SEASON FIVE

EPISODE 3: THE DEVIL YOU KNOW

By: X_C

 SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER. THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE WWF TITANPRIZE. IT'S MISSION: TO EXPLORE AND ENTERTAIN NEW SOCIETIES AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS.  TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO WRESTLER HAS GONE BEFORE!

TITANPRIZE CREW:

Captain Vincent K. McMahon
First Officer, Commander Shane McMahon
Chief Engineer, Commander Stephanie McMahon
Chief of Chiefs, Commander Linda McMahon
Chief of Security, Commander Kane
Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Taker
Diagnostics Officer, Lieutenant Commander Jericho
Tactical Officer, Lieutenant Commander Austin
Transporter Chief, Lieutenant Commander Debra McMichael
Communications Officer, Lieutenant Rock
Counselor Al Snow (assisted by H.E.A.D.)

... And many more!
 

WWF TITANPRIZE-CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM

    "Captain's Log, Stardate 061344.00. The PTC has been destroyed once and for all, their cube vaporized by methods unknown. Whatever Dr. Taker's secret to successfully ending the threat was, he can carry it to his grave...if that's even possible...."

    Captain McMahon shivered. He could have sworn the temperature had just dropped five degrees.

    "I must say...I am blown away by my daughter's heroics in saving the Y2J Unit, an android considered a mere computer by those idiots at Wrestlefleet. I guess when the chips are down, little Stephie is a dedicated officer at heart! There's no other way to explain the extraordinary measures she went through to prevent Lt Commander Jericho from falling victim to his own self-destruct sequence.

    Still, I cannot claim she's returned to normal. She still seems sad, sullen, depressed, and Counselor Snow tells me that she is complaining of nightmares about her time in the parallel universe. After watching her performance with the Y2J Unit, however, I am confident she can succeed in her latest mission, leading an away team to the surface of Maivian-8 to repair a sub-surface weather array that suffered severe damage during a volcanic explosion. The atmosphere there has become highly unstable. Against my better judgement, I am also sending Lt Jeff Hardy, whose temper continues to be a serious problem. Yesterday, he made Ensign Crash cry...."

    Vince drummed his fingers against the marble desk, trying to wrap his mind around why this week felt so special to him...whatever it was, his brain wouldn't give up the secret.

    "Damn! With the attacks by the PTC and problems on Maivian-8, my personal life has needed to take a backseat. I guess if this "special event" was so important, I'd remember what the hell it was!"

ENGINEERING

    "You know, it's just too damn bad everything about you is not as large as your ego, Lt Commander Jericho!" Stephanie snapped, her eyes bright with indignant rage as she stared down the Y2J Unit. Yeah, fine, so he'd almost gone to the big scrap heap in the sky thanks to the PTC. And yeah, he'd taken a phaser blast for her when the PTC had boarded the TitanPrize. That still didn't give him the right....

    "You really should knock before you just prance into someone's room, Stephie." Jericho said, calmly. He had no idea human skin could turn that unique shade of red. "Mine's not open to the entire crew. It's not like your bed for crying out loud!"

    Stephanie felt her eyes moisten. Lately it seemed like she could cry over anything. She could only hope that Jericho didn't see the tear that slipped down her cheek...god...he'd probably think he hurt her feelings and just love it!

    "I just don't see the purpose of a robot being naked." Stephanie hissed at him. "Ever!"

    "I get dressed the same as you, Commander." Jericho told her. "Except for the step where I put on underwear."

    "How dare you!" Stephanie could feel the heat rise in her blood. "I'm completely traumatized by seeing you like that! I'll be into see Counselor Snow for weeks. Ugh! You were...you're....ick.....anatomically correct!"

    "You didn't think they'd stop just short of perfection did you?" Jericho asked, winking at her. He could have been embarrassed, but he was too darn distracted by Stephanie's entertaining discomfort. "Although I'd be interested to know...did it all measure up to your hot little fantasies?"

    "I don't-" Stephanie bit her tongue, hard. No, she wouldn't play this game, not today. It was bad enough that Daddy had clearly forgotten all about her, there was no need to add this insult to injury. "Ensign Lita, stuff that giggling and come here! I need the reports on the Maivian-8 weather system!"

    "Aye sir." Ensign Lita flinched as she gingerly put pressure on her sore swollen ankle. It had been twisted  during a spirited game of Aerialian tennis, although she was certain that Jeff hadn't meant to play that aggressively with her.

    "What happened to you?" Stephanie demanded. "You can't go down to the surface like that!"

    "Sports injury." Lita said dismissively. "Here are your reports." She handed the Commander a padd.

    "This work is terrible." Stephanie shoved the padd back at Lita without even reading it. "I mean, I guess I thought it would be an easy task for you, but obviously you're too busy playing tonsil tag with the Hardy brothers to focus."

    Lita wanted to lunge at Stephanie and claw those smug eyes out. She took a deep breath to cleanse the anger. "Believe me, Commander, when it comes to easy, my reports don't hold a candle to some things in engineering."

    "You're dismissed from this department until further notice." Stephanie said coldly. "And take your little Aerialian ensign friend with you."

    Ensign Lita just shrugged, though she fumed at how unreasonable the Commander was being. Maybe she should be punished for her smart comment, but there was no need to drag Matt into it. I should be used to it though, Lita thought, exasperated. Jeff was acting the same damn way, as if they had both been infected with nasty, attitude-altering virus.

    "I don't need a lecture, Jericho."

    "Oh I know what you need honey." Jericho powered down his station as he prepared to end his shift. "I just don't think there's enough fresh male ensigns on this ship to give it to you."

    "Going to the Smackdown?" Stephanie sneered at him. "Lord knows  you enjoy that skank Terri sliming all over you like some sort of lovesick teenager."

    "I never noticed your eyes before Stephanie." Jericho walked over to her console, gently turning her face towards his. She held her breath...his lips were so sickeningly close to hers...funny how revulsion could make your heart beat twice as fast as normal...

    "What about them?"

    Jericho smiled, lightly brushing her hair out of her eyes. "They're just so darn...well...green!"

