1. It is only common courtesy that you should leave the seat on the toilet UP when you are done.
Why? Because you guys don't have the brain power to work it? Or just because you're too lazy?

2. If you are cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Beer, and Red.
If you really lack that much class, why don’t you go hang out with your disgusting, greasy, ignorant, Neanderthal friends and leave us alone?

3. Don't make him hold your purse in the mall.
Good point, probably can’t trust you with it.

4. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bar and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.
I’ll believe it when I see it. Until then, that’s a myth.

5. Shopping is not fascinating.
Neither is burping the alphabet or making armpit noises.

6. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.
That’s not funny, even as a joke, you insensitive moron.

7. Unless the answer is yes.
And then you can go to hell.

8. In which case, can he videotape it?
In which case, not only can you go to hell, but you can go to hell and clean the toilets there with your tongue for all eternity.

9. If you REALLY want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
Same goes for you, if you REALLY are looking for a nice girl, stop dating beautiful, big-breasted, easy whores, you moron!

10. The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
Given the male fascination with explosions, is it really a good idea to leave a guy alone with an open fire? No, I don’t think so.

11. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.
Funny, I’ve seen more guys pull crap like this than girls. Why is this a rule for women? Just because you have over-inflated egos is no reason to blame us.

12. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
Sex does not equal love no matter how much you lie about it, you asshole.

13. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
Anyone can pop a burrito in the Microwave; it’s not the same thing. Putting effort into something will not kill you or make you look less manly. Get over yourself.

14. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
You’re extremely jealous. Accept it. If you can drool over blonde bimbos, then we can drool over our favorite guys.

15. He heard you the first time.
Then why didn’t he respond? Lost a few too many brain cells to beer and football?

16. You know, YOU can ask HIM out too... Let's spread the rejection around a little.
You know, there’s nothing wrong with some good, old-fashioned tradition or with being a gentleman. Have some guts when it counts.

17. If you truly want honesty, don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to.
Oh, so now we’re not even supposed to figure out these things, huh? That way you don’t have to take the effort to lie? Do we LOOK like morons?

18. Of COURSE he wants another beer.
Why? So he can act like even more of an idiot until the horrendous hangover the next morning? Now why haven’t us girls ever figured out how to have fun like that?

19. The guy doesn't ALWAYS have to sleep on the wet spot.
*blush* I’d comment . . . but I’m not so sure I even want to go there.

20. Dogs good. Cats bad.
Cats aren’t bad; they simply have a will of their own. Not everything revolves around you, face it.

21. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny.
Then obviously whatever you did to deserve injury involving the testicles was not funny either.

22. If he has to sit through "Legends of the Fall", you have to sit through "Showgirls".
Okay, so because you have to watch a movie with a plot and some depth, we have to watch half naked women prance around the screen? Heaven forbid we have you employ the use of your OTHER brain for once.

23. "Fine." is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
Would you rather it end with a “Go to hell”? Would that be more acceptable to you, asshole?

24. Do not question a man's innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.
Again, there are more important things in the universe than you and your oversized ego! You look like more of a moron when you insist on wandering around aimlessly than when you have the common sense to swallow your pride and ASK.

25. He was not looking at that other girl.
We’re not blind.

26. Well, okay... maybe a little.
OR stupid!

27. Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy...
We don’t give ourselves whiplash in the process.

28. There is nothing inherently wrong with the word "cunt".
Then there is nothing inherently wrong injury involving the testicles either. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.

29. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met.
Then he’s probably lying about everything. Anyway, no use telling him that, his ego is most certainly big enough as it is. It could use some crushing.

30. And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
Maybe the ones that he’s trying to date on the side. Well, now we know what he’s lying about at least.

31. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
What kind of a girl have YOU been talking too? Personally, I don’t ask about how my butt or boobs look and if you tell me they look damn good, you WILL be injured. I don’t care if it WAS meant as a compliment.

32. If you want a satisfying sex life, you will NEVER fake an orgasm.
Some girls have values and intend to wait until marriage. But I guess that’s something you probably don’t understand.

33. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.
I don’t think I’ve ever done that, or ever would. But on that note, it’s not necessary to discuss ANYONE’s genitals either.

34. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.
Use your brain for once and read. It’s not that hard, moron.

35. Two words: blow job. Learn it. Live it. Love it.
Two words: HELL NO. It’s disgusting. Accept the facts and move on.

36. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
Dirty laundry is dirty laundry, period. If it’s dirty, wash it. It’s not necessary to have the cleaning habits of a pig just because you act like one.

37. Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you're with.
Just because we don’t look like a supermodel is no reason to lie or cheat. Rembember that and follow your own advice.

38. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.
Then he can kindly keep that information to himself. We’re not always as fascinated with that subject as you guys are.

39. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
No, it is not cute. Scabby rashes are no cuter than our used tampons.

40. Don't hog the covers.
Sharing is not hogging something. Grow up.

41. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the halftime show to act upon that...
The day shopping is a major turn-on for you. We don’t insist on shopping every single day either, so you don’t have to watch EVERY football/basketball/hockey/golf/wrestling/bowling/baseball game that’s on TV. Get off your lazy bum and do something productive for once.

42. He does not just want to be friends.
She does not want just sex. There is more to life than sex. Deal with it.

43. A successful date always starts with the woman uttering the sentence: "You know, why don't we just skip the expensive dinner and stay here having freaky circus sex all night?"
We are not prostitutes; don’t assume our sole purpose is to have sex with you. A successful date involves bonding, EMOTIONAL bonding, asshole.

44. Just because this list doesn't have as many entries as yours doesn't mean it's worse. SO GET OFF MY GOD DAMN BACK!
Six more rules would have only made you look even more like the sex-crazed, egotistical, shallow, immature, ignorant apes that you are. You did yourself a good thing by stopping early. Anyway, we understand that you probably had a very pressing appointment with a can of beer and your miscreant friends.