Ivy vs Gay Bandit

No Disqualification UCW Inter-Gender Title Match

Fairbanks: Welcome everybody to UCW Men in tights. And we are starting off a match with two UCWer who Manly isn't really the word to describe.

Creed: Thank God for that. And we re starting off with a match put together at the last minute by our President after that altercation a couple weeks ago with the champion Bandit. After saving his ass and his belt by DQ to many times, this match has been made a No DQ Match.

F: And proving she is no Stephanie MacMahon, Felicity feels no need to make herself center of attention and book herself over the harder working wrestlers. She gave this match to a returning deserving contender, another former Womans champion Ivy.

C: The champion has come out already, to his famous tune of "It's Raining Men" and so far Bandit out alone. I guess his partner Dances With Guys is deciding to watch this match from the back.

F: For now anyways.

C: What are you implying?

F: I am implying nothing. We all know DWG has been instrumental in not only helping Bandit win that belt, but helping him keep it for this long.

C: Well maybe he has been a little. But now here comes the challenger Ivy. Who I want to see holding that belt as much as anybody. Just with Bandit holding that belt for so long, everything has just felt so ... wrong with the universe.

F: I know what you mean oddly. And coming out to "Hot in Here" by Nelly, Ivy stops in the aisle for a second and glares hard at Bandit. She obviously remembers everything that happened at Throwdown when her and her sister Poison were disgraced by the YMCA in a major screw job.

C: Bandit taunts her from in the ring, and even hold the belt and is motioning to it. The finally Ivy has had enough and makes a mad dash for the ring. But Bandit is waiting with that belt, and takes a wild swing ained right at the head of Ivy ... but Ivy ducks and then rebounds off the ropes and takes Bandit down with a tackle to the mid section. Ivy is laying in the punches, and slamming Bandit by the head into the matt ... this is almost like a sick and deranged version of a ... you know ...

F: Oh come on Creed, you know your dying to yell "cat fight".

C: I most certainly wilm not!!! That's just sick, while I may find myself feeling allured by the chars of Ivy, Poison, Faith, Buffy or any of the ladies here in UCW, I will not demean them by yelling such sexist comments while they are busting their asses in a heated battle while trying to prove themselves as serious fighters here in UCW. That is just not in my nature.

F: ...

C: ...

F: ...

C: ... what?

F: ... never mind. Bandit is slipping away and grabbing the ropes and trying to pull out from under Ivy to escape this vicious pummeling.

C: That is what is wrong with Bandit. I personally would have no such objections being under Ivy ... or on top for that matter.

F: ...

C: ... James, your doing it again.

F: I wonder what Korbin and Marv are up to these days? Well ... anyway ... back in the ring ... Bandit is trying to make his escape. He nearly makes it, but Ivy holds onto the foot of this dainty little cowboy. Bandit is up one one foot and in a very precarious position.

C: Ooh, but then out of nowhere Bandit nails an enziguri and changes the tide of this match. Bandit makes a quick cover while he an ... 1 ... 2 ... but Ivy kicks out.

F: Bandit grabs the leg of Ivy and ties her up into the bottom rope. Bandit now sits and puts all his weight onto the knee of Ivy, and that has got to be causing a lot of pain for the challenger.

C: He jumps up using the top rope, and crashes down onto the knee of Ivy once, who screams in pain from this bad situation. The referee tries to get Bandit to let Ivy out of the ropes, but in this no-DQ match up, Bandit feels he just doesn't have to listen. Who then for good measure crashes onto the knee of Ivy yet again.

F: The referee asks Ivy if she wants to give the match up, but Ivy refuses. She is much to proud to give up this easilly. Bandit motions to the crowd that he will go for this move a third time. He jumps up ... but this time Ivy uses her free foot to give Bandit a push, and his momentum sends him flying over the top rope and to the floor.

C: This gives Ivy the breather she needs to pull away from the ropes and get untangled. But this is also letting Bandit recover from the nasty spill he just took as well.

F: Bandit is climbing up the the apron, and Ivy grabs the Womans title belt Bandit dropped and tires to meet him with a hard shot to the side of the head. But Bandit ducks and then catches Ivy with a punch to the midsection.

C: Ivy bends over, and Bandits springs over the ropes, grabs her by the waits and ties her with a sunset flip. The referee counts ... 1 ... 2 ... but Ivy still held onto the belt and this time clobbers Bandit in the head with it. A move that would normally mean a DQ, but not for this match.

F: Bandit appears to be out like a light. This time Ivy with a cover 1 ... 2 ... but no! Bandit was't as out as we thought he was and somehow manages to get his shoulder up. Even Ivy can't seem to believe it.

