The idea behind the video, as Brian Douglas Clemons explained it to me, was that he would be tied up in an empty room. Somebody would rape him in the mouth, piss all over him, and then read his composition, "The $20 Poem", in a very sarcastic and hateful manner. It would illustrate the alienation of the artist in society, he said.
Truly a good idea, but who to execute it? Brian asked me to find somebody because nobody in Stratford was willing to do it. I asked around Brookfield. The straight edge crew was grossed out at the thought of any of them having to expose their cobs in front of another man. I wouldn't rape anybody in the mouth as a matter of principle. Eg The Poet was intrigued with the idea of pissing all over a willing victim, but proved to have a camera-shy bladder.
Then it occurred to me that the solution was not in Connecticut, but in New Hampshire. There was a guy I'd just started dealing with up there named GG Allin and he was reputed to be pretty wild. At least his music indicated he was - primitive homemade cassettes with songs like "Needle Up My Cock", "Convulsions", "Fucking The Dog", etc. Talking to him on the phone he seemed normal enough, but maybe he'd be the one to abuse Mr. Clemons in front of a camera. I called him and put the proposal to him.
"Yah, sure! I'd love to do it! I'll piss all over him, beat the fuck out of him, stick my cock in his mouth...I don't know about shit, though. If he wants me to shit all over him I might have to push it out. I normally use laxatives but they take too long to work..."
I assured him it probably would be OK and phoned Brian with the good news. Brian was a bit skeptical. He wanted to know if this GG guy was cool. I wasn't too sure myself, so I gave BDC a copy of GG's "You'll Never Tame Me" cassette and told him to check it out. Brian called me later that day. He had heard the song "I Wanna Piss On You" and was excited and ready to roll.
March 2, 1987 was the day of the big shoot. Brian rented a very expensive video camera from a store in Stratford, borrowed his father's car under false pretenses, picked me up in Brookfield, and made the drive to New Hampshire. Why take me along? Somebody had to operate the camera...
The drive to New Hampshire was a 3 ½ hour fantasy replay of every sleazy Driver's Ed movie I'd ever seen - starring me. BDC could not drive 55. Or 65. Or 75. It was a steady 85 up icy I-84 to 90 to 495 to 93 with only occasional piss stops made roadside - facing traffic. What did the truck drivers think? I thought that "Signal 30" was only 25 minutes long and this trip was much longer.
Our destination was the Star Market Shopping Center in Hooksett, NH, GG's current place of residence. Hooksett is a typical "Coal Miner's Daughter" trip of what "the big city" would look like. Low rent and dingy. Grey sky, grey buildings, grey people...Supermarket, ice cream store, "Funny Bone Joke Store"...nothing out of the ordinary for the leering, goon-like inhabitants of Hooksett except the huge GG ALLIN spray painted on the directory of the Star Market Shopping Center.
As grim as Hooksett, NH was, NOTHING was as grim as our first sight of Mr. GG Allin lurching down the breezeway of the Star Market Shopping Center. Matted blackened hair, blackened eyes, black painted nails, crude homemade tattoos, filthy jeans, broken teeth, dirty cowboy boots, lugging a bottle of liquor and smelly all over, not giving a FUCK about who saw him or what they thought about him. Brian and I looked at each other, but it was too late to run away. We had reached our destination.
Introductions were made and we left to find a place where GG could tear Brian to little pieces with impunity. BDC's idea was for an empty room, but in GG's words, "Everybody knows me in this town. Everybody hates my fucking guts." This meant that nobody in Hooksett would be willing to let him piss all over somebody in their home. Damn. We drove around for a while brainstorming. I sat in the back seat while GG and BDC shared a bottle of "½ x ½" (Jim Beam mixed with Yoo-Hoo. "One in the morning and one in the afternoon. Keeps me in shape," says GG). We eventually headed out of town and decided to park and find some woods where we could film unmolested. We parked, clambered fifty feet up a hill, slogged through the foot deep snow, and found a little clearing where we could set up. The temperature: 29 degrees F.
Now, there's no need to go into the details of the actual video shoot as the results speak for themselves. Let's just say that I performed my role as camera operator and towel boy and they performed their roles as self-destructive nut cases very well. So well that they insisted on finding a place where we could view the results and maybe do a retake. As GG put it, "We gotta do it again - we can do a lot better than that - get some more blood out, get some shit out...we can do it real good!" Brian seemed a little skeptical at that idea, but he was a trooper so on we went.
After driving around for a half hour or so, again brainstorming while GG and Brian polished off a fresh bottle of Jim Beam, GG remembered something.
"A chick...she's pretty cool. She lets me fuck her and I raped her a couple of times but her roommate's a real cunt. I cut her underwear off with a pair of scissors and tried to rape her but she wouldn't let me. She's a fuckin' little cunt. I gave her $5.00 to fuck her but all I could get was her underwear so I sucked on it...she don't like me too much. She hates my fuckin' guts but she's got a TV. Her roommate's a really hot chick and she's real cool..."
We headed over to the chick's apartment with video genius on our minds but found the place empty. No problem, GG just broke in and we settled down to watch our meisterwerk. A meisterwerk it was, too, but still GG wasn't satisfied. More blood! More piss! A little shit! Hey, why not? We proceeded to the hot chick's bedroom where the second scene of the night was filmed and then to the living room where the third scene was shot.
It was immediately after the third scene was finished that the little cunt and two of her friends came home.
"GG! What are you doing here?! Get out! GET OUT!" were her first words upon entering.
