C: What a site this match was. I wonder if I can get Wilma Lumpkins phone number?
F: What?
C: I mean, he y look Bandit isn't done yet. He is standing over Lumpkin, spreads his arms and ... oh no, not that. Anything but that.
F: Bandit is kicking his feet, and he starts to hop across the ring. W ... O ... R ... M!
C: Not that move, I hate that move!!!
F: Wait a minute, who is this? Some blond haired girl has jump jumped over the rail and is headed to the ring.
C: What? I swear she told me she was 18!
F: Creed! Wait ... I knnow who that is. It's Buffy! Another great former UCW Womans champion, but we haven't seen her since the Miss UCW Battle Royal at UCW: Big Wham Bam!
C: Well now she is back, and she stops Bandit from doing that move with a spin kick to the back of his head. I guess she is taking exeption to the belt she used to hold being held by ... that.
F: Bandit is scurrying to the corner and is begging for mercy. Buffy grabs him, and looks to be setting him up for her Tornado DDT.
C: Wait, some one is coming down the aisle. It is Dances with Guys, the Gay Bandits Native American ... partner.
F: You mean tag team partner?
C: ... sure.
F: He grabs Buffy by the back of her head, and pulls her away from Bandit. Bandit escapes the ring, grabs the Womans belts and is scurrying back to the locker room. The referee is still out there ... and I think we have an impromptu match starting.
F: DWG is yelling at Buffy, who has still yet to escape his grip. A bit of a size difference with this young athletic female wrestler and this near 400 monster that DWG is.
C: Well it has been said that here in UCW, everybody is on equal ground when in the ring, be it male, female, or Bandit. Everybody is pretty much equal when it comes down to it ...
F: Oh! Buffy with a kick to the family jewels of DWG has caused him to release the hold he had on her!
C: ... well, some differences do apply of course.
F: Now DWG is reeling from that, and Now Buffy grabs him by the head, jumps up ... and there is her Tornado DDT! Buffy covers ... 1 ... 2 ... 3! Buffy has just beaten dances with guys in a very quick match up.
C: Well she wasn't here for this match, the one she wanted her hands off has run away. But her message has been delivered.
F: We'll be back with our next match up.
Fairbanks:Tonight it looks as if we have something special for the fans.Three of UCWs newest stars will be going head to head,to head in a triple threat challenge match.And to assist me with the play calling as always is the ever loveable Jack Creed.Jack just what the hell are you doing?
Creed:Working on my tan.
F:But we're inside and anyway,it's night time.
C:I know,that's why I brought this.
Creed proceeds to pull out a sun lamp and plug it in then donning a pair of sunglasses lays back to soak up the rays.
C:Hold my calls will you.
F:You going to help with this match?
C:I might add a comment or two if I feel it's necessary.
F:Thanks.Anyway our first combatant is making his way to the ring,Big Brawler.And here comes HardKore Comley running down the ramp to attack Brawler from behind with a steel chair.This is a Hardcore triple threat match folks so anything is possible tonight.HardKore gives Brawler a couple of more chair shots to the head before picking him up and throwing him into the ring.Now Comley is up on the apron and climbs to the top turn-buckle and he still has that chair.He tucks the chair under his arm and leaps and delivers a viscious haed shot with it that busts the Brawler right open.Now Comley goes for a quick pin,1,2,,,but the Raging Bull,Jake Lomatta has hit the ring just in time and breaks up the pin fall.
C:Who's the guy with the feathers?
F:And the golden one speaks.That,ow fountain of information,is Jakes manager the Chief.
C:A chef,great I'm hungry.
F:That's chief you moron,with an i.Never mind.The bull has Comley up and backed into the corner and is pounding away on him with rights and lefts.He takes Comleys arm and Irish whips him into the opposite corner and follows with a splash.He Irish whips Comley back into the other corner and goes for another splash but is met with a huge clothesline by Brawler.Good to see him back in the match.Brawler reaches down and with a handful of hair picks up Jake.He walks him to the corner where Comley is slumped and standing him up with a handful of hair bangs Jake and HardKores heads together starting the blood to flow from the both of them.Brawler goes over and picks up the chair that's still in the ring.He swings and drops Jake with a viscious shot to the head.He then goes up to Comley who is already down and proceeds to beat on his right leg with the chair.
C:I bet that stings.
F:You think.
C:Yea.
F:Dumb ass.
Creed gives Fairbanks the finger and goes back to tanning.
F:The Brawler has Comleys leg draped over the bottom rope and then with the chair,climbs to the middle turn-buckle where he leaps off to drive the steel chair into Coleys knee.He climbs to the middle turn-buckle again to deliver the chair once more.
