The Basics
Simplifying your life begins at home
So your partner doesn't fully embrace the "simple living" philosophy of easing financial burdens by paring back? Find how to reach some common ground.
By Janet Luhrs

So you’re ready to incorporate the simple living philosophy into your everyday life but your partner isn’t? It’s a common dilemma that complicates people’s lives and often creates tension within families.

One partner is willing to forgo more daily conveniences and luxuries in exchange for earlier retirement. One may want to buy a hot tub, and the other sees a hot tub as an unnecessary extravagance that puts them further away from financial goals. One is a saver and the other a spender. These attitudes extend past money and into many spheres of our lives. What to do?

Communication is key
Set a few ground rules and start talking. In her book, "Sex, Money and Power,” author Linda Barbanel suggests the following:

1. Only one person may talk at a time.
   
2. No interrupting or ridiculing.
   
3. No verbal attacks.
   
4. No yelling.
   
5. Each partner should make an effort not to criticize or exhibit a negative, close-minded attitude.

Before talking with your partner, ask yourself what motivates your attitudes. This is important because the vast majority of disagreements are not about the issue at hand, but some underlying issue. Look inside yourself to discover those underlying feelings that motivate you to be a spendthrift or a cheapskate. Think about whether you and your partner are equating love with money or possessions. For instance, how often have you felt disappointed because your partner spent only $10 or so on a gift for you? Does that mean he or she loves you less? Set a cap on your gift giving. It eliminates hard feelings and allows you to focus your finances on your ultimate goals in life.

Realizing your differences
Once you are ready to talk in an open, compassionate way, try these steps:

1. Accept that talking about differences in styles is better than not talking, and that there is no right or wrong way to deal with many issues, such as finances.
   
2. Identify and discuss your differences.
   
3. Identify areas where you both agree.
   
4. Consider ways to attain common goals.

Whether or not to simplify your lives is no different than other relationship issues. To stay together, you must compromise. Here are a few of the issues that could begin the discussion.

Time. Your partner thrives on a packed schedule with a fast-paced lifestyle while you prefer a more laid-back, free-flowing approach. Are you frustrated because you want more time alone with your partner? Say so in a personal, non-confrontational way. Suggest that the two of you set aside one night a week to be together. Whatever day you pick, keep it sacred and don’t accept invitations that would interfere.

Money. If you want to save more while your partner wants to spend, can you agree to save a little less while your partner agrees to save a bit more? For example, if your goal is to save $100 a month and your partner never meets that goal, try for $50 a month.

Clutter. If you want a streamlined house and your partner is a pack rat, perhaps you could set aside a spare room or closet in your house as the official pack-rat storage area. Spend a Saturday afternoon going through the clutter. Introduce your partner to the one-year rule: If you haven’t used or even picked up the item in the past year, it gets tossed or sold. This allows pack rats to slowly ease into the idea of changing their lifestyles.

Simple living starts with simplifying your home life. If the relationship with the most important person in your life is complicated, you’ll never achieve a simple life.