    Her eyes weren't green....wait a minute! Stephanie gasped. "I am not jealous!"

    "Night Stephie!" Jericho smirked all the way to the turbolift.

    "Why should I be jealous?" she asked herself aloud, now alone and highly flustered in Engineering. "I have a gorgeous, talented husband...a husband who also happens to be a very fine... Ensign. Not that there's anything wrong with being married to an Ensign, even if I am a McMahon! Jericho is the one who's so damn envious it fries his circuits!"

    Stephanie whirled around to start a warp core diagnostic, only to be faced with Lt Hardy silently reading a padd. She shrieked and took several huge steps backwards.

    "I'm sorry Commander." He seemed only mildly fazed by her alarm. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

    "I'm not frightened." Stephanie gulped in several lungfuls of air, trying to settle her frazzled nerves. It was all a lie, of course. As irrational as it was, the Aerialian lieutenant made her increasingly anxious; in fact, the idea of beaming down to Maivian-8 with him tomorrow sent a cold wave of fear crashing over her, though she'd be hard-pressed to explain why. "Your brother and Lita are in the Smackdown."

    Jeff shrugged. "I thought I'd get some work done on those toasted plasma coils. The PTC really did a number on them."

    "Alright." But it wasn't alright. Stephanie suddenly couldn't stand to be in the same room with him. She watched  as he removed a panel so he could access the coils, feeling uneasy as Lt Hardy pointed his tri-corder at them. "I'll leave you to it then."

    "Good-night." Lt Hardy said flatly.

    Stephanie turned on her heel and fled.

MAIVIAN-8: UNDERGROUND

    "Shouldn't sweat it so much Stephie." Jericho watched his Commander with barely concealed amusement  as they and the rest of the away team trooped through a series of underground paths and tunnels, to the heart of the Maivian weather array. "I'd think you'd be used to being under things."

    Stephanie wiped away a film of cold sweat. She was not at all scared of being below the surface of the planet-every muscle in her body was tense knowing that a moody, silent Lt Hardy was strolling behind her. She hated the chill it sent up her spine, not understanding where it came from, not seeing why she should be so worried about a wimpy, naive little fool like Jeff Hardy.

    "Try not to trip into a crack, Chrissie." Stephanie warned him. "I hear they're filled with red-hot lava that could melt your no-selling Titanium inner coating right off."

    "Excellent!' Ensign Edge called out. He and his younger brother, Christian were forced to lug the heavier repair equipment. "The steam from lava is perfect for cleaning out pores and releasing the skin's natural oils!"

    "Dude!" Christian sounded alarmed. "Does this specially designed cargo suit make me look fat?"

    "You look fine Ensign Christian." Jericho assured him. "Though on Commander McMahon-Helmsley, it does tend to accentuate the hips a little."

    "We'll stop here." Jeff cut the fun off abruptly. They had arrived at the base of the weather array, where a quick scan indicated that numerous things needed patching and fixing. "Ensigns, hurry up and set up the  plasma relays so we can power this thing up."

    "Goodness." Edge kneeled down in front of his shiny silver machine. "Does my hair ever look lustrous in this particular reflection!"

    "Awesome!" Christian said admiringly. "I wonder if you can make mirrors out of this stuff."

    Lt Hardy tapped his comm badge. "Two to beam up McMichaels. Please lock on Edge and Christians' signals and transport when ready."

    "Why the hell did you do that Hardly?" Stephanie demanded as the blondes disappeared in a shimmering stream of light. "Now we have to set up the equipment by ourselves!"

    Even Jericho had raised an eyebrow. "Lieutenant?"

    "We'll get it done faster ourselves." Jeff ignored their frustrated expressions. "Unless you find hair-combing helpful to our mission."

    "I think Christian had our laser-knife on him." Stephanie wailed. "We need one for this assignment!"

    "Don't pop a hormone sweet stuff." Jericho rolled his eyes. "I can get one from the aboveground Maivian science station. Geesh."

    "I can get it." Stephanie snapped.

    "No way." Jericho shook his head. "I saw all the attractive men on that station. You'll never come back considering how cheap your rates are."

    The Y2J Unit was able to call for an above-surface transport before Stephanie could lunge at him. She felt her hair stand on end when she realized he had gone and left her with  Hardy. Alone. She swallowed.

    "I could use some help here." Jeff said impatiently, as he kneeled down in front of a plasma relay. "These things don't calibrate themselves."

    "Sorry." Stephanie gave a startled cry as she felt a sharp stinging sensation run down her arm. A bright red welt was forming on her elbow, but she sighed with relief when she saw a Maivian insect fly away from the scene of the crime-a bug bite. She almost felt foolish about her panic.

    "You okay?" Lt Hardy was looking up at her quizically.

    "Uh yeah." Stephanie wished she'd kept her sleeve rolled down, but it was so toasty warm down here. She had to take a deep breath to steady herself, as a moment of dizziness struck without warning.

    "Here." Jeff had reached into his medkit and removed a hypospray. He held it out to her, the sharp end staring her in the face. His expression grew wary as her face turned so white he could almost see through it. "Commander?"

    "Stay away from me." Stephanie staggered backwards, not even really seeing the look of startled confusion on the young lieutenant's face. What she did see was the same Lieutenant Hardy facing her in the parallel universe shuttlecraft, his phaser pointed at her chest, his finger twitching on the trigger. He'd killed her! Killed her while they were on their way to escaping! Why.....

    "Commander McMahon-Helmsley!" he barked at her. "Be careful! What's wrong with you?" He was about ready to hail Dr. Taker.

    "You shot me." She glared accusingly at him. "You had your phaser set to kill, and you shot me!"

    "Stephanie!" Lt Hardy watched in horror as the earth seemed to swallow the Commander whole.....

MAIVIAN-8, UNDERGROUND

    "Gee what happened to you, Stephie?" Lt Commander Jericho looked down the dark  abandoned mine shaft that split that particular piece of earth in half. He could see a few glossy strands of her hair, but most importantly, he could hear her loud, angry breathing.

