Islands
of
Adventure: A Review
HELLO
again. Welcome to Islands of Adventure: A Review. This
weekend I happened to be down there in Orlando, and I'm telling you, the
traffic is terrible. But that is not what this is about. This is about
the semi-new theme park, Islands of Adventure. I also went to Universal
during my stay, but everyone has been there already and knows it's not
that great. I have developed some exquisite drawings to help you visualize
some of the attractions. ^_^
The first thing you
should know about Islands of Adventure is that the name isn't that accurate.
There are no "islands" in Islands of Adventure. I don't know why they named
it that, really. I guess it's not that important. Anyways, when you first
go in, you will find yourself in the "Port of Entry", which has a big rock
arch over it that reads, "The Adventure Begins". This is supposed to get
you in the spirit of, well, adventure. The Port of Entry consists of a
few shops, and some food places which I will go over. "Fun-L-Cake" is a
very good place that you can get funnel cake. I don't really get the pun
on the name, but if you're like me, it doesn't matter. I stopped there
and got a funnel cake with strawberries, it was pretty tasty. To your right
you will find a place called the "Croissant Moon Bakery" (they sure like
puns here) which has good cookies. But do not eat the "Chocolate Decadence"
cake (called "The Second Taste of Heaven" by overweight employees) because
it is not that good. Around here are some shops and mess that sell over
priced souvenirs.
When you finally reach
the far end of the Port of Entry, you will have to make a choice. To your
left will be Marvel Super Hero Island (no, it is not an island) and to
your right will be Seuss Landing. Now, I hope you know which way to turn.
I suggest that you not even look to your right, but shimmy on over to Marvel
Super Hero "Island" where you will find no
cats in hats.
Marvel Super Hero "Island"
The biggest thing in
the MSH"I" is The Hulk rollercoaster. This is no Flying Unicorn, people.
It's a big green vomit inducing machine. I didn't go on it. I kind of wanted
to but I never got the courage. So, if you are a little bit wary of trying
this ride, right beside it is the Storm Force Accelatron. Sounds intimidating
doesn't it? Well, it's not. It's teacups. If you don't know what I mean
by teacups..you haven't been to the Magic Kingdom, and haven't ridden the
Mad Hatter's Teacup ride. What you do is get in a teacup and spin it around...thats
what you do in the Storm Force Accelatron too, except they aren't teacups,
they're purple and yellow things. It only lasted about 30 seconds, and
wasn't worth the walk over there. The next ride down the way is The Adventures
of Spiderman. This is a pretty good ride. You go in a little vehicle called
a "scoop" and gallavant through New York with Spiderman. It's a 3-D movie
type thing, you put on your unattractive glasses and ride around..don't
get me wrong though, this is pretty exciting. A big blob of water tries
to poke you, and some orange guy with a laser gun nearly pulverizes your
scoop, but Spiderman will save you. Those 3 were the main rides in the
MSH"I". There's a bunch of stores and maybe a few food places, like Captain
America's Diner. We didn't venture in there though. We kept walking to:
Toon Lagoon
Next is Toon Lagoon. And
to be honest with you, it wasn't that bad. Alas, it's not an island, but
it was nice. It's very colorful and nice, you get to see a lot of cartoon
people. Most of the rides here want to get you wet. (Hence the name Toon
"Lagoon") The best one is Popeye and Bluto's Bilge-Rat Barges. I don't
know what a Bilge-Rat is. This is a very very very wet ride that you should
buy ponchos for. In your Bilge-Rat Barge, you will brave water rapids,
falls, and currents to save the very ugly Olive Oyl from the very ugly
Bluto. (I think they might be a nice couple) But then again, Popeye is
ugly too. Anyways, this is a pretty fun ride. There is also Dudley Do-Right's
Ripsaw Falls. I don't know what a Ripsaw Fall is either, and I didn't go
on this. I saw a sign that said "Do not eat the mushroom pizza before going
on Ripsaw Falls". It's another splash mountain type thing except it's a
log flume ride. I ate in one of the places in Toon Lagoon, "Wimpy's". You
know, he's that hamburger guy from Popeye. I don't think there was any
more rides we went on in Toon Lagoon...it had the most places to eat there,
some stores and such..but don't walk too far, because you will end up in
a terrible, terrible place:
Jurassic Park
Up ahead will be Jurassic
Park (note that it is not an island). One of my least favorite areas, all
the smoking people seem to be here. I think it is because the one beer
place (Fossil Beers) is located there. It is the home of rides such as
The Jurassic Park River Adventure, the Pteranadon Flyers, and um..I guess
that's it. The Pteranadon Flyers is only for people under 54" tall though.
