SEASON SIX

EPISODE 10: NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP
PART TWO

By: X_C

 SPACE: THE FINAL FRONTIER. THESE ARE THE VOYAGES OF THE WWF TITANPRIZE. IT'S MISSION: TO EXPLORE AND ENTERTAIN NEW SOCIETIES AND NEW CIVILIZATIONS.  TO BOLDLY GO WHERE NO WRESTLER HAS GONE BEFORE!

TITANPRIZE CREW:

Captain Vincent K. McMahon
First Officer, Commander Shane McMahon
Chief Engineer, Commander Stephanie McMahon
Chief of Chiefs, Commander Linda McMahon
Chief of Security, Commander Kane
Chief Medical Officer, Dr. Taker
Diagnostics Officer, Lieutenant Commander Jericho
Tactical Officer, Lieutenant Commander Austin
Transporter Chief, Lieutenant Commander Debra McMichael
Communications Officer, Lieutenant Rock
Counselor Al Snow (assisted by H.E.A.D.)

... And many more!

LT COMMANDER JERICHO'S QUARTERS

    "I can't take it!" Kimberly exclaimed, hands on hips as she resisted the urge to hurl a padd at Jericho's rigid form. Yeah, she'd heard the techno-babble about his cute little emotion chip, but on or off, there was no way he should be immune to her awesome heat! "How can you be sooo selfish? It hurts me beyond belief to see you like this!"

    The android didn't reply. His sharp blue eyes had been dulled by the mental cartwheels his brilliant mind was performing. Was he any closer to unlocking the dark secrets plaguing the TitanPrize? Hah! He was about as close to that as Stephanie was to taking a vow of celibacy!

    "Christopher. Please?"

    Jericho turned his head slightly. Kimberly's eyes were moist and luminous with tears that couldn't melt his cold heart. She was truly disgusting, pretending to care about the crew she was trying to sabotage. Silly girl, not realizing that her prey was truly the hunter...Oh and she would pay for calling him Christopher!

    "Not in the mood for whine, 'kay Kimmie?"

    "Oh god Chrissie! Jesse and Lisa will be fine! Tell me you're not worrying about those... ensigns!"  She sat beside him, pouting oh so prettily. He'd never seen anything so ugly.

    "Why would I be worried?" Jericho's smile was chilling. "LITA has lost her marbles and JEFFERY is dying from a phaser wound to his soft little heart. All in a day's work."

    "Don't be like this Chris. I wanna be here for you."

    "There's no time for this jerky touchy-feely stuff, sugar." Oh to be able to scrub his own tongue with acid... "Truth be told, the lives of two little ensigns pale in comparison to the fate of the whole ship. The best thing... the best thing you can for me is to leave me alone so I can work this out before more crew has to die!"

    Kimberly frowned. She wouldn't push the insensitive piece of scrap metal, it wasn't worth it. After all, Lt Commander Chris Jericho was right; it didn't matter if  Jeff and Lita's pathetic little lives were snuffed out like candles. A dark era was coming to Wrestlefleet, and not a single soul on the Titanprize would be alive to stop it!

***

    He waited until he could hear her two inch heels clicking down the corridor, the sticky-sweet odor of her cheap perfume mercifully following

    Witch.

    "Computer, open the comm and prepare to send a private encrypted message to the following coordinates on the Titanprize." He manually fed ships's computer a series of digits. "Priority Y2J Alpha, Security Clearance Level 9."

    "Go ahead, sir."

    "Stephanie?"

    "Lt Commander Jericho?" Pure ice. He didn't have time to care.

    "The ship is dying. I need to see you, tell you something."

    The silence seemed to stretch for an eternity. "Where?"

    "The Smackdown. It's been sealed off. There was a riot or something... I don't know anymore." Jericho sighed, shook his head to clear away the images of the fire and fighting and anger he'd seen there a few hours earlier. "It's safe enough."

    So quiet he could almost hear her heart beating over the comm. "I'll be there."

***

SICKBAY

    "....and he's working Matt to death. I look at my big brother and I don't even know how he's still awake or even standing up. He can't go on like this but Shane won't stop; that spoiled brat just won't quit pushing us and pushing us until he breaks our will...." Jeff Hardy's pained eyes stared back at Dr. Taker, his privacy invaded just in case there was a clue in his logbook.