    "I'm stuck in a hole!" she yelled at him, injecting her leg with a hypospray he had tossed down to her. She didn't think it was broken, but it was painful enough.

    "You're a stuck-up ho?" Jericho called back, grinning at Lt Hardy, who for some reason could not muster a smile of his own. "What's that got to do with the situation?"

    "Are you going to transport me out of here?" Stephanie asked tiredly. "I'm really looking forward to force-feeding you a gallon of high-powered solvent."

    "No can do dollface." Jericho replied. "Too much interference. I'm preparing a harness and our young Aerialian friend is going to lift you out of there. He can twist his flexible form just so, a talent I am sure you appreciate in a man."

    "No!"

    "You want to get out of there don't you?" Jericho asked curiously. "Or is it that Jeff won't be paying you two dollars before he gets his arms around you?"

    "Can't you do it, Chris?" Stephanie was still seized by those fearful thoughts, one of them being that now she had accused Lt Hardy of murdering her in another universe, he might just accidentally let her drop. The longer she sat and shivered at the bottom of the shaft, the more clear the memory of what he'd done to her became. How could he?

    "I'm touched oh human mattress, I really am." Jericho tied one end of the harness to his wrist, he was strong enough to support the weight of both Wrestlefleet officers, being a droid and all. "But Jeffrey is the only one here who can contort himself enough to get down there, and I'm the only one with enough strength to pull you both up, depsite that large-"

    "I'm starting to think you study my backside a little too closely Jericho."

    "As I was saying." The Y2J Unit cleared his throat. "Lt Hardy seems particularly skilled at rescuing you. Let's go with what works, kay?"

    Stephanie let her silence be the answer. She was so worried about Jeff's attempts to save her that she didn't even feel the way the sting from the insect bite seemed to travel up her arm and into her shoulder, crawling up her neck.....

WWF TITANPRIZE-THE SMACKDOWN

    "Thanks for meeting me Commander." Lieutenant Hardy had already removed the stars from his uniform and set them on a table. He stared straight ahead, his eyes not seeing the space outside the windows.

    "Why did we have to meet after closing time?" Stephanie kept one hand on her phaser. Lt Hardy didn't seem to notice, his back was turned to her, his glazed over eyes focused on some other time and place. "Did you want to make sure you finished the job this time? No witnesses?"

    He actually cracked a smile. "If you really believed that, I doubt you'd be here."

    Stephanie stood beside the Lieutenant, staring through the asteroid belt that embraced the planet of Maivian-8. It might have been a romantic sight, had Chr-...Hunter had been next to her. "I don't have any proof, that much is true, but the McMahon name alone will get you put in a maximum security Wrestlefleet prison camp for the rest of your miserable life."

    "Understood."

    Fascinating. Apparently, the Aerialian had the same sappy conscience he'd always had, it was simply hidden under layers of anger and depression now.  "I wouldn't be surprised if you were executed for blasting Captain Vincent K McMahon's daughter with a high-powered phaser."

    This time, Jeff flinched. "You were never supposed to remember what happened, Commander."

    "A McMahon never forgets being crossed, Lt Hardy." Stephanie smirked. "And we never forget to make our enemies pay and pay dearly."

    The lieutenant's eyes studied the floor, his lackluster blonde hair turning a dark shade of bluish-purple as his mood darkened. "You don't understand, Stephanie. I had to....you begged me to."

    "Liar." Stephanie spat the word out. "I suppose if it had been Lita in the shuttle, this wouldn't have happened!"

    Lt Hardy felt heat rising up the back of his neck, as it always did when anyone talked about Lita. "I would've done it for her. I would've done it for Matt. I would've done it for any Wrestlefleet officer in the same situation."

    "You're sick." Stephanie hissed. How could she have missed the fact that Jeff was a madman?

    He shook his head...he couldn't take it anymore, keeping this all inside. He didn't care that Dr. Taker had warned him to keep his punk ass silent. How could the Chief Medical Officer expect him to even live like this, with the horrors of that parallel universe burning a hole inside his chest? Lt Hardy didn't know what real sleep was anymore; he only understood nightmares about killing Stephanie, about his brother dying...

    "You were hit with a lethal disruptor blast, Commander." Jeff said quietly. "It was an advanced weapon that  spread poisonous radiation through every cell of your body. It triggered every single pain receptor you had, and Wrestlefleet medicine couldn't help."

    "That never happened."

    Lt Hardy sighed. "You were in such agony. I didn't want to end your life Stephanie, I didn't....but it was so wrong to let you suffer like that." He took a deep breath. "The pain could've gone on for hours, and you couldn't be sedated....you deserved a better death than that."

    Stephanie rolled her eyes. "You'd invent a disgusting story like that to save your own skin, Hardly? Dear god."

    "Remember Sickbay?" Jeff wasn't supposed to talk about this, but to hell with Dr. Taker, to hell with his career after the sins he'd committed. "How excrutiating your recovery was for the first day? How only a "medical miracle" saved your life?"

    Stephanie concentrated, hard. She squeezed her eyes shut, letting her mind drift....Dr. Taker had.....then there was nothing. But she knew, she knew for sure that Jeff was telling the truth. She didn't exactly understand how she could be so certain....

    "I was actually...dead...." Stephanie felt her throat close and her eyes start to swim. No, she wouldn't weep before an inferior. "You did what you had to, Lieutenant. I'm sorry I-oh man, I hated being so scared of you.  All those horrible nightmares...Hunter doesn't get it-he just snaps when I wake him up in the middle of the night, screaming and freaking out."

    "I can't stand to be around Lita or Matt." Jeff looked so gloomy. "It's like seeing ghosts. It won't be long before they stop speaking to me altogether."

    "Lita will always talk to you." Stephanie said scornfully. "Never fear."

    Did Commander McMahon-Helmsley know something he didn't? Lt Hardy wondered, rubbing his arm, which had started to throb. He'd also gotten chewed by one of those annoying Maivian insects while down below the surface.