"Fuck you! We're just watchin' TV!" (or a sentiment to that effect) was GG's reply. Brian drunkenly and violently concurred and I was afraid that a major altercation was about to take place but somehow it was decided that we would go to the hot chick's place of employment and ask permission to use her apartment for more nefarious deeds. The little cunt didn't care, so long as we left-NOW-and didn't come back.
Lots of dissatisfied muttering from Brian and GG as we went back to Brian's father's car and headed to the Howard Johnson's where the hot chick worked. At some point in the journey we decided to get some pizza so Brian turned the wrong way down a one way street and immediately ran head-on into some woman's car. Not a major crack up, but enough to set GG off.
"Shit! I can't get busted tonight! The cops still want me from when I put my girlfriend in the hospital a couple days ago! They hate my fucking guts everybody in this town knows me..." etc etc.
So, Brian made a quick U-turn and attempted to flee the scene of the accident but he was too drunk to make an effective getaway. Besides, there were half a dozen witnesses to the accident, all of whom were following us close behind. Escape was impossible, so Brian pulled over and waited for the victim to pull up to his car and walk over.
She was a middle aged lady who very nicely informed us that we couldn't get away and that things would be much easier if we followed her to the police station and filled out a report. There were plenty of witnesses and wouldn't it be simpler if we just got it over with? BDC politely agreed while GG did a slow burn in the front seat and we were off to visit the cops.
Needless to say, both GG and BDC were freaking at this point. Both were drunk as dead skunks, GG was wanted on at least one warrant, Brian was driving a stolen car, and we were clearly at fault in the accident. There was only one thing to do, and that was to pull into the police station's parking lot, wait for the old lady to park and then tear out of there! Which we did. Next on the agenda: pizza.
I don't know how we made it to the pizza parlor, but we did. The three of us went inside and sat in a booth. GG and BDC ordered some beers while I had ice tea with no lemon. Brian thought it would be cool to video tape our pizza party but the woman behind the counter wouldn't let him set up the video camera which of course led to a shouting match. The manager and then the police were summoned, ending our culinary adventure in Hooksett.
Again we had to split before the heat arrived. Going back to the car GG ate his slice, threw the little cunt's TV remote control into a snowbank, unzipped his pants and urinated as he walked.
"I didn't know I could walk and piss so good at the same time!" he thoughtfully exclaimed.
It was the best one-liner of the whole night.
Having been feed, it was time to get back to business. We had to find the hot chick and ask if we could use her apartment for more videotaped debauchery. On the way there, BDC saw he was low on gas and liquor so we stopped at a gas station to take care of both. I pumped while Brian emerged triumphant from the convenience store with a fresh bottle of Beam. "All right!" said GG.
After trying to pick a fight with a touristy looking fellow at the next pump we were on our way again. By this time I could see that all of BDC's apprehension was gone and that he and GG were becoming fast buddies. As I tried to suppress the queasiness growing in my gut we pulled into the HoJo parking lot. I waited in the car while Brian and GG went inside to find the hot chick.
Five minutes later, Brian and GG run out of HoJo's with the manager in furious pursuit and the hot chick begging him to calm down and pleading with GG to go away.
"You faggots wanna fight? Let's do it right now!" yells the manager as he rolls up his sleeves.
"Yeah, I'm a faggot all right and I'd love to fight," sneers Brian as he careens toward the manager, flailing his Frankenstein-like frame all over the place.
Right then a truck driver and some guy flashing a badge came out and told us to get the hell out or get busted. We got.
"What happened?" I asked, afraid to know.
"Aah, I pinched some fat old lady's ass and the manager didn't like it," BDC replied disgustedly. "But we got GG's friend to say we could use the apartment," he happily added.
My heart sank as we drove back to the apartment for more fun. Who could guess what would happen next?
The place was dark and empty so GG was fixing to break the lock again when the little cunt and her friends returned.
"GG! I thought I TOLD you to LEAVE!" she screamed. "Go AWAY! Get OUT!"
"I have permission to be here!" was GG's indignant reply. "I asked if we could use the apartment and she said we could."
The little cunt didn't care about permission. "I don't CARE WHAT she said. GET OUT!" - and then to her friend: "Call the police."
Those were the magic words. GG slugged her upside the head and one of the kids she was with pulled a knife. Brian advanced on the kid and the kid ran. Meanwhile, her other friend was at the corner phone calling the cops so we split.
We drove around for a while trying to figure out what to do next. GG thought it would be best to return to the apartment and rape the little cunt. I thought it would be a good idea to go back to Connecticut but they just laughed at me. We drove back to the apartment to find it again deserted, so we waited across the street in the car for her to return. This time there would be no escape.
I sat in the back seat while Brian and GG sat in the front killing the bottle of Jim Beam, getting to know each other better and plotting their revenge on that treacherous little bitch. After half an hour BDC got tired of waiting and decided he wanted to go back to Connecticut. GG said he was getting bored too so we drove GG to his apartment where he was going to get more liquor and continue with his night. Brian passed out and I drove to Stratford in a snowstorm, my first experience driving in anything other than 80 degree weather. I didn't damage the car too badly when I slid into the curb so we made it back more or less in one piece.
The next day Brian's mother wanted to know how his face got so messed up so he told her he got into a fight with some Marines. His father wanted to know why there were so many miles on the car and why the car was so messed up so he told him he had to unexpectedly drive to New Hampshire where he got into a fight with some Marines. A couple of days later GG called and said the cops had a warrant out for Brian's father's arrest and would I tell him not to drive to New Hampshire anytime soon?
I gave Brian the message but I don't think Brian gave his father the message.
Malcom Tent
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