The gang from Ohtori looked mildly perplexed, and Mamoru groaned. "I thought we had finally gotten rid of you!"

Juri regarded the more petite of the couple thoughtfully. "I dunno, that one's pretty cute..."

"I don't swing that way, honey!" Zoisite snapped.

"Oh... it's a guy." Juri promptly lost interest.

"Who're they?" Miki asked her.

Juri whipped out her manga and began flipping through it. "I think it's Zoisite and Kunzite..."

"I dunno... Just the fact that she's here," Touga said, motioning to Nanami, "Means we're out of the first season, right?"

"Yeah, you two are supposed to be dead!" Mamoru accused. Utena shook her head.

"Doesn't our mere presence in this universe tell you something? We're in fanfic country now, and the author can do anything they want. Resurrecting the dead is among the most common breaks in continuity."

There was a audible crash as the fourth wall broke and a pitiful voice whined from the heavens,

"They're not really dead! Go read Dark Epoch if you haven't already!"

Mikage rolled his eyes. "Yet another item to add to our list of 'Why The Author Is Delusional.'"

"Yeah, right along with her 'Saionji only slaps Anthy because she gives out Hurt-Me vibes' theory," Utena sniggered.

"What was that?!" the voice snapped.

"Nothing..."

"Actually," Miki pointed out, "I think that the sound we heard before would have been the third wall, as opposed to the fourth wall."

"Whatever!" the voice shrieked, slamming the third wall or fourth wall, whichever the case may be, behind her.

And all returned to it's previous state of confusion.

"Sailor Moon, surrender the ginzuishou now and we'll give your friends a painless death!" Kunzite said, trying to get the story back on track. Zoisite tugged on his sleeve.

"Uh, Kunzaito-sama, I don't think that's Sailor Moon..."

He took a closer look. "You're right. Who the hell are you kids and why are you dressed up like the Sailor Senshi?"

"Good question," Mamoru grumbled.

Juri nudged our pink-haired heroine with her elbow. "Now. Like we rehearsed."

Utena struck a pose.

"For love and revolution, a pretty duelist in a sailor suit! Sailor Utena!" She changed position. "On behalf of the Rose Bride, I'll punish you!"

"That was inspired," Saionji commented.

"You shut up," Utena snapped.

"Rose Bride...?" Kunzite and Zoisite shared a look, then shrugged. "Well, we don't care who you are, as long as you have the ginzuishou."

"Ginzuiwhat?" Utena asked, turning her attention back to the pair. She looked at the Moon Stick in her hand, which she had found under Usagi's bed. "Oh, you mean this? Sure, you can have it! I don't even know what it is..." She held it out to them. Zoisite giggled evilly and was about to float down and grab it when Mamoru snatched out out of Utena's hand.

"You really are crazy!"

Utena blinked at him. "What?"

Mamoru was getting just about as angry as Mamoru gets, which isn't very. "You can't just give this to them! It's the source of all of Sailor Moon's power! Plus, they're... evil!"

"So?" Utena shrugged. "I happen to like evil people." Anthy tapped her shoulder.

"Utena-sama, you don't figure out that my brother is evil until the end, remember?"

"Oh... yeah... well, anyway!"

Juri came forward. "All right, let's stop this pointless out-of-characterness and get back to the main plot."

"What plot?" Mikage asked.

"Just do it!"

* * *

Because what little seriousness existed in the Utena group's storyline was rapidly unravelling, the author decided to move back to the Sailor Senshi and their escapades with Akio.

The Rijichou had since decided that this turn of events might be slightly irritating, but it definately could be turned to his advantage. Or at least pleasure. He smiled silkily.

"You..." he motioned to Usagi, "You are supposed to be Utena, ne?"

Usagi nodded.

"So... which one of you is playing my sister?"

"You have a sister?" Ami ventured.

"The Rose Bride is my sister."

"Oh... I guess that would be Luna, then."

Akio smiled. Luna, that was sounded pretty... can't go wrong with celestial names, anyway. He scanned the group. "Which of you is Luna?"

The black cat on Usagi's head sat up. "I'm Luna."

Akio couldn't decide whether to be startled or burst out laughing. So he settled on raising an eyebrow. "A talking cat. Interesting."

"Um, Mr. Chairman..." Usagi started.

"Please, call me Akio."

"Akio." Usagi smiled nervously. "It's not against rules to be up here, is it? We're really sorry if we broke any regulations..."

"Regular students are not allowed here. But for you, I suppose I can make an exception." Akio strode closer, putting a dark hand on Usagi's shoulder. "Would you let me show you around the school a bit? What did you say your name was?"

"U... Usagi..."

"Usagi-san. Our academy has a planetarium that I think you'd be very interested in. Why don't I show it to you?" He led her off towards the gondola, putting up a hand to stop the others from following. "A date is for two people, after all." That one always gets them. The others stopped in their tracks, something telling them that they most certainly did not want to mess with this guy. Akio smirked, waving to them. "Oyasumi nasai."

"That's an Akio," Minako commented after a few moments.

