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May 2nd Tuesday
I read my own journals through. It has grown depressing, rather than uplifting. I hope I haven't depressed you out there who have been faithfully following my tiny steps. Elaine dropped me a message this morning, telling me to look up. She also told me to go to class, and find beauty there.
It takes special eyes to see above and beyond the destruction we have laid upon ourselves. There is beauty indeed. The care and concern Elaine showed this morning is proof of that.
Seems like Christians are persecuted everywhere. On IRC, Christians are often downtrodden because they cannot verify their beliefs, and "faith" is not a good enough reason for these intellectuals who sit on a chair without a doubt in their hearts in its ability to withstand their weight. I'm currently reading the book of Acts, and it seems then that the Christians were highly charismatic in nature, not at all the docile and tame Christians we're comfortable with.
I do not fully support the radical steps taken by Christians nowadays, yet it is such in the bible. Today a revelation was shown to me. The proportion of inner life and outer manifestations must be there. Christians are often ridiculed because we live lives that contradict our highly visible campaigns and bold statements. "what comes out of the mouth is due to the abundance of the heart" (Matthew 12:34). This verse came to me during church on Sunday, used in an entirely different context, but is so applicable now. We need that abundance in our heart, before we open our mouths to proclaim. The case right now is too often our mouths have taken over the entire Christian life. We are cymbals without love. Let us then build our inner Christian lives in secret, praying behind closed doors, and open our mouths as a result of the abundance of the life we receive, no longer deceiving anyone...most of all ourselves.
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