    "I'm so worried about Matt that I can't sleep. This might sound...crazy, but I think Commander McMahon is trying to make him so tired that he'll have a fatal accident in Engineering or maybe a shuttle crash, and there won't be anyone to blame but Matt. He'll be disgraced...."

    Cold as the grave. It was the best way to describe Shane McMahon, the wayward son of Wrestlefleet's most legendary captain.  A shame he got so much recognition in what would probably be Ensign Hardy's famous last words...

    The Chief Medical Officer leaned back in his chair, reflected on the other crew logs as his pale gray eyes scanned the comatose and injured outside his office. Lita, who was now lying near brain death, had whispered about terrifying hallucinations and blacking out the episode where she'd almost pitched herself into the other ship's warp core.

    She'd been the first to succumb to the bizarre symptoms, forced to watch a nightmare parade of gruesome violent scenes, devils, and demons march past her eyes. There was no way of knowing what she saw before she'd discharged deadly plasma into her boyfriend's heart.

    "....the fatigue is excruciating." Matt Hardy could barely hold his head up enough to stare at his own private logbook. "I know I'm asleep. I know I am. My head's about to come off, it hurts so much....I take dose after dose of whatever the heck Dr. Taker prescribed for me, but it just makes me feel more wired. I can't tell anyone. They won't believe me."

    The young Aerialian was on the verge of tears.

    "Mr. Taker, sir." Why is it when Angle talked, he always sounded like he was doing his best impression of a pompous ass? "It appears we need an emergency medical transport from Ensign Christian's quarters."

    "What the hell happened?"

    "After conducting an investigation of the highest integrity, I have determined that Edge and Christian are suffering from severe exsanguination due to lacerations on their wrists. While the evidence is merely circumstantial, the numerous shards of glass scattered on the carpet indicate a malignant mirror breakage-"

    "They're bleeding to death!" Taker exploded like a bomb.  "You little puke! Men are spraying blood like sprinklers and your stank ass is writing up some damn proper Wrestlefleet report? Boy, I'm about to fix you up real nice with a new size 18 boot chute in your backside!"

    "Dude." Christian croaked over the comm. "Hurry! I'm getting too pale to pull off this new Armani shirt!

    Good thing I don't require sleep, Dr. Taker thought with a grim smile.

***

THE SMACKDOWN

    I can't let Stephanie go to her grave thinking I slept with Kimberly, Jericho realized as he faced the veil of evil on the other side of the window. The Tai'Lor cloud was like an intangible puff of pink cotton candy laced with every known gemstone in the universe and definitely not as sweet as it looked.

    A lot like Kimberly. Maybe a lot like Stephanie.

    No. They were nothing alike.

    Jericho didn't doubt now that his favorite skank was going to the big street corner in the sky; Steph's nine lives had obviously run out, and the running joke of the heroic, rainbow-haired Hardy always being there to rescue her no longer applied.

    In a few hours, Jeff's heart would no longer be able to sustain its erratic rhythm and would cease functioning altogether. The electrical shock from Lita's modified phaser was causing it to misfire badly, and Dr. Taker refused to revive the young ensign again.

    And Lita... there was really no Lita anymore.

    He didn't expect to see Matt, Eddie, and Chyna again. Once they beamed over to the ghost ship, it was like being sucked through the point of no return.

    "Are you happy?" Jericho laughed bitterly. "You won you little bi-"

    "Pardon me, Lt Commander Jericho?" He didn't have to look to know that Steph was behind him. "Not only am I a skank and a slut, but I'm also a-"

    "Everything's just gotta be about you doesn't it?" Jericho smirked. "Newsflash Stephie baby. We're all going  to be lying on our backs soon, only this time you won't have an ensign on top."

    "We're all going to die, Chrissie." Stephanie rubbed her eyes, trying to clear away the sleepiness that had seeped into her bones. "I get that part."

    "You know what they say Steph." She looked like hell, as if she were in the final stages of some disease. Her eyes were bright and feverish in a face that was too pale and too flushed. "The best time for a confession is on your deathbed. I am so sick and tired of this game we're playing."

    He couldn't breathe! Steph was screaming...