C: Well now it looks like Ivy is going to add the finishing touch to this match, as she picks Bandit up, and is now setting him up for what looks like the last kiss. If she connects with this we will have a new champion for sure.

F: Wait, who is that coming down the aisle. Oh no, you knew this would have to happen eventualy, it is Bandits YMCA partner Dances with Guys, whi hits the ring and nails Ivy in the back of the head with a hard tomahawk chop. Thats a more than 300 pound man hitting a near 100 pound woman.

C: And Ivy was so close. But there is no way Ivy can by herself win this match now, and her sister Poison is obviously preparing for her hardcore title match a little later on, and unable to come out to Ivy's aid.

F: Well this is totally not a good situation for Ivy, who fought so hard in this match up. DWG is helping Bandit up, who then whispers some order to him. What is he going to do?

C: Whatever he wants by the look of it. DWG picks up the groggy Ivy, and now grabs her by the throat with both hands and picks her up, and then plants her with the Buffalo Bomb.

F: Now Ivy has got to be down. But instead of covering, Bandit looks like he is just going to rub it in more. He stands over Ivy, spreads his arms and ... oh no ...

C: Dammit He's gonna do it ain't he? I totally hate that move!!!

F: Well he is going to do it anyway, and Bandit skips across the ring four times, spelling that word that will go nameless, and wriggles back across the ring to where Ivy is laying. He swings his arms wildly and is about to deliver that final chop ...

C: Look! Some one else has come down the aisle! It is our President Felicity and she has a steel chair with her. She hits the ring just in time, and clobbers Bandit right in the forehead with it, laying him out.

F: DWG turns around and notices what Felicity has just done. She has her wn unfinished business with the YMCA that looks like is about to get resolved tonight as well.

C: DWG charges Felicity, who dodges and connects with anotehr hard chair shot to the head of DWG. But he doesn't go down, but she connects with another ... and another and another but DWG is still not going down.

F: But he is looking pretty woozy leaning against the ropes like that. Felicity then runs across the ring, bounces off the ropes on the other side of the ring, and jumps up and connects with yet another hard chair shot to the face of DWG. And this time DWG tumbles to the outside and is seemimgly down for the count.

C: Felicity throws the chair down, and is now leaving, looks like her work is done, and now this Inter-Gender title match is back on equal ground. This division always was a pet project of Felicity's and it looks like she wants integrity restored to it and a stop to all these tainted wins Bandit has been getting.

F: Well if he is going to win this match, he has to do it fairly. And him and Ivy are both slowly but surely making it to their feet. Though Bandit is seeming to make it up faster, and pushes Ivy into the ropes and chops her across the chest again and again.

C: It's like putting a blind guy in from of the Mona Lisa.

F: Interesting analogy. But Ivy slugs back, but she is just to exhausted to inflict any real damage. Then Bandit with a poke to the eyes and a shove to the corner. Bandit now stands on the second rope and is now pummeling on the head of Ivy. This is almost how he won this title, only this time without the use of that ... appliance.

C: I remember that. What I don't get is, why Bandit was able to win this belt anyway. I mean the guy is little swishy ... but he is still a male.

F: Yeah, well it was thought that he was still pretty girly, and that is why he was aloud to compete. I guess he wanted to show he was the best out of all the feminine wrestlers.

C: True, but I still don't see the point, I mean sure the guy is girly ... but there are differences ... like ... well, off the top of my head ...

F: Oh! Ivy has just nailed Bandit with an uppercut right between the legs as he was standing over her on the ropes.

C: ... you know, differences like that.

F: Now Ivy grabs Bandit by those thong shorts he is so fond of wearing and hold him up over her head. Looks like this is going to be a second attempt at the Last Kiss.

C: Ivy walks him to the middle of the ring and plants him with the Last Kiss. Ivy covers and DWG is still knocked out on the outside of the ring ... 1 ... 2 ... 3!!! Ivy has won this match and has brought the UCW Womans title back around the waist of some one who it should be on!!!

F: This was match that is sure to be remembered as a classic, and there is finally closure to this whole Bandit/intergender issue. If the rest of the PPV is like this, tonight will be a night to remember.

Winner -- Ivy

New UCW Womans Champion

Justin Sane vs Joey Love

Fairbanks: Welcome to UCW Men in Tights! This electric PPV is ready to go with some of the most famous, err, men in tights I suppose, in the industry. I’m Fairbanks, this is Jack Creed-

Creed: True.

F: -and we’re all set so let’s welcome down Justin Sane to the arena. A competent wrestler and definitely a great addition to the roster. He seems eager. Now he’s in the ring here’s his opponent Joey Love, a rising star in UCW who has already enjoyed some strong wins already. Both our superstars are in the ring and the bell goes. They circle each other and there’s the tie up.

