[It's dusk.  Angle and Big Show are just outside Titan Towers, looking down at the main door]

Big Show:  Angle, there are a helluva lot more than thirty wrestlers there!

Angle: [propping up Jericho]  What's the difference?  We've got Y2J!  Here, we have to force-feed him. [they pop Heyman's pill into Jericho's mouth]

Jericho: [disoriented]  I'll put you in the walls!  I'll take you in a handicap match! [a pause] Why won't my arms move?

Big Show:  You've been jobbing all day.

Angle:  We had Paul Heyman create a pill to give you a push!

Jericho:  Who are you two?  And where's my trashbag ho?

Angle: Let me explain... Stephanie is gonna marry Helmsley in about half an hour. We need to get into Titan Towers, crash the wedding, find the billion-dollar princess, and escape... well, after I make Stone Cold tap to the ankle-lock.

Jericho: Glad the pressure isn't on... What I wouldn't give for a shiny silver ring robe...

Big Show:  [pulls out a shiny silver ring robe]  Would this do?

Angle:  Where did you get that?

Big Show:  At Heyman's

Jericho:  Alright, alright, help me up.  [They help him up]  Let's go!

[they make their way to Titan towers]

[Inside Titan Towers]

Helmsley:  You don't seem very happy, Steph.

Stephanie:  I'm marrying a backstabber who hangs out with a guy who's favourite word is "WHAT". SHOULD I be happy?

Helmsley:  Brides usually ARE.

Stephanie: I'm not going to marry you tonight! I told you Jericho will come back to torment me, and I know he will!

[Stephanie leaves]

[Half an hour later]

[In the ring:  Music blares. Helmsley and Stephanie make their way to ringside and stand before Kanyon]

Kanyon: Mawwiage.  Mawwiage isth what bwings usth togethaw today. Mawwiage,that bwessthed awwangement, that dweam wif'in a dweam...

[From outside, the voice of RVD is heard]

RVD:  Chill out, man! Jeez... calm down!

[Outside, Big Show is dressed in the ring robe]

Big Show: [holding a mic]  I am the Dread Pirate no-seller!  There will be no pushes from this day forward!

Angle:  Now?

Jericho:  Not yet.

[they wait a moment]

Angle:  [getting impatient]  Now?!

Jericho:  Hit the pyros and music!  [Pyros explode all around Big Show. A song blares out, "Weeeeeell, well it's the Big Show..."]

Big Show:  The Dread Pirate no-seller---uh...

[Most of the Titan Towers Wrestlers scatter in all directions before he has a chance to finish his promo]

[Back in Titan Towers, Helmsley and Stephanie are still in the ring]

Kanyon:  Then wove, twue wove, will follow you fowever...

[Outside]

RVD: [unnaturally calm as the other wrestlers scatter] Guys... c'mon... where are ya running too? [looks confused for a moment as he finally notices Big Show] Damn, what was in that coffee earlier?

[inside]

Kanyon:  So tweasure youw...

Helmsley:  [interrupting]  Kanyon, the fans' attention spans aren't this long! Get to the end already!

Stephanie: [she hears the noise outside]  Here comes Jericho now.

[Outside, Big Show has removed the robe and all the wrestlers, except RVD, have fled]

[inside]

Helmsley:  Jericho's a jobber.  I de-pushed him myself.

Stephanie:  Then why do you look all freaked out? Afraid he may take your spot?

[outside]

Jericho:  [to RVD]  Get us inside!

RVD: [calmly] I can't get you inside, man. They'll fire my ass.

Angle:  Big Show, start cutting another promo

RVD:[looking a little scared] OK, man. It's cool. Everything is cool when you're [points to himself with each letter] R-V-D... besides, no one should have to endure Big Show on the mic!

[back inside]

Kanyon:  Do you Billion-Dollaw Pwincess Stefawnie...

Helmsley: [annoyed]  Just say man and wife already!

Kanyon:  [confused] But that'sth not the way it goesth, Tripow H!

Helmsley: Just DO it before I take my sledgehammer to your ass!

Kanyon: [quickly] Man and wife!

Helmsley: [to a nearby Vince McMahon]  Show Steph to the honeymoon suite.  I'll be there shortly.

Stephanie: [angry] That big stupid blonde JERK didn't come!!!

[Big Show, Angle and Jericho are in Titan Towers.  Big Show is holding up Jericho. Angle, leading the way, meets with Stone Cold and four of his butt-kissers]

Stone Cold:  Job the blonde one and the Big Slow... WHAT? I said job the blonde one and the Big Slow... but I wanna talk to the third one!

