Better Off Dead

Lane: Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.

Monique: He keeps putting his testicles all over me.
Lane: Excuse me?
Monique: You know, like octopus? Testicles?
Lane: Ohhhh. Tentacles. N-T.

Charles: I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. I know high school girls.

Charles: [giving skiing instructions] Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

Monique: [giving skiing instructions] Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

Tree Trimmer: Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.

Johnny: I want my two dollars!

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Jeff Spicoli: All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

Mike Damone: [The "five-point plan"] First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a class move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

[Spicoli has had a pizza delivered to class.]
Mr. Hand: Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?
Jeff Spicoli: Learning about Cuba, and having some food.

[After Spicoli wrecks Jefferson's car.]
Jefferson's Brother: My brother's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill us! He's gonna kill you and he's gonna kill me, he's gonna kill us!
Jeff Spicoli: Hey man, just be glad I had fast reflexes!
Jefferson's Brother: My brother's gonna shit!
Jeff Spicoli: Make up your mind, dude, is he gonna shit or is he gonna kill us?
Jefferson's Brother: First he's gonna shit, then he's gonna kill us!
Jeff Spicoli: Relax, alright? My old man is a television repairman, he's got this ultimate set of tools. I can fix it.

Jeff Spicoli: No shirt, no shoes, no dice.
Brad Hamilton: Right. Learn it, know it, live it.

[Spicoli, talking on the phone, hits his head with a shoe.]
Jeff Spicoli: That was my skull!! I'm so wasted!

Businessman: It says one hundred percent guaranteed, you moron!
Brad Hamilton: Mister, if you don't shut up I'm gonna kick one hundred percent of your ass!

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.

[After faking out his parents.]
Ferris: Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.

[Cameron doesn't want to go out, but Ferris keeps calling.]
Cameron: He'll keep calling me, he'll keep calling me until I come over. He'll make me feel guilty. This is uh... This is ridiculous, ok I'll go, I'll go, I'll go, I'll go. What--I'LL GO. Shit.

Ferris: I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign?

Cameron: [singing] When Cameron was in Egypt's land..."let my Cameron go!"

Ferris: I did have a test today. That wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European, I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. That still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that matter. Isms in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an ism - he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon: "I don't believe in Beatles - I just believe in me." A good point there. Of course, he was the Walrus. I could be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum rides off people.

Sloan: What are we going to do?
Ferris: The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"
Cameron: Please don't say we're not going to take the car home. Please don't say we're not goiing to take the car home. Please don't say we're not going to take the car home.
Ferris: If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? Neither would I.

The Princess Bride

Inigo Montoya: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Buttercup: Farm boy... fetch me that pitcher.
[It's right over her head, so he has to stand next to her.]
Westley: As you wish.
[Cut to them kissing.]
The Grandson: [interrupting] Hold it, hold it! What is this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the sports? [suspiciously] Is this a kissing book?

[Vizzini has just cut the rope the Dread Pirate Roberts is climbing up.]
Vizzini: He didn't fall? Inconceivable!
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Vizzini: I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains.
Westley: You're that smart?
Vizzini: Let me put it this way. Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?
Westley: Yes.
Vizzini: Morons.

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong - that's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha-ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia", but only slightly less famous is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian, when *death* is on the line!". Hahahahahah!
[Vizzini falls over dead]

Miracle Max: Get back, witch!
Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!

Inigo Montoya: Let me 'splain. [pause] No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

Real Genius

Chris Knight: Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it.

Dr. Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were wll on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened?
Chris Knight: I got a haircut?

Chris Knight: Gee, Kent, and we were going to make you King of the Winter Carnival!
Kent: Really?

Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab.
Chris Knight: Fine. I'll gain weight.

Chris Knight: This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.

Mitch Taylor: The weirdest thing just happened to me.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch Taylor: No...
Chris Knight: Why am I the only one who has that dream?

Chris Knight: If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want... Well, that's where you're right. But - and I am only saying this because I care - there's a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.

Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"

Say Anything

Lloyd Dobler: I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

Diane Court: Nobody thinks it will work, do they?
Lloyd Dobler: No. You just described every great success story.

Corey: Diane Court doesn't go out with guys like you. She's a brain!
D.C.: Trapped in the body of a game-show hostess.

Mike Cameron: I don't know you very well, you know, but I wanted to ask you - how'd you get Diane Court to go out with you?
Lloyd Dobler: I called her up.
Mike Cameron: But how come it worked? I mean, like, what are you?
Lloyd Dobler: I'm Lloyd Dobler.

Lloyd Dobler: I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.

Diane Court: I just can't have any social life right now.
Lloyd Dobler: Don't worry about it. We're just having coffee. We'll be anti-social.
Diane Court: Be friends?
Lloyd Dobler: Yeah. With potential.

Lloyd Dobler: I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you're here at like the Gas 'n' Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?
Joe: By choice, man!

Sixteen Candles

Long Duk Dong: No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food.

[Long Duk Dong is dancing with Lumberjack, his head on her ample chest]
Lumberjack: What's your last name?
Long Duk Dong: Dong.
Lumberjack: What's your first name?
Long Duk Dong: Long.
Lumberjack: What's your middle name?
Long Duk Dong: Duk.

