How Do I Live Without You?
August 29th Tuesday
I come with sombre news this evening. Much as I would have liked to have my journals a bright little spark in an ever-darkening world, life is not always like that. I apologise, if any need be given.
One of the first friends I made here in Arizona was Debbie. We both came in the Spring semester, while most students come in the fall. I remember seeing her often in the study lounge of the dorm, using the computer till the wee hours of the morning. I remember, because like her I had not settled into my room with a computer. We sat almost side by side night after night. It wasn't until I took the initiate (plus the courage) to overcome my normally shy nature and be more friendly (after all, this IS USA) that I got to know her better.
We had lots in common. She was older than most of the people in the dorm, as I was. We both weren't into the partying craze commonly associated with college students. In many ways, she was a comrade, battling loneliness and maybe even depression alongside me. Her occasional smile (which was occasional) lit up an otherwise dim social environment for me. We had our little walks at night (to the nearby 7-11 and back). We even watched Miss Saigon together. In some ways she was a motivating factor for my return to Arizona. It was hard to leave home, friends and Faith. These little things count a lot.
Debbie just told me that she's packing her bags and going back to Indiana in two weeks. She finds it hard to adapt and misses home very much. I feel a sense of regret. Maybe I could have done something that could have changed all that. I should have been more of a friend.
Dearest Debbie, I will miss you tremendously. I will not ask you to stay for my sake, for it would be a selfish request. Instead, I wish you Godspeed in everything you do, and everywhere you go. The little times we had together will always be with me when I think about this foreign place called Arizona, that someone foreign too had showed me love here. You were my oasis in this dry desert. Thank you for everything, for standing by me, for encouraging me. While I know this is all part of life, my eyes tear at the thought of your departure. Do forgive me if I had been any lesser a friend than you have been to me. I pray God watch over you always.
God bless.
your friend always.
Lucian.
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