    "I wish...I know this sounds silly, but I wish we could've talked this out sooner." Jeff said with a sigh. "I can't explain this kind of thing to Counselor Snow, and you're the only one on this damn ship who understands what went  on in the parallel universe."

    Stephanie laughed. "You want us to be friends just cause we had a bad trip through a temporal distortion, Hardy?"

    Jeff shrugged.

    Well...it wouldn't be like making nice with Lt Commander Jericho or anything. And she could still treat the freaky-haired little kid like mud in Engineering.....besides it was so hard to be mad at someone who looked so darn sweet when they pouted. Oh, and the way his blue hair seemed to shine in the cool white starlight...wow...

    "According to ship's computer, it's officially my birthday now." Stephanie said with a bittersweet smile. Naturally her father was on one of Maivian-8's moons, meeting with the head of their government about urgent federation business. Naturally he hadn't hailed her to wish her a happy day. Naturally, there hadn't been any special gift waiting for her in her quarters....

    Lt Hardy felt a stab of pity for the commander, who was staring out into space with the forlorn look of a puppy dog. She hadn't exactly made herself the apple of anyone's eye in engineering, and her family was so high-ranking in Wrestlefleet they were too busy for much quality time. Hunter was a jerk, Jericho couldn't return her feelings...Stephanie had about the most beautiful sad eyes he'd ever seen; they were even more beautiful than Lita's....

    "Did Lt Commander Jericho buy you anything?" he asked with a grin.

    "Get real Hardly." Stephanie felt her misery deepen. She thought the Y2J Unit would at least have something sarcastic and insulting to say about her special day. A fight with him was gift enough. "Ensign Angle gave me a padd with a special birthday nursery rhyme on my way here."

    "I'll just bet he did." What was that? Had he just felt a stab of...jealousy?

    "Other than that...no one's really given me anything." Stephanie pouted.

    "Well then.." Lieutenant Hardy wrapped his arms around his commander, unable to resist any longer. "Happy birthday Stephanie."

    Stephanie sighed as Jeff kissed her with more than friendly intentions. He really was such a sweet kisser, just innocent enough to drive her mad. She didn't want him to ever stop...

    "Jeff!"

    Lt Hardy slowly looked up to find Lita and his big brother staring at him, their mouths hanging open. He felt  more than a little irritated at being disturbed when he was having such a wonderful time....

    "Do you mind, Lita?" Stephanie asked, unable to take her eyes off Jeff. "This is a private birthday celebration."

    "What in the name of-what are you doing little brother?" Matt demanded. "She's probably trying to set you up for a sexual harrassment suit or something!"

    "I'm sorry Stephanie." Jeff sighed. "I'm sure these two aren't intentionally trying to ruin your birthday."

    Lita was overcome with rage, a rage that blinded her. That tramp! That was her man! She grabbed the commander by the arm and pulled her away from Jeff. "You are nothing but a ho, just like Jericho says!"

    "Unhand me you witch!' Stephanie jerked her arm away. "It's not my fault that Jeff and I have shared something special you can't understand!"

    Lita slapped the taunting McMahon across her face. Instead of whining and whimpering like the spoiled and dainty princess she was, Stephanie unholstered her phaser and struck Lita on the back of the neck with it. Ensign Matt blinked. Were two girls fighting over his brother?

    "That is quite enough Ensign Lita." Jeff pulled Stephanie away from the red-headed spitfire, his glare cold as he gently wiped blood off the commander's face. "Another stunt like that and I'll have you thrown in the brig. Come on Steph, I'll escort you back to your room."

    "I hate them." Lita hissed, pushing her now mussed hair out of her eyes as she sat on the floor of the Smackdown. "I'd like to shove them both out an airlock!"

    "Are you alright?" Ensign Matt didn't feel this was the right time to point out that Lita had received plenty of chances to pursue his brother, but failed to take them all. He touched her ankle lightly; Ensign Lita had about the cutest feet in the world really. "Looks like this thing twisted the other way."

    "Oh that." Lita shrugged. "Hey-maybe you could kiss it and make it better."

    Ensign Matt was surprised by the amorous smile on the Aerialian beauty's face. He was even more surprised when she grabbed him by the collar and kissed him....

THE SMACKDOWN-24 HOURS LATER

    "Er....Eddie." Chyna hesitated as she approached her beau's table. Ensign Guerrero was playing cards with Lieutenants Farooq and Bradshaw, and even the Ninth Wonder of the Universe didn't mess with the tough guys while they were enjoying a good beer.

    "Whoa, whoa, whoa." Farooq laid his hand on the table. "Girl, you don't seem to have any brews on your tray."

    "You brought your punk ass over and didn't bring us a damn beer?" Bradshaw demanded. "Ain't you the waitress here?"

    "Hey!" Ensign Guerrero protested. "This is Mamacita! Keep it cool."

    "I don't care if she's Captain Mamacita or the damned supreme leader of the universe, if she's not here with a keg or a fresh cigar, she better turn her ass around!" Farooq picked his cards back up, having laid down the law.

    "I don't suppose you've noticed the time, Eddie?" Chyna asked sweetly. tapping her high heeled foot impatiently. The young, eager ensign was a romantic at heart and rarely if ever missed a date, yet she was having a hard time dragging him away from a high-stakes game of poker? She was starting to feel a little wounded.

    "Hey Mamacita, the Holodeck will be there in five minutes." Eddie crunched an unlit cigar between his teeth, making a sour face as he did. "Anticipation is half the fun, you know what I mean?"

    "I've been anticipating for a half hour now." Chyna gritted her teeth.

    "Look here sweet stuff." Bradshaw glared at her. "What loverboy ain't telling ya is that he's 500 credits  in the hole with us and digging himself even lower! So, if ya want your Latino Heat in one piece for your next moonlit walk, you'll take that cute caboose of yours and back it on up! You got me?"

    "Loud and clear." Chyna watched with exasperation as Eddie shrank down into his chair, flushing with shame. How dare he let Bradshaw speak to her like that! He should be embarrassed! "Don't even bother sending me roses this time, Eddie, cause I'll stick those thorns where the Maivian moon doesn't shine!"

