[Prince Helmsley, and his right-hand man, Stone Cold Steve Austin are examining the battleground of Angle and the man in black]

Helmsley:  [staring at the footprints in the dirt] There was a kick-ass match here, and it seems both men had a pretty decent workrate.

Stone Cold:  Who won? WHAT? I said who won!

Helmsley: The loser ran off alone, and the winner followed those footprints
toward the Alliance...

Stone Cold:  Should we track them both? What?

Helmsley:  Only the billion-dollar princess matters. Obviously we can't let The Alliance win!

Stone Cold: Think someone is trying to take your spot with the Billion-Dollar Princess?

Helmsley: I always think someone is trying to take my spot, but Stephanie is my insurance policy, and I won't give her up so easily!

[Helmsley and Austin head off in their limos while the man in black finds and confronts Shane McMahon, who is preparing to eat]

Shane McMahon:  Damn, you got this far! Why are you following me anyway? Steph's MY sister and I'll kidnap her if I want to!

Man in black:  Why do I care about your sister? I just felt like challenging you to a match.

Shane McMahon:  A match? Fine then... how about a match of wits!

Man in black: Fine. [thinks for a moment] I get the Billion-Dollar Princess if I win though!

Shane McMahon: You won't win, but it's a deal!

Stephanie: SHANE!

Shane McMahon: Shut up, Steph! [turns to the man in black] Have a seat [he sits]. Now let's go.

Man in black:  [He takes two cookies out of his pocket and places them on the table] I got these from a lady named Debra. One of us is going to suffer food poisioning, the other isn't. YOU decide.

Shane McMahon: Well.. let's see now. Are you the sort of man who would eat a bad cookie, trusting on your strength to save you? Maybe. Maybe not. Although, since you beat my Olympic hero, you had to have trained ... and in training, you learned that man can only take so much punishment. You'd have wanted put the deadly cookie as far from yourself as possible!

Man in black: [rolling his eyes] Either make up your mind, or I'll make this a Wrestling match after all!

Shane McMahon: Ok Ok... calm down! I know where the bad cookie is!

Man in black: Well it's about damn time! So... where is it?

Shane McMahon:  It's.... um.... uh.... [pointing behind the man in black] LOOK! A bikini contest!

Man in black:  [turning to look] What?! Where?! Who is it? Are they hot?  [Shane McMahon switches the cookies around] Why can't I see them? [turns back to Shane, frowning]. Well THAT was a cheap trick.

Shane McMahon: No trick. I swear... I thought I saw something. Ah well, no matter... let's eat!

[Shane McMahon laughs as they both eat their chosen cookie]

Man in black:  Wrong choice, Junior!

Shane McMahon: That's what YOU think! When you had your back turned, I switched the cookies! [Shane McMahon laughs hysterically.  Suddenly, he stops and falls over, not moving.]

[The Man in black stands up and nudges Shane with the toe of his boot. There's no reaction.]

Man in black: Told you you made the wrong choice! [He then removes the blindfold from the billion-dollar princess]

Stephanie: So it was YOUR cookie that was poisoned?

Man in black:  Actually, Debra makes really bad cookies. Both were deadly. I've just built up a resistance to it.

[The scene switches back to Helmsley and his men]

Helmsley:  Some one has beaten a giant jobber.  Vince is going to be pissed if she's hurt.

Stone Cold: And you?

Helmsley: [caught off guard] Uh, yeah... yeah, if she's hurt, I'll be pissed too. Let's go.

[The scene jumps back to the man in black, running with the billion-dollar
princess]

Man in black: [stops] Catch your breath.

Stephanie:  If you'll release me, whatever you ask for ransom you'll get it, I  promise you. My daddy is rich... he owns the WWF! He can--

Man in black: [interrupting]  Would you please shut the hell up?! I don't want your daddy's money!

Stephanie: [angry] I'll have you know my daddy's money is VERY good! But fine... be that way! It doesn't matter because Prince Helmsley will find me anyhow!

Man in black:  You think the man you love will save you?

Stephanie: [insulted] I never said I loved him!

Man in black: Then why are you engaged to him?

Stephanie:  Our marriage is a business arrangement.

Man in black: [angry] I bet you're always available for a 'business arrangement', huh?

Stephanie: [taken back]  How DARE YOU! You have NO idea what I've been through! I lost the only man I've ever--[the man in black knocks Stephanie to the ground and sets up for "the Walls"]. What are you doing! LET GO!!!

Man in black: [he lets her go]  That was a warning! Next time, you'll be tapping!

[Stephanie stands up and sneers at him]

[The scene cuts back to Helmsley, examining the last battle scene]

Helmsley: Debra's cookies! I'd bet my life on it.  And there
are the billion-dollar princess's footprints. [gets back in his limo and commands his driver to follow the footprints]

[Back to the Man in black and Stephanie, still running]

Stephanie:  I know who you are! You're the Dread Pirate no-seller! Admit it!

Man in black: [smirking]  You got me! What can I do for you?

Stephanie: You can kill your career slowly, jobbing day by day until your heat disappears no one cares about you anymore.

Man in black: Well, someone is PMSing today...

Stephanie: [upset] Shut up! You just shut up! You squashed the man I... um... loved-to-hate!

