Eenie Meenie Miney Mo
October 19th Thursday
Last semester, my mother predicted that I'd change my major somewhere along the way. Today, while in my MIS class, I saw something that might make the prediction true. While MIS is difficult, with God's grace I have been able to manage thus far. Though my code is not the most efficient, it is nothing short of a miracle that all my programs have worked so far. The majority of students in the class haven't been able to get their programs to compile or run properly.
Performance is not the main problem. We had our midterms two weeks ago and have not received our grades. It was this situation that I discovered a huge portion of the class were grade-obsessed. They borrow other people's code to read, not to learn, but to compare and compete. The worrying thing is, these are the people I will be studying with and working with in the future. I've found a small clique in the class that I'm comfortable with. There are two other guys who are "non-traditional" students. They're in their late thirties and forties. They hold full-time jobs. One of them told me that he too was rather obsessed with finding his grade at first. Then he realised that the important thing is for him to learn. I think that was a beautiful revelation. The Chinese have a saying "Ren bi ren qi si ren" which means if man competes against man, it is to utter frustration. Why can't we just learn for education's sake? In the Star Trek world there is no longer competition or money, there is the quest for self-enlightenment. I should have been born 2000 years later, though I doubt even then we'd be rid of such destructive desires.
I honestly do not know if MIS is the course for me. It's more mathematic than literary. I have found such joy in literary discourse here at the University. It is wonderful to be in a discussion where there are no concrete rights or wrongs, where everybody's ideas offer fresh new insights. I have found joy in mathematics too, in the sheer logic and accuracy of it all. It requires flawless execution. They are two totally different worlds, and I have each foot in each of them. I can only ask God for direction.
To Kevin, fellow Wildcat who wrote in my guestbook,
Never feel small, for your experiences are your own, and yours alone. They were wonderful in every way. I'm glad that this website has inspired you somewhat to look at the world with different eyes. It is easy to get jaded by life and lose that spark or zeal. Sometimes it's because people hurt us, or maybe the world around us requires us to be "strong" or "tough" that we lose the feeling of our hearts. To live a life of feeling we run the risk of getting hurt. And we often do. We strengthen each other then, knowing that we are not in this fight alone. Thank you for your little entry and your recent friendship. It has been a source of strength for which I am thankful.
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