Hardcore Title Match

M: Now it is time for one the most highly anticipated matches for this UCW Pay Per View. Now it is time for the Hardcore Battle Royal, a match that is sure to promise some sheer brutality.

K: Sure thing Marv. Because the rules of this match are quite simple ... there are none! Simply pinfalls will be happening all through out this arena, I mean in the locker room, the bathroom, the parking lot ... the loading dock ... hey wait a minute ... there are three dumpsters outside the loading dock. What is that for?

M: Well Krobin, the reason for that is, we have attracted such a huge crowd for our UCW PPVs, and all these people in the crowd eat a lot of snacks, and this is why we need all the dumpsters.

K: Oh ... Okay. Well here come all of our stars now. Here comes the Crazed Killer, Infernal Freak, Mace, Anthony "The Iron Fist" ... and what is going on?

M: It looks like D-Frost is tangled up in the curtain and can't even seem to make it to the ring. How did this guy make PPV?

K: Out comes Boot, who gives D-Frost a shove and frees him from the curtain but D-Frost still trips up and falls to the ground. Boot who is another hardcore veteren himself ... who can forget such classic match ideas from when Boot was President of UCW ... like the Hardcore Challenge. A true classic of ... HAHAHAHHHHAAAAA .... sorry, just couldn't make it. What the heck was Boot thinking? Obstacle course ... give me a break!

M: Now here comes Nightmare, Travis, Kobushi, Gay Bandit, Ravnos, and the reigning UCW Hardcore Champion Pyromaniac.

K: Now there goes the bell, and all hell is breaking loose. All wrestlers pair off and are already starting to spill to the outside of the ring. Just to be smart, we have postitioned cameras all over the building so none of the action will be missed.

K: Crazed Killer and Pyromaniac are taking turns beating on Travis and chasing him up the rampway to the backstage area. Ravnos has a hold of the hair of D-Frost and is hauling him through the crowd. Boot and Iron Fist are slugging it out at ringside. Infernal Freak and Kobushi are also headed to the backstage area, but being followed by the Gay Bandit. And in the ring, Nightmare is stomping Mace in the corner.

K: Nightmare is a mysterious newcomer to UCW. Not much is known about him yet. Nightmare tries to whip Mace into the other corner, but Mace reverses. Mace charges and is met by a kick to the face from Nightmare. Nightmare reaches into one of the many bins of weapons and pulls out a steel chair and nails Mace over the head with it.

M: On the outside Boot has the steel stairs and attempts to nail Iron Fist over the head with them, but Iron Fist with a big boot of his own kicks them into the face of Boot. Iron Fist goes for a quick cover, and one of our many referees tries to make a count, but Boot kicks up at two.

K: Iron Fist throws Boot into the ring and Boot tries to crawl away from him, but the is then smacked across the back with a steel chair by Nightmare. There is no escape in this match up.

K: Iron Fist climbs in after but he is met by a chair shot to the head by the smaller Nightmare. Iron Fist is stunned and met with another chair but Iron Fist is still not knocked out.

K: Mace comes over and attempts to help Nightmare deal with Iron Fist. Mace has a chair of his own and he also comes over and nails Iron Fist over the head

M: Nightmare seems to be signalling for Mace to try a con-chair-to on Iron Fist. Mace agrees, and both him and Nightmare wind up. The swing, but then suddenly Boot grabs the chair from Mace. Mace turns to Boot, Iron Fist moves ... and Nightmare nails Mace across the back!

K: Mace staggers to Boot, and Boot grabs him ...and a Meltdown! 1 ... 2 ... 3! Mace is gone from this match.

M: Nightmare backs away and starts to head up the aisle, while Boot and Iron Fist start to go at it again.

