Chapter Four: It’s Almost As If…

Ranma found himself staring blankly at the ceiling. He couldn’t remember ever feeling quite like this before. It was as if every feeling imaginable was vying for his attention; a literal riot of emotion. He was everything from heated to worried, with so many shades in the middle that he couldn’t name them all.

So of course he was just staring into nothing, feeling, overall, rather blank.

It was like an overload. He just didn’t know what to think.

Akane had returned to her – his – own room, although under protest. Ranma was thankful for that; after all, he did share the room with his father. Ranma glanced at the old man, who was snoring loudly. Although he probably wouldn't wake up even if we did… He shook his head violently to erase that thought.

Ranma sighed and looked up at the sky again. It would’ve been a poetic moment to be looking at the moon right now; unfortunately it was overcast and looked about to rain. Of course. It always rains in Nerima.

He turned away, not particularly liking to look at a rainy sky. He pulled the covers over his head, trying to will himself to sleep. Futile. Sleep just wasn’t going to come tonight.

I wonder if anyone’s going to figure it out. It was his greatest fear, and part of the reason that he hated his female form so much; all the snide insults about being a girl hit a little too close to home. He could still remember, more painfully now than ever, that dizzy time in middle school when he’d realized that his feelings for Ryouga – who was essentially his best friend at that time – were rather more than just friendship. His father’s attitude hadn’t helped, although he was reasonably sure that the old man didn’t have a clue. He was certain, at least, that mentioning anything less that perfect manliness to Genma would’ve resulted in beatings – particularly since even imagined faults often did anyway.

Ranma thumped his head against his pillow, trying to drive the memories away. He wasn’t in love any more, at least not with Ryouga. No, now the situation was even more complicated. Naturally.

If only I could like girls. It wasn’t the first time he’d wished it, nor had he not tried. But it was futile. He could see the attractiveness in Akane, Shampoo, Ukyou and even Kodachi (although in that case the frightening aspect took care of nullifying that)… but he couldn’t bring himself to desire any of them in the way they wanted. Ukyou came the closest, although it was frustrating that she tried to act so girly around him. Shampoo was hopeless; the way she acted just made Ranma even more embarrassed about being female part of the time. Akane… was different, however. She was the only one of the four that didn’t try to impress him; in fact she did the opposite, and that was even more bewildering.

Shame that his two male suitors so far were such assholes. If he’d ever met a nice one, he would’ve been sorely tempted to just run away with him and explain about the curse later. He hated being a girl, though, which was the only reason that he had only given that plan of action fleeting consideration.

But now there was a boy who liked *him*! And what a boy! He pressed his face into the pillow. He’d never really imagined that Akane would manage to acquire the opposite of his curse. His only idea, which had had him on the floor laughing much to the confusion of the family, was that hidden somewhere deep in Jusenkyo there was a spring of drowned homosexual… and that Ryouga would slip into it on accident one day. Of course that was stupid, though…

Come to think of it, why did Akane still like him – and presumably guys in general - even though she thought she was a boy? EEverything else was different, why not sexuality? He was reasonably sure that Akane wasn’t a lesbian. It might’ve been considered a reasonable thought by a lot of other people, but Ranma didn’t believe it. He and Akane were more alike then he wanted to admit. He knew he gave off signs, even though he did his best to hide them, and he hadn’t seen any of the signs he noticed in himself in Akane. No, he was pretty sure that Akane – girl Akane at least – was straight, and that her boy-hating outbursts really were directed at the jerks at school. Of course, that meant that he had liked boys when he thought he was a girl.

I guess that sort of thing is too strong to change. And even then… would they have noticed? He blanched. Nabiki would have. Hopefully not any of the others. Maybe I didn’t say anything. After all, it’s not like Akane’s hitting on me in front of everyone… He knew that his hope was unlikely, but maybe… and at least, if Nabiki had noticed, she apparently hadn’t said anything… yet…

Another thought struck him. Come to think of it, Why is she acting the way she is just because she thinks she a boy? It’s not all that much different from normally, just a lot… more forward romantically. Okay, so maybe she – he – isn’t being very romantic per se, but… he considered the easier question for a while. He’s not acting like a normal guy, that’s for sure – but that makes sense. I guess it would make sense if he’s acting like she *thought* guys acted. Like… her own personal stereotype of a man. That would explain the shower…

Having managed to distract himself with less stressful thoughts, Ranma quickly fell asleep. His dreams were interesting, if brief, that night.

