Febuary 17th, 2004_2:05pm

Welcome. Having my journal here is no longer something I am going to do. I have started up a livejournal account and will likely post on that. If you'd like to continue to read the events that go on in my life, feel free to visit.


Febuary 16th, 2004_4:56pm

It's been a while since my last entry. Sure, there have been things I could have put in here but I just didn't feel like it I suppose. I keep telling Katy I'll update this so I suppose I will. Okay, here is the latest in my life I suppose.

I'm still single and plan to stay that way. I guess other than my many insecurities and my other problems, I just don't want to get into something I'm not ready for. Plus, when I do start to feel more confident about myself and get this weight off like I plan to, I don't want to have that sort of attachment to someone else. I want to be able to go out and have fun. If that ever will happen. There's that summary.

Now onto the next topic. My birthday. I'm still undecided. In a way I want to have a fun birthday party but in a way I'd just like to get my hands on some of the more 'hard' alcohol to 'experiment' and then maybe see if a miracle could happen and I could get my family to get together for a lunch or dinner. I just haven't decided. I'm not good at these things.

Valentines day was pretty good. April, Katy and I went looking around at a few stores but didn't get anything. After that we met up with Dixi and two of her little siblings at the movies. That was nice, too. When I got home I talked to Katy online for around two hours I think. We had a pretty nice talk. That is a short summary of my vday. I hope everyone who is reading this had a good valentines day.

What's left to talk about? I could talk about Ryley and Rose. Those are my two budgies in case you were wondering. Although, most people that aren't all animal nuts like me call them parakeets. :P Ryley is the new addition which you will be able to check out the pets section to find out more about him/her. Ryley and Rose are currently housed together. This new arrangement seems to have made them both happier. I'll write more later. I'll get going for now. Have a great day, bye.

January 20th, 2004_2:52am

Well, I just awoke from a really good dream about an hour ago. I was practically in heaven until I woke up. I'm pretty much better already though but it makes me wonder what in the world I had the dream for. I wasn't thinking of her before I went to bed or at all yesterday that I can remember so it's crazy.

Yes, in case you haven't figure it out, I had a dream about Quicha. I don't remember how but somehow we ran into eachother again and of course instantly all my feelings hit me again and I was 'love struck.' It was really strange because at first all that happened was I took her hand or something like that but then I started to feel like this internal fire lit and filled me and my heart was... well I can't explain it but it was this weird but nice rush of feeling. It soon got to where we snuggled up together and I was nothing but smiles, happy and anything in the world could have went on around me and I doubt I would have noticed. I didn't want to move but soon we had to part ways for some odd reason.

I went home to where I somehow had a lot of animals I was letting roam around. Basically, there were these two birds I had. They weren't really tame so they ended ramming into walls and breaking wings and almost dying. I was freaking out and telling my Mom to rush them to the vet to get checked out and somehow Quicha came or was already there.... I don't know. Anyway, we talked for a quick minute before we ended up snuggling again. All the fire and feelings lit up again and I was happy etc.... (I feel it again just typing this....) Again it wasn't long after that we had to part ways.

The next thing I know, Katy, April, Dixi and I are all riding the bus for some reason. I was having a good time in a way but in a way my mind was of course wandering. I think I saw and snuggled with Quicha one more time somewhere before this next part. I'm not sure, though. Anyway, I kept playing with this weird ring that was almost like a mood ring. I switched it from finger to finger while smiling down at it and thinking of Quicha while all the same things returned like I was with her snuggling. I then saw this old man one row in the front and to the left (april was one row to the front of me) and I asked him if he's ever been married. In real life I would never do that but I was like, okay. He said yeah and it was a bad experience. I didn't know what to say so I went silent and returned to my ring. April turned around, looked me in the eye and asked why I asked that of the old man. I looked her in the eye with this 'love struck' sort of look and told her if she would think about it she'd figure it out.

All of a sudden, April gets this lightbulb above her head sort of expression and shouts on the bus, "OH MY GOD! Randy's going to propose to Quicha!" I then felt that weird feeling like everyone was looking at me but April said something to me and gave me a smile so I think she was accepting.

Back at my house (all these 'at my house' took place at my old house of course ... stupid past stuff), I was with Quicha again on my bed snuggling when I was just about to ask her what she had been up to and engage in a serious conversation and tell her how I always had this feeling not to let go almost like something would bring us together in the future. In my dream after that long sort of mushy talk of course I was going to ask her to marry me but before I could, I woke up. It was sad at first but for some reason I'm not sad anymore. I figured I should get it out so I don't end up dwelling on it and becoming sad again. Talk about a pathetic boy, huh?