    Metallic wire was digging into his throat, cutting his synthetic flesh so deeply it was starving him of air. Jericho knew he should re-route his respiratory functions but he couldn't make the program respond. Couldn't make the program respond? What the-

    It was hard to think with someone's boot driven into your gut, sending shockwaves of stinging pain through your no-sell titanium inner shell. Pain? The Y2J Unit's self-diagnostic hit him with a bombshell revelation-Stephanie had tweaked all his nerve receptors a couple days ago, and not for the better.

    He could taste coppery liquid in his mouth as his knees hit the floor. Usually, Jericho could slay most demons, tackle most enemies, but the physical agony overwhelmed his android strength. He felt cold steel propping his chin up and though his vision was blurred from oxygen depravation, he knew an old-fashioned sledgehammer when he was saw one.

    That son of a bitch Helmsley! Jericho wondered what puppet strings the rotten little Ensign had yanked on his wife to get her to do this.

    "Trip." Chris nodded at his adversary.

    "You're scum Jericho." Hunter spit in his face. "You know what I'm gonna do to you for forcing yourself on my wife?"

    "Oh boy Trip." Jericho coughed up a mouthful of his own synthetic blood as Road Dogg loosened the noose around his neck. "The slut called out my name in bed didn't she?"

    "Let's do an experiment." X-Pac suggested, as he forcibly held a wide-eyed Stephanie back.

    Oh come on skank! Jericho glared at her. You set me up! What? Didn't think it would get this bad, little girl?

    "I love a good science experiment." Hunter was smiling, having the time of his life. "What do you recommend Professor?"

    "I wonder how many gallons of liquid titanium can be gleaned from melting one junky Kanatian toy robot down?" X-Pac asked thoughtfully. "When he gets just to that point where he's about to lose consciousness, I say we light him on fire."

    "Hunter, please." Stephanie moaned. Watching this side of her husband was making her queasy. There was jealousy and then there was... this. "God, I didn't mean for you to take it this far. I'm satisfied, okay?"

    Jericho quickly scanned his memory banks, focusing on what he knew about Helmsley's dark days as a Degenerate rebel. From the look in Trip's eyes, those stomach turning stories about what he'd done to his enemies with that damn sledgehammer were probably not exaggerated.

    "You're satisfied?" Hunter had turned his wrathful stare on Stephanie.

    "That's not what she said last night." Jericho leered at her.

    "Last night?" Stephanie couldn't take it anymore. She didn't even know if this was some god awful nightmare or not, when she was sleeping or when she wasn't anymore. She shook off X-Pac and walked up to Chris, stared into eyes clouded by blood and pain. Her fingers slid beneath his sticky, crimson-streaked hair, yanked his head back. "If you got some infection last night Chris, I'm not the one you should blame. Look at your little Nytron tart - she clones more crabs than a zoology lab."

    "Listen to that Trip! She needs my tongue in her mouth just once and she starts to talk like me!"

    Hunter laughed. They were all going to bite the dust anyway. He had nothing to lose.

***

UNKNOWN WCW SHIP-TRANSPORTER ROOM

    "McMichaels! Get me out of here!" Chyna stood frozen inside the transporter room of the ghost ship, her bio-suit it's own little house of horrors. Pipes creaked from being split in half by phaser fire and lights winked at her, as if this whole place was some sort of macabre joke on Wrestlefleet.

    She wished she could laugh. "McMichaels?" She was stabbing so furiously at her comm badge that she could feel the skin beneath starting to bruise. "Oh no, no, no. They're just going to leave us here to die!"

    "Ey Mamacita!" Eddie frowned at her. "Lots of gravity blocking the comm you know? They got a lock on us."

    "We need to forget the bodies." Matt wished he could push his damp sweaty hair out of his eyes, figure out why the heck he'd be perspiring like the ship was a sauna. His suit should've kept extreme hot and cold away.  He wasn't touching any corpses, no how, no way. Nurse Saturn couldn't be found for transport, so they were gonna scrap that aspect of the mission.

    "What if it's a trap." Chyna whispered, as if the dead men were listening. "And they can come back to life and get us?"

    "Dead is dead, Mamacita." Ensign Guerrero regarded her quizzically. "If they're faking it, they deserve an Academy Award."