K: Meanwhile, backstage we see CK and Pyro still double teaming on Travis. Travis was looking to be an up and coming superstar in UCW, but right now he is being dragged across the buffet table. What a mess

M: While CK and Pyro are seeming to be teaming up right now, it seems their rivalry is still going ahead ... by trying to see who could do the worse to Travis. Ck grabs the head of Travis and slams him face first onto the table, and then Pyro grabs Travis and does the same thing even harder.

K: So now CK grabs a plate of food from the table and smashes it over the head of Travis, and naturally Pyro does the same thing again. This is going no where.

M: CK now grabs Travis and holds his face in the punch bowl ... is that legal? Now to top it off, Pyro grabs Travis' nightstick and is nailing Travis with it, while CK is holding his head in the fruit punch.

K: Those bubbles from the fruit punch bowl have stopped, and both CK and Pyro climb onto the table. CK hold Travis up and then Pyro grabs his feet and a spike piledriver into the punch bowl and through the table. If they didn't drown him, they broke his neck for sure. The both jump and Travis ... 1 ... 2 ...3! Travis has been eliminated.

M: Here comes Nightmare. He runs in and joins the fight. Now in the stair way, it is Ravnos and D-Frost. The door slams open and D-Frost staggers in, followed by the main man himself.

K: Ravnos nails D-Frost who falls against the stairs. D-Frost tries to crawl away, but Ravnos simply keeps stomping on him. Where are they headed?

M: I don't know, but now we have some action in the bathrooms. The door swings open, and it is Kobushi and Infernal Freak. They are exchanging punches, and following behind them is the former Hardcore Champion the Gay Bandit. He is keeping his distance while these two are fighting away. A smart strategy.

K: IF nails Kobushi with a hard fist, who then staggers against one of the stalls. Infernal Freak opens the stall door, and slams it on the head of Kobushi. Kobushi is hurt, and he falls over one of the toilets.

M: Infernal Freak grabs the head of Kobushi, and slams it into the toilet bowl. Now he holds his head and holds it in the toilet ... is he going to ... you know?

K: YES!. Infernal Freak grabs the handle and flushes, giving Kobushi a swirlie!

M: Now here comes the Bandit, he shoves IF aside and he is lookiong at the bent over body of Kobushi ... Oh no!

K: I'm afraid so ... it looks to be time for the Violator! Somehow I'm thinking this is a very familar setting for the Bandit.

M: Here it comes ... oh God I can't look. Bandit steps back ... and there is the reverse Broncobuster. Kobushi is screaming with his face still in the toilet, but submissions to not count in this type of match up. It is pinfalls only. Dear God, make it stop!

K: Wait, IF has a plunger, and he just cracked it in half over the back of the head of the Gay Bandit. Infernal Freak is my new favorite wrestler. IF covers Bandit ... 1 ... 2 ...3! Bandit is gone.

M: Back in the ring, Boot has Iron Fist in the corner. He kicks Iron Fist in the stomach a bunch of times, and now he climbs to the second rope, and Boot is pummeling on the much larger Iron Fist.

K: The crowd is counting to ten along with Boot, but then at 9, Iron Fist nails Boot with a low blow. Now the larger Iron Fist grabs a hold of Boot and nails a running powerbomb. 1 ... 2 ... no, Boot kicks out, Iron Fist can not belive that.

M: Iron Fist is headed to the outside, and he is searching under the ring and is pulling out a table. Looks like he is going to try put Boot through a table once again like he did on Turmoil. He slides it into the ring and begins to set it up in the corner.

K: But behind him he doesn't see Boot reaching into one of the bins of weapons. What is Boot looking for?

M: I see what he has. It looks like he has his famous lead pipe and is about to nail Iron Fist with it again. He is sneaking up on Iron Fist ... but Iron Fist turns around and Boot stops in his tracks mid-swing.

K: Boot and Iron Fist are staring at each other ... and Boot throws the pipe to Iron Fist? Why did he do that? Has Boot cracked?

M: No, he isn't, just as Iron Fist reaches up to grab it, Boot spears him right through that table. Boot with a cover ... 1 ... 2 ... 3! Iron Fist has been eliminated.

