You might agree or disagree with my opinions, but that's life, isn't it? And no, I get no commissions or kickbacks from any of the places favorably reviewed - I do this entirely for my own amusement and your information. This, by the
way, is the one part of NotTheNews that often features POSITIVE critiques, so to those
of you whining about NotTheNews being too negative, get off my case.
And It's An Eyesore Too!
October, 2000
It's so refreshing to finally find a restaurant that is truly awful and that combines the worst of many different variables! While it is a waste of pesos, calorie intake and valuable time, the Critic is glad he came because this particular establishment is screaming for a bad review and here is where you, dear reader(s) in search of gastronomical enlightenment, shall find it!
Tacos, Tortas, Tarros is the imaginative name of this new taco eatery located on the Prolongación del Paseo de Montejo, known simply as the Paseo de Montejo, next to Blockbuster and a new Argentinian restaurant presumably owned by the same people since it is practically in the same building.
The first clue as to the quality of the dining experience you are about to suffer through is the vast sea of red (Coca) and white (Superior) plastic chairs - that super-extra-archi-requete corriente kind that have become a staple of inexpensive (read cheap) eateries not only throughout the Yucatan, where cheaper is better is a life style not just a simple saying, but throughout the entire world.
Wading into this deluge of plastic, one's olfactory senses are assaulted by the unmistakable stench of sewer, presumably coming from a lengthy puddle stretched out along the broken sidewalk directly in front of this open air 'dining' establishment. That smell is complemented by the additional whiff of week-old grease and fat coming from the grills, where sweaty 'cooks' are busily burning what one can only hope is pork, beef or chicken.
Upon seating oneself, under the watchful yet absent gaze of the server staff (this is a term generously used here - in reality they could be gardeners, off-duty security personnel or out-of-work jodogueros, one is presented with a photocopied and plastilizado 'menu' (again, the Critic is being generous here) in which a small list of tacos (the usual) and another small list of tortas appears. The entire menu looks so unappetizing, both in appearance and the complete lack of effort someone obviously took in preparing it, that everyone in the Critic's party resignedly asked for the 'special' of the house, the torta cubana.
The torta cubana is a favorite both in Miami and in Merida, and everyone has their idea of what it is. Here at T,T and T the interpretation is as follows:
- a very cheap mini-baguette or telera (completely inexcusable given the high quality French-style bread to be found in Merida)
- a crusty, deep fried fatty milanesa (breaded cutlet) de _______ (fill in the blank with your mystery meat selection), fried egg, some mortadela (the cheapest possible ham-style luncheon meat on the market), some queso fresco (a crumbly white cheese) a 'yellow' cheese which is indeed yellow but hardly qualifies as 'cheese' and some jalapeño peppers.
It is an unfinishable, totally unappetizing, heartburn-inducing combination!
Tocas, Tortas, Tarros serves the usual drinks - jamaica, horchata, Coca etc. as well as beer judging from the Superior plastic chairs - as well as the tacos al pastor so popular everywhere these days. On this particular occasion, the tacos al pastor appeared to be somewhat sashimi-ish, as in they were a little undercooked - and were therefore not at all appealing.
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Another consideration... where were all those purist defenders of the Paseo de Montejo when this place was being put together?
So much criticism was levelled at Walmart, which is being built by architects and will look at least semi-decent on the Paseo, in spite of being another example of Yankee imperialism invading our fragile Yucatecan lifestyle and blah blah blah. Where were those critics when Tacos Tortas Tarros was being 'built'? This place is a real eyesore and should have a wall built in front of it right away!
Don't you just feel like going out and having dinner there now? Consider yourself warned!
As a distinguished member of the Fussy Crew (also present in this unmemorable event) succinctly put it: This place will close in 2 months. For the good of Merida's stomachs and the conservation of the Paseo de Montejo, the Casual Restaurant Critic certainly hopes so!
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1
horrendous, don't bother, not worth the price, time and/or calories2
not really good, but has the occasional saving grace3
average, some good points some bad, nothing special4
good, only a few nitpicking details5
really good, great food, great ambiance for what it is supposed to be, greatservice and appropriate concept (everything gels, from silverware to furniture to music to decoration etc.)