C: Love gets the side headlock on but Sane throws him into the ropes and catches him with a clothesline on the return. He immediately pounces on Love and starts to pummel him into the mat. This guy is crazy look at him go! Sane now pulls Love up to his feet and gives him a knee in the gut then executes a front suplex. Sane now leg drops Love. Cover 1-2 no sale. Sane pulls Love up again and gives him an elbow into the back of the neck. Love goes down again but grabs Sane’s knee and pulls him off balance. Love is now up and leg drops the groin.

F: Love gets Sane up and whips him off the ropes. He throws Sane into a hip toss on the return. Sane is up quickly but Love gets the body slam. Love throws on an armbar but Sane grabs the ropes. Love pulls him away and leg drops the arm now. Love gets him back on his feet and slams him face first into the turnbuckle. He now climbs up on it and pummels Sane. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. Love whips Sane out but Sane reverses and hits the kitchen sink on Love. Love is down and Sane manages to climbs up to the second turnbuckle. Love is getting back to his feet. Sane now tries a flying double axe handle but Love right hooks him in the gut.

C: Sane is doubled over and Love hits the bulldog. Cover 1-2 no. Love tries to get Sane up but Sane hooks a small package. 1-2 no Love reverses it into one of his own 1-2 no Sane gets it back 1-2 no Love breaks it. Sane gets up on his feet and Love hits the Clap. Sane taps like crazy and the ref calls for the bell! Win for Joey Love.

Winner – Joey Love

By Submission

C: Good match, no way of telling it. If Love keeps producing the stuff, he’s gonna go far.

F: We’re be right back.

 

Thug vs Poison vs Snake

vs Jack Heart

Hardcore title

F: Hardcore. What do you think of when that word comes up?

C: Either that theater down on tenth street or a couple of crazy people running around the ring trying to maim each other with what ever they can get their hands on.

F: That's right. And while we can't show you anything from the theater we can show you crazy people, four of them in fact. Tonight, for the viewing publics pleasure, we offer you not two, not three, but four crazy people running in, around and maybe even under the ring trying to beat the hell out of each other with what ever they can get their hands on.

C: I feel tinglely all over.

F: You should because we have four of UCW's finest in our upcoming match. Poison makes her long awaited return to the ring tonight and she'll be facing two former boyfriends in Thug and Snake, members of the Crew, and former stable mate and United Front member Jack Heart who is going for the UCW title grand slam.

C: Poison scares me.

F: She does?

C: Yea, she scares me with just how much she wants me.

{Before Farebanks can make a reply the curtains up on the stage fly open and out tumbles Snake, Thug and Jack Heart. Snake gets to his feet and tries to kick Jack in the head but Jack grabs his foot, then shuffling hard on the leg causes Snake to trip. Jack gets up and turns to find Thug but is met with a hard right from the man. Jack is stunned for a second but shakes it off and starts to trade blows with Thug. Snake makes it back to his feet and looking to double team Jack with Thug starts to sneak up behind him. Before he can do it, Poison comes running from the back and takes him down again with a shoulder tackle to the small of the back. Getting quickly to her feet she plants a boot to Snakes nuts that has him gagging then she runs over and does a baseball slide into the back of Jacks feet that causes him to fall backwards. Springing quickly to her feet in front of a startled Thug, Poison grabs a handful of his hair and sits down hard causing Thugs head to bounce off the steel stage, busting it wide open.]

F: Somebody get a ref out of the back our match seems to have started and Creed, please stop sitting there with your mouth hanging open.

C: My lord, she's kicking all their asses.

F: Jack Heart is now up on his feet again and advances on Poison who seeing him coming does a split and throws a punch at Jacks jewels.

C: Heart saw that coming and turns to take the blow on the hip bone.

F: That hurt her hand. Poison is shaking the injured hand as Jack comes up to her and grabbing a handful of hair, lifts her to her feet then using the hair slings her tumbling down the ramp.

C: Poison is up quickly and runs down to the ring where she slides up under the bottom rope and into the ring. Jack gives chase and is up on the ring apron getting ready to climb into the ring but Poison catches him with a dropkick causing Heart to fall back to the floor.

F: Poison bounces off the ropes and sailing over the top rope goes for a cross body block on Heart who is standing on the floor outside the ring but showing some quickness on his part, Jack catches her as she flies through the air and spinning in mid-air slams Poison hard to the floor with a viscous power slam.

C: The ref is finally out as Jack goes for the cover,1,2,,,no,the count is broken up by Youth in Asia who have come out to no doubt help their stable mates win the match.