    Eddie practically slid underneath the table as his woman stalked out of the Smackdown, tossing her studded leather apron over the bar on her way. Farooq just shook his head.

    "Boy, she's got you by your-"

    "I already owe you 500 credits." Ensign Guerrero moaned. "At least spare me some dignity!"

    Chyna felt hot tears prick her eyelids as leaned against the corridor. A truly smitten boyfriend would have stood up to a slimeball who talked about her like a piece of meat! A real man would've told the lieutenants to eat his debt and deal with it-gambling wasn't going to keep him from his precious Mamacita! Ensign Guerrero made her so crazy, making her feel like an awkward teenage girl going through her first crush...darn it...she was stronger than this!

    There was one special friend who owed her a long, heart to heart talk and was now able to pay up....

    Chyna tapped her comm badge. "Chyna to Engineering. I'm looking for Lt Commander Jericho"

    "Uhh this is Ensign Hardy." a voice that was disappointingly not Chris's responded. "I'm sorry, Chyna, but Lt Commander Jericho has beamed down to the surface of Maivian-8. There's some problem with the repairs on the weather array."

    "Thank you Matt." Chyna felt her spirits sink even lower.

    "Why good evening, Miss Chyna!" The cheery voice of Ensign Crash broke through her gloom. "Isn't my favorite waitress working tonight?" He smiled, almost shyly. "You're the only one that doesn't card me anymore!"

    Her dark eyes got some of their sparkle back. It was hard not to perk up a little when you were exposed to Crash's boyish grin and enthusiasm. "I'm off tonight, Crash. I was going on a date with Eddie...but...oh you don't want to hear this."

    "Oh golly." Crash frowned. "Did poor Ensign Guerrero have to work?"

    "Nooo." Chyna sighed. She really shouldn't share her romantic woes with the sweet little Houdinian; he was so innocent of such matters that he couldn't possibly understand. Then again...maybe it would be a refreshing perspective on her problem. "He'd rather gamble than go to the Holodeck with me!"

    To her horror, she felt her mouth quiver and salt sting her eyes.

    "Ohhhh Miss Chyna." Crash couldn't help but pat her on the shoulder, a gesture of compassion that warmed her heart more than she expected. "Ensign Guerrero must be intoxicated on something to pick a poker game over a beautiful, intelligent woman like yourself."

    "Why Crash..." Chyna felt like she was practically glowing, watching as Crash became so flustered and red by the compliment he gave her. He was painfully adorable, and she wanted to hug him and squeeze him and-

    Her own face turned crimson at the next thought that flitted through her mind.

    "Say Crash." Chyna smiled slyly. "I'm free right now. Care to visit the garden deck with me? It always cheers me up to be around all those gorgeous flowers and the gardens have such a magnificent view of space. "

    Crash's mind should have been spinning with the way the tall, willowy waitress batted her silky black lashes at him, but for some reason, it made him feel...cocky. "That surely does sound romantic Miss Chyna, and a fine woman like you deserves to be treated like a princess. I'd be proud to escort you to the garden deck."

    Chyna grinned as she slipped her arm through his. Let Eddie take her for granted all he wanted. There were men on the crew who thought spending time with her was more magical than the stars that swirled around the ship!

    And speaking of magical, she did have such plans for Ensign Crash!

MAIVIAN-8, UNDERGROUND

    "Sorry about the bumpy ride, Lt Commander!" Debra's voice chirped over the Y2J Unit's comm badge as he materialized in a stream of shimmery blue light in the underground tunnels of Maivian-8, his head bumping against a formation of Markite crystals that sparkled from the cavern ceiling. "The severe thunder and lightning storms are creating an amazing amount of ion interference!"

    "I've taken worse bumps in my time, McMichaels." Jericho rubbed his blonde head.

    "If you say so, tough guy!"

    He tapped his comm badge off, feeling a bit wary. Was it just him, or was the transporter chief's voice a little more bubbly and flirty than usual? Perhaps it was her deepening relationship with Lt Commander Austin that was making her act like she had spring fever or something.

    "What the-" Jericho felt the anger rising in him like an ocean tide as he studied the weather array, which was essentilly left to its own devices. Repairs had been started, but not even half-completed. The equipment was scattered haphazardly around the machine, the officers charged with fixing the blasted thing were nowhere to be seen!

    "Lieutenant Hardy!" the Y2J Unit barked into his comm badge. "Don't make me ask you again! Answer me you-"

    He took a deep breath. He wouldn't lose it and give Commander McMahon the satisfaction of reporting him for abuse of an inferior officer. Jeff had been a little jerky lately, but there was no excuse for this kind of sloppy work and irresponsible behavior.

    "Lt Hardy, please respond." Jericho said calmly. "This is your commanding officer."

    Dead silence.

    "Commander McMahon?" Fine. A young lieutenant was bound to make one huge mistake in his career, but Jericho wasn't going to tolerate being yanked around by that bottom-feeding wench of a commander, not when heavy storms were pounding Maivian-8 and had already injured several citizens! "I take it your silence means you've found a nice Maivian gutter to work from, Stephie baby. Lord knows a street corner is too much class for what you do!"

    Nothing. Maybe something was wrong....

    Something was terribly wrong, Jericho realized grimly as he carefully looked into a cavern behind the array. Lt Hardy and Commander McMahon were far too busy being engaged in a passionate embrace to carry out their Wrestlefleet Mission. They were actually kissing while the whole world was going to hell around them....now Jericho understood what humans meant when they said their stomachs were turned-he was ready to throw up for the first time in his android life!

    "Jeffrey, you could find the same sort of entertainment by turning over any rock on this planet." Lt Commander Jericho said dryly. "Where do you think she crawled out of?"

    If looks could kill, the Y2J Unit would have been a smoldering, useless pile of circuits. "He's merely following my orders, Jericho. And right now, I am ordering you to return the Titanprize."

