Creed: So the girl with the massive hooters takes off her top and-

Fairbanks: Yeahhhhheellloooo there and its time for Sean O'Gara to take on a new boy to UCW development league, Seymour Butt.

C: Hahaha.

F: Grow up Creed. The youngster with the funny name and weighting in at 238 pounds at 6ft 3 looks in good condition and eager to get underway. There's the clock, there are the blue lights and here's Sean O'Gara, the former World champion of UCW. The crowd are going mad here for this fan favourite. He climbs into the ring with his usual enthusiasm. The two slap hands and referee Nick Thompson calls for the bell. They tie up and Butt headlocks O'Gara. Butt wrings O'Gara's neck once, twice then O'Gara elbows him in the gut, which breaks the hold. The Irishman now goes on the offensive with a snapmare followed by a dropkick to the back of the head. O'Gara pulls Butt up to his feet and lays in with right hooks.

C: O'Gara beats him onto the ropes then whips him off. O'Gara goes low for a back body drop but Butt boots him in the face instead. O'Gara staggers back and off the ropes into a belly to belly suplex by Butt. Funny name but Butt, ha ha, isn't to be messed with. O'Gara is down and here's a sign of Butt's inexperience. He's strutting around the ring showing off to fans that are just booing him. And since he's been mucking about O'Gara has managed to get back on his feet.

F: Butt has his rear, oh boy I give up. Butt has his back to O'Gara who runs in and bulldogs Butt. O'gara back on his feet and now forward flips into a leg drop on Butt's head. Cover 1-2-no. O'Gara calls for the ref to count faster then pulls Butt up to his feet. Butt rakes him in the eyes. O'Gara staggers back and Butt gives him a double-handed fist to the back of the head which sends him down. Butt now grabs O'Gara by the foot and hits a knee stomp.

C: Butt now pulls up O'Gara and sets him on the ropes and hits a knife edge chop. Butt whips O'Gara off the ropes and looks to be trying a back body drop but O'Gara catches him with a sunset flip. O'Gara tries to pull Butt over but Butt keeps his footing and right hands O'Gara. Butt catches his breath but wait O'Gara just came to again and rolls him up 1-2- no Butt rolls out of it. O'Gara and Butt rise at the same time. O'Gara spots Butt first and tries a kick in the gut but Butt grabs it. He taunts the former champ but gets an enziguri for it! Some power in that kick.

F: Butt is down. O'Gara crosses over to the turnbuckle and climbs up. Up top, there's the Elevation Press and a cover. 1-2-3 O'Gara gets back into winning ways.

F: O'Gara scores another win. Seymour Butt, well, at least we won't have to say it again. We'll be right back.

F: Next up is a battle for Jack Heart's newly won Hardcore title.

C: That man is a psycho. He's crazier than a pet coon.

F: I don't think we can use that, Creed. I pretty sure that it is under copyright protection.

C: OK, how about we are going to see a real slobberknocker?

F: Nope. Can't use that one either.

C: Hmmm, you'll have to let me think about this for awhile then. You go ahead and call the match.

F: You are a real big help out here.

C: Thanks. I was getting the feeling you didn't like me.

F: Now coming to the ring is a newcomer that said he would elevate the hardcore division, 8-ball.

C: Why is he smiling? What's that he has in his hand?

F: I appears to be a lock of hair but whose?

C: There are telling me we need to go to the back.

F: Oh my god! Killer Diamond has been busted wide open back stage. He is trying to crawl to the entrance way. What happened to him?

C: Judging from the blood coming from his head and the brick that 8-ball was carrying, I think I can guess. Killer Diamond has guts. I'll give him that. He has made it back to his feet and is heading for the ring.

F: Jack Heart comes running up behind Killer Diamond and nails him with that sledgehammer he has become so fond of. I think he killed him.

C: So much for a three-way match. I guess it'll be a one on one matchup now because believe me, Killer Diamond is not getting back up.

F: I believe you're right, Creed. The medics have come out and are putting Killer Diamond on a stretcher. Meanwhile, Heart has reached the ring and takes a swing at 8-ball with that sledgehammer. 8-ball ducks and nails Heart in the head with that brick. He busted Heart wide open with that one. Blood is pouring from Jack Heart's forehead.

C: This could be trouble for the champ. He has dropped that sledgehammer. 8-ball drops the brink and starts pounding away on Jack's head. Am I losing it or is Jack Heart smiling?

F: You are correct. Heart is smiling while 8-ball pummels him. I think he has gone off the deep end. He appears to be enjoying this. 8-ball tosses Heart to the floor. Heart is back to his feet and is just standing there waiting on 8-ball. 8-ball jumps out and picks up a chair. He hits Heart over the head with it and drops him to his knees.

C: Heart is still smiling though. He is starting to scare me. Heart is back up to his feet and is encouraging 8-ball to get something else to hit him with.