F: Chaz and Sinner pick Heart up and sling him into the crowd barrier. Jack goes down to one knee as Sinner comes over and starts raining down hard right hands to his head. Chaz gives Poison a few well placed kicks to the ribs then climbing into the ring climbs up onto the top turn-buckle and gets ready to come down onto a helpless Jack Heart.

C: Here comes Sean O'Gara down the ramp.

F: O'Gara slides under the bottom rope and into the ring. He runs over and pushes Chaz off the top turn-buckle to the floor below. He then leaps onto the top rope, then springing into the air he does a twist in mid-air and comes down on top of Sinner. Thug, blood making his face a crimson mask has made his way to ringside and attacks Sean. The two start to trade punches until Jack Heart enters the fray.

C: Look, up on the stage, Snake has finally made it back to his feet. OOPS, spoke too soon. Kamchantaberry Ambergree has come out from the back and catches Snake with a clubbing forearm to the back of the head that causes Snake to fall down again, Kam picks up Snake, then DDT's him onto the stage causing blood to start pouring from his head. Kam then makes his way down to the ring to join his stable mates as they battle the remainder of the Crew.

 

  F: Heart and Thug pair off as Sean O'Gara and Kamchantaberry Ambergree battle Youth in Asia back up the ramp and through the curtain. Now Snake has made his way to ringside and he and Poison square off.

C: With a big size advantage Snake should have the upper hand here.

F: True, but I won't bet against Poison, she is back from a long lay-off and is looking to settle some old debts.

C: Look, she and Snake have made it into the ring.

F: It looks as if Snake has Poison trapped in the corner. Poison tries a spinning heel kick but Snake grabs her leg and spins her around, then deposits a smack on the ass for her trouble.

C: Oh oh, it looks as if he's pissed her off. HEY, what's she doing?

{The picture of what is happening in the ring gets real shakey then T.V.scenes across the world go to static,the picture then comes back on but from a different camera angle.}

C: She took the remote cameraman’s camera and slammed it down on Snakes head. Now she's going for the pin.1,2,,,

F: Thug slides into the ring to break-up the count. Jack Heart is right behind him and barrels into Thug and both men tumble out of the ring leaving Poison and Snake lying in the ring trying to catch their second wind.

C: Heart really seems to be focusing in on Thug tonight.

F: He had best remember the other two opponents or else it could cost him the match. Thug and Heart are both slowly getting to their feet outside the ring. Thug looks to be pulling something out of his tight. Yes he is, it's,,,GOOD LORD WHAT IS HE THINKING!!!

C: I'M BLIND, I'M BLIND!!!

F: Thug puts "little thug" back into his tights. With a shrug he goes back to rummaging in his tights and quite frankly, I don't think I'm the only one in the arena that is scared at what he might pull out next.

C: I can't look, someone tell me when it's over.

F: It’s a chain, praise be to heaven it's a chain. Thug wraps the chain around his fist a walks up behind Jack. Spinning him around Thug delivers an over hand right to the forehead of Heart splitting his head open and cause blood to pour from the wound. Thug then starts to use the chain to choke Jack.

C: Snake looks to be getting to his feet. He goes over to where Poison is stirring and picks her up by the hair. Throwing her into the turn-buckle he follows her in with a splash. Poison falls to the mat and Snake drops an elbow onto the back of her head.

F: The ref has Thug pulled off Heart and is yelling at him. Meanwhile, Jack Heart has reached into his tights and pulls out his bag.

C: The room is starting to go dark again.

F: Not that bag you idiot. Heart has pulled out some kind of leather bag from his trunks and now he appears to be playing possum and waiting for Thug who is done arguing with the ref and advances on Heart. Jack suddenly stands up and swinging the bag, hits Thug in the jewels with it.

C: Snake picks up the camera that Poison used on her earlier and brings it down on the back of her head. With blood starting to drip from the back of her head, Snake picks up Poison and executes a sit down power bomb into a pinning combination. The ref is still busy with Thug and Heart on the outside but has finally seen what is happening in the ring and slides in to start to count but the time wasted on the outside costs Snake as he only gets a two count.

F: Thug is down with Jack Heart standing over him. Jack takes the bag and loosening the drawstring pours out what appears to be the remains of a watch onto the prone body of Thug. Thug starts to try to get back to his feet as Jack goes up under the ring looking for something. Thug is only up to his knees when Heart comes back out from under the ring and it looks as if he has a car bumper with him. Cradling the bumper in his arms almost like it was a lover, Jack walks up to Thug and lifts the bumper over his head then brings it crashing down on Thugs causing him to fall over.