K: Now Boot is headed backstage also, and he is taking a cart of weapons with him. All action in the ring has been cleared. While backstage at the loading dock we se CK, holding onto Pyromaniac, while Nightmare has a garbage can and is fixing to nail Pyro with it, but Pyro moves and he ends up nailing CK over the head with that trash can. CK is down and out.

M: Nightmare then takes another swing at Pyro, but then Pyro dropkicks the trash can into the face of Nightmare. Pyro covers Nightmare ... 1 ... 2 ...3! Nightmare is gone after a promising showing. Now Boot is just showing up with his cart of weapons and is joining the fight.

K: Meanwhile, the camera is now showing the inside of the office of UCW President Rob Grayson. We see Rob sitting at his desk ... but he is clearing everything out. What is Rob doing?

M: I don't know, but his door just swung open and here are D-Frost and Ravnos. Rob just sits at his desk and watches the fight between them. D-Frost staggers from the punches of Ravnos, and lands across the desk of Rob Grayson.

K: Ravnos crawls onto the top of the desk and pummels on D-Frost. He then starts grabbing various office supplies and smashing them over the head of D-Frost. Why doesn't Rob do anytinhg about this?

M: He just did. He just handed Ravnos a keyboard, which Ravnos smashes over D-Frost. Then Rob hands him a computer monitor which Ravnos again crashes over the head of D-Frost again. D-Frost is a bloody pulp. Ravnos makes the cover on Rob desk, 1 ... 2... 3! D-Frost is gone from this match.

K: Well he doesn't look very happy. He is up and complaining. He just won't go away. Ravnos and Rob look to each other, and Rav nails D-Frost with the Omega Bitch Slap. D-Frost falls backwards and crashes through the window of Rob's office, oh the humanity!

M: Ravnos gets up and begins to walk back down the hallway. He is carrying a steel folding chair Rob handed to him. Then there is a beep, Ravnos turns to see where it came from. It was an elevator. The doors open and Kobushi topples out followed by Infernal Freak.

K: Kobushi and IF are still brawling away. Kobushi tries to nail IF with a clothesline, but IF ducks. Ravnos throws the chair to Kobushi, who catches it, but then has it kicked into his face with an Infernal Kick by IF. IF covers 1 ... 2 ... 3! Now Kobushi is gone from this match.

M: Now Rav and IF start to fight. Ravnos and Infernal Freak exchange punches and stagger back into the elevator, the doors close and the elevator begins to go back down.

K: Now back in the loading dock, Boot, CK and Pyro are also duking it out. Then suddenly, from the sky, the body of D-Frost crashes into the nearby dumpster, giving them a startle. They all turn to the dumpster and look in, and see the body of D-Frost. They laugh, and give the dumpster a shove and send it down the hill. Well that trash has been taken out.

M: Back in the building we see the lights on the elevator, 3, 2, 1 *ding*. The doors open and Rav and Infernal Freak spill out in full force. Infernal freak pushes Rav into a concrete wall, he tries to follow with a clothesline but Rav see's it coming and counters with a drop toe hold.

K: Infernal Freak goes head first into the wall, Rav covers, 1 . . 2 but IF kicks out. The two get up and continue, IF gets ahead of Rav and begins hitting him over the head with anything not bolted down.

M: First a chair, next a mop, then a tire iron, but Rav just takes it and keeps on comming. A wrench, a chain, a clipboard, a folding card table, a coke bottle, a fax machine, but he keeps coming.

K: Not only does he keep coming, but he's actually smiling. He can't be enjoying this, can he? IF can't believe his eyes, he finds a forklift and leaves the building, with Rav in close pursuit.

M: Meanwhile, in the loading dock Boot, CK and Pyro are still exchanging blows, surprisingly the two former DA members aren't teaming up against Pyro. I guess they realize this is for individual glory.