C:Look at Mario stand ing in the corner taking the whole thing in.
F:Well this a hardcore match so anything goes.All the ref needs to do in count whoevers shoulders gets pinned.
C:I still say he's slacking.
F:Brawler reaches down to pick up Comley but Comley pokes him in the eye and Brawler stumbles away blind.Comley drags himself to his feet with the help of the ropes then retrieving the chair he limps over to the Brawler and drops him with a shot to the head then he goes over to where Jake is sitting still daze from the chair shot he took from Brawler and knocks him back down with the chair to the back.He then takes the chair and putting all his wieght on it uses the chair to choke out Jake.
C:Oh look,Mario has left his corner.Seems he'll allow mayham and destruction but won't stand for a little thing like murder.
F:Get real Comley isn't going to kill Lomatta,he was just using the chair to weaken his opponent so he can go for the pinwhich he is doing now1,2,,and the chief is in to break up the count.
C:I'll have an order of fries.
F:Will you give it a rest PLEASE.The chief has broken up the count but now he has a very angry HardKore Comley after him and he's backed into the corner and has no place to run.
C:Don't hurt him.I haven't got my fries yet.
F:I'm ignoring you.HardKore has the Chief by the shirt and smacks him across the face.He begins to yell at the Chief then draws back to deliver a knock out punch but is stopped by Lomatta who grabs Comleys arm whirling him around and landing a hard right cross.Jake draws back and throws another but Comley blocks it and nails Jake with a knee to the family jewels.Comley picks Jake up by the scruff of the neck and tosses him over the top rope and to the floor.Comley walks over to where Brawler is leaning on the ropes and delivers a hard chop to the throat that rocks back Brawler.Comley throws another chop,and another,and another and Brawler looks to be in trouble but wait there's the chief again but this time he has a chair and Chief brings it down on the back of Comleys head.And now he hits Brawler with the chair and both men are down.
C:Look,mad cows on the ring apron.
F:That's Raging Bull.One of these days your really going to piss someone off.
Creed looks at Fairbanks and sticks his tongue out.
F:Chief goes over and sits down on the middle rope and Jake climbs back into the ring.Both men walk over to the fallen Comley and Brawler and are standing there laughing.The Chief picks up the chair and hands it to Lomatta,this don't look good for Brawler and Comley.
C:What's that commotion in the crowd?
F:Look,here comes Ickeez running down to the ring!
C:It's Desperado and he's gone into the ring to and he just took the Chef,I mean Chiefs head off with the most hellish looking lariat that it's been my pleasure to ever witness.
F:Ick charges Jake but is met with a chair to the head but instead of dropping the madman Ick has just stopped in his tracks and now he's begun to laugh.Jake can't believe it and lifts the chair for another but Ickeez delivers a boot to the gut that causes Jake to drop the chair and double over.Ick raises Jakes head up and begins to bite him on the fore head starting the blood to flowing again.
C:Where'd the ref go?
F:He has wisely exited the ring.Now Ick craddles Jakes hear in his arms and delivers a DDT onto the steel chair.
C:Desperado has Comley up in a gorilla prees and has walked over to the ropes where he heaves Comley out into the crowd.I believe I said it before but That had to sting.
F:It sure did buddy,and now Desperado has gone over to Brawler and grabbing both feet he stands over the man and spreadeagles the big mans legs.Ick has gone to the other side of the ring and after blowing his nose out onto the fans at ring side takes off running and baseball slides into Brawlers nuts.
C:He's safe.God this is great I think I'm gonna be sick!
F:Brawler looks to be unconscious.Desperado picks up Jake and proceeds to Jackhammer him onto the body of the Big Brawler and it doesn't look as if either man will be getting up any time soon.Now Ickees and Desperado begin to slowly circle each other.The y stop and it looks as if they're about to go at each other but wait Desperado straightens up,gives Ick a small nod,then climbs through the ropes and heads to the back.Ickeez stands in the middle of the ring surveying the carnage.He gets a demonic smile on his face then walks over to where the Chief still lays.Reaching into his pants pocket Ick pulls out an,,individually wrapped fork and knife set.He opens the pack and takes out the knife then puts the rest back into his pocket.
C:He may be psychotic but at least he's not a litter bug.Now Ick takes the knife and,lord,he's trying to scalp the Chief with it and he has.
F:Being a bit dramatic aren't you.It's just a small piece of bloody skin and hair that he has held up for the audience to see.Now saticfied Ick pops the piece of skin and hair into his mouth and jumps out of the ring and mkes his way up the ramp to the back.The ref makes his way cautiously into the ring and seeing Jake on top of Big Brawler counts1,2,3,and this match is over.Jake"Raging Bull"Lomatta is the winner.