C: Heart now turns his attention to what's going on in the ring. Rummaging under the ring again Heart comes up with a camouflaged painted chair then rolls into the ring. Coming up behind Snake as he stomps on Poison Jack hits Snake with a chair shot in the back of the head causing him to fall down.

F: Heart then starts to use the chair on Poison. It looks as if Jack Heart is starting to dominate this match.

C: Hey, what's Paul Sandler doing out here and why is he carrying that sledge hammer,and why is he coming over here? Wait a minute, give me back my mic!

Paul: I'm sick and tired of Jack Heart making a fool out of me so tonight I plan on doing something about it!

{Paul throws the mic back at Creed and then goes to the ring. With some trouble Paul makes it under the bottom rope and then advances on Jack who has turned his attention back to Snake  and is beating on his legs with the chair. Coming up behind Jack, Paul raises the sledge hammer high over head and then brings it down. Jack though catches the movement out of the corner of his eye and instinctively moves causing Paul to miss him but catching Snake in the knee causing a loud, sickening snapping sound that is heard through out the arena.

C: God Sandler just busted up Snakes knee bad. He may never wrestle again because of it.

F: Heart takes the hammer away from Sandler who upon the loss of his weapon tumbles out of the ring and runs screaming like a girl back up the ramp but the damage is done, Snakes career could be over. Heart looks at the hammer and then brings it down on Snakes injured knee again causing Snake to pass out.

C: That's just sick. Poison is up and drop kicks Heart but other than making him drop the sledge hammer the move seem to have no effect on him. He picks up the hammer and brings the handle down on Poisons head.

F: Heart raises the hammer again but before he can use it Thug barrels into him causing Jack to drop the hammer. Thug snatches up the hammer but before he can use it on Heart Poison hits him with a swinging neck breaker but in the fall the hammer comes down on her head knocking her out.

C: Thug and Heart have both slowly made their way to their feet and start to trade punches. Jack starts to get the better of it but Thug reaches up and rakes his eyes blinding Jack Heart.

F: Thug picks up the chair and brings it down on the back of Jack Heart causing him to slump in the corner. Hitting Heart again with the chair, Thug drops it and after a first unsuccessful attempt. sets Heart on the top turn-buckle. Thug climbs up with him and looks to be going for a superplex but Heart blocks the maneuver by hooking a foot into the ropes.

C: Heart shoves Thug off the ropes then stands on the top rope waiting for Thug to get to his feet. Thug makes his way to his feet and Heart leaps off the top rope looking to hit his finisher but Thug drops to the ground in the nick of time and Heart missing crashes into the mat.

F: Thug bounces off the ropes and charges Jack as he slowly gets to his feet. Thug goes for a flying cross body block but Heart sees it coming and pulls the same move that Thug pulled on him just a second before dropping to the mat. Thug flies over the top rope to the floor below.

C: Heart is quickly back up on the top turn-buckle. A dazed Thug is back on his feet and looking around but doesn't see Jack as he leaps from the top turnbuckle to hit Thug with the Heartbreaker. That should do it but wait, instead of covering him Heart bends down and picks up Thug. Bending, Heart drapes Thug across his shoulder and stands, then seeing the steel ring steps Heart a running leap and drives Thug head first into the steps causing them to fly apart.

F: Heart then takes Thug and lays him face down over one part of the steps. Then with some manhandling Jack gets the other part of the steps onto the ring apron. Heart gets up on the apron then hoists the steps up and jumps off bringing it down on Thugs back.

C: Thug lies there motionless. Heart rolls back into the ring and retrieves the chair and rolls back out. Jack drops the chair then picks up Thug and props him in the corner of the crowd barrier, Jack picks back up the chair and raising high over head slams it down with a loud SMACK onto the top of Thugs head.

F:  Thug slides slowly down the barrier coming to rest on his back. Jack raises the chair once more but a flash from a camera blinds him and stumbling he trips over Thug and falls down on him. The ref moves in quickly and administers the three count.

C:  Jack Heart has done it. He is the new hardcore champion and only the second man in UCW history to win the grand slam.

F:  Heart looks to be coming out of a trance as the ref hands him the belt. After tonight’s carnage one wonders if it was worth it. Poison unconscious and Thug and Snake maybe crippled for life. Do you think it was worth it?

C:  Hell yes. The man just reach legendary status tonight so it was more than worth it, you're just getting soft you old fart.

F:  We'll take a short break as the ring is cleaned up and medical personal attend to the wrestlers. We'll be right back.

 C:  Old fart.

 

Winner and new Hardcore champion

Jack Heart

 

Buffy & Faith vs. Anarchy & Firestarter

F: Welcome back to “Men In Tights”, again my name is James Fairbanks. Sitting to my left is my broadcast partner Jack Creed. Say hi, Jack.

