The Goo Goo Dolls Mafia at Arby's....and how they were never there.
One day after school
the Goo Goo Dolls Mafia went to Arby's for a snack. As they seated themselves,
they spotted the generic mob boss, Tony. "That's him," agent A whispered.
"Go get him, B."
Agent B took a
bite of the spicy Arby's sandwich. The fire raced around his mouth at a
quick pace. Then, he took a sip of his medium diet coke with immediacy.
"Okay." B walked over to Tony. "Have you got the goods?" "Depends," Tony
answered while smoking onw of those bubble gum cigarettes they're not allowed
to sell anymore. "Who's askin'?" "Nobody you want to get on the bad side
of," B said impatiently. "Got it." With an intense and energetic show,
Tony reached inside of his coat and pulled out a video cassette. "This
what yer lookin for?"
B snatched the
tape. "We were never here! Capisce?" Tony nodded and ground out his cigarette.
A,B, and C backed away slowly. Once outside, they were stopped by the Boss.
"let me have the goods." A gave her the tape. "Ah! It is mine at last!"
Just then, Hadji and 20 girls came around the corner. The Boss hid the
tape.
"Look, it's that
girl from school. Whassup, yo." Hadji put his hand out. All the girls ran
up and kissed it. "Um..." Jennifer panicked. "He knows who I am! I can't
let him know I'm a mob boss!" "Well....I'm on the yearbook commitee. And
I need to take your picture." "Sure, yo." Everyone gathered round, even
the Goo Goo Dolls Mafia, so Jennifer couldn't really see Hadji in the picture.
Oh, well.
"Hey, like, you
wanna be in the Hadji's Girlfriends Club?" He handed Jennifer a business
card for Hadji's Girlfriends of North America. "We're currently the largest
branch!" one of the girls said. "Thousands of members!" "No."
"Well I see, you
live in Europe right? Well, join Hadji's Girlfriends of Western Europe."
He handed her another card. "How many branches are there?" Jennifer asked.
"Well, there's HGC of North, South, and Central America, Western Europe,
West, East, and Southern Africa, Russia and it's European Neighbors, East
Asia, Japan and the Phillipines, and Austrailia and other Island Nations."
"Uh, Boss, we
have a tour to do." A reminded Jennifer. Jennifer looked from Hadji to
A, B, and C. Then she took the HGCNA card and ran off with the Goo Goo
Dolls Mafia. Pretty soon, Jayne showed up at Arby's.
"Did anybody see
four peole dressed in black just now?" she asked. The Girlfriends Club
looked at eachother. "No we didn't see anyone."
The Goo Goo
Dolls Mafia at K-Mart
After bagging
the goods, the goo goo dolls mafia shimmied in a secretive way down to
K-mart to pick up some more goods from the usuals. "Yo boss.." exclaimed
Agent A. "Whatsa happenin' in dis joint?" "Very good question, A.", said
the Boss, patiently surveying the turf. Then a dark figure in ray
ban sunglasses glided towards the GGDM from aisle 5. "Yo bubs, this ain't
yo turf." Of course the Boss was prepared for this, so she pulled out the
previously bagged goods and stuck them in a convieniently placed video
playing device. The dark figure was unamused. "Yo stupid video
tricks don't foo me." But then, all the tv's in the K-Mart exploded with
immediacy. "WOOOOOOO!"* The Goo Goo Dolls Mafia grinned at the passionate
performance the dark figure was witnessing. "Well guys, why don't we slide.",
commented the Boss. Agent B looked down at the dark figure. "And remember,
we was neva here." The Boss grabbed the goods and stepped out the automatic
sliding doors. But as they were exiting, a large crowd of girls stampeded
at them. "Hey...I think we gotta make like a chromosome and split.", said
Agent C. "Hrrrm...that couldn't be HGCNA could it...", mumbled the Boss.
"Hey! It's that European girl from school!", yelled a familiar masculine
voice. "Oh, I just love her ability to accesorize!", exclaimed a female.
"Alright guys you know the drill.", said the Boss. Agent B took the goods
and put them in the VCR. "Why don't you slide into my room and we can run
away run away run away!"* "Hey, that's mad phat music, yo.", said Hadji.
But the Boss knew what to do. She went over the fastforwarded the tape
with apparent ease. "let's pretend...my January friend.."* "EEEEK!!" The
whole North American branch of Hadji's girlfriends Club galavanted away
down Phillips Highway. The boss looked around. "Hey...where's my peeps?"
A, B, and C were nowhere to be found. "Ah well, chaps like that can be
replaced. They could never understand the true power of Goo." And with
that remark, the Boss slided out of K-Mart, remembering to inform the cashiers
that she was never there....
And cleanup
was needed on aisle 5.
THE END
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