You Drive me Crazy

 

            The knuckles of William Tavington’s hands were white as he clutched the steering wheel of his Jeep and tried not to show how much he wanted to hurt the woman sitting next to him in the passenger seat.  Of all the vampires that have been made over all the centuries in all the world, I had to end up with the one who is forever seventeen, he thought, and allowed himself to glare at the woman who was both his sire and his beloved companion.

            A casual observer would have thought that Tabitha was completely oblivious to the affect she was having on him, but Will just knew that she was enjoying every moment of it.  When he had first met Tabby, she had been the very picture of grace and sophistication, and she had been able to keep up the impression for all of two days.  He could still remember the shock he had felt when she had suggested pulling pranks on, not only the British army, but General Cornwallis himself!  Something deep in Will’s very proper English self still recoiled at the idea.  What she was doing at the moment wasn’t quite that bad, but it certainly came close. 

            “You drive me craaaazy, I just can’t sleep...” Tabby sang, dancing in her seat and singing along with the radio. Her long black hair flew around her shoulders as she moved with the music, and it would have been a beautiful sight if it hadn’t been for that blasted annoying song!  He took a deep breath and looked out the window at the deepening darkness that covered the New England countryside.  They were only two hours from the flat they kept in Boston, but to Tavington it seemed more like they were centuries away from the end of their trip.

            “Tabby...” Will said, trying to get her attention.  She didn’t hear him. 

            “I’m so excited, I’m in too deep...”

            “TABITHA!” Her blue eyes flew open, and she stopped in mid-word. 

            “What?” she asked innocently.  Will just shook his head, then reached over and changed the radio station. 

            “Stupid, over-paid, adolescent girls singing about their hormones are simply NOT acceptable. Not in my car, anyway.”

            “You don’t have to be such a grouch about it,” Tabby said, pouting slightly.  She listened to the new station for a second, then brightened.  “Ooh!  I like this song!  ...but it ain’t no lie, baby bye bye bye, BYE BYE!” Will rolled his eyes.  This same woman was the one of the most brilliant individuals he had ever met.  She loved literature and drama, the arts, and politics, and he would have been happy to discuss any of them with her.  But no, she had to be singing along to that stupidly repetitive song by a bunch of boys who had probably gotten famous because of their faces rather than any actual talent they possessed.  And besides, it irked him to see her acting like an ignorant child. 

            “Change it,” he ordered without looking at her.  Tabby effected a hurt look, and grinned mischievously.  She had suspected that she was getting to him before, but now she knew for sure.   She turned the knob to the station she desired, and picked up the song without missing a beat. 

            “Cause Earl had to die! Goodbyyye....” Tabitha sang in a horribly overdone Southern accent.  Will actually cringed.  Tabby had a lovely singing voice, he’d heard it himself many times over the years.  This, however, was not it.  He flashed her a look of pure murder that would have scared her if she hadn’t known that he loved her too much to hurt her. 

            “I don’t know see how you can have so little appreciation of contemporary music,” Tabby teased him.  “It’s quite fascinating, not to mention fun.  Quit being such a stick in the mud, Will!”

            “Hmph,” he said, not even wanting to dignify her comments with a remark, then changed the station again. 

            “Oh good! Smashmouth!  ...get your game on, go play.  Hey now, you’re a rock star, get the show on, get paid...” I have survived two World Wars and countless other dangerous situations.  This is NOT that bad, Will tried to tell himself.  However, Tabby had the irritating advantage of knowing exactly how to get under his skin. 

            “Useless noise,” he muttered.  “Change it!”

            “I swear, Will!  Keep your pants on! I’m changing it already...” The Colonel wondered how close they were by now.  He looked at his watch and sighed.  One hour and fifty minutes.  Nearly two more hours of putting up with Tabby’s fascination with human pop culture.  He only hoped that they would both get through it without any serious damage. 

            “Titanic!  This was the most wonderful movie!” Tabby said excitedly as the next station on the dial began to come in.

            “It was horrible.  The acting was awful, and everyone knew what was going to happen.  The ship sank, Tabitha,” Will reminded her.  “And you knew it would the whole time.  You were alive when it happened, for heaven’s sake!”

            “That’s not the point!  You are no fun, you know that?” she shot back, and stuck her tongue out at him.  It was yet another of the juvenile habits she had picked up over the years. Will wanted to tell her not to stick that thing out at him unless she intended to use it, but knowing Tabby she would probably take him up on the offer.  He was fairly sure he could kiss her and drive at the same time, but he didn’t want to find out that he couldn’t by way of the Jeep crashing and both of them going up in a fiery explosion. 

            “My heart will go oooon and on...” Tabby sang, melodramatically placing both hands over her heart and looking soulfully into his eyes.  If it had been any more sickening and syrupy Tavington would have been ill.  This is the last straw!  He pressed a button, and the Jeep’s cd player whirred to life.

            “Stupid movie,” he muttered, and relaxed in his seat as the opening chords of the overture to Mozart’s Don Giovanni filled the air.  Tabitha looked at him sharply and moved as if to turn the radio back on.  Will saw the movement out of the corner of his eye.  In an instant, he had vamped out and grabbed her wrist with his right hand. 

            “Don’t touch it,” he growled.  Tabby’s eyes flashed and she vamped out as well.  For a very tense few seconds, they glared at one another, two very dangerous beings locked in a contest of wills, neither of them wanting to look away first.  Finally, Tabitha laughed.

            “I suppose Don Giovanni’s all right,” she said.  “Intrigue, betrayal, murder, evil spirits... what more could one ask for?” her voice trailed off and she started humming along with the music. 

            “Yes, very exciting,” he said calmly.  Tabby grinned, baring her sharp pointed teeth. 

            “Kind of like us, wouldn’t you say?” she asked, brushing her lips against his cheek.   

            “Exactly.”  He smiled back at her and indulged in a quick kiss.  “Never a dull moment.”