C:He might of won the match but I don't know if I'd call him a winner right now.
Fairbanks:Tonight we have an exciting match-up between two new comers to UCW in Joeylights and Mayhem.
Creed:Mayhem on Mayhem huh.Just a little ironic,don't you think?
F:Alanis Morresette
.
C:Excuse me?F:You know,the song by Alanis Morrestte.
C:You're such a dweeb.Anyway here comes the subject of our discussion,wieghing in at 248lb at a height of six foot and two inches,MAYHEM.
F:Mayhem has made his way down to the ring and now,accompanied by Thug,standing six foot eleven inches and tipping the scales at 275lb. is Joeylights.
C:This could be trouble for Mayhem.With Thug patroling the outside he'll have to keep one eye on the ring and one eye one the outside.
F:Joeylights has made it into the ring and the ref has given them their instructions and now calls for the bell.Both men circle each other and then lock up in a collar and elbow tie-up.
C:Joeylights uses his height advantage to turn it into a standing side headlock.
F:Mayhem is trying to break the hold with elbows to Joeylights' side which he does and now Mayhem has run and bounced off the ropes and tries to take down Joey with a shoulder block but the move doesn't work.
C:Joeylights is standing there laughing at Mayhem and now he's telling him to try again.
F:Mayhem runs and bounces off the rope once more and goes for another shoulder block but this time Joeylights almost decapitates him with a big elbow.Joey picks up Mayhem by the hair and throws him into thr turn-buckle and follows with a splash that sends Mayhem face first to the canvas.
C:Now Joeylight runs and bounces off the ropes and with a full head of steam launches into the air and lands a leg drop onto the baack of Mayhems neck.
F:Joeylights turns Mayhem over onto his back and then mounts the top turn-buckle.He signals that he's going for a big elbow and then leaps.
C:And crashes hard to the mat because Mayhem rolls away in the nick of time.
F:Mayhem gets to his feet then walks over to Joeylights and starts to stomp on his head with the heel of his boot.
C:That's got Thug to going,he was just standing quietly on the outside watching his man control the match but now that the tide of battle has shifted he's begun to yell at the ref and pound on the ring apron.
F:Mayhem picks Joeylights up by the head and the sends him down again with a spinning neck breaker.Mayhem is up again and drops a knee to the forehead of Joey lights.Mayhem applies a boston crab to Joeylights that has him screaming in pain.
C:Thug is up on the ring apron yelling.Mayhem sees him and releasing the hold goes over and gets into Thugs face.The two men are shouting at each other and with Mayhems back turned he doesn't see Joeylights getting to his feet.
F:Mayhem doesn't see Joeylights come up behind him.Thug shoves Mayhem.Mayhem grabs Thug by the shirt and draws back to hit him but Joeylights grabs his arm and spins him around then delivers a haymaker of his own to the chin of Mayhem.
C:Joeylights takes a dazed Mayhem and executes a snap suplex on him.
F: Joeylights picks Mayhem up and whips him into the turnbuckle. He starts choking Mayhem right in front of the referee. Is he trying to get disqualified?
C: He's got to the count of five. See, he stopped when the referee reached four.
F: The referee is in Joeylights face about that choke. Joeylights just smiles at the referee and does it again. The ref breaks it up one more time and is really getting on Joeylights about it.
C: I believe Thug took exception to Mayhem putting his hands on Thug's shirt. Thug is up on the apron and slaps Mayhem right across the face.
F: That looks to have woken Mayhem up. He nails Thug with a solid right hand and Thug falls to the floor. Mayhem needs to pay attention to his opponent.
C: Too late. Joeylights just nailed Mayhem in the back with a knee. Mayhem falls into the turnbuckle and staggers back. Joeylights comes running off the ropes and nails a groggy Mayhem with a wicked reverse neckbreaker. I think he broke his neck with that one.
F: Mayhem is not moving. This match is over.
C: Not yet, it's not. Lights is picking Mayhem up once again. I guess Money, Inc. is trying to send a message out to the rest of UCW that they are not to be messed with.
F: This is disgusting. Mayhem is defenseless. The referee needs to stop this match
.C: Oh my god, he nailed him with a brainbuster. If the neck wasn't broke before, it is now. Look at that casual cover. He's pinning the man with one finger.
F: And there's the three count. Mayhem just couldn't contend with both Thug and Joeylights.
C: What are you talking about? Thug behaved himself like a gentleman. Mayhem just wasn't ready for Money, Inc. and Joeylights. The Hardcore duo and the United Front had better take note. These guys aren't messing around.
F: There come the paramedics to check on Mayhem. I hope he'll be alright because he showed some real promise tonight. We'll be right back.