9/17/01 Classes at Cardozo have resumed today, but there is a knowing, deadly silence about this place. I resent that I have been forced to live in fear and I hope with all of my heart that the war we will fight against Evil will not erase the very freedoms and democracy that our enem/y/ies seek to destroy.
9/30/01 When I was 17, I traveled to Israel. Several months after I returned, there was a bus bombing in Tel Aviv. Upon notice of the event, I frantically dialed a girl there with whom I had become friendly, to voice my concern for her life. She almost laughed at me--my concern was her 'everyday.' This time around, it was her turn to dial New York. Here is an exerpt of an email I received from her: "Wow, thank god everything is alright with you. How are you coping ? I so sympathy with what is going over you back there. I must admit it struck me stronger than any of the past attacks in Israel. This is as big in Israel as the murder of Rabin several years ago. I guess the whole world will stay traumatized forever... It's funny how I always thought the U.S. is as safest as you can get and suddenly it's as scary as Tel Aviv. I feel like no place on earth is safe anymore. If a suicide attack happens in the WTC than it can happen anywhere."
This time, neither of us were laughing. ...and my long winded, barely-composed response:
Thank you for your concern and your email. I'm not surprised that you have been having trouble getting through. Especially internationally. For the first few days after 9/11, I was on the phone almost constantly--I heard from friends I didn't know I had. Further, my computer had crashed and was in repairs. When I finally got the damn thing back (it's still making funny noises), I was online--trying get some productive research done for my law journal article. Not that I could concentrate much.
Still, it's difficult to put my emotions into words and into context. As my ex from Malta used to say (which used to bug me to no end), "It's just like in the movies." Those words rattled my core when I first saw the towers burning. It is so hard to believe that nationless madmen struck the friggin' 110 story World Trade Center. Both Towers. And the fucking Pentagon. The Pentagon! And that the twin towers of the Trade Center crumbled into dust and nothingness less than an hour later....
The attack is all too recent, really, to even begin to understand fully, as much as I have sat and listened and prayed (really) in front of the TV news. In the past few weeks, I have spent more time glued to the headlines than to my class readings. Our school building is below 14th street (the 'closed off' zone for the first few days) so we missed almost a week's worth of classes, and have make-ups today, Sunday. September has gone so fast...and I feel so lost.
To put the situation into perspective: 6000 people showed up at Kol Nidre services this year, almost double last year's attendance, and about the same number as, well, you know--those lost in the WTC. Luckily, all of my close friends and family are safe. But the losses, and "too close" calls are all too real. One of the pilots was a friend of my DC roomate and regular at the bar he tends. The office where I worked this summer is 7 blocks up--my colleagues were all okay.
Still, I am trying to move on; especaily as I now know how fragile life really is. It could all be over tomorrow. To tell you the truth, I felt safer in Tel Aviv! (Although, I must say that I was quite traumatized at the Dolphinarium bombing this past June--SONiA played at the club next door in '99.) At least in Israel, it is easy to know what the terrorists want...Here, it is apparent that they are against our whole sense of being free and democratic. Ironically, they attacked the same day as the NYC primary elections!
In any case, I am glad to see New Yorkers coming together in this time of terror and trauma--people actually look each other in the eyes, and are begining to appreciate what we have as Americans. Believe it or not, I even bought an American flag--just to look at, and considered joining the Army. Don't worry, the U.S. Army still won't take openly gay people. :) Then again, more than anything these past few weeks I've felt more AMERICAN than anything else---all those other labels (Democrat, gay, Jewish, etc., etc.,) seem to slip by the wayside now. I guess, as an Israeli you understand this best.
I look forward to hearing from you soon. Here at Cardozo Law, we get off for the Jewish holidays so that is probably the best time to reach me. :)
Love, Erica
p.s. my little sister's b-day is 9/11.
10/16. It's been more than a month and NYC is still more than a little nutty. Our Indian summer has continued, and now we are at war--the civillian casualties, while inevitable, are making me uneasy. Now, I hear that we hit the Red Cross building. What a nightmare. I've also heard that Anthrax has been found in at least 3 states. At least ABC News and NBC News have been hit--as if NY needs another episode of craziness..
10/18. Portion of email I sent to a friend in Baltimore, MD: It's a different city than the one I met last year when I moved in; but not in all bad ways. People are kinder, more courteous, less rushed. Subway musicians are suddenly patriotic, and homeless crackheads are selling red-white & blue flag memorabilia instead. But it is also very lonely and fearful. The triumphant, over-the-top lifeblood has been dilluted, actions are deliberate, and enjoyment is forced. The lonliness that I feel when I go home to an empty apartment hurts me so much. Will it always be this way? Of course, I imagine that everywhere is affected somehow and we must all try to learn to struggle with meaning and fear and passion...
10/26. Last night I woke up shaking, and almost fell out of bed at 2am. What Next? Just an earthquake, 2.6 on the Richter scale, I later learned the next morning. Thank G'd for television! Anyway, one of the most surreal images I still hold in my mind from that horrible day last month is seeing all of the corporate execs in their designer finery running uptown like the refugees I now see on TV fleeing their homes in Afghanastan, as explosions ring in the background. I guess what hits home the most is that on a normal day, many of these Execs don't see much sunlight--they rise early to catch the train into the city, stay in their offices until late at night--now they/we are forced to deal with the Day. As I think about my future I'm not sure how eager after all I am to be one of them...none of my close friends have gone 9-5 'corporate' They are chefs, nurses, self-employed architects, social justice activists, singer-songwriters, teachers...and here I am outlining "Corporate Law" as I listen to Ani DiFranco...