So I will speak of the River Adventure. You should probably buy ponchos
for this. You ride around in your boat and look at herbavores, and then
you go off course into the "Raptor Containment Area" where you will find
that the Raptors are not quite contained. Then you fall down a big hill,
very SplashMountain-ish. I had to walk through Jurassic Park many times.
They have a little kids park in there, some stores, and The Pteradactyl
Discovery Trail, which I did not go through, but my parents did. They said
that you walk down a path until you "discover" a robotic dinosaur. Sounds
fun. There was a food place..I'm pretty sure it was called Prehistoric
Pizza. If you keep walking, you will find (get it?):
The Lost Continent
Guess it's not lost anymore!
The reason I had to go through JP so many times was because The Lost Continent
was on the other side of it. This is not an island, but it was one of the
better areas. It contains The Dueling Dragons, 2 inverted rollercoasters
that you get to pick between. There's the Fire Dragon and the Ice Dragon.
Coincidentally, one is orange and one is blue. When you wait in line for
this ride, it is quite scary because they have skulls everywhere and you
have this feeling of great impending doom. You can only say to yourself,
"I wonder if Prehistoric Pizza closes before 6." But really, I was scared
when I was waiting in line, but it's all good. Soon you will have to decide
whether to go on Fire or Ice, Theres a big thing on the wall that says
Fire Dragon in orange and an arrow pointing left and Ice Dragon in blue
pointing to the right. There is also a man talking in the background saying,
"To the right is fire, to the left is ice! I know not which is best advice".
Despite this immaculate detail, you will still hear people saying, "Which
one is Ice?" I wanted to punch them. Anyways, I went on both of them a
few times, I prefer the fire dragon. It lasts longer and has more corkscrews.
Theres a part where the 2 dragons almost run into eachother. That was good.
In the Lost Continent
there is also a little thing called the Flying Unicorn, which I referred
to earlier, it is described as being "for the young, or young at heart".
It lasts a whopping 20 seconds. Good for a kiddie coaster though. Again,
there are many stores and such in this place, and a retaurant called Mythos
which is supposed to be good. They have a few shows, including The Eighth
Voyage of Sinbad, and Poisedon's Fury. I'm not a big show person though.
In front of the Sinbad area there is a fountain that talks to you. One
person asked, "Are you male or female?". The fountain informatively replied,
"Would that change your feelings for me?" My sister and I suspect that
there must be a little man in there or something, but we went there on
2 different days and the fountains voice changed. So, the little men must
have to take turns being in the fountain. Once you are finished with TLC
(ha ha) you will find yourself in something that you knew would be unavoidable
from the beginning:
Seuss Landing
If I were to describe Seuss
Island in one word, it would be "disturbing". This was my first impression
of it atleast. It is the home of the "Caro-Seuss-El", The Cat in the Hat,
One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish...I think thats it. I would try to
avoid The Cat in the Hat at all costs. It was the first ride I went on
at the park, and it severly damaged my nervous system. You sit on a purple
couch-mobile and ride around in a very dizzying manner while the cat in
the hat makes rhymes about who knows what. Thing 1 and Thing 2 play with
their goldfish, the cat in the hat takes a shower, strobe lights and white
gaseous substances are used. It wasn't pleasant. Once I got off of this
ride, I left Seuss Landing and high-tailed it back to the lost continent.
But then the time came when I had to encounter it again. We embarked upon
the "Caro-Seuss-El", which is a carousel with Seuss like characters (pink
cows with wings, furry ostrich/horse type things, fish with legs). The
cool thing about this is that on each one something is moveable. I rode
on one of the pink cow things, and you can move the rope around its neck
up and down and the ears wiggle. My sisters ostrich moved its head. The
ride doesn't last very long though. And finally, I must discuss One Fish
Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish. It is one of the best rides in the park. It
is like the Dumbo ride at disney word, you get in a fish and it's either
one fish or 2 and its either red or blue. You go up into the air, and then
you hear children singing a song. "Two Fish Blue Fish up you go!" and stuff
like that is what they say. All the one fish and red fish have to come
down. If you don't follow the song, you are supposed to get squirted. We
didn't get squirted. it was almost time for the park to close, but that
song was just so catchy.
They have stores and places in SL, one place
called Green Eggs and Ham supposedly sells real green eggs and ham. It
was not open when I went though.
Conclusion on "I"OA
By my description it might seem like "I"OA doesn't
have many attractions. The truth is that it does, but I only went over
the major rides. There is also boring things like shows and museum type
deals and "discovery trails" and of course your customary kid's playground
areas that you can go to. I do recommend it, if you don't mind walking
through Jurassic Park 80 million times to get to the good stuff. If you
go, maybe you will find the islands that are mentioned in the name "I"slands
of Adventure. And if you find yourself in a low mood during your stay,
just think, you could have been in Epcot. It should cheer you up a little.
Stay tuned for more information about life in general....
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