dedication to Cherokee born 08-?-03?

Aamanda's misfits is dedicated to my little Cherokee, a black berkshire female with little white paws.  She is not my first rat, nor will she be my last. She was just another "feeder" rat in a bin with all the rest.

I'm not really sure what drew me to her. She was a bit scruffy looking and was in the back of the cage sleeping. Nothing spectacular about her. No pretty markings, she didn't come up to the glass like some of the others,  but something hit me inside. She made me think of myself. The pet store owner got her out for me and put her in a box and home we went.  The first time she bit me was when I was putting her in her cage. I let it go, maybe she was just scared. Maybe she just needed to adjust to her new home.

Wrong!!! She got worse. When I would reach in to feed her she would lunge at my hand and attack. Not just one bite, but several at a time. She began chewing on the bars of her cage, sometimes all night long. She would break her teeth off and still keep chewing.  When i would pass the cage she would jump up on the bars and try to get through them to me. She was so angry!! It is amazing to see such pure hatred and rage in such a small animal. I didnt know what to do. It broke my heart to see her. I called the local shelter and was told she would be put to sleep there.  i just didn't think that was fair. Wasn't there someone out there that could help her? Anywhere?? I never reacted in anger, or hurt her for her bites. Sometimes after an attack i would just look at her. I could almost hear her saying, I'm sorry, her eyes would show shame along with her fear. I wrote the poem "i didnt mean to do it" for her. Because that is what I saw in her eyes. My poor little girl.

I had her for almost 6 months with almost no change (she would let me put in her food, but would eye my hand the whole time. as if she were waiting for it to strike her). I thought I had no other options and she was dangerous. She hated life... hated everything. I thought maybe she would be better off at the bridge. So I took the easy, selfish way out. I took her back to the pet store.  And I cried and cried.  All that night I had dreams of her in a snake's embrace, her eyes still telling me, "sorry, i didnt mean to do it". I was the first person at the pet store the next morning. I went straight to the bin and looked in.  She was still there!!! And not only that, when i said " hello, cherokee" she ran to the glass and put her little paws up on it. The pet store was very nice to give her back to me with no charge. I picked her up out of the bin, (no bites) and put her in her little box and home we went... again.  I don't know why, but she never bit me again. My husband asked if i was sure it was her. I showed him the cut in her ear she came to us with and he knew, too.  She didn't immediately become a loving rat. Don't get me wrong. It took alot of hard work to show her I was not going to hurt her,  but in time she oppened up like a sunflower. Huge and beautiful and loving life.  She has a special place in my heart and will live with me untill it is the RIGHT time for her to go to the bridge. When I think of her, and what I almost let happen, i want to kick myself.  Now she is the squishiest, loviest, sweetest rat I own. The teeth that used to bite now lovingly groom my hands. Her tongue is warm and used for kisses. Those tiny hands that used to hold me so she could get in as many bites as possible, now tug at my sleeve for attention; they help her groom my 3 month old son. Yes, she still jumps at the bars of her cage when I pass  by, but she has a new reason now. She wants to be with me. She rides my shoulder when I'm outside doing yard work, inside doing dishes or vacuuming, whatever.

She is happy. I never thought she would be and I almost didn't give her a chance to try.
Oh lord, forgive us.
Forgive us for trying to play God.
We try to create our own version of the perfect rat,
and in doing so forget about the not-so-perfect.
If in my life, I have unknowingly abused, abandoned
or in any way, hurt one of your creatures,
please Lord, please forgive me.   
I didn't mean to do it.  

amen, aamanda paletta