    "There's gotta be something on this hellhole that will save the Titanprize." Matt declared, eyes raking over the computers that hissed and sparked, studiously avoiding the slain officers. "The Tai'Lor Cloud was never dangerous before. This freakshow has got to be a trap!"

    Eddie took a deep breath, tried to quiet his head, focus only on Ensign Hardy speaking. Other voices were screaming in his brain, commanding him to kill Chyna and Matt before they turned on him, slaughtered him in such vile ways.....

    "Eddie?" Chyna touched his arm.

    "I'm fine." He wasn't. He wanted to explode, yell at the top of his lungs for them to shut up and leave his mind. But that, of course, would seem crazy. "Okay Matt, a trap. How the heck does a WCW ship rig a brilliant trick like this?"

    "Well Eddie, if I knew, we wouldn't be standing here twiddling our thumbs." Man, his fuse was just getting shorter and shorter. "You and Chyna search Engineering for anything that could explain our own warp core and thruster failures. I'll try and access Sickbay, in case this is some sort of screwed up biological warfare."

    "I don't know." Chyna hugged herself. "Maybe...maybe you're just trying to lure us in there, so we'll kill ourselves like Lita."

    Lita! "Listen." Matt's voice was trembling. The panic attacks were getting closer and closer together, cold hard lumps of fear forming in his stomach for no reason, the terror so paralyzing it had kept him wide awake for four straight days. "Lita snapped, she went insane because she saw these illusions that were so gruesome she couldn't cope. It started here. No matter what you see, what you hear, do not trust it. Unless it's scientific, don't give in."

    Eddie and Chyna nodded, understanding now that full blown psychosis was creeping up on them.

    First their minds would be taken. Lives came next.

***

WWF TITANPRIZE-SICKBAY

    Dr. Taker stared into the fragile, glowing data crystal, wishing he didn't have to slip it inside the small cargo beacon that rested on his desk. It signified a certain morbid finality to the whole affair, the last glimmer of a young ensigns life. It meant the Titanprize was on the edge of the abyss and going in.

    That damned fool McMahon had initiated the self-destruct sequence, the obnoxious sirens and flaring red  alert acting as the crew's funeral march. The bridge had stopped communicating hours ago, but Vince was alive enough to engage in one last act of cowardice.

    The dead man timed the cargo beacon to transport off the ship seconds before the Titanprize tore itself apart by detonating its own warp core. It would warn other vessels of the gravitational spiderweb that was waiting to snare them and.....

    ....And it would assure each and every family of the officers aboard this ship that their sons and daughters had died Wrestlefleet heroes, with dignity and honor. Made  Taker a little sick to his stomach, writing the flowery speeches, spitting out the cliches that most people found so oddly comforting.

    But it was his duty, as the only sane officer left.

    "Can I be of any assistance, Mr. Taker?"

    "Ensign Crash?" The doctor was rarely startled. "What is your stank little ass doing here?"

    "I'm afraid Lt Benoit is sort of in a bad mood right now." Crash seemed downright apologetic. "Had to lock him in the lab and scoot through the Jeffries tube. I hope I don't get demoted to cadet."

    "That's a pretty bogus worry right now, Crash." Dr. Taker sighed. Well, it was an extra set of hands.....

    "Oh my gosh." The Houdinian was hovering over Ensign Hardy's bio-bed. "Is he...?"

    "No." Dr. Taker smiled, savoring the memory... stupid little Aerialian punk all wide-eyed and scared out of his mind as the good doctor watched him gasp for breath and writhe with agonizing seizures, like a damn fish stuck out of water.....dangling an oxygen-filled hypospray in front of Jeff's terrified eyes, enjoying the little game of life and death he'd made him play....

    "Doctor Taker, sir?"

    "Sorry. Get your ass over to Ensign Edge's bed and check his vitals."

    "Aye sir."

    Dr. Taker took one last look at young Ensign Hardy, his grin calculated and cold as he admired the tube that had been thrust down Jeff's throat.  It had been necessary of course, for the boy's own good really. How else could the dead man make sure the electrical pulses that might regulate his patient's damaged heart went where they needed to go?

    It wasn't Taker's fault Jeff couldn't be knocked out for the procedure....