Usagi, being Usagi, did not have Mamoru far from her mind. However, even though her overwhelming goodness seemed to combat Akio's *ahem* wiles, it could not completely vanquish the Dean's overpowering sexual aura, so instead of protesting, she allowed herself to be brought down the elevator and across the campus to Akio's tower.

Moments later, she found herself perched on the telescope's seat, in very close proximity with the Dean. "This is the perfect time of night to view the stars," he was saying, as Usagi struggled to pay attention to his words and not the rest of him. He turned his gaze to meet hers. "Sailor Moon," he said, musingly. "It is nearly possible to see the remnants of your former kingdom from here, because my telescope is so powerful." Before she had time to wonder just how he knew about her previous life, he put slim fingers to her cheek and kissed her lightly on the lips. Usagi blushed, and Akio smiled, amused.

"Anou... I... have a boyfriend..."

His expression changing to one of very vague shock, Akio regarded her in silence for a moment.

"So?"

At that moment they heard the slamming of the door and an enraged cry. Akio visibly cringed.

"Akio-san!! I knew you were being untrue to me!"

"Who's that?" Usagi whispered, staring at the pale green haired, bescarfed woman at the door.

Akio swore. "My fiancée," he answered, much less than pleased.

"You have a finacée?!" Usagi fairly screamed. Akio sighed.

"I will be right back," he said, sliding off the telescope and going over to Kanae, who promptly burst into tears and fled the room. Usagi could hear them as the Rijichou followed her into the kitchen.

"Kanae, dearest..."

"Don't you 'Kanae dearest' me, you... you pedophile!!"

Usagi took the presented opportunity and slipped down from the seat, landing in a heap and sneaking back into the elevator.

Meanwhile, back at the Seitokai's balcony, Minako stood with the other Senshi gathered around her, reading from the cast list and explaining how each person should act on account of their roles.

"Ami-chan, you like to play the piano."

"That shouldn't be too hard," Ami said. "I've always wanted to learn."

"You also have a cute, boyish crush on Luna."

Ami sweatdropped as Minako turned to Rei and Makoto. "Rei-chan, you pursue everyone on campus, male or female, but you are actually in love with Usagi."

"I dunno if this is such a good idea," Rei grumbled. Minako waggled the paper under her nose.

"If we're going to win this bet, we have to do it right! So suck it up and act horny." She went back to reading the paper as Rei stifled the urge to smack her. "Rei-chan, you and Makoto are best friends, but you screw her over at every turn. Mako-chan, you just generally act like you hate everyone. Except for Luna, who you think you're in love with."

"That green guy is really screwed up," Makoto observed.

"Mako-chan, everyone at this school is really screwed up," Minako said and turned to Chibi-Usa. "You constantly cling to Rei, and Naru, you leap onto Usagi's back all the time and almost make her fall out of windows," she said, as if to illustrate the point.

"Why does everyone else get to be in love with Luna, and I have to want to kill her?!" Artemis said grumpily from Minako's shoulder, spitting out the black rose he had been carrying around. His pupil shrugged.

"What about you, Minako-chan?" Makoto asked. "Juri must be just as screwed up as the people we have to play."

Minako looked smug and regarded the list. "I dunno, Juri's pretty perfect..." Suddenly her eyes went giant and she turned red. "Who the hell's Shiori?!" She crumpled the list into a ball and threw it over the side of the balcony. "So much for that. I say we just wing it."

The others were about to agree when Usagi entered from the elevator, panting like she had ran all the way from Akio's tower, which she had. "Minna, we have to get out of here!" She ran over to them.

"What's happened?"

"As well as having really bad vibes," Usagi went on, "That chairman guy tried to put the moves on me! And I told him about Mamo-chan, but he didn't care! And then his fiancée walks in!"

"What a sleaze!" Rei said, taking Usagi by the wrist. "Let's go! We don't want to get involved with anyone like that."

The group made sure everyone was present and made off towards the bus.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Tokyo...

"What force of darkness sent you here, anyway?" Mamoru was asking, having decided to ignore the two Shitennou for a moment.

Utena blinked. "Um... Akio?"

Kunzite and Zoisite, who refused to be ignored (especially the latter) called attention back to themselves by sending a barrage of razor-sharp sakura petals in the direction of the teenagers. The great majority struck Anthy (of course), and she went down onto her knees with a little yelp of pain.

Utena knelt next to her. "Himemiya! Are you all right?"

"That was mean!" Wakaba yelled at the two kings as Utena stood and came forward. She held up the Moon Stick.

"You'd better leave us alone, unless you want me to ginzuishou you into oblivion!"

Zoisite was about to say something to the effect of "bring it on" when Kunzite took his arm. "You kids stay here," he said to Utena, "And we'll be right back." He and his companion promptly disappeared in a swirl of energy.

Utena turned back to the group, most of whom were watching Saionji wipe the blood off Anthy's face with his apron. "What did they leave for, anyway?" she asked Mamoru.

"Reinforcements, I guess," he replied.

"But... I thought the Dark Kingdom was destroyed."