I don't really have anything else to talk about right now. I could ramble on forever about how fun Katy's birthday party was but I'll spare you for now.... maybe next time I will. Have a great day etc bye.

January 14th, 2004_12:17am

Today was quite the interesting day. I stayed up until about seven or eight am before I feel asleep. I was hungry so I made a nice breakfast of scrambled egg whites and toast. Interestingly enough, scrambled egg whites taste better than scrambled eggs. I think they do anyway. I went to bed shortly after I ate. I can't remember when I woke up but I woke up because Rhea called me. We talked for a while before Misty called. She needed my Mom and I to go up and watch her kids while she did all this crap that would take a long time and of course the kids wouldn't sit still and it would be a little hard to read through legal papers and talk crap with people if you've got three kids all over. Anyway, so we watched corbin and preston and she took tylor with her. He's the oldest and he listens and has a longer attention span of course. Anyway, we got up there at almost 5pm and didn't leave until my sister got back at almost 10pm.

We didn't do a whole lot. I'd say close to two hours I played with corbin on the gamecube, played in his room with him and read him books. He must really have been bored. LOL After that, I held preston for a while and fed him and all that lovely stuff. ..... and later derek, my mom and I talked for a few minutes before derek asked if I've ever played grand theft auto. I said no because I haven't really. Anyway, he showed me how and we played that for a while. It was pretty fun. I went around beating people up, running them over, blowing them up... stealing cars... lots of fun stuff. Finally, we came home when my sister returned and that was about the extent of my day. Now isn't that just lovely? LOL

January 12th, 2004_4am

I don't really know what to say here but I was bored so I decided to update this. I watched Forces of Nature tonight because it was on TNT. I expected a little bit of a better ending but oh well. What can you do? LOL Anyway, life can be annoying at times. I have this same reoccuring thought or issue that most of the time doesn't bug me but when it does, it really does. It's frustrating. I don't want anyone to worry because it's nothing bad ... just a personal demon I suppose. :P

I can't think of anything to write in here really except the last week or so I've been eating a lot healthier and I started exercising again today. I finally got up the determination to do it today. I've been telling myself I needed to everyday for months. Stupid weight isn't going to lose itself. I hope to lose about 5lbs by the end of this month. It doesn't sound like much but it will help. My long term goal is to feel better and fit into my old pants from a year or two ago. Wish me luck. LOL Anyway, I gotta go for now see ya later!

January 8th, 2004_2:20am

I know, I haven't written in here in a long time. I don't even know if anyone reads this thing anymore so I've had thoughts of taking this site down. I'm not sure though. If people actually read it, I'll probably keep it up. I haven't felt much like typing that's why I haven't updated this in a while. I'll probably email everyone of importance to just keep in touch and say hello.

Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life comes out March 5th I believe. It was created for gamecube and looks amazing. I'm hoping, possibly, as a very early birthday present I might be able to see if my Mother will come up with $150 if she gets enough income tax to get it. I don't have a gamecube and that's $100 right there. The game itself, surprisingly, is only about $37 I think it said. You can go to Wal*Mart's website and check it out.

I'm really hoping I might be able to get it because it looks awesome! You actually have more animals, crops, people, everything! You actually grow old and watch yourself change over 30 years time I think it says and your children actually grow up and so much more! It just sounds to me like a game I'd love to play. Although, I don't know, I might wait until I get a job and can pay for it on my own.

The reason I say that is because my Mother always said she would never have money to get me a car and she was sorry but that was something I'd have to buy on my own. I didn't really have a problem with that. Recently, we were talking and she said if she got a large enough income tax check she was thinking of seeing if we could find any cheap, decent running cars around. That would be the best thing anyone could get me at this point in my life. Although, love is great, too. ;)

If by some lucky chance, that did happen, I would just tell my Mother I'd owe her big time, kiss butt forever, and say it could be an early 18th bday present. My birthday is the beginning of May and her income tax gets back usually the end of January or the beginning of Febuary. It just depends how fast it gets sent out and when she gets it sent back. Praise quick return or whatever it's called. It's like a 3 day or 1 week wait and that's it. Whoo hoo! Although, I must admit, I don't know what would make her think of spending her hard earned money on getting me a car. I'm not exactly the best child in the world. :P lol I really have changed a lot from several years back. I was destructive and mean and ... just an asshole. *innocent smile* If it turns out my Mother doesn't get enough to get me a cheap car I'd probably ask about the new harvest moon game and gamecube while she had the money and say it could be an early bday present or something.Anyway, this wasn't going to be a long entry but I sort of got carried away. It feels nice to get things out sometimes. Have a great day and I'll see you later.