C: You trying to get me in trouble again Jimmy boy? Anyone saying (voice lowers) hijack these days is a blithering fool.

F: Well Jack, this next match is the “#1 Contender Tag Team Match”, the winner of this match have the opportunity to meet the UCW Tag Team Champs, Youth In Asia. The assigned referee is Mario Simmons.

The arena lights momentarily go dark, the music “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” blasts out of the speakers. Two blinding pink spotlights shine on the assembled fans in the arena as it apparently searches the crowd. Fans are holding signs high, “Buffy Loves Jack”, “Faith Loves Kam”, and “Youth In Asia fear Dr. Kavorkian”. The roving spotlights converge on the ring, proudly standing in the ring are Faith & Buffy, wave to the cheering crowd., The duo remove each other’s ring robes, to reveal they both are wearing matching thong bikinis. The crowd whistles in appreciation, and erupts in cheers to a almost deafening level.

C: This match is a disgrace! A woman’s place is in the home, preferably my home. You think Faith or Buffy…. ?

F: No I don’t Jack. As you well know Faith pinned Anarchy at Fury. She is looking for a little revenge, Firestarter and Anarchy double teamed Faith after she won the match.

C: Yea, maybe Faith and Buffy could double team me!

Again the arena momentarily darkens, the crowd noise drops to a low hum. A thundering noise is heard as the ring is engulfed in flames. Faith and Buffy scream in fear as they are trapped within the walls of flame. Anarchy & Firestarter stand at the stage entrance laughing at their trapped opponents within the flame enclosed ring. The UCW security team quickly respond, they are on the scene with fire suppressant equipment. C: Come on baby light my fire…

F: Anarchy steps into the ring, he is focused for this match. He points at Faith, he wants her, and he wants revenge. Faith and Buffy are discussing who should face Anarchy.

C: This is kinda late to be discussing strategy ladies. There is no girly chat in wrestling. This match is a joke!

F: Faith steps in the ring, the crowd applauds in approval. Anarchy charges at her as she enters the ring. Clothesline from Hell by Anarchy, Faith is flat on her back moaning in pain. Anarchy is holding nothing back, he is looking for payback. Anarchy picks Faith up, tosses her like a rag doll out of the ring. The referee is starting the count. 1.. 2.. 3.. Firestarter leaps off his corner to the floor, walks over to the prone Faith. Anarchy is taunting Buffy, as she stands helplessly in the corner. Firestarter picks up Faith and tosses her back into the ring.

C: These guys are looking to punish both ladies! F: Anarchy watches with glee as Faith crawls back to her corner. She desperately reaches out, tags her partner Buffy. Faith crawls out of the ring obviously in pain, Buffy climbs the ring rope, launches herself toward Anarchy, lands a flying dropkick to the chin. She lands on top of a startled Anarchy, as both fall to the mat. She stands up quickly, as Anarchy remains dazed lying on his side, in the middle of the ring. Buffy rolls Anarchy over on his back, picks up one of his massive legs. OH, OH, OH a vicious boot to the groin.

C: Ouch, I felt that from here.

F: Anarchy looks dazed, Buffy taking aim for another kick. Firestarter charges the ring, saving Anarchy from further injury. He grabs her hair, pulls her away from his partner. The referee steps between Buffy, and Firestarter, he orders Firestarter to his corner. Distracted, the referee does not notice Faith enter the ring, she straddles Anarchy, begins slapping him across his face. Anarchy shrugs off the attack, stands up and chokeslams Faith into the mat. Buffy charges at Anarchy, he turns around and catches her, and chokeslams her! Anarchy laughs as he walks to his corner, tags in his partner Firestarter.

C: From the frying pan into the fire, Jimmy boy! I think the referee should stop this match before these ladies are hurt, and hurt badly!

F: Firestarter leaps into the ring. Crowd begins to chant Firestarter. The referee assists Faith out of the ring, Buffy is lying motionless on the mat. Firestarter walks over to Buffy, looks down at her prone body. He looks to the crowd, motions to Buffy as if he is going to take off her bikini top, Firestarter asks the crowd for its approval.

C: YES, YES, HELL YES!

F: Firestarter reaches down to pull the string. Buffy suddenly stands up, catching Firestarter under his chin. She falls back to the mat holding her head. Firestarter is dazed, neither know where they are, he stumbles out of the ring, falls to floor. Anarchy charges the ring, the referee steps in, stops him and orders Anarchy to his corner.

C: Damn, just when I thought I’d see Buffy’s muffins. Anarchy is pissed, the ref is having trouble getting him out of the ring.