Mamoru shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

* * *

In fact, the Dark Kingdom had not been destroyed. Metallia and Queen Beryl had been, of course, but now there was just a big giant empty dimension that Kunzite and Zoisite were presently wandering around in.

"What are we doing here, Kunzaito-sama?" Zoisite asked, a little ticked off that he hadn't gotten to fight.

Kunzite approached a small door behind Beryl's former throne and used his powers to open it. Inside was what amounted to a Dark Kingdom-style broom closet.

"If we're going to fight those kids with the Silver Crystal, we're going to need more power than just the two of us have," he explained.

"But... everyone else is dead..."

Kunzite shook his head. "Not quite dead." He ushered Zoisite into the closet and pulled on the string that turned on a rather primitive (for the Dark Kingdom) light bulb. Zoisite shrieked and practically lept onto his partner.

"It's okay, it's only Jadeite," Kunzite said, tapping on the crystal that surrounded the frozen Shitennou.

Zoisite still hadn't let go. "You mean... after she put Jadeite into Eternal Sleep, she kept him in the broom closet?!"

Kunzite nodded, and pointed up onto one of the shelves were a glass gallon jar sat. Upon further inspection, they saw that the jar contained a mass of sparkly floating spheres, moving sluggishly around inside.

"Let me guess," Zoisite growled. "Neffy in a jar."

Kunzite smiled. "You're so clever."

"But... how?" Zoisite asked, flicking the jar with his finger and agitating the sparkles.

"Beryl apparently collected what was left of Nephrite after he died. You remember him turning into those things," he pointed at the jar, "When he died."

Zoisite folded his arms. "I don't mind bringing Jadeite back from the dead... or whatever... but I'm refuse to work with that arrogent jerk! I hate him, Kunzaito-sama!"

"I know, I know... but we need him if we're going to get the ginzuishou."

"Why do we have to get the stupid ginzuishou anyway?" Zoisite pouted.

Kunzite blinked at him for a second, realized he had no idea, and ignored the question. "Here, help me drag Jadeite out into the court..."

A few minutes later they had the crystallized Jadeite and the Nephrite jar out in the middle of Queen Beryl's throne room, and were trying to defrost the former. Zoisite unscrewed the jar which contained Neffy's remains, and they floated up out and materialized as the auburn-haired king, who looked rather confused. He saw Zoisite.

"What're you doing here?"

Zoisite stood. "I just brought you back to life, you big doof! Ingrate!"

Over by Jadeite, Kunzite rolled his eyes and finished melting the crystal. Jadeite blinked.

"Hi," Kunzite said distractedly, trying to get melted-crystal goo off his cape.

"Um... hi."

* * *

Utena had decided, in the spirit of the wager, not to run off while Kunzite and Zoisite were otherwise occupied. The group sat on the ground and on various benches, looking remarkably bored.

"When are they going to get back?" Utena said, tapping the Moon Stick on the ground absently.

As if on cue, the wind began to swirl again and this time four shapes materialized at the top of the wall, Jadeite and Kunzite at one end and Zoisite and Nephrite at the other.

"Hand over the Silver Crystal!" Kunzite demanded, the wind blowing his cape menacingly. Utena and her cast exchanged a glance.

"No," the Pink One said.

"Why do we need the ginzuishou, anyway?" Jadeite asked his companion. "Metallia is dead."

"Because Kunzaito-sama said so!" Zoisite called over snippily.

"Nobody asked you, Shrimpy!" Nephrite told him.

"Who are you calling 'Shrimpy', you pedophilic lush!"

"I'm not a lush, fem-boy!"

"But you admit to being a pedophile?"

"Zoisite, if you don't shut up you're going to get your pretty little ass kicked!"

"Ooh, I'm trembling with fright!"

On the other end of the wall, the other two Shitennou looked entirely used to this sort of thing.

"We're back from the dead for all of five minutes and they're already at it," Jadeite sighed.

Utena and company shared another glance. "What do you think?" she asked. "Wanna just leave? This is no fun." The others agreed, and set off for the other side of the park.

After a few minutes of listening to Zoisite and Nephrite squabble, Jadeite spoke up. "Um... they left."

The two immediately ceased and stared at the place where the teenagers had previously been.

Kunzite shrugged. "Oh well. Want to go get some ice cream?"

* * *

The cast of Utena waved to Mamoru as he went back to study at Crown, and suddenly wondered what they were going to do for the rest of the night.

"I guess we could go back to Usagi's house," Juri said. Just as they were about to leave, the bus from Ohtori rolled up and the Sailor Senshi crowded out onto the pavement.

"Hey, you're back!" Wakaba said. "Did you have fun?"

"I guess you could call it that," Rei grumbled.

"No, we didn't!" Usagi cried. "I had to fight my own friends and some scary man tried to make out with me!"

Touga and Saionji burst out laughing.

"So, who won the bet?" Miki asked.

"I don't care, everything was so screwed up! I never want to go back there!" Usagi continued.

"We should declare it a tie," Minako said. Juri nodded in agreement.

"What do you mean, 'a tie'?!" Makoto and Saionji said simultaniously. Touga pushed his friend onto the bus.

"Just pretend you won."



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