    "Sorry sweets, but the Maivian-8 is under siege from some nasty storms and someone with a free set of lips needs to fix the array before the whole world dies." Jericho was still trying to process the scene before him. Hadn't Stephanie been acting downright terrified of the young Aerialian a day ago, the same Aerialian she couldn't seem to let go of right now?

    "I wouldn't be very useful if I'd been thrown in the brig for disobeying Steph's orders, now would I?" Jeff was smirking defiantly, his arm hooked possessively around the commander's waist.

    Steph? Funny, the Game's wife would normally stun the living daylights out of any lieutenant who'd dared to address her so informally.

    "If you don't have anything logical to say, Lt Hardy, then I suggest you shut the hell up!" Jericho didn't have time for this. "You will forget her orders and follow mine!" He directed a cool glance at Stephanie. "Clearly, Commander McMahon-Helmsley is not in her right mind and cannot be trusted to make decisions."

    "Go to hell, Jericho." Stephanie wasn't letting her precious lieutenant go, not without enjoying his mouth for a little longer.

    "Commander McMahon-Helmsley." the Y2J Unit said flatly. "You are officially relieved of your Wrestlefleet duties due to medical reasons. I am taking command of this mission. You will step aside or I will have you transported directly to the brig. Lt Hardy, you're with me at the weather array."

    "We still have tonight." Jeff smiled down at Stephanie, who was pouting her pretty little pout. "Hey, don't be sad....I can still love you from over there."

    Jericho followed Lt Hardy to the array, casually sliding his emotion chip off and keeping the Walls firmly in place. Had he not taken these steps, he knew, he would have been overwhelmed by such vile hatred and jealousy towards Jeff that he would have shoved the Aerialian into a lava pit without a second thought.

    But maybe he wouldn't have to kill him. Ensign Matt had appeared in the glow of a transporter beam, a high powered phaser blast tearing into his younger brother before Jeff even knew what hit him. Stephanie screamed and kneeled down by the fallen Lt Hardy, who was breathing but writhing in pain. Matt trained his weapon on the injured Jeff, his expression undecided.

    Not logical, the Y2J Unit told himself. A quick scan of his memory banks told him the brothers felt a high degree of loyalty towards one another.

    "Ensign Matt!" he barked. "You will explain this action!"

    The dark-haired Aerialian smiled coldly. "I'll see him killed before he steals Lita away from me."

    No, not logical at all.

SICKBAY

    "If you got an explanation for this injury boy, ya damn well just better keep it to yourself." Dr. Taker's grave voice didn't seem to faze the arrogant American ensign that sat on a bio-bed, his forehead being picked free of glass by the dutiful Nurse Bearer.

    "Pardon me, good doctor." Ensign Angle seemed blithely oblivious to the sharp shards that were being yanked free of his sun-tanned skin. "But your bedside manner could use a touch more integrity."

    "It's all very simple, Dr. Taker." Edge's voice boomed dramatically from the other side of the room, blood trickling from a minor cut on his face. "Our fellow Wrestlefleet ensign attempted to thief my prized mirror while I was admiring my reflection on the garden deck, where the ambient light is most flattering. I was having an experience which I believe is called...first love."

    Dr. Taker wished he had more leeway with just how rough his medical treatment could get...there were just some patients who could benefit from a good neck-snapping. Then again, he thought with a bloodless smirk, there wasn't a damn thing McMahon could do if he decided to step out of bounds....

    "That was sooo totally unfair Edge!" Christian lashed out at his brother, as Nurse Saturn ran a special instrument that looked like a lazer pen up and down the blonde's arm. "I had it first! If you or Ensign Angle has scarred my lustrous peaches and cream skin with your antics, I will see you in hell!"

    "Well, I surely hope you don't show up in hell with that haircut." Kurt frowned at Christian's tangled, blood-stained mane of gold.

    Christian gasped. "Why didn't you simply put a jagged piece of glass through my heart?"

    "This issss a most strange day, Dr. Taker." Nurse Bearer simpered, as he filled up a hypospray to take care of Angle's stinging pain. "We have these three fighting among themselves, and then we have Ensign Crash being treated for minor phaser burns thanks to Ensign Guerrero...what issss going on?"

    "What?" Dr. Taker rolled his eyes. To him, such skirmishes were an unfortunate but morbidly fascinating part of human nature. "Ensigns are such hot-headed creatures that I expect nothing less than this destructive outpouring of excess energy once in a while."

    "But-"

    A crackly, static stricken voice cut the nurse off in mid-sentence. "Lt Commander Jericho to Dr. Taker! We have a medical emergency in the tunnels of Maivian-8! Prepare to have everyone but me transported immediately to Sickbay-I need to fix the weather array before the surface is ripped apart!"

    "Come again?" Dr. Taker was studying his computer. No way could anyone transport through such a turbulent atmosphere. "Ain't no way I'm gonna get your stank ass out of there! Nature of the emergency?"

    Lt Commander Jericho pursed his lips. Perfectly logical but not helpful. "There has been an exchange of phaser fire among the Aerialian ensigns and Commander McMahon. Their bizarre behavior indicates mental illness."

    Dr. Taker ignored the smug expression on Nurse Bearer's face. "If you could get the weather cleared up down there, that would be phat Jericho. Until then, it's out of my hands."

    Not entirely true, but sometimes these damn mere mortals needed to clean up their own messes....

SICKBAY-4 HOURS LATER

    "I-I kissed Lt Hardy." Stephanie held a dainty hand over her mouth, trying to fight the surge of nausea that welled up inside her. "I let a freaky alien with nasty colored hair put his lips on my beautiful commander's mouth. Oh god..."

    "Considering how dry your lips were when we got you up here, I'd say you kissed the little freak a lot." Shane couldn't resist ribbing his sister, who was having a hypospray plunged into the swollen bug bite on her arm.

    "That's enough, Shane." Captain McMahon said sternly. "Why don't you go play on the bridge for a while and let your sister rest?"

    Shane nodded, a serious expression crossing his features. "Aye, sir. And Steph?"

    Stephanie just looked at him, her face still green.

    "Hope you don't get the urge to play doctor with Jeff while you're both here."

