It has been a long time since I've entered anything in my dad's dedication website, but with what's happened this week on what would have been my dad's 82 birthday 7/20/05 Don Di Tomasso, my friend who had set up this site for me, suggested that I add this experience to my dad's dedication website. So I am, so everyone who reads this can reflect on the beauty and wonders of what lies beyond earth once we pass on. This is my experience and my feelings about the other side reaching out to the love ones that are still here. And yes, I believe my father has somehow made connections with us his family from across the world from Holland to the United States and brought people together that never knew existed, so here is my story...

It's the morning of Wednesday July 20th. and I'm at work and I get an email from a friend, Don and in his email he says that a relative is looking for me. Don was contacted by someone by the name of Bert Elia and he was looking for my email address. So I get this email and I'm like Bert Elia, that is my father! This email is from Holland and he is saying that he is a long lost cousin of mine. I immediately have tears in my eyes because not only am I receiving this email from this man that is named after my father, but it is also July 20th. my father's birthday..now the tears are flowing...

So I have his email address and I begin to email him and now we're connected. He explains to me that he is the son of my father's sister Bertha, he's my cousin. Bertha has also passed on a few years back along with several of my father's brothers and sisters. This was sad to hear because my father came from such a large family and to hear that almost all of his brother and sisters have passed made me sad.

Within the last few days Bert and I have been communicating via email, we have sent each other pictures which were so nice to see.. Then I get an email from him today July 22 and he tells me of his experience the day before.

This is Bert's story as he wrote to me, I've changed some of the wording to clarify what he is saying, remember he is Dutch Indonesian so the fact that he is writing English is awesome, but a little difficult to understand at times..but it hasn't been a problem for me!

That was Bert's story that he shared with me today...

Is this another miracle? Has dad again reached out again to make a presence or just to let us know he is with us in some way...I think so, in my heart I do believe that he made this connection with us to let us know he will always be with us and will watch over us until we are all together again. Just the fact that this has all happened on his birthday is a little too hard to dismiss otherwise. I believe dad had to choose a day that would make us understand his reason for contact, and yes dad, I got it..Mom said this was dad's gift to us for his birthday, and I do believe that this is true.

So dad, thank you so much for all the beautiful signs and the connection Bert and I have made. Holland will be my next visit for vacation so I can meet my remaining family members that I haven't been able to know in the past.

I love you dad...

Melinda Ann
- July 22, 2005 -

Dad…It's only been a little over four month since you left us, but it seems like longer. Allot of the time is spent remembering you and all the things you did and taught us. I know that we all must go on with our lives, and that is what you would have said to each of us. I'm realizing now how much of the 'backbone' you were to the whole family. Even though mom always seemed like the 'ruler of the roost', you were the one to keep situations in order, to stand by and do or give what you could to make the decisions made go just a little smoother for all of us. It's strange how we really stop and think of all the times in the past more now than when we were all together. I guess this is just another experience we go through dealing with a loss. And what a loss this is.

What I believe is that you were proud and satisfied with how your daughters and granddaughter grew into the persons we have become, and that is very much a part of you and what you taught us. You have taught all of us to always learn more, work hard, get what you want and don't wait for it to go on sale, help others without asking for anything in return, set aside cash for a rainy day, check your car out on a monthly basis and spend time with the family as much as possible. For this and everything else I learned from you I am truly grateful that I was chosen to be your daughter.

I will love you always and try to go on with all the wonderful memories you have left with us.

I'm trying to understand the passing of my husband and friend. He was like a rock in our lives, always calm and collective.

There are many ways to love someone, ours was not so much the physical kind, but it was a very emotional kind of love, a very strong bond around the whole family.

We lived apart, but each day he would come to my house to visit and have lunch. And during the weekends we would go to the stores to shop. And now I miss him so much. Going to the store now by myself is very difficult.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that love comes in many different ways and ours worked liked that. We loved each other in our own way and that way worked for us.