    Good thing he didn't sleep. There was 45 minutes left in the life of the Titanprize and fatigue was the last thing he wanted.

***

UNKNOWN WCW SHIP-SICKBAY

    "It's not real."

    Matt stepped inside the medical bay, heard the doors seal behind him. It was like a steel tomb, the walls cold, gleaming gray, a single gurney in the heart of the room. A sterile white sheet traced the contour of a human body.

    He closed his eyes, opened them. Nothing changed.

    "This isn't real."

    He put his hands over his ears. All he could hear was his own heart beating, faster and faster and faster. Matt spun on his heel. The door was gone.

    Disappeared.

    "You are not gonna do this to me." Matt hissed. Who was he even talking to? "I am not crazy!"

    Dear god.....

    Whatever was under the sheet moved. Twitched. It wasn't going to play with him, no way in hell. Matt powered up his phaser and flung the shroud back.

    "Oh god. No....oh no......you don't exist. You're not real."

    Matt was on his knees, unable to keep from being violently sick. "Jeff isn't here. He's on the Titanprize."

    Jeff couldn't be here. Unless his brother's dead body has been transported aboard this ship. He screamed as cold, clammy fingers wrapped around his wrist.

    "There's nothing touching me." If he whispered it a million times....maybe.....

    "I'm dead, Matt." It sounded like Jeff....."We're all dead. It's over."

    "I don't believe you."

    "Chyna and Eddie have killed each other. You're alone. There's no one left."

    Matt swallowed and tapped his comm badge. "Guerrero? Chyna? Please respond....please."

    Nothing. He was shaking violently as he stared into Jeff's colorless eyes. "Do you want to be alone here Matt, with all the ghosts? They won't ever stop punishing you."

    "I didn't do anything!"

    "Didn't you?" Little brother's eyes turned black with rage. "You couldn't save the ship. I could've, if Lita hadn't shot me. All you ever do is screw up Matt, and this time you got me killed!"

    "I'm sorry-I-"

    "You want me to forgive you?" Jeff laughed, coughing the most horrible, dry, rasping cough. "I'm lonely here. But don't feel guilty Matt. It won't be the first time you've abandoned me, will it?"

    "Jeff, I never meant to...." Matt felt dizzy, like someone had punched him in the heart and knocked the wind out of him. He had never been so sorry in his life as the night he and his brother had gone to a graveyard on Aerialia to play hide and seek with Lita. It had taken four damp, rainy hours to locate little, crying five year old Jeff stuck inside a freshly dug hole, his ankle sprained as he huddled behind a mound of dirt.

    He's been too frightened to shout for help.

    "Forget it Matt. Some people are really lucky, you know? They have big brothers who protect them, shelter them. I have you."

    "Ensign!"

    Matt whirled around in his shock as Eddie practically wrenched his arm out of its socket. They were in Sickbay, beneath an eerie array of faintly pulsing lights. "What....."

    "You were about to give yourself a pretty big headache with that phaser, Matt." Eddie smiled weakly. "Not as easy to stay focused as you thought, huh?"

    Matt stared at his phaser, feeling icy wetness slick the inside of his suit. The weapon was set to kill. "Where's Chyna."

    "I-I had to lock in her a turbolift." Eddie said sadly. "She was losing control...did this to me."

    Ensign Hardy studied the gash in Guerrero's leg; it was a fairly nasty knife wound. "That's a shame Eddie. I have just the thing for you though."

    Matt aimed the phaser at his friend and depressed the trigger. "Nice try, jerk." Chyna didn't carry a blade. Guerrero was merely trying to cover up some godforsaken crime against his girlfriend with a self-inflicted injury.

    Unless, of course, Ensign Hardy was imagining the whole thing.

***

WWF TITANPRIZE-SICKBAY

    "Go ahead, Ensign." Dr. Taker could barely hear Matt's voice through the gravitational interference that had buried the Titanprize in its cosmic grave.

    "I didn't think anyone would ever respond."

    "It's just me and Elroy now. Oh, and we've got seven minutes to breathe over here."

    "Understood." Matt bowed his head. They would have to destroy the Titanprize of course. Otherwise, it was a floating trap, a deadly invitation to other ships who might be foolish enough to attempt a rescue. And that meant-"So I've got about five?"