December 30th, 2003_9:32am

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas this year. My actualy "Christmas" wasn't good, but all the days before and after it were. :) I've spent a lot of time with my family lately which is great. Maybe I'll explain it all later but I'm sure you can figure out why. Later today we're supposed to go up and visit Misty again! I'm looking forward to it. Although, I just might have jinxsed myself. I swear anytime I say I'm looking forward to something and get excited it falls through. LOL Anyway, supposedly we are supposed to be getting snow but I'm doubting it.

Tomorrow, I'm heading over to April's to celebrate New Years with everyone. Katy, April, possibly Toni, Thomas, and Chris are going to be there I think. I'm not quite sure since I haven't talked to Katy or April about it really that much. Anyway, tomorrow should be a good day. :)

Yesterday my cousins left. They came over on Sunday night and stayed over until Monday afternoon. It actually went much better than I expected it to. We rented some movies, watched them, ate and slept. That was pretty much the extent of their visit. LMFAO Anyway, I don't really know what to say nor do I feel like typing much more since I keep getting kicked offline. I don't want to type important stuff or get lost in thought and happen to get kicked offline! Have a great day everyone! Happy New Year. ;)

December 24th, 2003_11:50am

Merry Christmas! :) It was the funniest thing last night, you should have seen it. I called Vicky a Christmas Whore because she was busy doing stuff with everyone for the next four days or something like that and she said I was a Christmas Whore, too. I disagreed for a moment before I realized I've done just as much stuff as she is going to do just spread out. HAHA it was great. I'll recap it for you.

Last Wednesday - Went to my sisters to vist because we didn't think we'd see them around Christmas. It was originally thought to be our 'early christmas' visit.

Saturday - Went up to another one of my sisters to spent time with them. We definitely aren't seeing them for Christmas so we went up and had Christmas early with them and gave them their presents.

Monday- Hung out with Katy, April, Toni, Jenny and gave them their presents. It was a few weeks before we would hang out and we won't see eachother again until New Years Eve probably.
Tuesday- At 9am I got a visit from misty (the same one a last wednesday's little thing *points above*) telling me she was to take me to melody's to watch the baby. I did that so I spent time with them. Not that that was really a "christmas" thing, but still it was the day before xmas eve. lol

Today (wednesday) - Going up to Misty's again for a few hours to spent Christmas Eve with their family because her boys leave later today and they want to see us. I'm looking forward to it. :D Later, our neighbor basically demanded our presence at her house for a while later tonight because I guess she has some presents for us and crap. I don't think that will be to fun but you never know. Supposedly, one of my other sisters is supposed to drop by for a while today. Who knows?

This Friday- My Uncle and my aunt (his wife) are coming over. I don't know if any of their kids are coming over or not but that should be an "interesting" visit. :S

See? What did I tell you? It makes me sound like a Christmas Whore. LMFAO If you can't figure out exactly what I Christmas Whore is, I'm sorry. lol Anyway, how fun, eh?

Anyway, the other day at Toni's was nice. :)I think we all had a great time. I think I realized some stuff. I can't really think of anything else to say so if you want to know about any of the times I've mentioned above just ask. Have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

December 22nd, 2003_4:14am

Yes, I know it's been a while. Believe it or not I actually have been busy. At least when it comes to my thoughts. I've been talking with my Mom more and thinking a lot more which has taken up most of my time that I usually spend online.

Two days ago I went up to my oldest sisters house with my Mom. We went up to visit because it's likely we won't see them on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day because her husband works and they only have one car. We took the presents for my nephew and niece up along with toys and food. Believe it or not, I actually talked with my sister for quite a while that night. I've come to realize that even though my family isn't close, I still really do care about them and would like to keep in touch with them. That will be easier to do when I have a car and a job. I'll be able to invite them out to dinner for birthdays or holidays or just different things like that which I cannot do at this time. I really look forward to hopefully spending more time with my family.

Let's see, later today I am going over to Toni's for a movie day as we like to call it. That should turn out good. :) I haven't really spoken to anyone much in the last several weeks so it will be a great time to catch up. I'll be bringing their presents and cards since I won't see them on Christmas. I'm hoping maybe hanging out with everyone will help me figure out the answers to my thoughts or feelings. I'll keep you informed.