***

Ranma was feeling blurry. It was the morning, early at that, and he hadn’t slept well. Strange dreams had kept waking him up, and what was worse was that he couldn’t remember them. Of course this was the strangest waking yet. It seemed as if he were being dragged somewhere by Nabiki, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t a dream.

He was thrown to the floor, suddenly and none to gently. He caught himself smoothly, reflexively if not by conscious action, and decided that the carpet was soft enough to merit staying there. He heard the sound of a door slam.

He finally managed to shake his head into clarity, and was treated to the sight of a rather annoyed-looking Nabiki. They were apparently in her room. It was amazing how fast that caused him to snap fully awake. 

There was the sound of someone shifting behind him. He whirled to see Akane, in boy form, sitting uncomfortably on Nabiki’s bed.

“Ahem,” Nabiki cleared her throat, drawing the attention focus back to herself. “I think the three of us need to have a discussion.”

“About… what?”

“What do you think, Ranma?” Akane protested angrily. “About me, about you, about… everything.”

“Yes.” Nabiki agreed. She sat down cross-legged on the floor, opposite Ranma. “I’ll admit that I heard some of your conversation last night, but not all of it.”

“You *eavesdropped*? Why?!”

“Not intentionally, and I didn’t hear much. The rest of the story I heard from Akane this morning.”

“So-”

“So, Ranma, I’m afraid that I can’t let you have this little ‘fling’ of yours.” She leaned forward, crossing her arms disagreeably over her chest.

Ranma blanched. “What ‘fling’? Since when do you have any say in my life?”

“Ranma, this affects everyone, surely you’ve got to see that.”

“But…”

“Ranma… I know that you’re gay. I’ve known for a while, actually, and I don’t really care. But surely you’ve got to see that this is just going to end in disaster.”

Ranma paled. “You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?”

“Of course not. That would cause issues that I don't want to deal with right now - but that’s not even the point. The point is that you’re falling in love with my brother Akane.”

“I’m not-”

“Yes you are. Don’t lie to me. But again that’s not the point. The point is, *I don’t have a brother Akane*. You’re falling in love with someone who doesn’t exist – sorry Akane – and it’s going to end badly.”

Akane shook his head angrily. “I *do* exist. I’m here aren’t I? And…” she trailed off. “I love Ranma…” the last three words were almost inaudible.

“I know you do,” Nabiki said softly, letting real emotion seep into her voice at last. “And that’s why I can’t let this happen. You love Ranma because girl-Akane loves Ranma. And as much as you want to deny it, you’re not the real Akane. Playing around like this can’t end well, when eventually you’re going to turn back into your real self.”

“I’m not playing!” Ranma protested angrily, rising to his feet. Nabiki looked up, actually surprised at the vehemence in his voice.

“You’re falling in love with a false version of my sister,” Nabiki replied quietly. “How is that not a game?”

“I – I’m not falling in love.”

Nabiki snorted in disbelief. “How can you say that now?”

“I can say it because… I was already in love.”

Nabiki waited patiently for more explanation.

“It wasn’t love in a physical way,” Ranma continued quietly, staring at his feet and trying not to stutter. “It was more like… friendship. I never let it show because I couldn’t… but…”

“So you did love her.” The words weren’t spoken by Nabiki, but rather Akane, who had fallen heavily back to the bed and stared disbelievingly at the wall. “It wasn’t me at all. You loved her.”

Ranma turned and knelt so that he was eye level with Akane. “I… I’m not entirely sure,” he confessed. “I don’t know if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life by admitting this or not… but… there had to be something. This feeling… I’ve fallen in love with you. And that doesn’t just come out of nowhere. But… when we can bring the female Akane back…”

“You mean when I’m dead.” Akane interrupted in a strained whisper.

“No. When you’re not affected by whatever it is Cologne did to you. We won’t be able to cure your curse, and who knows… maybe something’ll happen… I’m not looking forward to telling her that I like boys, tho’…”

Akane and Nabiki both chuckled at that.

***

tbc

~Mordain

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