    "Give the man a prize." Dr. Taker smiled grimly. "All the patients are dead. I-I'm sorry Matt. Your brother and Lita suffered terribly before - look it's too late now for that. Autopsies show the problem was a lethal form of insomnia, an inability to reach R.E.M sleep. Failure to reach this deep level of rest causes the brain to experience everything from mental illness to actual physical breakdowns."

    "I've been awake for over 100 straight hours." Matt said hoarsely. His brother was dead! So Jeff could be here, waiting to- "My eyes would close at night, but in the morning I'd feel like garbage. I thought I was going insane."

    "You are going insane." Taker said matter of factly. "It's your duty to destroy that ship and end this now. End it before you get some suicidal urge and we've got some ghost vessel hanging out there like a mousetrap! Detonate the warp core immediately!"

    "No, no, no, no." Matt shook his head. He didn't care if Dr. Taker was his superior officer. The big bad medicine man had all the answers but was still willing to blow them both to hell?

    Not logical!

    "I'll find the trap."

    "The hell you will boy." Taker laughed so hard it sent shivers down Matt's spine. "You're just a little punk ass ensign and not even a decent one  like your brother. What is it about you damn mortals that you can't just face death with a little guts?"

    But the young Aerialian had already removed his comm badge and crushed it beneath his feet. Three minutes til the end of the world....

***

ENGINEERING

    "Hold still, Lt Commander Jericho." Stephanie held a wafer thin silicon chip between her pretty little teeth as she ran a tri-corder down his arm, a lazer-scalpel twined through her other five fingers. "I know you're restless to get back under your defective skank, but I'd hate to accidentally cut your arm off."

    "Defector, sweetie. Funny, you should be used to talking with a mouthful, you know?"

    "I'm too blissed out on sleep to jam this scalpel between your eyes, Jericho."

    "Too bad the rest of the crew was asleep too." Jericho winked at Ensign Hardy, who grinned back. "You could've been the most popular ride since the roller coaster was invented."

    "That make you laugh, Hardly?" Stephanie gave Jeff a dirty look. To think, she'd been slightly concerned when he'd been under the knife for heart surgery! That she'd almost thought of the little geek as her fr-...ick!  A McMahon slumming with ensigns - how socially gross! "Cause as rides go, I heard from a certain red-head that you're pretty much stuck in neutral."

    "Watch yourself Hardy." Jericho flinched slightly as Stephanie slashed a neat tear in his titanium with just a little too much relish. "Now that you're an ensign again, ol Slutephanie here will be trying to shift you into overdrive."

    "Sorry Commander McMahon-Helmsley." Jeff said solemnly. "I'm saving my two credits for a rainy day."

    Stephanie gritted her teeth as she thrust the data chip into the Y2J Unit's elbow joint. No doubt about it. She'd only been worried about young Jeffrey cause he was her lucky charm - as long as his heroic Aerialian genes and amazing technicolor head were still alive, she was good as gold.

    "Ensign Hardy." Stephanie flashed him a winning smile. "I can handle Chris's repairs. Please assist Ensigns Edge and Christian with recalibrating the bridge controls."

    "Can I go to the brig instead?"

    "Am I not speaking English? Did I not just give you a direct order?"

    "Aye sl-"

    "Ensign?" Stephanie arched an eyebrow.

    "Aye sir."

    "I blame him on you." Steph's breath caught in her throat as her fingers traced a small, jagged scar on the back of Jericho's neck. All her fault really, that his surprisingly warm, soft skin had been cut like that...

    "Thanks." Jericho closed his eyes, his android curiousity wondering why her touch felt like that, as if it could magically ease his pain without doing anything more than just being there....."They say sarcasm can't be taught, but young Hardy soaks it up like a sponge."

    Good lord!  He needed to spend less time with Eddie and Chyna or something. His positronic net was starting to integrate a little too much of their romantic nonsense! Course, he'd never call it nonsense in front of the warrior princess.

    "I think he has the brains of a sponge." Commander McMahon-Helmsley muttered, hands suddenly clumsy as she fumbled around looking for the titanium sealant. Couldn't that rainbow-haired freak keep her equipment tray organized? And why the heck had Jericho been designed with such spun-silk, golden hair? It wasn't like he needed it for pete's sake!