F: Faith jumps to the floor, slaps Firestarter across the face. He grabs her wrist, throws her into the ring edge. Faith falls to the concrete, opens her eyes, and to her surprise sees a discarded fire extinguisher. Faith picks it up and slams it into the back of his head. Firestarter falls to the floor unconscious from the blow. Faith picks him up, and pushes Firestarter back into the ring.

C: The referee is still arguing with Anarchy! What fools!

F: Buffy is trying to clear her head, struggles to her feet. She sees Firestarter unconscious on the mat. Buffy stumbles in his direction, the referee turns around as the crowd erupts in noise. Buffy falls on Firestarter, reaches over to lift his leg, the ref slides to mat, begins the count 1… 2… Anarchy leaps in the ring, he is desperate to disrupt the count, but I think he’s too late. 3… We have a winner! Buffy and Faith have the upset of the year!

C: I always knew they would win.

F: Anarchy is enraged, he looks at his partner Firestarter prone on the mat. Anarchy charges the referee, pointing to the fire extinguisher. Buffy and Faith quickly exit the ring, jump over the railing, giving high fives to the fans.

Anarchy calls for the mic…. A: This! This has just BEGUN! (Anarchy throws the microphone down in disgust. Firestarter slowly stands up, still unaware of his surroundings, shrugs off medical assistance.)

< Winner - - Faith & Buffy

Sean “Elevation” O’Gara

 vs

Kamchantaberry Ambergree

 

UCW World Title Match



Fairbanks: Men In Tights has been a phenomenal PPV so far. Can anything top
what we've seen tonight?


Creed: Dixie Cups.

F: What?

C: You know that stripper with the really big...

F: Creed, this is a family show.

C: Not after what I've seen here tonight, it isn't. Here comes that crazy
man and Internet champion, Kamchantaberry Ambergree. Thank God, I have that
written down.

F: I know what you mean. This should be interesting. Ambergree is one third
of the United Front along with Jack Heart and his opponent for this match,
Sean "Elevation" O'Gara. Will they still be United after this is all said
and done?


C: I want to know if they are going to go out there and put on a boring
match since they are so close. If that happens, I'm going to leave. Dixie
has a show at 11:00 and I'll just have time to get there.

F: Here comes the UCW champion, Sean O'Gara. He is slapping hands with the
fans as he makes his way to the ring. Sean slides under the bottom rope and
it appears that we are ready to go.


C: I told you this was going to happen. Ambergree is holding out his hand
for a handshake. This is going to be sooooo boring.

F: Maybe not. Sean reached out for that hand and Ambergree kicked him in the
stomach. Ambergree follows that up with a forearm to the back that drops
O'Gara to the mat.


C: So much for friendship.

F: I don't believe this. O'Gara is getting back to his feet and he is
smiling at Ambergree. What is that all about?


C: Ambergree has his smile wiped away by an O'Gara dropkick. Ambergree gets
back to his feet and they go to a collar and elbow tie up. Ambergree gets
O'Gara in a headlock. O'Gara throws him off into the ropes and Ambergree
comes back with shoulderblock that knocks O'Gara to the ground again.

F: Oddly enough, Ambergree helps Sean to his feet and Sean counters with an
armdrag takedown. He gets an armbar on Ambergree and is really ringing that
arm.


C: Kam has made it back to his feet and tries an armdrag. O'Gara hangs on
and pulls Ambergree over. O'Gara still has that armbar. Kam reaches for the
ropes and the referee breaks the hold. Tie up again and again Ambergree goes
for the headlock and once again O'Gara throws him to the ropes.

F: O'Gara goes for a backdrop but Ambergree with a leapfrog.  O'Gara with a
drop toehold and goes straight back to that arm with an armbar once again.
Looks like the champ has a game plan for this one.


C: Ambergree is looking really frustrated right now. He makes it back to his
feet and pokes O'Gara in the eye. So much for friendship, but then again,
this is for the UCW title.

F: They said they wouldn't  hold anything back. Ambergree clotheslines
O'Gara and goes for a quick pin. Only a one count though. Way too early to
try that.


C: Ambergree picks O'Gara up off the mat and puts him back down with a
bodyslam. He follows that up with a legdrop to the throat. He goes to pick
up O'Gara again and O'Gara catches him with a small package. Oh, what I
could do with that phrase.

F: Creed, will you behave? Ambergree kicks out at a count of one. Both men
are a little more cautious now. Ambergree comes at O'Gara and Sean goes
right back to that arm with another armdrag takedown. Ambergree uses his
legs to break the hold and put a head scissors on O'Gara. O'Gara kicks out.
Ambergree with a whip into the turnbuckle.


