Characters: Buffy/Spike/Harmony
Rating: Not Even PG
Background: This story is set about two months after Riley’s departure; Spike and Buffy are training together at the Magic Box.  Harmony has discovered Spike’s trove of Buffy memorabilia at the crypt and has come to confront B/S about what’s going on between them…of course, NOTHING is going on but training….
 

“Ah-HA!”, Harmony said bursting into the training room in righteous indignation.

Spike and Buffy were standing in opposition to one another on either side of the mat.  Spike had a sword in his hand.  Buffy had her back to him as she slid the mate to his sword into a scabbard on the weapons bench.  Both of them were stripped down to the bare essentials.  Buffy, in a sports bra and loose drawstring pants, was slick with perspiration.  Spike showed no outer sign of exertion.  He had, however,  removed his duster revealing a deep blue tee shirt with no collar or sleeves.  The tee had several slash marks across the chest but Spike was apparently
unhurt.

Spike and Buffy looked at Harmony expectantly for several moments.  Nothing further was forthcoming.

“So, like I was saying”, Buffy continued turning toward Spike, “It just seems to me that if these
people are oppressed then as Americans we…”

“Oh, please!”, Spike snorted handing Buffy his sword hilt first to put up. “Like you and your little friends give a single thought to the ‘oppressed people’ of Columbia when you’re sucking down your overpriced double lattes at the mall.  Face it, Buffy, you Yanks get involved when the oppression hits your pocketbooks and not a moment bef…”

“Hell-oo?”, Harmony interrupted.

The blue of Spike’s shirt picked up that color from his eyes making the glare he turned on Harm unusually intense. Once again, they waited for Harmony to continue.  During the pause, Spike walked across the room, picked up his duster and slipped into it.

“You have something to contribute?” Buffy asked after a time. Spike had plopped down on the stool his duster had occupied. His attitude was one of good-humored
tolerance.

“I’ll contribute you…you…boyfriend stealer.” Harmony snapped.

Spike sat up a little straighter in his chair.  He cut a sideways glance at Buffy but she couldn’t see his discomfort.  She was effectively blindfolded and incapacitated; pulling on a fluffy sweater.  Harmony, as usual, was oblivious to the opportunities this presented a vampire. Spike rolled his eyes in exasperated disbelief.  Buffy emerged from her bondage and addressed Harmony.

“Oh, for…” Buffy sighed adjusting her ponytail, “…not this again! Will you just get over that already?  It was four years ago and for the 500th time Nick Walters was not YOUR BOYFRIEND. Just because he sat next to you in English and helped you with your pathetic
sentence diagramming doesn’t make him your boyfriend.”
 

“Uh, He was SO, you two-faced liar.” Harmony said with feeling.  Spike puffed out a laugh shaking his head slightly in amazement.

“Okay, whatever!”, Buffy said, “I’m Mata Hari.  I confess that I seduced Nick Walters with my pouty lips while he was under the influence of too much school cafeteria Jell-O. Now, can we PLEASE just all move on with our lives?”

“You would like that wouldn’t you?” Harmony snapped.

“Well, Yeah!” Buffy said exchanging a look with Spike.  The male vampire had visibly relaxed as the conversation progressed.  He was actually starting to enjoy himself when Harmony found her focus again.

“There…there…I saw that look!”, She accused, “You aren’t satisfied just stealing Nick away from me.  Now you’re after my Spikey, too.”

Buffy’s mouth snapped shut in shock.  Spike glared daggers at Harmony who continued her tirade.

“That’s right.  You think I don’t know what you two are doing here practically three times a week.  But I do.  I finally figured it out.”

“You figured it out?” Buffy said finding her voice just as Spike was mustering a response of his own. “About me and Spike…about Spike and I? You figured THAT out?”

“Yes, I did!” Harmony confirmed, “Because I’m not as dumb as I look.”

“Well, you couldn’t possibly be…” Buffy said gently holding one hand to her brow as if warding off a migraine. Only her slightly shaking shoulders betrayed how close she was to rolling on the floor with laughter.  “…but it IS brave of you to keep trying like this.” Buffy said when she could speak again.

“Now, Harm…”, Spike began hoping to bring this farce to a swift and happy conclusion but Buffy held up a hand to forestall him.

“No!” She said with almost perfect control on her inner child, “Don’t even bother, Spike! I mean, there’s no reason to deny it any longer.  We can finally tell the truth about our love. HARMONY here has it all figured out.”