    "You don't have to fix that sweetie." The injury was tingling. Had Stephanie accidentally triggered something while she was massaging the stupid thing?

    "Fine." Stupid jerk obviously wanted her to have a little reminder of what she'd done to him. Good! Stephanie was tired of regretting it! "Be that way!"

    "You know, when ol' Trip was breaking my fingers one by one with his hammer, I think he put a king-sized glitch in my emotion chip." Jericho complained. "I've been getting these freaky energy surges and-"

    "Sounds like a personal problem." Stephanie grabbed his hand and popped his fingernail. "We'll just turn this sucker off and-"

    Turn it off? Not again, he thought with a groan. It seemed to be WORSE in the off position, "I'll let Matt look at it. He just came on shift and he's studying my positronic net for his Wrestlefleet Academy tech project."

    "Alright Chrissie! I get it! You don't trust me poking around in your circuits! You'll never trust me again!" Stephanie angrily flung his hand away. "You don't need to draw this girl a picture! Get bent, 'droid!"

    "Don't trust you?" Jericho shook his head in disbelief as he watched her storm out of Engineering. "Heck, Matt's the one who showed you how to hack my sub-routines in the first place. It's me I don't trust!" he said to himself.

***

THE SMACKDOWN

    "Ick! Would you make that thing stop licking me?"

    I bet you don't ask that too often, do ya Stephie? Chyna thought with a grin, as she gently pulled her new golden retriever puppy off the irate commander's lap. She wanted to laugh out loud as the sweet little pup's warm brown eyes gazed up at Stephanie with that irresistable pleading look.

    Of course, only the little princess' favorite human shield Jeff Hardy and smart-mouthed Chris Jericho were allowed to make cracks like that without getting in trouble.

    "Ey Commander, dogs have a sixth sense, you know?" Eddie winked at her. "They know when someone wants to pet their soft little heads."

    Stephanie waited for Jericho to make a nasty joke about ensigns having a similar psychic intuition, but there was just an awkward silence where the insult should have been. Sweet Kimberly had the Y2J Unit's lips held prisoner on the dance floor.

    "Guess this means the lover's quarrel is over?" Lita asked, smiling as Ensign Guerrero's hyper little gift went sprinting behind the bar, where Jackie and Ivory proceeded to gush over it.

    "Hey, I know my Eddie was totally loco when he stuffed me into that turbolift." Chyna laughed. "Though I am enjoying the rewards of his bad behavior!" Her expression suddenly grew serious. "Really Matt, this whole ship should get down and kiss your feet. If you'd listened to Dr. Taker..." Chyna shuddered.

    "It weren't no big thing." Matt said with a shrug, turning bright pink. "It's pure luck that I wasn't completely crazy. Anyone could've found the modified radio waves being transmitted if they'd been thinking clearly enough. "

    "Don't be so lame!" Lita smacked him on the shoulder. "I mean, even Commander Shane the Pain was so impressed he let you have a week's vacation. You saved my life, your brother's life-"

    "Jeff's a little late getting off work." Matt frowned.

    "Maybe he's not coming." Lita sighed, suddenly feeling melancholy. "I wouldn't blame him. He's probably afraid I'll go mental and use him for target practice again."

    "Get real Lita." Stephanie rolled her eyes. Didn't the redhead see she was hooked up with the supreme sap of the universe? Jeff could watch his girlfriend play tongue tag with half the ensigns in this room and still ooze forgiveness. "He's probably letting his nails dry or getting his little tap shoes polished. Rats!"  Her wedding ring! "My wedding ring!"

    "I see it." Matt sighed and crawled under the table, wondering if she'd be upset if he melted it down with a phaser. Hmmm... if only Jericho had been here to take advantage of this comic visual - a handsome young ensign on his knees in front of Stephanie. But then, Chris was far too busy with his love life lately to spend anytime with his real friends!

    "Boo!"

    "Owww! Dammit! Matt rubbed his head. "Jeff...that's not funny."

    "Are you kidding?" His little brother laughed. "Funniest thing I've seen all night, " he looked at Lita, "Wanna dance, babe?"

    "Er...."