    Shane was able to duck the empty needle that his kid sister chucked at him, his quick speed allowing him a hasty retreat into the turbolift.

    "Don't worry about it, angel." Captain McMahon pet Stephanie on the head. "I'll demote that little Aerialian so fast for touching you he won't know what the heck hit him."

    Stephanie frowned and looked back at the bed where Lt Hardy was having his own fiery red insect bite tended to by Nurse Saturn, while his older brother looked on. Jeff locked eyes with her and they both turned cherry red. God, she wouldn't be able to look at him ever again, let alone order him around in Engineering.

    "Daddy, I don't know..."

    "Consider it done baby."

    "You heard what Dr. Taker said." She rubbed her sore arm. "The sudden changes in weather on Maivian-8 caused some of the simpler life forms to mutate in order to adapt. The bugs that bit me and Jeff had infected us with a virus that caused a marked increase in hormonal activity. He couldn't help that he wanted me-he was sick."

    Loud coughing from the other side of the room indicated that Lt Commander Jericho had heard her poorly worded statement and was trying to stifle a laugh in front of the Captain. Chris was getting an update on Lita from Nurse Bearer, as Stephanie had broken her arm in a jealous rage down on the planet before phasers had gotten involved.

    "Let me do this for you Steph." McMahon insisted. "You could think of Lt Hardy getting stripped of his rank as a late birthday gift. I owe you something really nice this year."

    As angry as she was at Jeff for daring to breath on her without permission, let alone kiss her passionately, her fury at her father was even more pronounced. Always, always trying to pass off some super-noble act or grand gesture as some wonderous belated birthday gift so his little girl wouldn't pout, and silly Steph always accepting it cause he was the all-powerful Vincent K McMahon and nothing more could be expected of such a busy, busy man. She may have wanted to wash her lips in acid because Jeff had touched them, but she'd be damned if Daddy dearest was going to exploit the situation to smooth this over!

    "Sorry Dad, you're just gonna have to buy me something this year." Steph told him. "Lt Hardy is a fine young officer, despite his obvious and numerous flaws, one of which is being a terrible, awful kisser."

    Captain McMahon blinked. It was not like Stephanie to turn away a present like this; surely she knew that a Wrestlefleet captain could not be expected to give their fullest attention to every little family moment that came up, that a captain's family had to make due with this life. He sighed. No doubt his princess was just being stubborn because she didn't feel well.

    "Captain McMahon." Dr. Taker was almost like a ghost, materializing beside Vince. Stephanie could have been imagining things, but she thought her father had swallowed a little too hard at the sight of his Chief Medical Officer. "The antidote has been administered to everyone who was infected with the Maivian-8 virus. I think you'll find that jealousy and lust-driven disturbances will all but disappear now."

    "Excellent." Captain McMahon nodded. "I couldn't help but notice you gave the infected crewmembers extra hyposprays."

    "It will take a few more treatments to completely flush out the hormone-triggering antibodies." Dr. Taker explained. "You don't doubt my expertise, do you McMahon?"

    "Of course not." Captain McMahon snapped. "Honey, I'll be in my quarters looking over the duty roster. Come by later and we'll talk, alright."

    Stephanie merely nodded and rested her head against the bio-bed pillow. The special cure that Dr. Taker had whipped up made everyone injected with it weary and worn out. She was almost afraid to ask what it was. The dark doctor smiled at her, and when he spoke, his voice was a ghoulish whisper.

    "Happy birthday, Stephanie...."

ENGINEERING

    "Ensign Lita?"

    Lita didn't want to turn around, to face that evil Commander McMahon-Helmsley. Her arm still throbbed from the way Stephanie had almost crushed the flexible Aerialian bone into a fine powder, but the images of the witch with her arms around Jeff cut far deeper.

    If Jeff wanted a love life, fine. If he was sick with a Maivian insect disease and it couldn't be helped, fine. But to sit there and take the vengeful abuse from Stephanie, abuse that came because Lt Hardy had smooched her while under the influence of a virus...well that smacked of him having some special feelings for the commander, special feelings that made him willing to suffer Stephie's garbage.

    Jeff defended the cheap tramp too. Said she was going through things, painful things. Well, Lita didn't care about those things at all; it was no excuse for punishing her friend at every turn. Stephanie should just deal with life like the rest of them-Jeff wasn't her punching bag, and Lita wasn't sure how much longer she could respect Lt Hardy.

    It wasn't jealousy because Stephanie had shared some meaningful experience with Jeff in the temporal rift or that the two had kissed. It was that just that Commander McMahon-Helmsley was so vicious and her Aerialian pal was so wussie he took it. Lita frowned upon such little backbone in someone who was supposed to be her boss...

    "Lita? If you could just grow up for two seconds, I have something for you."

    Ensign Lita reluctantly turned around. "Yes?"

    Stephanie puckered her lips as if tasting something sour. She didn't want to do this at all, but she knew she owed Lita some sort of apology. Besides, Lt Commander Jericho would be her shadow until she threw the red-head a bone, and of course, Jericho being on her like that was  the last thing she wanted.

    "I want to give you a peace offering." Stephanie began awkwardly. She wasn't too experienced with voicing regret and remorse. "I feel...bad."

    "About what?" Ensign Lita almost licked her lips. It appeared the great commander was squirming in her boots.

    "I attacked you in a rage." Stephanie reminded her. Lita didn't know that the youngest McMahon had sweet dreams about breaking her arm. "I infected you and Matt with a virus that made you act wacky. And I...uh....I perhaps was too...er...intimate with your little boyfriend."

    "Lt Hardy is not my boyfriend." Lita said coldly.

    "I think you should read this padd." Stephanie held it out to Lita. "I know you're ticked off at Jeff for some reason, but I think if you read this.....you're looking at him all wrong."

    Lita gave the padd a cursory examination. "Wow. You actually went so far as to invade Lt Hardy's private logs. And you want me to read them."

    "Duh!" Stephanie rolled her eyes. Lita needed to get a clue and get one fast-it was hard enough having to make something up to her Aerialian enemy, the commander didn't like being tortured with it. "You don't fool me. You want to know how Jeff feels about you, if he feels what you feel for him. It's all right there."