 “I’m glad she knows…really!” Buffy continued. She crossed over to Spike’s side and sank onto his lap.  She slipped one arm along his shoulders and snuggled close with a tiny sigh. “No more sneaking out in the light of day.  No more pretending that we loathe one
another.”

Spike’s mouth twitched as his sense of the absurd kicked in.  He didn’t stop to consider the risks he encounter in confessing his sins.  He just slipped his arms around Buffy’s waist and drew her a little closer.

“Yeah, it’s a bloody load off my mind I tell you!” He said into her hair, “No more hiding our special mementos all over the crypt.  I was running out of clever places.”

“Oh My GOD!”, Harmony exclaimed obviously shocked to her core, “I can’t believe you’re just coming out and admitting it like this!  I thought you might have the decency to deny it.  I mean…Spike you’re a Vampire and you…well…you’re the SLAYER.”

She said the last word like it was the most appalling aberration imaginable and shuddered slightly at the imagery.

“The love that dare not speak its name.” Spike said barely able to contain himself.

Buffy, holding on to her composure by her fingernails, bit down hard on her lip and turned her face into Spike’s shoulder at this pronouncement.

“Euuwww!” Harmony said totally missing the joke, “How can you even say…that?…It’s just so…icky! And when I think that I came here to get you back…”

“Back! Ha!” Buffy bristled.  Leaping off of Spike’s lap, she took up a threatening pose and scowled at Harm. “I’d like to see you try?”

“You two have it out.” Spike said standing up behind Buffy, “and I promise to go quietly with whoever wins.”

Buffy turned a surprised look on him.  Spike had his arms crossed.  He was leaning back slightly relaxed in the knees, cocky and self-assured.  He gave her an almost imperceptible wink.  Without warning Buffy turned and strode over to the weapons bench.  Snatching up a stake she gave it a practiced twirl and addressed the lady vamp.

“Well…what do you say, Harmony?” Buffy said in a dark tone, “You think you can take me?”

Harmony’s eyes were wide and focused on the sharpened piece of wood in Buffy’s capable hands.  The night was certainly not going the way she’d planned.  She held up one hand in supplication as she struggled for words.

“Uhm…I…uhmm!” Harmony said.  Buffy dropped into a fighting stance and began to circle her.  Spike watched the Slayer with undiluted admiration, a small smile playing on his slightly parted lips.

“Look, Buffy, you and I have known each other for a long, long time.” Harmony continued with equal measures of desperation and forced sweetness, “I mean we were in High School together…and everything.”

“We hated each other in High School, you imbecile.” Buffy snarled feigning a lunge.

“Okay…I guess…” Harmony agreed jumping half out of her skin.  She looked desperately over at Spike and was suddenly hit with a lightning bolt of inspiration.  “But my point is I have known YOU a lot longer than I’ve known Spike.” She hissed out the male vampire’s name.  “And just between us girls!” she continued in a confidential whisper, totally ignoring the fact that
Spike was within easy earshot, “It hasn’t been all that earthshaking an experience being with him anyway.  If you know what I mean?”

Buffy straightened slightly.  She raked Spike up and down with an appraising glance taking a good measure of the cockiness out of him.

“No!” He growled angrily giving Harm the look that kills. “We don’t know what you mean!”

“I’m talking about the SEX, Spike!” Harmony clarified helpfully.  She turned back to Buffy who was now having a truly wonderful time.

“Oh, do tell!” the Slayer encouraged. Spike transferred his blue-eyed glare to her.

“Well”, Harmony said with feeling, “You know how he is?”

After a slight pause, Buffy remembered to nod in agreement.  Caught up in the absurdity of the moment, she had almost forgotten that she was supposed to know how Spike was.

“All hot and ready…and you know…good with his hands?” Harmony said encouragingly.  Buffy nodded again.  Her amusement was increasing with each mental image.

“Right, but just so you know…” Harmony continued like Moses handing down the gospel, “That part doesn’t last very long.  One day you’ll be wearing something really slinky and all he wants to do is talk.  I mean how many times can you hear that stupid Boxing Rebels story before you want to strangle him.”

“Spike IS a talker!” Buffy conceded giving him an evil grin. “On our first date he spent the whole night droning on about the Boxing thingee.”

“You’re one step away, Missy.” Spike said, no longer having a good time.  Buffy decided to give him a break.  She crossed over to him and laid one hand softly on his arm.  She gave him a melting look to further bait Harmony.

“But that’s what I like about him.” Buffy continued turning to face her rival, “Just listening to his
voice makes me go all warm and squishy inside.”

Spike’s eyes lit up even as Harmony’s flashed in exasperation.

