her head. VP Felicity: CK shoots a nail into the foot of Darien, who lets out an earth shattering yell of pain. CK clothsline's Darien to the outside and does a suicide dive to the outside catching Darien offguard. Both men hit the ground hard. Prez Boot: Twist climbs back into the ring just as Shadow gets to his feet, the two goe toe to toe, throwing lefts and rights, Twist rears back for a haymaker punch, Shadow blocks, and Shadow dazed Twist with a tremendous uppercut. VP Felicity: Twist tries for a big boot but misses, Shadow taks him down to the mat with a football tackle to the knee. Shadow applies a figure four leg lock!!! But Twist isn't tapping, he doesn't want to give up his title belt. Prez Boot: Twist is reaching for the ropes, but he's too far. He reaches for Shadow but his arms go weak. He falls back to the mat. I think he passed out from the pain. The referee is still out though. I guess I'll have to do something. VP Felicity: Boot's leaving the announcers position and going to the ring. He lifts Twist's arm, it drops, lifts it again, it drops, for the thirsd time he lifts it, it drops, we have a new Internet Champion!!!! Shadow has just won the Internet Title by submission. We're out of time for today, this is Felicity telling you all to tune in Monday for the next Monday Mayhem, good night and god speed.Winner - Angel of Death
Won first ever UCW Hardcore Challenge
Shadow vs. Twist
Internet Title Match
Winner - Shadow
New UCW Internet Champion