WRESTLING ISLAND - OPENING THEME:

Just sit right back
And you'll hear a tale
A tale of two wrestling shows
They started out really small
Now one stars lots of 'hos

Bishoff was a silly man
Vince was brave and sure
Millions of fans sat on their butts
For a 3 hour Pay per view
(a 3 hour pay per view)

WCW started getting rough
Their mighty ship was tossed
If not for the courage of Vince and friends
All of Wrestling would be lost
(all of wrestling would be lost)

Both shows set ground on Monday Night
On major network TV

With Shane McMahon
The Vin-man too
Ted the billionaire
And his wife

Too many movie stars

The talent and
The booker-men

Here on Wrestling Isle!
 

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Last time on Wrestling Island: Chris Jericho, Edge, Christian, and Stephanie McMahon took refuge in a nearby hut as a tropical storm assaulted the island. Meanwhile Test was left out in the rain. He was then noticed by the McMahon Family’s greatest enemies – Kevin Nash, Hulk Hogan, and Eric Bishoff – as the evil trio tried to sneak into the WWF Camp.
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HULK HOGAN: (approaching Test) Hey, brutha’! What’cha doing out here in the rain?

TEST: Jericho asked me to keep tabs on the storm for him. (Test looks at Hogan suspiciously) Hey wait! I know you! Shane McMahon told you to stay away from us. He said you had a big ego and would screw everyone over. (Test focuses on Eric Bishoff) And he said YOU were the spawn of Satan!

(Bishoff pales for a moment, the smiles nervously)

ERIC BISHOFF: Well... you know that Shane! Always joking around!

KEVIN NASH: (coming towards Test) What did he say about me?

TEST: Nothing really. I guess you weren’t important enough to mention.

NASH: Not important?! Do you know who I AM?

TEST: Uh… no. You look familiar though

NASH: (with an evil smile) Well of course I look familiar! I’m… (an idea comes to him) I’m your brother, Big Kev!

TEST: (confused) I have a brother? (He studies Nash, then smiles) Hey! I didn’t know I had a brother! So… what brings you here?

NASH: I’ve got a deal for you! Let’s just say it’s an offer you can’t refuse

(Nash puts a hand on Test’s shoulder and leads him away)

(In a small hut, Chris Jericho, Edge, Christian, and Stephanie McMahon are huddled together)

CHRIS JERICHO: Test still hasn’t come in yet! You think he’d get the idea it was just a joke!

STEPHANIE McMAHON: (looking bored) Geez... how much longer is this storm going to last? I need to work on my tan!

JERICHO: Better not work on it too long, Stephanie. You’re starting to wrinkle.

STEPHANIE: Shut up, Jericho!

EDGE: Hey! I know what can pass the time! (looks towards Christian). Music!

CHRISTIAN: Kazoo music, Edge?

(Edge nods. Christian pulls a Kazoo out of his back pocket and starts playing)

EDGE: (supplying the vocals) Hey Dude, don't make it bad! Take a sad song and make it better…

JERICHO: It’s JUDE.

EDGE: Huh?

JERICHO: It’s not "Hey Dude!" It’s "Hey JUDE".

EDGE: Yeah, like I know who Jude is!

CHRISTIAN: That’s a totally uncool name anyway! I like OUR version better!

EDGE: Our version RULES! (Edge high-fives Christian)

STEPHANIE: (rolling her eyes) I’m surrounded by morons. Big, blonde morons! Do you guys multiply like rabbits or something?

EDGE: (ignoring Stephanie’s remarks) How about we try another one, Christian?

CHRISTIAN: You got it! (Christian starts playing the kazoo again)

(Edge clears his throat and gets ready to sing once more)

EDGE: Dude looks like a lady! Dude looks like a lady!

JERICHO: (massaging his temples) Somebody just shoot me now please…

(Stephanie pulls out her cell phone and starts to dial).

STEPHANIE: (into the phone) Hi, is this the Walmart Hunting Department?

(Jericho quickly jumps away from Stephanie, suddenly fearing for his life)

JERICHO: I didn't mean that LITERALLY! (Jericho frowns) Wait a minute! You had a cell phone all this time, and you didn’t call for HELP?

STEPHANIE: Why would I? I’m on vacation! (turns back to the phone) Yes… I’ll need one box of ammo…

JERICHO: Give that to me!

(Jericho lunges for the phone, but Stephanie runs away from him. He begins to give chase)

STEPHANIE: You want the phone, Jericho? I dare you to come and get it!

(Stephanie hangs up the phone and drops it down her shirt)

JERICHO: (quickly halting in his pursuit) Uh… Christian… go get the phone.

STEPHANIE: HEY!

CHRISTIAN: NO WAY! She’s TOTALLY reeking of evilness!

JERICHO: I guess even FOOLS fear to tread there, Steph.

STEPHANIE: (pouting angrily, hands on hips) How DARE you people be so disrespectful to me! I am Stephanie McMahon, damnit! Do you hear me? I am STEPHANIE McMAHON! I can get my daddy to fire all three of you!