I have the worst time figuring out my feelings for almost anything. My thoughts don't help any by confusing me. Okay, sure I've been lonely lately like most people that aren't happy being single. :P But lately, it's increased to the point where I absolutely hate being tired and sleeping. Anyone who knows me knows sleeping used to be one of my favorite things. It's definitely not anymore. Whenever I'm tired, bored, or lay down to get ready for sleep, I get sad and lonely. It's just horrible. Through the day I try to tell myself I have a lot of things I need to work on myself before I could get into any relationship and that I'm content with my life how it is. I suppose if you read into it enough, I'm not. :( Yes, I do care about my friends and family a lot and I have a decent life but I just feel like theres something missing all the time. It's the little things I guess I miss the most. Like walking into open arms knowing they need you, holding hands as the warm feeling rushes over you as you feel instantly connected and close to the person you care about. Being close to the person you care about knowing they feel the same way about you and having that feeling of completeness when you are with them. Simple talks when just the others perons voice or words can captivate you and while you are with them or talking, nothing else seems important. All the little things in a relationship is what I miss. I ......*sigh* I just want to feel whole again. :(

I hope I didn't just digust you with that but I had to get it out. I can't ignore it and push it away anymore. I hope you have a great day and that life is treating you good. May the New Year brings lot of good things your way. I hope after reading this you won't take love for granted. I hope you stop for a minute and appriciate what you do really have, if you have it. Don't let it go. :) Good luck and talk to you soon.

December 18th, 2003_9:22am

It's been a while. I haven't really written in here because, well I just haven't. I've been planning on it for a day or two but just now got around to doing it. I don't really know why but I've been avoiding typing this up.

Preston was born at 12:50am on Tuesday, December 16th. I was surprised that he was really cute. :) I got to hold him last night and it was amazing. I love holding babies it's just so.... I don't know. LOL Anyway, he was 6lbs 4oz at birth, he left the hospital at exactly 6lbs. He was 18inches long. Which is just about the same size I remember Ashley being but Preston looks so much smaller. It's odd. He has a bouncy seat and he just BARELY takes up half of it. O_O It's so cute I can hold him in one arm. Anyway, he's just wonderful. I wish I could have spent more time with him. :(

I don't really care about Christmas this year. I don't want to get into it but I'm pretty sure I know at least part of the reason why. I just want to spend some time with family or friends and get my cards and the few small things I got for people out of here already. What I'm looking forward to is the New Year. I'm still not quite sure why.

I have actually been getting along with my Mother a little better and talking to her more often. I suppose it's nice but at the same time it feels really weird. Except in the past week, we haven't had any actual conversations for ages. It's crazy. I suppose it is a nice thing to know I can always talk to my Mom as a last resort. I'd still prefer to keep it to myself or talk to friends. I guess that's all I really have to say for now. I'll be back to tell you all about more of my boring life later. :P

December 15th, 2003_12:10am

Here I am again. Today life was pretty much the same as it always is around here. We had my niece over today. I really love spending time with her. At first she was a little scared to come to me and she cried but after a few minutes I calmed her down and started to play with her. She's exactly 9 months old today I think. She crawls, says momma and hi dad da and waves. It's really cute!

She loved my kittens! You all should have been here. She would crawl over to them and make noises at them and when they would run away from her she'd smile and laugh. When my Mom was changing her diaper I guess one of my cat's was sleeping and Ashley crawled over to her and yelled at her. Kali ran off the bed and I could hear her laughing. It was great! *sigh* She was so fun. :)

Anyway, I have no idea where it's really came from but I'm actually really looking forward to trying to get enrolled in EvCC. It's a little weird twist from how I normally am with things. Anyone who knows me knows I'm usually Mr. Procrastinator. Anyway, I want to hopefully get that done soon and wait to hear back. The only partially sad thing is if or when I do get enrolled, I won't be able to move out for a long time. I suppose that is something I'd be willing to sacrifice since I actually want to do this. Anyway, that's about all that's new in my life. I'll keep you posted on any further events in my life.

December 13th, 2003_1:11am

Okay, so I didn't really do anything but I thought I'd take a stab at updating this. I need to try and pick up a few small presents for a few people soon since Christmas is approaching. I've made out my Christmas cards already. I'm not really too sure about how much I'm looking forward to Christmas... but I can tell you I sure am looking forward to the new year. I don't really know why too much so don't ask. Usually the new year sort of bugs me but it's possible that this year I'm looking forward to New Years more than Christmas.