[The guards try to rush by Angle, but are no match for his ankle-lock submission hold. Angle makes all four tap out.  Only Stone Cold remains]

Angle: [to Stone Cold] Hello, my name is Kurt Angle.  You stole my medals.  Prepare to tap!

[Just as Angle and Austin prepare to wrestle, Austin turns around and
runs away. Angle chases after Stone Cold, who locks one of the doors behind him. Angle is not strong enough to break through]

Angle:  Big Show! Get your big butt over here!

Big Show:  I can't leave Jericho alone!

Angle: As a man of integrity, I can understand that... but Austin is getting away!! Help your olympic hero! Please!

[Big Show goes and knocks the door down easily]

Angle:  Thanks [heads after Stone Cold]

[Vince and Linda escort Stephanie from the chapel]

Vince: Well, that was a strange wedding...

Linda:  Yes, very strange.  Let's go, Vince.  [Linda exits]

[Stephanie slaps her father]

Vince: What was that for?!

Stephanie:  Because you didn't stop the wedding!! I'm joining the Alliance once I reach the honeymoon suite, and then I'll come back and take revenge on you!

Vince: [outraged] WHAT? How could you do that to your own father?! [Stephanie runs off] STEPH! GET BACK HERE!

[Back in the hallway, Angle is still chasing Stone Cold. Stone Cold eventually runs into a dead end.  Stone Cold stops and kicks Angle in the stomach, then gives him a Stone Cold stunner]

Stone Cold:  You must be that Olympic Hero I stole the medals from! WHAT? I said you must be that Olympic Hero I stole the medals from!

Angle: [weakly] Oh it's true. And I plan on getting them back...

Stone Cold: You can't, ya silly bastard! WHAT? I said you can't! I threw 'em in the river! [laughs evilly]

[Still lying on the ground, Angle starts to cry]

Stone Cold: [with an evil smile] Lookatcha! WHAT? I said LOOKATCHA! You're PATHETIC!

[In the Honeymoon suite, Stephanie is wearing a T-shirt, and jeans and tries to set her usual skanky clothing on fire. Jericho lies behind her on the bed]

Jericho:  Thank goodness you're burning those.

Stephanie: [seeing him finally] Jericho! [she stops] Wait a sec... were you watching me CHANGE? You PERVERT!

[Stephanie slaps him]

Jericho:  OW!

Stephanie:  OW? What's wrong with you? You usually block my slaps, then insult me or something and---

Jericho: [wincing] Yeah well... not right now...

[Stephanie looks confused]

[The scene is back to Angle and Stone Cold]

[Angle stops crying and gets back to his feet, a wild angry look in his eyes]

Stone Cold: [surprised Angle kicked out] Are you no-selling my stunner? WHAT? I said are you no-selling my stunner? I'm Stone Cold Steve Austin! I don't deserve this! I don't deserve some silly olympic bastard no-selling my stunner!

Angle: [ignoring Stone Cold's words] Hello, my name is Kurt Angle.  You destroyed my medals.  Prepare to tap! [Austin punches him, but Angle still no-sells]  Hello, my name is Kurt Angle.  You destroyed my medals.  Prepare to tap! [Angle lunges at Stone Cold] Hello, my name is Kurt Angle.  You destroyed my medals.  Prepare to tap!

Stone Cold:  [frightened and angry]  Stop saying that! WHAT? I said STOP SAYING THAT! WHAT? WHAT?  [Angle knocks Austin on his back]

Angle: [enraged]  Hello, my name is Kurt Angle.  You destroyed my medals.  Prepare to tap! [Angle grabs Austin's ankle]

Stone Cold: NO! DON'T!

Angle: [not putting pressure on the ankle yet] Offer me an appology!

Stone Cold: [quietly] I'm sorry...

Angle: WHAT? [starts to put a little pressure on]

Stone Cold: [a bit louder] I said I'm sorry... [Angle puts a bit more pressure on] I'M SORRY!! I'M SORRY FOR THROWING YOUR MEDALS IN THE RIVER!

Angle: [smiling coldly] Offer me a title shot!

Stone Cold: [begging pathetically] I'll offer you anything. WHAT? I said I'll offer you anything!

Angle: [putting the ankle-lock on full-force] I want my medals back, you bald-headed redneck![Stone Cold screams as he taps out]

[Stone Cold is crying now. Angle finally breaks the hold]

Angle:[staring down at the sobbing Stone Cold] Look at you! WHAT? I said look at you! You're pathetic!

