Shadowrun Humor

"Even in the darkest times, there can be humor, usually it is at a player's sufferance."

>>>>>[ As much as I would like to, I can not take credit for the following Top Ten list as it was sent to me by Jon, of the Brain In A Jar Home Page. He is the sick and twisted individual that came up with it. Funny thing is, between the two of us, we have done everything on the list at one time or another, much to the dismay of our players.]<<<<<

Top Ten Signs that your Shadowrun GM is getting ready to screw you over:

10. Two words - Player Handouts.

9. It's raining outside and the GM is soaked to the skin.

8. It's not raining in Seattle.

7. Mr. Johnson (or a regular fixer) gets killed.

6. Multiple dice being rolled at any given time behind the GM Screen.

5. GM laughs maniacally out loud at a seemingly random time.

4. The name of the run has the word "Death" in it.

3. The GM spent hours preparing or the run by watching movies such as "Aliens," "Terminator," "Species," "The Relic," or "Mallrats."

2. The GM hands you a disk and tells you that all the information you need is on it.

1. Hey, wait a minute! The GM is ALWAYS trying to screw you over!!

>>>>>[ Ever have one of those players whose best intentions always frag up, no matter how hard they try? Jim is one of those characters. I compiled a list of what we may see happening to him in the next batch of runs.]<<<<<

Top Ten Things that will most likely happen to Jim:

10. Jim starts dating a girl, only to find out she is a red headed elf with an affinity for cyberarm shotguns.

9. Jim must dress as a woman to escape from some thugs.

8. Jim will be packed in styrofoam peanuts and mailed to the corporate facility the runners have to infiltrate.

7. Jim's credstick is stolen and his apartment burns to the ground. Jym has to stay with the ork until he can get more cred to live on his own.

6. Will attempting to hide from the yakuza, Jim will disguise himself as art and accidently be sold to a little oriental man from Soho.

5. After offending Mr. Johnson, who just happens to be a powerful mage, Jim will be changed into a frog and given to the cat shamen to keep in a jar.

4. Jim accidently sells his soul to the devil.

3. Through a cruel twist of fate, a decker revokes Jim's driving license, forcing him to retake the driving test. After he successfully parallel parks, a gang of hoods stops and kidnaps him from the car. Needless to say he fails his test because of it.

2. The devil trades Jim's soul for some Al Bundy pogs. Remember Al Bundy? He is back, in pog form.

1. Jim will trade his cool Euro Westwind 2000 for some magic beans.

>>>>>[ My campaign has had some very interesting moments during its five year history. The list below complies some of the best lines that an observer may hear during a gaming session.]<<<<<

Top Ten Things You are Most Likely to Hear in Bandit's Shadowrun Game:

10) "Is this gonna be another bug hunt?"

9) "Nobody has a monetary value for lint."

8) "Jack Stant in the doorway, and didn't know what to do. Bang you head on the door and maybe they will open it for you."

7) "I hate having to make moral decisions, especially when we don't get paid for it."

6) "Do you really need that Vindicator?"

5) Player: "Am I really dead?" GameMaster: "Yes"

4) "I should have listened to Bandit when he made suggestions on how to make my character"

3) "Sucks to be you!!"

2) "Troy's mother called and wants to know where he is at out of habit."

1) "The more I deal with Bandit as my GM, the more I understand terrorism"

Top Ten Signs That You Play Shadowrun A Little Too Much:

10) You start using shadowrun slang in everyday life

9) Your AOL screen name has the word "FASA" in it, and you do not work for the company.

8) You have been considering getting your ears pointed.

7) You insist that your friends call you by your street name 24/7.

6) You refer to your boss as Mr. Johnson, even though her name is different.

5) FASA dreads e-mails from you, because you have nothing better to do than pester them with your shadowrun escapades.

4) You understand exactly how to wetwire some one's brain.

3) You have fantasies involving the characters from shadowrun fiction or having sex with an metahuman.

2) You hang out in the new age section at the book store.

1) In a vain attempt to jump start the awakening, you spend hours each day attempting to get your children's ears to natural point.

Last Updated 11.21.2000