However, I did join the PoTC clan today. Yes, I traveled to Blockbuster earlier and rented LOTR: TT and PoTC. I enjoyed them both. I waited through the whole flicken movie before Elizabeth and Will to kiss. I believe that was his name. I wouldn't have just said that but I'm pretty sure out of everyone who reads this has already seen PoTC. I'm usually always last in the movie loop. Now, I have a better understanding of everything that was circulating about LOTR: TT and PoTC, which is good.

*sigh* Into my personal thoughts we go shall we? I'm so confused. Okay, so maybe I say that a lot but usually I'm a very contradicting person amongst myself which tends to lead to confusion. Anyway, for years now I've always told my Mom I'm moving out as soon as I can after I turn 18. Well, I've been thinking of trying to get enrolled in EvCC (local community college)for spring quarter. There are practically millions of questions or points that lead me into the same old infinite loops. For instance, I've always said or wanted to move out soon after my 18th birthday..... well if I start up at EvCC spring quarter then I'll be in the middle of school and won't be able to work enough to earn enough money to move out. Not only that but I swear to, well, earth? that I read one thing that tells you something and another that contradicts that and tells you something completely different. I'm just lost. Perhaps it would help if I sat down in a quiet place and think about it all for a day or two.

Anyway, I'll stop bothering you with my lovely thoughts. Although, we did just discover the tip of the iceburg. I didn't think you'd appriciate me rambling on and on for years about each and every little problem I had. I suppose that is all and I don't really have anything more to say.

Wait! Last thing, I promise. Where are you guys?! It's flicken Saturday morning and I'm bored! I have nothing to do and no one is on! That is all. Bye

December 11th, 2003_6:41pm

Whoo hoo! I actually got out of the house and had a nice day away! Due to the fact that I stayed up so late working online I didn't get to sleep until 6am. Needless to say by the time I actually got up and ready to go to Toni's I was late.

Anyway, shortly after I arrived we decided we'd take a walk. At first it was going to be just across the way to Pinewood, (elementary school) then we decided we'd walk to the Library. It was about ten after three when we headed out for the library. It was quite an interesting trip. We laughed, joked, and goofed off the whole time.

At the library, we didn't really do much. Toni and Jenny pretty much hung out looking at some books and messed around on the computers while Katy and I hunted down books and attempted to renew her overdue books online. Let's just say the trip was pretty much unsuccessful. :P That doesn't mean we didn't have fun though. It's probably a good several miles round trip. I'd probably guess around four, two each way? Who really knows? I don't really care. LOL

I think the best parts of the walk would have to be tied among a few things. Spotting their husbands (don't ask), bumper butts, when I gave Toni a piggy back ride, and finding me a deer friend. Again, unless you were there, don't worry about it.

Back at Toni's was okay, too. We arrived at about 5pm, I believe. Her parents arrived early so we hung out in her brothers room. Nothing much happened there except Toni lost the milkshake song. :( Sad. LOL Anyway, Katy had to leave and basically, shortly afterwards Toni's brother came in and was disturbing me just a little. Don't worry, I'm okay. :P Next, was my turn to leave at about 5:45pm. That pretty much concludes what I've done. How interesting. Now don't you just wish you had my life? :P *is thinking not*

December 11th, 2003_4:10am

I suppose you are looking here because you are wondering what the hell is going on in my mind or life, correct? I suppose I'll tell you. Today was uneventful like the typical day. Really, I should be in bed right now but I've been up hours messing around with many different site ideas. I finally came across this one and decided to keep it. Nice, simple and to the point. It serves it's purpose and will need minimal remodelings, which is good. If you don't like it, shut the fuck up right now and quit your bitching! LOL I'm just kidding! Really, I am semi-proud of this since it took me hours to finally settle with it so please be gentle not to burst my bubble.

I'm wondering when my uncle is going to arrive or if he's even going to show up. He's supposed to be here anytime from now until the new year I believe. I suppose he's a good guy with good intentions but damn he sure hides it well. I don't think my uncle is typically someone I would recommend anyone meeting. He would probably be one of those relatives you were embarassed to introduce your friends to. Anyway, theres not a whole lot I feel like saying about him so I'll just move on.

I talked to Vicky again today which was nice. She's actually a really great friend, too. You just don't come across good and true friends very often so you better not let them go. I suppose that's all I really have to say about today because I should be getting to sleep. Katy is going to shoot me if I sleep in since I'm supposed to be hanging out with Toni, Jenny, and of course Katy tomorrow at 2:30pm and it's 4:20am! I better be heading out. To anyone who actually read all of this, I hope you enjoyed a moment in my life. :P Bye.