March 14th
I'm sorry if some of you have come to my website to find no journal entry yesterday - there was none to be found. It was the one month anniversary of my homepage, and the FTP client I have been using expired. For the non-techno geeks, it simply means the program I was using for free to upload my journals onto the server expired.
I went out with some international students today, as part of a Rotary Club activity. I had to give a five minute speech and I did just that. We also went to the Titan Missile Museum, and had a tour of the copper mines here in Arizona.
The Titan Missile Museum is an old missile silo that is no longer active, and used to demonstrate what a missile silo was like back in the 1960s. Though excited to get out of my dorm room at first, the missile silo did depress me a little. It's quite amazing how much we go through, how much effort we put in just to kill each other. We all share the same dreams. We ran on the same grass when we were children. Yet somehow we have so much hatred for people different from us. We live in fear, and make plans for retaliation, which is just a better-sounding word for revenge. Sometimes I wish so hard that there were something I could do to change all this, then realising that I have to become a politician in order to be in a position to, it puts me off. It's just another arena of war.
The copper mines was interesting. It was amazing to see how large scale the operations were. They had trucks the size of buildings moving 300 tons of stone at a time. Again I felt that mankind's insatiable greed was killing the earth. Maybe I'm just in a depressed mood today. I hope I haven't depressed any of you.
I downloaded some music of the web, some Christian songs I heard as a young Christian. It has touched me so much, and I realise how much closer I want to be to Christ, yet as I grow older there are more and more obstacles placed in my path. I know that the Christian life is one of overcoming, is one of victory. I trust in His strength, but doubt my own. I yearn to be closer, to be nearer, as like I was when I was a young child. To believe without doubt, to trust without fear. I miss those days. I fear I've become jaded, and that the faith grows old in me. The Christian life is one of Life, and it lives on. It's not an experience we get tired of. I've just been making the wrong decisions, too afraid to take the steps He tells me to. He has done so much for me, and yet I stand at the threshold, and fear. He does not ridicule me, or rebuke me, but takes me in His arms. He understands my fears totally, and I love Him so much for that. I still want to stand, but now I know that on my own I will only fall. Do pray for me, and for all of us who have turned away from the Light, and are blinded by the things around us.
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