EDGE: (wincing at Stephanie’s voice) Woah… have some whine with those bitchcakes why don’t you!

STEPHANIE: (shouting) I WISH YOU THREE WOULD JUST GO JUMP IN THE LAGOON!

(A window suddenly shatters, allowing the torrential downpour to blow in. The four WWF Superstars quickly jump away as a streak of lightning comes through the empty frame, narrowly missing a table.)

(Stephanie and the Wrestlers are momentarily stunned, until Edge grins and high-fives Christian)

EDGE and CHRISTIAN: That so totally RULED!

(In a cave far, far away)

HOGAN: So, we’re going to destroy Shane and Vince!

TEST: And you want me to help?

NASH: You got it pal!

TEST: And what do I get out of it?

BISHOFF: A multi-million dollar contract with WCW!

TEST: Hey, that’s more then I’m making NOW! (Test smiles) Alright! I’ll do
it!

HOGAN: Great, brother…!

TEST: Wait, I thought I was Kev’s brother?

(Hogan studies Test for a moment, then shakes his head sadly)

HOGAN: Listen, here’s the plan…

(Hogan pulls Test away, leaving Bishoff and Nash to speak to one another)

NASH: Eric… one question. Shane McMahon owns the WCW now. How are WE going to get this guy a contract?

BISHOFF: We’re not!

NASH: But you just said… (Nash stops as he understands). You’re a good liar, Eric. A damn good liar!

(It’s a beautiful day on the Island. The sky is blue, there’s a nice gentle breeze. The storm is long over, and all is well. Stephanie and WCW’s Booker T are hanging out on the beach)

STEPHANIE: (to Booker T) So you’re the WCW champ, hmm? At least you make a better champ than that beer-swilling Austin, or egomaniac Rock, or that dumb JERK Jericho! (Stephanie smiles kindly) You’ll make Shane proud...

BOOKER T: I have every intention of doing so!

STEPHANIE: (pouting) I just wish I could get a company all to myself!

(The Rock walks up behind her)

ROCKY: The Rock says you already have your own company. The Dirty Panties R Us company!

BOOKER T: (standing up to face The Rock) Is that any way to talk to a lady?

ROCKY: The Rock was talking to STEPHANIE, you gimmick-stealing jabroni!

BOOKER T: Oh you did not say that. You did NOT just say that, you catchphrase-spewing sucka'!

ROCKY: The Rock DID say that. And the Rock says this too – there is only one, and the Rock means ONE, people’s champion! And only the people's champion can have the most electrifying finishing move in Sports Entertainment! So how about if The Rock takes that WCW belt, shines it up real nice, turns the sumbitch sideways, and sticks it straight up your candy ass until you can figure out your OWN damn finishing move!

(As The Rock and Booker T continue arguing, we hear a loud crash. Everyone gathers to see Mr. McMahon's hut has collapsed)

(Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon jump out of their luxury lay-z-bamboo-boy chairs)

VINCE McMAHON: What the hell?! MY HUT! (Vince looks accusingly at the WCW Wrestlers) Who did this?

(We see Jericho dragging Test behind him)

JERICHO: He did, Vinnie-mac! (Jericho shoves Test on the ground before Vince) I saw him trying to sneak away.

(Most of the Wrestlers go back to what they were doing leaving Jericho, Test, Vince, Stephanie, and Shane)

VINCE: Well, what is this all about?

TEST: Bishoff said he’d give me a multi-million dollar WCW contract if I sabotaged the camp!

SHANE McMAHON: You idiot! I own the WCW!

(Test seems confused for a moment, then realizes his mistake)

TEST: Sorry Shane! I forgot…

(Jericho smacks Test upside the head)

TEST: Ow! What was that for?

JERICHO: For being a moron! (Jericho then smacks Test upside the head again)

TEST: And what was THAT for?!

JERICHO: For being enough of a moron to propose to Stephanie two years ago

TEST: At least I was smart enough to dump her a few months later!

STEPHANIE: Uh... NO! I believe I dumped HIM!

JERICHO: Well, either way at least you two didn’t breed.

VINCE: Steph, honey... get Perry Saturn over here. Tell him to bring his mop. I want this mess cleaned up!

(A few hours later, Stephanie walks along an empty beach located quite a ways from the WWF camp. She stops when she finds 11 men lying unconscious on the sand, the victims of a shipwreck. The surf is littered with bits and pieces of barbed wire and wooden planks. There are three letters painted in red on the wooden planks: E C W. Stephanie smiles.)

STEPHANIE: Well, it looks like I may just get my own company after all!

WRESTLING ISLE - ENDING THEME

So this is the tale of our Wrestling friends
They'll feud for a long long time
They'll have to make the best of things
Because bookers are hard to find

Shane McMahon and Vin-mac too
will do their very best
To make Bishoff uncomfortable
in this tropic island mess

No pyro, no titantron, no Coors Light Beer
Not a single luxury
Like Bishoff's main eventers
It's primitive as can be

So join us here each week, my friends
You're sure to get a smile
From several stranded Wrestling stars
Here on Wrestling Isle

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