Dear dad…I love you and thank you for being there for all of us always. I miss you.

I will forever miss my grandfather, but I know that wherever he is he will be happy there and bring happiness and joy to others the way he has for me!

I will always love him and remember him and all the memories we had together with our family. My Grandfather was the sweetest and kindest person I ever knew, and anybody who ever came in contact with him would agree. I will forever cherish the memories we had together and will continue so until we meet again.

Indonesia, my native land,
My place of birth,
Where I stand guard
Over my motherland

Indonesia, my nationality,
My people and my country
Let us all cry
For united Indonesia.

Long live my land,
Long live my country,
My nation and all my people.
Arouse their spirit,
Arouse their bodies
For Great Indonesia.

Great Indonesia, free and independent,
The land, the country I love
Great Indonesia, free and independent,
Long live Indonesia

Reference: http://indonesia.elga.net.id/indoraya.html

What I remember most recently was going with you and your dad to Suzie's Deli and speaking about going to Indonesia. He was helping me learn/say a couple of phrases which made me laugh because of the way I pronounced the words vs the way he did... Also watching him eat all the different food from that region of the world. Good ideas would be to show the "Indonesia flag " were he came from and the national song....I think maybe your dad would have liked you to go to Bali and see Indonesia and his heritage.

Bertus Elia, I didn't know him for very long or very well, but what I knew of him was that he was a very generous, kind and gentleman. After only knowing him a short time, he treated me just like family. He wanted to make sure I was taking care of his daughter. He was always thinking of his kids and granddaughter. If they ever needed anything he would be there for them. He always made sure Linda and Joanne had enough money and was ok. He lived on a very tight income but was always there to help out when needed. Holidays and especially Christmas, I could tell were very important to him, he really enjoyed being around his family. I admired him, the way he loved his family, the way his family loved him was remarkable. He will be greatly missed and never forgotten.

I know it is tough with the holidays and your dad being gone. Just try to remember the true meaning of Christmas and what it really stands for and keep focus because you still have the rest of your loved ones around you and Thank God for that! That they are healthy, and your dad lived to a great age and that he wanted you to be happy now that he is no longer suffering with pain. Just put your energy into all the blessings you do have in your life. And that ornament will come along.

You know Linda, I know how you're missing your Dad this time of year. I'm sure your pain will never go away. We like to think that's being in pain and suffering is bad thing but in real truth the pain is not so much that you miss your Father but you truly loved him. Yes he will be greatly missed. He won't be there during the times you really need him but did you know he really hasn't left you? Your Father has giving you so much in life as you were growing up. A lot are good things and of course a lot may have been bad things. But you need the balance of both worlds to better understand life. Your Dad gave you that understanding. He may not know all of the answers in life but the one that truly matter most in this world that HE LOVES YOU VERY MUCH!

Continue to always miss him because that is not only a healthy thought but your love for him will continue and never go away. When you Father had his last day here on Earth I'm very sure God was preparing his home for him. Your Father knew what condition he was in and I'm very sure that he has spoken to God to take over his duties as a loving Father to you Linda and the rest of your family. Then your Father duties here on Earth has finished. But, his job may not be over because in Heaven he still cares for you and look out after you. After all he will be forever be your Father and that's a gift God will never take away from you or us.

But after you Dad's passing, even though he's no longer with you (and us) you have inherited one of the greatest gift on earth. Your Father's Spirit. Sometimes we pick up the things we inherited weather it's the way we shape our lives to how we speak and laugh. You inherited this from only 2 people in you life. You Father and Mother. They say that a baby greatest learning is when they are born to 6 years of age. I supposed you remember who you were with? Your Parent's. Your Parents were the creator of you and as you were growing up the mold you into what you are today.