K: Pyro nails Boot with a 2 x 4, but Ck siezes the opportunity and levels Pyro with a pallet, CK covers, 1 . . 2 . . but for some reason Boot drags CK off! You'd think he'd prefer a 1 on 1 bout. Boot throw CK over a crate and begins to choke him with a booster cable.

M: What's that noise? Pyro gets to his feet and hears an engine outside. He opens the loading dock door just in time for IF to fly through on the forklift, which finally crashes into an office. Rav follows on foot and begins to brawl with Pyro.

K: Infernal freak stumbles from the wreck and heads towards Boot and CK. CK swings at Boot but he evades the blow and lifts CK up into a military press. Boot walks to a nearby dumpster and throws him in.

M: Boot turns around to get sprayed by a fire extinguisher, IF then proceeds to beat Boot bloddy with it. IF tries to pick Boot up for a body slam but Boot hooks his knee. Boot then picks IF up and tosses him up, CK grabs IF by the head and nails a diamond cutter.

K: A Screech-In, A Screech-In on the dumpster. IF is out cold! Ck jumps off the dumpster just as Boot pushes it towards the door. But the Dumpster hits the side of the door and stops mere inches from Rav and Pyro.

M: Pyro's taking something out of his pocket, it's a zippo. HE LIT THE DUMPSTER ON FIRE!! IS HE CRAZY?!?!?! Rav just smiles and kicks the dumpster down over the hill. Those dumpsters are expensive!!

K: Now all four remaining men are face to face, they look around in paranoia, each wondering who will strike first. each turns and strikes the person to their left, and they all humorously fall down like dominos.

M: when they end up pairing off Boot and Rav tie up while CK and Pyro rock each other with lefts and rights. CK knocks Pyro back with a huge blow, Pyro falls into another person, that's . . . . . that's Nightmare. But he was eliminated already, and he's holding a trashcan.

K: Nightmare rears back and swings at Pyro, but he ducks and the can hits CK, knocking him out cold. That's the second time tonight that Nightmare's knocked out CK with a trashcan. And Pyro once again drop kicks the can into the face of Nightmare.

M: Pyro pins the unconscious CK, 1 . . 2 . . 3! And CK is out of the rumble. Pyro nails Nightmare who then makes a quick exit.

K: Meanwhile, Boot swings a hockey stick at Rav, but Rav catches it and kicks Boot in the gut, and he hits a ddt! Rav then winds back do deliver a knock out blow when he notices Pyro taking off Nightmare's mask.

M: Rav turns his attention back to Boot, but while Rav was distracted Boot got up and he now sends Rav stumbling back with a standing side kick. Rav is caught by pyro, they stare each other down.

K: Boot just stands back and decides to let them take each other out. But they instead team up and attack Boot. They savagely beat Boot within an inch of his life before finishing him with a spike piledriver. They do rock, paper, scisors to see who pins. Rav wins the contest and decides that Pyro should pin. 1 . . 2 . . 3! and Boot is out.

M: Rav grabs Pyro by the neck and apply's a sleeper hold, but you can't win by submission. Rav backs up to where he dropped the hockey stick. He lets Pyro go and nails him in the back of the head with a headbutt. Rav then grabs the hockey stick and cracks it over the back of Pyro. Pyro falls back and lands on his knees in the doorway of the loading dick.

K: WHat the hell? Rav's lowering the door, the door hits Pyro in the head and pins him to the ground. He's still conscious but he can't lift his shoulders up. Rav hooks the leg, but the ref isn't counting. He doesn't think it's a legal pin.

M: Rav gets up and orders the ref to count, but the ref refuses. Rav then knocks him out with one swift punch. But now there's no referee, hold on, another ref is running in. Rav hooks pyro's leg, the new ref counts, 1 . . 2 . . 3! He did it! Ravnous is the New UCW Hardcore Champion. Stay tuned folks, we'll be right back after these messages.

Winner -- Ravnos