(Contains spoilers for "Counterpoint", "Bride of Chaotica!", I, Claudius and Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery)

Wanted: one henchman
Must be willing to work long hours in a thankless job for little pay.

In Austin Powers, there are two funny moments.  Actually, there are more than two, but the others aren't relevant to this.  In the relentless struggle between good and evil, two henchmen are sacrificed.  A brief lull in the action follows, as friends and family mourn the dearly departed.  These scenes served to highlight these often forgotten casualties of drama.

Where would the Evil Mastermind be without his henchmen?  Probably making his own coffee, killing his own enemies and trying to be intimidating all on his own.

Let's think about this in a Star Trek context.  In fact, since I've only been watching one series lately, let's consider this from a Voyager angle.  And, since I can only come up with a couple of examples, let's make it a mid-fifth season Voyager discussion.

(It's always good to know exactly what you're talking about, y'know?)

In "Counterpoint", Janeway encounters Kashyk, the smarmy, arrogant mass-murderer.  In the eyes of many (especially the more dedicated J/C'ers), Kashyk is Evil Incarnate. There are several signs pointing to this: the black leather uniforms, the weaponry being waved in the faces of the Voyager crew, the fact that the Devore are boarding Voyager.  (Come to think of it, that last one's pretty damning evidence.)

But it's the henchmen that confirm it.  Dozens of uniformed guards inspecting Voyager, while Kashyk drinks coffee and flirts with Janeway.

And who makes the coffee?  The head hench himself.  Prax.

Ah, Prax.  The designated second banana.  The butt of Kashyk's digs.  The straight man.

The henchman.

When Kashyk reappears later, claiming to be a defector, he shows up alone and out of uniform.  No henchmen, no soldiers.  Without the trappings of Evil Incarnate, he seems … well, less evil.

And when he reveals that it was all an act, what is the first thing he does?  (Apart from gloating, I mean.)  He calls for Prax.  (He calls through the wall.  There's no sign of a commlink being activated.  I cannot read sex-in-the-ready-room fanfics without remembering that…)

The message is clear: Janeway's ready room is not soundproof and Evil Incarnate is nothing without his henchman.

Let's skip ahead a couple of episodes.

Without this posse of henchmen, Dr Chaotica would be nothing more than a guy in a bar telling anyone who'll listen how much better the world would be if he were running it.

But Chaotica is saved from obscurity by his henchmen: Satan's Robot and Lonzac.  Without Lonzac, Chaotica would be too distracted by inanities – getting prisoners to kneels, reciting his extensive titles – to get on with the real business of galactic domination.  Even The Braga has a personal assistant.

Lonzac also fulfills another essential henchman role: that of traitor.  Sure, Chaotica has a weapon of mass destruction, but Lonzac would gladly shift his loyalties to Arachnia.  For one thing, she looks better in peacock feathers.

The henchman, you see, is an unhappy, sexually frustrated figure.  He works for a man who is more powerful, more attractive and who looks better in black.  The henchman must, through his own bumbling incompetence, reinforce his employer's intrinsic superiority.

It's not a career known for job satisfaction.

For these reasons, the henchman will frequently be found selling his loyalty to the highest bidder.  Like the dozens of generic Prax and Lonzac clones in I, Claudius (and the degree of resemblance is rather disturbing), the henchman dreams of going into business for himself.  Getting his own henchmen, his own black uniform and having that one chance to exchange barbed innuendoes with Kathryn Janeway.

And yet, the henchman is doomed to failure.  He will never be anything more than a stooge, and stooges never deal with the Hero on equal terms.  The closest the henchman will come is exchanging quips – and, if he's lucky, maybe a pun – with a sidekick.

For Heroes have henchmen too, but for appearance's sake, they're called sidekicks.  Partners occasionally show up, but they're usually funnelled into spin-offs.

And that is why, in the end, Janeway defeated Kashyk. He only had one henchman.

She has eight of them

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Copyright © 2000 Elizabeth M. Barr

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