C: Ambergree charges in and O'Gara leaps over and catches him with a rollup.
Ambergree kicks out at two. As Ambergree gets up, O'Gara catches him with a
solid right. That's staggered Kam a bit. These two are really going at it. I
think the United Front is done for.

F: Ambergree ducks a second right and catches O'Gara with a belly to back
suplex. Kam rolls under the ropes to get a breather. O'Gara comes running at
the ropes and goes over the top with a nice cross body to the outside. The
ref is starting the ten count and both men are on the floor. The ref is at
four and both men are standing, punching away at each other.


C: The ref is at eight. They had better get back in the ring. Wait, Kam has
stopped O'Gara and is pointing at the ref. Both men roll back in the ring
right before the ten count. Why did he do that? He could have won the match
.

F: Yes, but not the title. Now, O'Gara is thrown back into the turnbuckle.
Ambergree catches him with a clothesline in the corner. O'Gara falls to the
mat. Ambergree climbs to the top. He may be going for his finisher.


C: There it is. Ambergree has hit the harpoon. O'Gara is flopping around on
the mat like a fish out of water. Ambergree goes for the pin. 1..2..3

F: No, not 3. O'Gara has his foot on the rope. I have no idea how, but at
least the referee saw it. This match will continue. Ambergree looks confused
that he didn't get the pin. He is motioning to the back
.

C: I knew this was going to happen. Heart and Ambergree have set up O'Gara.
They are going to finish him off.

F: It doesn't appear so. Toby is running down to the ring and yes, he has a
cup in his hands. He trips and drops the cup.


C: So much for that slurpee. Ambergree appears to be enraged by that though.
He picks up O'Gara and tosses him out of the ring. He climbs to the top rope
and delivers a leg drop to the floor on O'Gara. These guys are insane. The
winner will never be able to wrestle again and the loser, well, I'll visit
his gravesite at least once.

F: Ambergree is now yelling at Toby. O'Gara is somehow making his way back
to his feet. Under the circumstances, this is phenomenal. Sean spins Kam
around and whips him into the side of the ring.  He then throws Ambergree
under the bottom rope back into the ring. Sean goes up top. Could it be?


C: The "Elevation Press". Sean has hit it. This has to be it. 1..2.. I can't
believe that Ambergree was able to kick out of that.

F: Sean can't believe it either. He is asking the referee if he is sure. If
there was any question about who the two top athletes are in UCW, I think
this match has answered it. Ambergree rolls toward the ropes but Sean stops
him and picks him up. He is going for a suplex.


C: Stupid referee got hit with Kam's feet. You would think he would be
smarter than that. Well the referee is down. Shouldn't we see Jack Heart
about now?

F: It appears that he is going to let these two fight it out. Both men are
tired and are trying anything to win.


C: Both men kick the other in the, well, jewels. I'll leave it at that
because that hurt to watch.

F: I've never seen either man use those tactics before. They must be
desperate and it appears very hurt right now.  Both men are using the ropes
to haul themselves up. Ambergree charges O'Gara and gets a backdrop over the
top rope for it. O'Gara jumps out and tosses Ambergree back in the ring. He
goes for the cover and he should have the three count.


C: The ref is just now coming to. He crawls over. 1..2..Kickout by
Ambergree. Sean is in disbelief.

F: I am too. I don't know how much more these two can take. Ambergree kicks
O'Gara legs out from under him. He crawls over to O'Gara and applies the
sleeper. The referee is checking on O'Gara. The arm drops once, twice, no,
he is able to keep that hand in the air. This match will continue.


C: I am speechless and impressed. I can't believe what I'm seeing here. I
know I don't usually give out compliments but these two deserve it. Even the
fans are exhausted from this match.

F: O'Gara struggles back to his feet but Ambergree still has that sleeper
locked in. O'Gara backs him into the turnbuckle but Ambergree let’s go. He
turns Sean around. Sean ducks around behind Ambergree and grabs him around the waist.

Belly to back suplex with a bridge by O’Gara

C: I don't think he knows that his shoulders are on the mat too. The referee is
counting both men down. 1..2..Ambergree raises his shoulder, 3..That's it.

Kamchantaberry Ambergree is the new UCW champion.


F: I don't think Sean knows he lost yet. Here comes Jack Heart. He is trying to explain
what happened. O’Gara just shakes his head. He walks over to Ambergree.

 

C: It’s going to get good now.

 

F: Sean sticks out his hand. Ambergree takes it and they shake hands.


C: The match was good up to this point. I think I'm going to hurl.

F: It appears that the United Front is still intact and we saw, pardon my
French, one HELL of a match. I can’t wait for the rematch. Thank you for watching and good night.

 

Winner and new UCW champion

Kamchantabery Ambergree

By  Pinfall