    "Hey, the hair and shirt are bad enough, Hardly." Stephanie owed her friend a couple. "Don't make it any worse for her by getting up and dancing."

    "Whatever that means, Commander Happy Pants." Jeff spun his chair around and sat down with a synthehol. "That was something else you did for Jericho, I mean, considering he'd rather swap spit with that Nytron."

    "I don't know what you mean." Stephanie said through clenched teeth, kicking him under the table. Little Hardy had better shut up, she thought, because she didn't want Hunter finding out that she'd sabotaged his beatdown on Chris by blading the 'bot in the back of the neck, using the opening to manually shut down Jericho's pain receptors.

    "Right." Jeff winked at her, another one of those annoying mannerisms he'd picked up from his android idol. "Amnesia then. Hey Matt."

    "Hey what?"

    Jeff lowered his voice to a whisper. "I see dead people."

    "Shut up!" But Matt laughed anyway, even though he wished he hadn't said anything about his wacko hallucination on the ghost ship. He had a feeling he'd all but handed his little brother a week's worth of nasty pranks.

    "Jeff?"

    Ensign Hardy looked up. "X-Punk?"

    "Drink for you, courtesy of Commander McMahon." X-Pac was smiling as he threw the glassful of stinging synthehol into Jeff's eyes. "Cheers."

    "Well..." Jeff gratefully accepted a napkin from Lita. "At least it was free."

***
 

    "Isn't that star just the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" Kimberly asked with a sigh, pointing to a bright gleam on the other side of the window. She was enjoying this, being shown off as the handsome android's trophy in the Smackdown.

    "Ummm, actually that's the reflection from Edge's overly shiny teeth." Chris said with a sigh, feeling like he had his arm around a viper. He reflexively touched the scar on the back of his neck, the imperfection a reminder of the difference between what Stephanie and a truly demonic witch was. The little princess could be counted on to do the right thing in the end, not like that, that---

    "Oooops." Kimberly giggled. "Guess I'm a little tipsy. I need to go to the little girl's room okay?"

    "Fine by me." Jericho had to meet Chyna in her quarters in about three minutes anyway. The best thing about those meetings was ranting and raving on what a slime Kimmie was.

    The Nytron waited by the ladies room door until she was sure Chris had left the Smackdown. Kim didn't care where the heck he was going; she was just so darn pouty that she'd disappointed Russo. The plan had seemed so foolproof and Wrestlefleet was supposed to be so embarrassed when their best crew went nutso and killed themselves off.

    She was going to get some satisfaction out of the evening, though it wasn't going to be from that puritan on batteries she was dating.

    "Slutephanie?"

    Kimberly smiled frostily at a table full of wide-eyed little ensigns and their ho commander. "Excuse me?"

    "You heard me, tramp."

    Eddie and Chyna exchanged looks. Had Kimberly just taken one of Jericho's most prized names for Stephanie in vain?

    "Pretend she's not there." Commander McMahon-Helmsley said. "Although it's hard to ignore that smell."

    The ensigns went back to chatting and laughing; even the male ones avoided her beautiful eyes!

    Kimberly took a handful of Stephie's glossy brown hair and lifted her out of her chair. The commander yelped in surprise, not expecting the Nytron wench to possess such strength. Where had Chyna just gone anyways?

    "How dare you hurt Chris the way you did!" Kimberly was hissing in her face. "If he is permanently damaged in any way, I will hold you personally responsible!"

    Stephanie shook herself loose, laughing. "Oh good lord! I repaired your precious pretty boy! If certain things don't function properly, then you're doing something wrong!"

    Kimberly brought her hand across Steph's face with a decisive crack! Nobody, not even the captain's daughter, questioned her ability to seduce a man! "Keep your husband away from my Chris!"

    "Keep your damn hands off my commander!" Lita was towering over the Nytron witch, eyes flashing with fury.

    "Make me!"

    "I will." Lita assured her with a chilling calm. "In Holodeck 2, tomorrow at 1400 hours. You can learn your lesson then, or you can have the whole ship find out what a slutty coward you really are."

    Kimberly sneered at her. It would probably be painful, but what a way to turn Chris against his precious little friends!

    "Don't look so smug, Lita. I'll be there."