[Angle then runs off to find Jericho]

[The Honeymoon suite]

Stephanie:  Jericho, can you forgive me?

Jericho: For what? Being a trashbag ho?

Stephanie: [angry] I am NOT a... never mind! I mean can you forgive me for getting married.  I didn't want to.  It all happened so fast.

Jericho: Everything is fast with you, Steph... but don't worry. The wedding never happened.

Stephanie:  What?

Jericho:  It never happened.

Stephanie:  But it did!  I was there...this guy with a speech impediment said 'man and wife'.

Jericho:  Did you say "I do"?

Stephanie:  Well... no.

Jericho:  Then you're not married [looks at the door to the suite] Isn't that right, Trip?

Helmsley:  I can fix that with a few drinks and a 24-hour chapel in Vegas! [He holds up his sledgehammer]

Jericho: [slowly sitting up]  The Sledgehammer again, huh, Trip? Ok then... we'll wrestle a last-man standing match!

Helmsley:  Last-man standing?

Jericho: You got it, ass-clown!

Helmsley:  That may be the first time in my life a JOBBER has called me an ass-clown!

Jericho: I'm NOT a jobber! Heyman gave me a push!

Helmsley: Is that supposed to mean something to me?

Jericho: It means that when I'm through with you, all you'll hear is people laughing when you hit the ring! It means that the "Helmsley Sucks" chants will be almost as deafening as the "X-Pac sucks" chants! It means wrestling promoters will look at you and say, "Hey, isn't that Prince Helmsley? He used to be good! Now he's just a pathetic jobber!" [in a cold voice] It means I will leave you with a Y2J beating you will never eeeeeeeeever forget!

Helmsley:  I think you're bluffing.

Jericho:  It's possible, Junior.  I might be bluffing. I'm only lying here because you jobbed me to hell. Then again, perhaps that push Heyman gave me is finally kicking in [Slowly, Jericho stands, cracking his knuckles] Drop... your... sledgehammer.

[Helmsley hesitates, then sees how dead-serious Jericho is. Helmsley drops his sledgehammer to the ground, realizing that with the 'Heyman push', Jericho could royally kick his ass. Helmsley sits down, stunned at this new turn of events]

[Stephanie ties Helmsley up]

[Just then, Angle comes in]

Angle: Hey, Jericho... Where's Big Show?

Jericho:  I thought he was with you? [Angle shakes his head] In that case...[Jericho starts to move then almost falls over]

Angle:  [to Stephanie]  Help him.

Stephanie: Why does Jericho need helping?

Angle: Because he was forced to watch really bad promos while denied mic time, and was jobbed repeatedly. He hasn't fully recovered yet.

Helmsley:  I knew you were bluffing!

Angle: [indicating Helmsley] Should I make him tap?

Jericho:  Naw.  No point in totally ruining his credibility. Whatever happens to us, I want him to wrestle a long career as a jobber in the indies.

Big Show: [from outside the window]  Hey, Angle!  Where are you?  [Angle
runs to the window] Oh...there you are.  Angle, I saw Prince Helmsley's garage, and there was this big-ass limo! I figure since there were four of us, we could use it to make our escape!

Angle: [to Jericho] You know, I've been chasing after the bald-headed redneck for so long, now that it's over I don't know what to do!

Jericho: Kirk, you'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate No-Seller.

Narrator:  They all jumped into the limo and drove to freedom.  As dawn arose, Jericho and Stephanie knew they were safe.  They poked their heads through the sunroof, and reached for each other---

------------------------

    "What, Cousin?!  What happened?" Crash asked desperately. "C'mon... don't stop there!"

    Hardcore studied the page in front of him, "Man... this makes no sense! Like these two would ever kiss!"

    "Well, of course they would! It's that 'love-hate' thing! C'mon! Read what it says, Cousin!"

    Hardcore Holly took a deep breath, and continued.

------------------------

Narrator:  Jericho and Stephanie had only ever kissed twice, and both kisses garnered a huge pop from the fans. The pop for this one left those two far behind.  THE END.

------------------------

    "There. Done. Now go to sleep!"

    "Ok, Cousin... but hey, can you come over and read it again to me tomorrow?" Crash begged.

    "WHY?" Hardcore asked, "You can't read it yourself? Do I gotta smack you again?"

    "NO!" Crash covered his head, then peered up at Cousin Hardcore, "Can you PLEASE come back again tomorow? Please? Please please?!"

    "Fine... only if you stop begging! You're a HOLLY! Holly's don't beg!"

    Crash nodded and agreed, and Cousin Hardcore left the room, promising to come back the next day and read the story again.