White horse and shining armor
that's what the stories said,
but my knight had a mule
and rust from toe to head.
He was supposed to rescue me
and leave the dragon for dead,
but I find it much more likely
he wanted someone to warm his bed.

He used all the pomp you please
rescuing me from dragon's lair,
but after a time with him
I think I'd be better there!
He had me cook and clean and sew
and he had the manners of a bear
and that damned armor I polished
'til I wanted to pull out my hair.

Maidens now, I'm very sure,
he can capture with great ease
while I stay in this wreck of a shack
cleaning until he's well appeased.
These knights think they're awful clever
keeping us under lock and they with the keys
while they're off galavanting
as if we've the brains of bees.

I've had enough of this knight,
the arrogant, incompetent liar,
it's really a joke if he now
expects me to call him "sire"
so I've painted a sign outside
for I'd rather deal with serpent fire,
It reads, "Attention dragons,
Here lies a maiden for hire!"