The Geek: Where am I?
Caroline: I'll tell you where you are if you tell me who you are.
The Geek: I'm Farmer Ted.
Caroline: You're in the parking lot across from my church.
The Geek: You own a church?

Samantha: This is Farmer Fred.
The Geek: Ted.
Samantha: Oh, I'm sorry. Farmer Ted.
The Geek: I'm not really a farmer. I'm a freshman.

Jim Baker: That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.

Jim Baker: Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
Samantha: Mike thinks I'm a dork.
Jim Baker: Mike is a dork.

Samantha: I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek!

The Geek: Just answer me one question.
Samantha: Yes, you're a total faggot.
The Geek: Ha ha ha. That's not the question.

The Sure Thing

Cowboy Guy: I was in Paris once with my wife... boy am I glad she's dead.

Alison: You'll never believe what I wanted to be when I was six.
Gib: A classics professor?

Lady in Car: What are you gonna name it?
Alison: What?
Lady in Car: The baby.
Alison: Well, if it's a girl, Cynthia, and if it's a boy, Elliot.
Lady in Car: Those are lovely names.
Gib: Elliot? You're gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can't name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste. You're not gonna name the kid Elliot. You gotta give him a real name. Give him a name! Like Nick.
Alison: Nick?
Gib: Yeah, Nick! Nick's the kinda guy you can trust. Nick's your buddy. Nick's the kinda guy you drink beers with. The kinda guy that doesn't care if you puke in his car. Nick!

Gib: I flunk English, I'm outta here. I gotta get a job, and you know what that means. That's right, they start me at the drive-up window and I gradually work my way up from shakes to burgers, and then one day my lucky break comes: the french fry guy dies and they offer me the job. But the day I'm supposed to start some men come by in a black Lincoln Continental and tell me I can make a quick 300 just for driving a van back from Mexico. When I get out of jail I'm 36 years old. Living in a flop house. No job. No home. No upward mobility. Very few teeth. And then one day they find me, face down in the gutter, clutching a bottle of paint thinner and why? Because you wouldn't help me in English!

Alison: He eats cheese balls and beer for breakfast!
Jason: How do you know what he eats for breakfast!?

Alison: Spontaneity has its time and place.

Gib: You know, I've never met anyone like you before. Usually when I meet someone new I feel awkward and shy. But with you it's different. I can talk to you. You know what I'm thinking without my having to explain to you in fancy terms. We speak each other's unspoken language... fluently. I love you.

This Is Spinal Tap

Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven, and -
Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most amps go up to ten?
Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
Marty DiBergi: I don't know.
Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
Marty DiBergi: Put it up to eleven.
Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
Marty DiBergi: Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?
Nigel Tufnel: [Pause] These go to eleven.

Marty DiBergi: David St. Hubbins... I must admit I've never heard anybody with that name.
David St. Hubbins: It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's not a very well known saint.
Marty DiBergi: Oh, there actually is, uh... there was a Saint Hubbins?
David St. Hubbins: That's right, yes.
Marty DiBergi: What was he the saint of?
David St. Hubbins: He was the patron saint of quality footwear.

[Nigel is playing a soft piece on the piano]
Marty DiBergi: It's very pretty.
Nigel Tufnel: You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like - I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of -
Marty DiBergi: What do you call this?
Nigel Tufnel: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump".

[Nigel, introducing the Stonehenge song]
Nigel Tufnel: In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing...

Lt. Hookstratten: May I start by saying how thrilled we are to have you here. We are such fans of your music and all of your records. I'm not speaking of yours personally, but the whole genre of the rock and roll.

[Asked to write his own epitaph]
David St. Hubbins: Here lies David St. Hubbins... and why not?

David St. Hubbins: I, for one, do not think the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem may have been that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf.

[Derek Smalls sets off a metal detector at the airport]
Airport Security Officer: Do you have any artificial plates or limbs?
Derek Smalls: Er, not really.

Marty DiBergi: [reading a record review] "This tasteless cover is a good indication of the lack of musical invention within. The musical growth of this band cannot even be charted. They are treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry."
Nigel Tufnel: That's just nitpicking, isn't it?

When Harry Met Sally

Sally Albright: It's amazing. You look like a normal person, but actually you are the angel of death.

Sally Albright: Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants.
Harry Burns: Ehhhh! I'm sorry. I need the judges ruling on this. "Days of the week underpants"?
Sally Albright: Yes. They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, "You never wear Sunday." It was all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me.
Harry Burns: What?
Sally Albright: They don't make Sunday.
Harry Burns: Why not?
Sally Albright: Because of God.

[Playing "Pictionary"]
Jess: "Baby talk"? That's not a saying!
Harry Burns: Oh, but "baby fish mouth" is sweeping the nation?

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not!
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Harry Burns: And was it worth it? The sacrifice for a friend you don't even keep in touch with?
Sally Albright: Harry, you might not believe this, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice.

Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally Albright: Which one am I?
Harry Burns: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.

Marie: All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.