Man in black:  Maybe. I squash a lot of people.  Who was this love-to-hate of yours? Another prince like this one...with a big nose, lots of money, and a no-job clause in his contract?

Stephanie:  No, a wrestler! We always fought, called each other names. I could just see him now... the way he glared at me... [she starts to stare dreamily] those eyes were like the sea after a storm. [snaps out of it] He was heading to Japan to win a championship when you attacked. And we all know the Dread Pirate No-seller never takes prisoners!

Man in black:  Well, a man's gotta have SOME standards [studies Stephanie] Obviously this wrestler of yours didn't have very HIGH standards.

Stephanie: You DARE make fun of me? Do you know who I am? I'm Stephanie McMahon, damnit!!

Man in black:  Am I supposed to be impressed? [pauses for a moment] I remember this Wrestler of yours. He jobbed to my finishing move well. Before I pinned him, though, he said he needed to win. I asked him what was so damn important, and he talked about some hot chick who was waiting for him to return... [looks at Stephanie] I guess that's YOU!

[The man in black and Stephanie see Helmsley's limos in the distance]

Stephanie: [pushing him down the hillside] You should have been squashed instead!

Man in black: [tumbling down and echoing]  Bottomfeeding..... trashbag.... 'hooooooooooooooooo.......

Stephanie: [shocked]  What the... Y2Jerk???

[Stephanie hurls herself down the mountain, in chase of Jericho]

[Helmsley moves closer]

Helmsley:  [looking where Stephanie and Jericho were] Damn. They disappeared faster then Lord Bagwell!  They must have seen us

[Jericho and Stephanie finally stop falling.  Jericho moves over to help
Stephanie]

Jericho: I told you I would come back to torment you.  Why didn't you wait for me?

Stephanie: Well, I thought you were squashed by the Dread Pirate No-Seller!

Jericho: Getting squashed can't kill my heat ... All it can do is delay it for awhile.

[Stephanie and Jericho reach towards each other... and---]

--------------------------

    "Uh... cousin.... do you GOTTA read that?" Crash began.

    "Read what?  What's the matter?"

    "Well, gosh, Cousin Hardcore - Are they gonna smooch? I mean, do ya gotta read the smoochy part?"

    "Yeah right... like they'd ever kiss!" Hardcore replied.

    "Oh, ok. I just thought they both had a--uh, never mind. Go on, Cousin,"

    Hardcore Holly shrugs, then continues reading

--------------------------

Narrator: Jericho and Stephanie raced along the ravine floor in an attempt to hide from Helmsley and Stone Cold.

Jericho: [explaining to Stephanie] No-Seller's ship 'Heat Killer' is banked at the far end.  Like I said, I'm the Dread Pirate No-Seller.

Stephanie:  But how's that possible? He's been around forever!

Jericho: Well, he DID attack the boat I was on 5 years ago, and that thing about me saying I needed to win was true too... which the Dread Pirate No-Seller found interesting. So he didn't squash me. He asked me to be his manager instead. After about four years, he finally decided he wanted to retire, then told me his secret:  'I'm not the Dread Pirate No-Seller. My name is Taker!' he said, 'And the man before me wasn't the Dread Pirate No-Seller either. His name was Hogan.' Well, Taker then told me the REAL Dread Pirate No-Seller had been retired for 15 years and living far far away. So Taker jobbed his ship and champion no-seller title belt to me in a final match!

Crash Holly: [interrupting the story] Wow.... this really IS a fairy-tale, isn't it, Cousin?

Hardcore Holly: What did I say about interrupting me? Now shut up!

[the story continues. Stephanie and Jericho keep walking until---]

[Out of nowhere, the sound of several limos echo through the silence.  Prince Helmsley has found them]

Helmsley:[Holding his sledgehammer high as he glares at Jericho while he stands up through his sunroof] Give me the Billion-Dollar Princess!

Jericho: Sure you can afford her?

Helmsley: Don't be a smart ass! Give me the Billion-Dollar Princess NOW!

[Helmsley's men surround Jericho and Stephanie with books and pens, waiting to write a career-ending angle]

Jericho:  Forget it! [Jericho gets in a ready position]

Helmsley: [shouting]  Do you need to be introduced to my sledgehammer?

Stephanie: [to Helmsley]  I'll come with you -- only if you promise not to hurt the jerk!

Jericho: Stephanie, would you please shut the HELL up!

Stephanie: [ignoring Jericho] Listen, he's a sailor on the pirate ship 'Heat Killer'. Get him back to his ship.

Helmsley:  Fine. Done. [Helmsley whispers to Stone Cold] Once we're gone, take him back to Titan Towers and throw him in the doghouse.

Stone Cold: [smiling coldly]  Fine. Done. WHAT?

[Stephanie is pulled into the limo and driven away with Helmsley]

Stone Cold:  [to Jericho] Well, son, we need to get you and your stupid haircut back to your ship. What? I said we need to get you and your stupid haircut back to your ship!

Jericho: Yeah, like you have any intention of returning me to my ship.
[Jericho notices Stone Cold's bald head and red neck] By the way... someone was looking for you...

[Stone Cold quickly knocks Jericho out with a stone-cold stunner]