“Yeah…Well…Talking isn’t ALL he does!” The dimwit snarled peevishly, “Yesterday he turned me down because he wanted to READ.”

“Oh, That’s okay with me, Harmony!” Buffy shrugged.  “I know how to read, too.” She was leaning into Spike slightly and could feel his muscles tensing with suppressed hilarity. “In fact,” Buffy continued in a confidential stage whisper, “Sometimes that’s all Spike and I do together…READ…all night long…Sheffield…Milton…KEATS!”

“Huh!?” Harmony blinked in confusion. Spike shook his head in disbelief.

“Those are poets, you sodden illiterate!” He said. Harmony looked blankly back and forth between them for a beat before reacting to Spike’s comment.

“Ah-uck!” She yelped, “You people are just…SICK! And…” She continued, addressing Spike, “You and I are through!  I never want to look at you…or speak to you…or see you ever again.”

Turning on her heels, Harmony stalked off into the night leaving Spike and Buffy staring after her.  Spike looked down at Buffy.  He raised one eyebrow at her, his mouth slightly open.

“Milton and Keats?” He asked narrowing his eyes at her.

“…and Sheffield.” Buffy nodded solemnly trying to keep her composure. “In fact, all of those English Johns.” She added and lost it completely.  She collapsed against Spike laughing helplessly.  They both gave in to the inhuman comedy of it all and it was several moments before
either of them could speak.

“That was sooo much fun.” Buffy said when she could breathe again, “I mean, I know that it was cruel but…it was still fun! Poor Harmony”, She continued after a pause, “It’s not her fault she’s a blockhead.  I really shouldn’t pick on her like that. Bad, Bad, Buffy!”

“Oh, yeah, you’re true evil, alright.” Spike said with an indulgent smile.

“Me?” Buffy challenged slapping at his leather jacket, “Hey, what about you? I mean, it’s not like she’s my girlfriend. And you were the one organizing the Slayer
Pride Parade.”

She gave another gasp of laughter and dropped her head onto Spike’s chest again. He put his arms around her.  He could not believe how good she felt against him.  Spike was about to confess that Harmony wasn’t exactly his Girlfriend, when Buffy turned serious.

“What exactly is it you see in her anyway?” She asked stepping back and forcing him to release her.

“You’d have to be a man to understand!” Spike grinned and Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Believe me, I get that!” She said dramatically, “But, come on, Spike, the clothes have to go back on eventually.  And you!  You’re so well-read and witty while Harmony…well…She’s a…troglodyte.”

“Oh, and I suppose Riley was the boy genius?” Spike mocked trying to ignore the glow that Buffy’s comments had given him.

“No!” He answered himself, “Riley was cute and cuddly!  And energetic,  I’d bet. Because, Lord knows it wasn’t your mind that he was stimulating.”

Buffy turned quickly away. Spike ground his jaw in vexation as the temperature in the room dropped several degrees.  Buffy stood still and quiet looking off into the middle distance as Spike wrestled with his evil nature.  After a moment, he stepped closer and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I didn’t mean…” He began and then fell silent as Buffy looked up at him with dark and turbulent eyes.  She seemed haunted by some strong emotion.

“It’s okay!” She said softly, “You’re right! I never let myself get too close to Riley. We didn’t really talk about…the important things.”

“You mean, like the socioeconomic politics of Central America?” Spike asked breaking the mood.  Buffy gave him a grateful smile.

“Exactly!” She agreed.  She stepped away from him but the sense of intimacy remained.  Buffy put her stake back on the weapon’s bench.  Spike followed her as she crossed the room and pulled her coat off a hook.  She shrugged into it and leaned past him to flip the light switch.  They stood close together, unmoving in the darkness.  The silence stretched into minutes.
Finally, Buffy spoke.  “Some things are just too hard to talk about.” She said her voice thick with emotion.

Spike savored the warmth of the Slayer’s body so close to his own.  The night was redolent with the scent of her.  Spike let the pause linger between them.  He ached with his desire to hold on to this moment.

“You don’t have to talk.” He said at last in a quiet tone.

“Oh, yeah!” Buffy said just as quietly. “I guess I forgot…” She moved away from him and cracked open the door to the outside world.  A streetlight flooded the room with brightness cutting it into lit and darkened halves.  Buffy stepped into the glow of the lamp.  Her
entire body was bathed in golden illumination as she looked back at Spike.  “…You’re the talker!” She concluded.  She shot Spike a devilish grin and danced though the doorway as he
lunged playfully at her out of the darkness.

---end scene---