“Dragon,
anyone?”
“Rick! Get over here! I’m not going to get this dragon down on my own!”
“Dragon?!” As I run around a corner in the cliff wall my heart skips a beat. “No…way.” Standing in front of me is my esteemed traveling companion, David. Standing in front of him is a huge black dragon. Okay, think role-playing fantasy game. To our right we have a huge hole in a cliff wall, also known as a cave. To our left we have a dry, red dirt, plain. Past that is a light forest filled with pale green. In front of us we have the big bad “boss”. So now what do I do?
“What are you waiting for?” David is a pretty good swordsman, but I’ve got to admit, he’s not as good as me, “Rick, I need your help!” and he’s right. He does so I take a deep breath and then start sprinting in a wide arch, first to the left, then into the cliff wall on the right. As I use my momentum to run up the wall I pass David who looks up in awe (of course he does, you would too!). A few steps later I leap off the top of the cave opening, and to the dragon’s surprise, I land right in the middle of his back!
Now let’s get one thing straight. I already said that this dragon is huge, but by that I meant really huge. Right now I’m balancing in the middle of his four wings, yes, four wings. My feet are about shoulder width apart and my knees are bent at about a 90-degree angle. Between my feet I can feel and hear the dragon’s spine creaking as it moves. The scales are so big that one of my feet can stand comfortably in the middle of one without touching any others. As I stand here on two scales, I can feel them sliding and moving with each other as the dragon turns it’s head my way to get a good look. It also has a really long neck, yeah, like those longneck dinosaur things. But on the end of this neck is a really mean looking head. The glowing yellow eyes thoughtfully glance at me from under long thick, black eyebrows (yes, it has eyebrows as well…quite nice actually).
Then the dragon bucks. I don’t know if you’ve ever been surfing before…but I haven’t. Though I have experienced being lifted up by a big wave. Let’s say that this big wave is made out of scales and wings, and moves surprisingly fast. Put it all together and you’ve got an air-born me. But I’m cool, I’m experienced in killing dragons and saving whole towns from disaster. I also told you I’m a great swordsman too, right? Well this is where is all happens.
As I’m sailing upwards I gain control of my body tilt, just like those cool skydivers. Than as I start losing my “up” speed, I draw my sword and look down. As I start gaining “down” speed, I lean forward with both hands clutching tightly to my monster of a sword I am holding to my right, preparing to slice and dice. Actually, my sword is rather nice, so I’m sure you’re not going to mind if I take a little time to describe it to you.
Let’s start with the handle. It’s nice and round and fits nicely into my hands. It is wrapped in a nice black material that has gold woven into it. The material is wrapped like on one of those Japanese, samurai swords. On the end it has a lovely shaped knob, like one you might find on a bed post, but made of gold with a sparkling, green emerald embedded in it. Just before the blade we have some more emeralds, plus some more rubies and gold shaped like claws that seem to be holding onto the blade. Now the blade is like, fifteen centimeters wide. Yes…go find a ruler and make sure you realize how nice and big this is. On either side of the blade, the sharp edges are about three centimeters wide each, and in the middle there are elegant flowing patterns that were probably put there by a bunch of elves or something. This blade flows up nicely into a sharp, really sharp, point. There, aren’t you glad I described it?
So I’m hurtling down towards this dragon, and I think he’s planning on frying me on the way down. He takes a nice long breath (yes, he threw me very high into the air so he has plenty of time), and then I see his eye sparkle, cheeky thing. All of a sudden, everything is a glowing orange and I have just enough time to cast my nifty little protect spell. It does the trick and as I fall through the after-smoke, I see his head is no longer where it was and there’s this tail (also huge) flying toward me at…I dunno, a really fast speed. So I swing my awesome sword around utilize that ‘sharp, really sharp’ point. It goes straight through the black scales, thanks to all the momentum behind the swing of the tail. And so instead of getting whacked half way of the edge of the planet I end up getting the ride of my life while this dragon is trying to shake me. After that he changes plan. Then I get the beating of my life as he pounds me into the ground.