    Lita unholstered her phaser and blasted the padd into nothingness. "Show someone who gives a damn, Stephanie."

    Steph's mouth fell open. "You ungrateful peasant! I was trying to do something nice for you!"

    Ensign Lita was so angry. No doubt the padd had contained something wicked, like how Jeff had a huge crush on Stephanie and just dying to act on it. And naturally Stephanie wanted to rub it in her face, thinking it would crush her heart.

    "Commander McMahon-Helmsley, how dare you assume I want something or someone that has your taint on it." Lita said in a clipped tone. "Maybe Lt Hardy was infected by a bug bite when you ruined him for every woman out there, but that's no shock. Any man who touches you usually gets exposed to insect life."

    Stephanie slapped Lita across the face and stormed out of Engineering, blowing past said Lt Hardy, who wore a devastated expression.

    Lita didn't realize he'd heard every word-she'd already turned her back.

COMMANDER MCMAHON-HELMSLEY'S QUARTERS

    "Happy birthday to me." Stephanie sighed sadly and blew out the candles on an Earth-style birthday cake she'd requested from her replicator. She sat in near darkness, her lights dimmed and soft, her quarters achingly empty except for her.

    Her one attempt to be nice to anyone had backfired.

    Hunter was on the bridge, taking his Ensign duties very seriously. He had his first taste of power; why should he take a minute to stop and remember something as insignificant as his bride?

    Daddy hadn't had time to meet with her. Commander Kane had presented him with some security issues that had required the Captain's immediate attention.

    There was a beeping at her door, "Come." Stephanie said bleakly. Perhaps Mommy had come down from on high at Wrestlefleet to celebrate with her. She laughed bitterly at her own little joke. "Jericho?"

    The Y2J Unit smiled, perhaps he smirked. Steph wasn't sure she'd know a sincere smile if he tried one on. "Brought you something."

    Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "A gag gift I suppose? A new state of the art mattress perhaps? Or maybe, just maybe, you thought I could benefit from some bizarre form of alien birth control. Ha ha-not in the mood."

    "What you tried to do for Ensign Lita was very admirable." Jericho spoke as if she hadn't said anything, "But you should have known better. She'd never trust anything from you, no matter how pure your intentions."

    "I noticed. So what did you bring me?"

    Jericho hadn't known if this was the right thing to do, if he should cross this line. Seeing her sitting alone, looking as forlorn as someone whose best friend had just died, sulking in the darkness with a pitiful little birthday cake....he was glad he'd come.

    "Come and get it." He held out a box wrapped in sleek silver paper, tied with a pretty pink ribbon.

    Stephanie gathered her robe around her body and approached the Lt Commander warily. "Maybe I should scan it with my tri-corder or listen for ticking."

    Jericho just grinned.

    She sighed and peeled the wrapping away from the box, making sure to save the soft silk ribbon that came in her favorite color. Stephanie lifted a small ball out out of the delicate tissue paper; it was glittering in the pale light of the room like a jewel, and on the inside....

    On the inside, beneath the snow that sparkled and danced like a million little prisms was... Mickey Mouse.

    Mickey Mouse?

    "Oh....Chris"

    A little girl with sweet brown curls and a pink ribbon in her hair walks by a storefront, her eyes as large as the stars in the sky. Daddy was supposed to bring her here to Disneyland, but a nanny tugged at her hand, at her big brother's hand.

"I want that." the little girl cried out, her pudgy, pretty fingers pressed against the glass, trying to touch a little snow globe with a little mouse smiling on the inside. Mommy had taken her sledding one winter, when there was snow like that. The teeny tiny mouse seemed so happy....

    "There's no time for that!" The nanny snapped. The little girl whimpered silently as the nanny pulled her farther and farther away, until the sparkling little gem was a pinpoint of light on the horizon...

    Stephanie had almost forgotten, but now the memory twisted inside her like a knife. It made her eyes burn.

    "Happy birthday, Stephie." Jericho said, letting her sob against his chest.

    "It's sad isn't it?" Stephanie didn't push his hand away as he brushed the tears from her eyes. "The only decent gift I get is from someone who hates me."

    "What's sad is that no one has given you a real birthday present," Jericho took the globe out of her hands and set it carefully on a shelf, where it's delicate shell would not get shattered. He hoped the same could be said for Stephanie.

    Stephanie stood on her tip-toes, as if she could make her lips any closer to his. It had taken so long, she had kissed so many others looking for something she couldn't explain....and in the end, Stephanie knew this is what she wanted all along. This...

    Her eyes saw it first, a small red mark on Lt Commander Jericho's neck-a very slight imperfection, but it was the answer to everything. "Wait a minute, Chris."

    She was not questioned when she disappeared into her private bath. Jericho looked at her in dazed shock as she returned and plunged a hypospray into his throat. "Steph-"

    "Take it easy, tiger." Stephanie had a vague, sad smile on her face. "You'll feel tired for a while, but that should get the Maivian virus out of your system soon enough."

    The Y2J Unit blinked.

    "You're as close to human as it gets." she went on. "There's no reason you can't be hurt by a virulent bug bite or catch a disease from one of us - and shut up Chris, not that type of disease."

    "Stephanie-"

    "Just go, alright?" Stephanie was getting agitated. Of course, it hadn't been true. Damn him. Damn him straight to hell.

    Dr. Taker hadn't examined Jericho in Sickbay earlier - Jericho had been too busy hovering over his officers and his behavior had been perfectly normal. "Trust me, Chris, when you remember what you did here, you'll be begging for a transfer out of Engineering. Thank-you for the gift. Good-night."

    Jericho was still standing in the corridor when Steph's doors slid shut, his hand rubbing the sore spot on his neck where the hypospray had been thrust into his synthetic skin. It didn't happen often, but he was genuinely confused.

    It was just a minor scratch.

    A loose sliver of metal on the weather array had caught him in the throat.

    Why had he needed a hypospray for that?