Jokes à la Mulder
by Xcraft
(Scully invited Mulder to her place for pizza and a movie. The movie
turned out to be 'Titanic', not Mulder's first choice. And now, just
into the second hour, he has become a bit restless and bored.)
"Hey, Scully! How do crazy people go through the forest?...... They take
the psycho path!" Mulder slapped his knee and laughed at his own joke.
Scully tried to ignore him.
"Scully, how do you get holy water?"
"Mu-u-l-d-e-r-r-r!" she hissed.
"You boil the hell out of it!" Mulder answered with a wide grin.
Scully glared at him, "Shhh! Mulder, I'm trying to watch the movie."
A few seconds of silence, then, "Scully, what did the fish say when it
hit a concrete wall?......... Dam!" Mulder still had that silly grin on
his face.
Scully just rolled her eyes and sighed heavily. Just then the scene
where Jack sketches a naked Rose came on and Mulder was quiet. Scully
silently thanked James Cameron for including a nude scene.
A few minutes later, "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?"
Mulder giggled......... "A stick."
"Mulder, I'm going to get a stick to use on you if you don't be quiet!"
Scully threw back. "Why don't you go make some popcorn."
"Hey, I've got one that goes with the movie. What lies on the bottom of
the ocean and twitches?" Mulder asked.
"What."
"A nervous wreck!" Mulder managed to get out through his laughter.
"Mulder, your bottom is going to be twitching soon. If you know what I mean."
"Okay, okay! Geez, your no fun." Mulder pouted. He went into the kitchen
and threw a bag of popcorn into the microwave. In the meantime, Scully
ran into her bedroom to get her hair brush. She returned to the couch
and hid it between the cushions.
Mulder called out from the kitchen, "What do you get when you cross a
snowman with a vampire Scully?.......... Frostbite!" He began laughing to
himself. He returned to the couch with the bowl of popcorn and chose to
ignore the glare Scully gave him. He tried to watch the movie, he really
did. Another joke popped into his head and he started to softly giggle.
Finally he couldn't help himself and said, "Where do you find a dog with
no legs?"
"Oh God." Scully said under her breath.
"Right where you left him!" Mulder slapped his knee again.
"Okay Mulder! This is your last warning. If I were you, I would keep
quiet from now on." She looked at him as sternly as possible.
"Oh, okay!" Mulder petulantly folded his arms across his chest and sank
further down into the sofa.
The silence lasted all of five minutes when Scully felt him looking at
her. She kept her eyes on the screen, but her fingers went between the
cushion and wrapped around the handle of the hair brush.
"Scully?" came a somewhat subdued voice from her right.
"Yes, Mulder."
"What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell
out of a tree?"
Silence.
"A pool table!"
"Mulder, what is wood, has bristles and can be used on two parts of the
body!?" Scully ground out as she slowly rose from the couch brandishing
her hair brush at Mulder.
Mulder's eyes grew wide as he pushed himself into the corner of the
couch. "Scully, th-the movie.", as he pointed to the screen. "You're
going to miss the movie!"
"Mulder, do you see the 'stop' button on this remote?" She held it in
front of his face. "It's a wonderful thing."
"S-C-U-L-L-Y-Y-Y!!"