F: 8-ball reaches under the ring and pulls out a trash can. He hits Heart over the head with that but it appears to have had no effect. Heart looks like he has had enough. He kicks 8-ball in the stomach and delivers a vicious DDT out on the floor. 8-ball is now busted open. Heart slides back in the ring and goes for that sledgehammer.

C: 8-ball must know what Heart is up to. He is back on his feet and tackles Heart before he can get to it. 8-ball picks him up and whips him into the turnbuckle. Splash by 8-ball in the corner drops Jack Heart to mat. 8-ball puts a chair on Heart's face and starts climbing the turnbuckle. He comes off with a leg drop onto the chair. He goes for the pin. This has to be it. 1..2.. Heart gets his foot on the ropes. I can't believe he was able to do that.

F: Neither can 8-ball. He is in the ref's face demanding to be declared the winner. He had better pay attention to his opponent. Heart has made it back to his feet.

C: Heart slid out of the ring pulled something from under the ring. He is back in now and 8-ball is still arguing with the referee. He needs to turn around. What is that in Jack Heart's hand? He puts it down on the ground. It's a magic 8-ball.

F: Heart picks up the sledgehammer and taps 8-ball on the shoulder. 8-ball turns around and Heart nails him in the stomach with that sledgehammer. 8-ball is bent over holding his stomach as Heart climbs the turnbuckle. He leaps off with the Heartbreaker and drives 8-ball's head right into that magic 8-ball. There are peices of it embedded in his head now.

C: Heart goes for the pin. 1..2..3. That's it. Heart has retained his hardcore title in a very bloody and brutal match. I loved it, but I can't wait for our next match with those two hotties.

F: We'll be right back folks. Don't go away.

Creed: Tonight, in this very ring, God that is so cheesy.

Fairbanks: Tonight folks, we have a tag team battle for the championship that pits current champs Youth in Asia against the dynamic team of Buffy and Faith.

C: They are two of the hottest women ever to grace the UCW ring, not to mention my bed sheets.

F: Jack.

C: Yes sir, Faith and the Buffster got a little funky with the Creed man if you know what I mean.

F: Jack.

C: You know what I'm wearing under my pants? Faith and Buffy's lipstick, that's what.

F: JACK!!!

C: WHAT???

F: We have company. Turn around and say hello to the new UCW Hardcore and World champions Jack Heart and Kamchantaberry Ambergree.

Jack Heart: You know Creed, I've been standing back here listening to you and trying to decide something.

C: What's that Mr. Heart, sir?

JH: Just how far I'm going to shove your head up your ass once I rip it from your neck.

KAM: Come now Jack, you know perfectly well that you could never get more than the crown of his head up his rectum so stop scarring the man. My Mr. Creed you sure do sweat a lot. There's a puddle already formed around your feet.

F: Please gentlemen, sit down. So what brings you two out here?

K: We've come to watch the ladies wrestle.

JH: And to keep Creeds tongue in check, even if I have to rip it out of his mouth.

F: Any thoughts on Jack Hearts last statement there Creed?

C: No, let's just get to the match. I see Buffy and Faith are already in the ring. Those are some nice little pink robes they are wearing, what do they have on underneath then, those thong bikinis they wore for their match with Anarchy and Firestarter, I hope.

JH: Errrrrrrrrr!!!

KA: How should I know I didn't dress them you know, , , , well on second thought maybe I did.

C: God no.

F: Youth in Asia are now making their way to the ring as Faith and Buffy start to take off their robes.

C: All right, , , , , OH NO!

KA: What, you don't like what I picked out.

JH: Maybe I'll shove Creeds head up Youth in Asia ass.

KA: Asses, plural.

JH: Whatever.

F: As Youth in Asia climb into the ring Buffy and Faith in grey wrestling slings with black t-shirts over them stand in their corner discussing strategy. What do their t-shirts say Kam?

KA: Faith is wearing an AC/DC t-shirt while Buffy has on a Metallica one.

JH: Yea, huh, huh, , huh, huh, huh, huh, huh

F: The referee for this match is Mario. Both these teams have similar high-flying styles and rely on speed so this should be a fast paced match.

C: A little TnA that's all I ask for.

JH: What's that Creed?

C: I said right you are James. Chaz and Sinner should be the stronger of the two teams but speed is their forte and they will probably rely on that which won them the titles in the first place.

KA: What, is Thug and Tiffany here?

JH: I doubt it Thug wouldn't step one foot in this building knowing I'm here, wait a second, Thug can't step one foot in this building. He's probably lying in a bed somewhere trying to remember what his feet feel like.

F: The ref calls for the bell. Sinner and Buffy start the match. the two circle each other then Sinner goes for a collar and elbow tie-up but Buffy ducks it and catches him with a drop toe hold. Sinner crashes to the mat and Buffy applies an ankle lock, Sinner looks to be in trouble early in this match.

C: This is a bit of a surprise tactic on Buffy's part.

JH: A car won't go real fast if you shoot out one of its tires

C: So you're saying Buffy is trying to slow Sinner down.