Now, what I don’t find funny about this is, first of all, the dragon seems to be getting the better of me. Then second, my trusty companion, David, seems to be doing what he usually does. He’s standing there, kind of looking like he’s ready for action. Legs apart, knees bent, sword in hand. Thing is, when you look closer and for longer you realize that he is not blinking, and his mouth is hanging open. Have you ever seen one of those ad’s on TV where people are at a tennis match? As the ball goes back and forth, and up and down, so does the audience’s heads. Well, pretend I’m the tennis ball and David is the audience. Now I’ll just remind you that I don’t think this is funny.
So the dragon has been bashing me around a bit now, and I’m holding onto my sword as best I can. You know, a swordsman can never let go of his sword! It is one of the most important things that a swordsman needs to learn to do. Because once a swordsman looses his sword…he isn’t much good, right? Yep, right. So now the dragon has decided to try waving his tail around in the air again. Which, because there’s no more bashing involved, would’ve been a good thing. I said would’ve been a good think, that is, if my sword hadn’t come loose. So all of a sudden I’m flying through the air again, which also, would’ve been nice, if it wasn’t for the hard, rocky ground. In the next few seconds I took my time, and got to know the ground quite well, up close and personal.
So with me off in the distance…what is David going to do? I think it’s safe to say that when the ball goes out of the courts the audience can come back to reality for a little while. Well, in this case, the ball wasn’t going to come back for long while. Anyway, as I push myself up on my elbows and look on, I see him turn his head up, take one look and then start running. Have you ever watched one of those cartoons where one character chases the other across the screen and then back the other way? Yeah, and then they do that a few more times and soon it’s reversed, the one who was chasing finds out they are running. Well, that part didn’t happen. Nope, just David, running and running, turning here and running the other way. Then all of a sudden he turns and runs under it’s belly, dodges it’s tail and keeps running some more. It wasn’t a very inspiring sight from my point of view. But a hero is a hero, right? And I had a job to do.
So up I get, dust myself off, take a deep breath as I watch David run for another moment, and then take my killer sword to my side. Here goes…”Aaaaaaaaarrrrggggggghhhhhhh!” Yes, I believe that’s what I’m supposed to say. So then the dragon sees me coming out of the corner of his eye and stops chasing David (I think that was boring him just a little).
Just as I’m about the jump into the air and perform a lovely downward slice…David shouts, “About time!” and then I stop.
“What did you say?”
“I said about time!”
“I’m sorry, you said WHAT?!”
“I said, JUST TAKE A LITTLE LONGER WHY DON’T YOU?!”
If you don’t understand what’s going on…let me explain. You see, I’ve just been busting my chops trying to take down this dragon All David has done is, first, pretend he’s at a tennis match, and second, run like a chicken! And now he decides to take the liberty of treating me like I’m supposed to be his loyal servant or something! Now I’m really angry. I’m too angry for words. I drop my sword and take my time walking over to him, planting each of my steps firmly in the ground. Then I breath my rage into his face as he looks defiantly back into mine.
Then I whack him.
Yep, I whack him. Just like he deserves, taking me for granted! He doesn’t know how lucky he is to even know me! For some reason, he looks surprised. He holds his jaw for a second, then swings a punch back at me! The nerve! Of course, he couldn’t hit me if his life depended on it, and I easily dodge his punch. He swings a second time with the other arm and I dodge him again and give him a fair smack on the nose. I don’t know why, but for some reason, he looks surprised again! And he just stares at me like some little kid, looking like he’s about to cry.
Now, behind me the huge black dragon that I told you so much about is looking rather confused. ‘What on earth is going on?’ he’s thinking. And soon turns and goes into his cave, snorting and if he’s a little furious, but like he’s happy to go back to bed. That’s when I hear it for the first time. You know that classic, back and white movie shot where this lady screams for her life before getting bitten by a vampire. Yeah, well, this scream was like that…except if went for a little longer and attached to the end was, “HELP ME!”
I looked back into David’s eyes and then I heard a bird chirping. Funny I should say that huh? But then everything started to fade and this dark, reddish glow started to take over my sight. Soon enough I could feel the stiffness in my body. Now, you might know what I’m talking about, but you might not. This is when you realize…’Oh no! I’m waking up!’ Now I can hear footsteps, sounds like my dad’s getting ready to go to work. I know he’ll be gone soon. It would be nice of me to say, “Goodbye, have a nice day.” But this dream really needs and ending.