Sure you picked up a few things on the way that they didn't give you but they did give you that freedom. Now that you have a beautiful daughter Kasey you have given your Father's Spirit and pass it on to her. And when Kasey gets married and have a child, that child will inherit your Father's Spirit. The chain continues. Your Dad's love and spirited will always be cemented into your heart. Continue to have pain but remember, it's love for him that the pain is all about. Consider yourself lucky to have this man into your life and heart. I've known you for so long Linda that I love you very much as not only a friend but as a part of my own family. Love you and hugs forever, Ray

I have many fond memories of Burt Elia. The most significant of all, He trusted me with the most important person in his life. His pride and joy, his daughter Melinda. That meant more to me than everything else, combined. Burt was one of the nicest persons you could ever meet. Most of my experiences with Burt were in my late teens, early 20's. The times we worked on that "TRUCK" of his. That truck. Won't ever forget that truck. Going to the Redondo Beach Pier for crab legs. Taking us to Kentucky Fried Chicken. For such a small guy, he sure liked to eat. Unfortunately, Burt and Elly were not together when I was Melinda's boyfriend. I sure would have liked to experience some of that. Burt, a somewhat passive, mild and calm person. Elly, a stern, tough as nails, boisterous and somewhat bigger person. I respected Burt very much. He always had good intentions. I'm sure he is missed dearly and will always remembered. He had told me a few times how a certain part of my life would end up. I still believe him.

In Dutch:

Lieve oom Bertus
Het is zo jammer dat ik nu pas in kontakt ben gekomen met Linda en tante Elly.
Sinds je in de jaren zestig ben vertrokken naar de States heb ik jullie niet meer gezien.U moest U leven daar opbouwen en wij waren net in Holland om ons leven hier op te bouwen.Daardoor hebben wij mekaar uit het oog verloren.Nu U er niet meer bent hebt U mij genoeg seintjes gegeven om in kontakt te komen met U familie en dat is gelukkig gelukt.Ik heb nu wekelijks kontakt met ze en hoop dat het zo blijft,dus U wens en die van mij zijn vervuld.Ik hoop hiermee een bijdrage te hebben gegeven aan U condoleance en we zien elkaar zeker in de hemel.

Je neef Bert Elia.

In English:

Dear uncle Bertus
It's such a pity that I'm now in contact with Linda and aunt Elly and not earlier.
Since you left Holland in the sixties to the states, I never have seen you and your wife. You must be building your life in a new country and also for us in Holland because we are new from Indonesia in Holland.That's the reason that we lost contact. Now you have passed away. You give me many signs to make contact with your family and that's happened. Now I have weekly contact with your family and hope that will stay so. Your wish and mine are filled.I hope that I have contributed to your condolence and we see each other in heaven.

Your nephew Bert Elia
- Sept 02, 2005 -

I would like to thank Don for all of his help and advise on helping me create this web page in memory of my father, Bertus Elia. We became connected through the Cougartown web page, our high school alumni web site about four months ago. Having lost both of our fathers recently, we have kept in contact, and through this web page have a special friendship. Remember Don I am here if you ever need support, I know sometimes it can be okay one minute and then so hard at other times. We will get through this, in time. Like my friend Ray Smith said in his message, we cry because of the love we have for our loved one that is so true. May god help you and me and everyone that has gone through the sadness we feel now. Linda Farrow

My father was a victim of pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed with this disease on March 9, 2000 and at that time was given a year. A week later after seeing two doctors he was now given six months. Well my father passed away on April 12, 2000 almost one month after he was initially diagnosed.

No one in our family was prepared for this..we thought we had more time. I feel totally cheated by the doctors, I wish they had been more truthful about the real amount of time we had left. But one thing for sure, my dad held on for as long as he chose to. I believe he picked the exact time and moment to pass on. All of us were there with him, except Kasey. But she was with him that whole day. He was peaceful, in no pain and left with no trauma at all. We on the other hand fell apart. But together we're trying to get our lives back in order.

Pancreatic cancer is the 4th leading cause of cancer deaths among men and women in the United States. Over 29,000 men and women will die from pancreatic cancer in our nation. This type of cancer is most frequent in the age groups of 55-85.