KA: See Jack, I told you he wasn't as dumb as Paul Sandler, No one could be that dumb, wait a second I just confused myself.

F: Buffy has the hold locked in tight and Sinner is screaming in pain. Chaz comes in to try and break up the hold but the ref stops him and ushers him back to his corner.

C: The bro, , , , I mean ladies take this opportunity to double team Sinner. Faith jumps up on the top rope and comes down across the leg of Sinner with an flying elbow then rolls out of the ring before the ref turns around.

F: That hurt Sinner bad. Buffy now tags in Faith and she goes back to that ankle. Buffy stretches out a hand and Faith tags her. Faith comes in and takes over the ankle lock while Buffy exits the ring but not before giving Sinner a kick in the ribs. Chaz tries to come in again but again the ref stops him and with the ref distracted Faith takes the opportunity to drop a leg into one of Sinners more sensitive areas.

C: Sensitive hell, she just crushed his nuts.

KA: If no-one is as dumb as Paul Sandler, but Paul Sandler is as Dumb as Paul Sandler then, , , , , , , I think I need a slurpee.

C: Hey where is Jack Heart going?

F: Jack Heart has gotten up from the announcers' table and walked over to ringside. What's he up to Kam?

KA: Couldn't really tell you, all I know is that he has been awfully restless lately so he could just be walking off some pent up energy or something.

C: The ref has seen him and has warned him away from the ring. Heart takes a seat beside the timekeeper.

F: Sinner reaches up and grabs a handful of hair and yanking hard causes Faith to loose her balance a bit thus releasing the hold. Sinner kicks Faith in the knee and tries to crawl to his corner.

KA: That wasn't nice.

C: And it might not have done him any good as Faith tags in Buffy. Buffy goes over and reaches for Sinner injured ankle trying to stop him but Sinner lashes out with his other leg catching Buffy in the breadbasket and causing her to double over and allowing Sinner to tag in Chaz.

F: Chaz comes in and Buffy immediately tries to take his head off with a spinning heel kick but Chaz ducks it then hits Buffy with a drop kick knocking her on her back. Chaz bounces off the rope and catches Buffy with a shoulder block just as she gets back up to her feet, knocking her back down.

C: Chaz bounces off the ropes again and tries to land an elbow on Buffy but she rolls out of the way. They both spring to their feet and Chaz throws a right that Buffy ducks then coming up, she delivers a stinging knife edge chop to the chest of Chaz that rocks him back.

F: Buffy tries another chop but Chaz catches her arm and applies a hammer lock on her. Buffy reverses and applies a hammer lock on Chaz. . Chaz reverses but instead of a hammer lock he hooks both of Buffys arms and goes for a back slide. The ref moves in but all Chaz can get is a one count before Buffy kicks out.

C: Buffy tries to get to her feet but Chaz kicks her in the chest causing her to fall back onto the ropes. Chaz then moves in and applies a chokehold. The ref comes in and warns Chaz. Chaz breaks the hold and then begins to argue with the ref Sinner sneaks in and starts choking Buffy again.

F: Jack Heart is up and runs around the ring plowing into Sinner but the ref doesn't see it because Faith has entered the ring and is now yelling at the ref and Chaz. Jack Heart kicks Sinner in the stomach causing him to double over, then Heart hits Sinner with a DDT onto the concrete floor. Blood is starting to pour from Sinners head and he doesn't look to be moving.

KA: I had better go calm Jack down.

F: Ambergree gets up and goes over to where Jack Heart is standing over Sinner. He pulls him away and together the come back around the ring towards the announcers' table.

C: As all that was going on the ref finally got Faith out of the ring and now Chaz pulls Buffy up by the hair of the head. He takes her over to his corner looking for a tag but Sinner is still lying on the floor.

F: Chaz has seen his brother and jumps out of the ring to check on him. He is trying to revive Sinner but it doesn't look to be doing any good

C: Buffy has used this time to make her way over to her corner and make a tag but now what is she doing. It looks as if she is playing possum.

F: An enraged Chaz jumps back into the ring. He goes over to where the ref is trying to get Buffy out of the ring. Shoving the ref out of the way he picks up Buffy, throws her into the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Buffy ducks it and when Chaz turns around looking for her, she catches him with a superkick that cleans his clock.

C: Buffy rolls out of the ring as Faith mounts the top turnbuckle. A dazed Chaz gets to his feet and stumbling looks for Buffy.

F: Faith leaps and hits the Faithless, which she then turns into a pinning combination by grabbing Chaz's legs. The ref moves in, 1, 2, 3, and we have new tag team champions. Faith and Buffy are the new UCW tag team champions.

C: I wonder if I will be invited to the victory orgy.

F: Creed I run if I was you.

C: Why?

F: Because I think Jack Heart heard you and he looks to be headed this way and Jack, he doesn't look happy.

C: Oh, bye.

F: And now, a word from our sponsors.