The first and a very important step in planning your succesful party is deciding on the proper venue. This depends largely on the type and number of people you are inviting, and whether your goal is to impress, ingratiate or incomodar your guests.

Many foreigners like to have parties at home, and while many locals frown on the idea of hosting in their homes (es un problema) if you live in that choice residential area known as La Ceiba, this is quite acceptable, since most of the homes are spacious and suitably equipped for entertaining. One possible disadvantage is the fact that locals may find getting to your house difficult because it's 'so far' from Merida. For those of you unfamiliar with Merida's customs, a 10 minute drive along the highway is a long trip or viaje.

Out of home (and body) experiences include El Campestre, only suitable for larger events and when total ingratiation with the locals is desired. A great many Yucatecans feel that El Campestre is the epitomy (look it up) of class and luxury and will certainly bestow upon you, their gracious host, their most profound respect if they are invited to a party in this hallowed hall of Yucatecan sociedad. This is especially true of those people who can't afford to be a member of the club and this is their only chance to be seen there. The fact that it is mediocre by any standards is totally beside the point, and shouldn't concern you, since you are the one who must adapt to local customs and standards.

Another exciting option is along the highway to La Ceiba, a large nameless barn of a building with all the charm of an abandoned steel factory from the 50's, with matching facilities. At night, you'll notice it spectacularly lit up with naked fluorescent tube lighting hanging vertically on telephone poles outside its rustic gravel parking lot. This is an option only if you have a large group invited and you couldn't

• afford the Campestre or;
• demonstrate sufficient class and money to allow the picky social director of same to rent it to you.

Those are the larger group options. If you do decide to have the party in your home, keep in mind the following handy guidelines:

• Always have plenty of tables available, or preferrably, two large circles of chairs, where you can easily accomodate males and females separately in each circle, thus accommodating traditional yucatecan party customs.
• Live music is always welcome, with special emphasis on those multi-talented organists with symphonies at their fingertips. No matter how small and intimate your gathering, however, any live music must have many large black speakers that will face the dining/seating area. Volume settings must always be just loud enough to let the neighbors 5 blocks away know you're having a party, and also to ensure that civilized conversation with anyone but oneself is out of the question. The volume makes the party. Don't forget that.
• Regarding food, always have it catered. Never cook, because no-one will appreciate your efforts, let alone like what you made. Stick to traditional favourites.  These might include the omnipresent sandwichón, which is a pasty orange-colored substance rolled in crust and flavour-challenged soft white bread and sliced for your enjoyment; some buns filled with mystery meat ham and sugar sprinkles on top, a pierna (pork leg) with sweet, dark gravy, and perhaps a coleslaw-type salad, served mushy and creamy with enough dressing to get the afore-mentioned sugary buns just a tad soggy on the bottom. All food should be served cold or lukewarm, as we wouldn't want anyone to burn their tongue.
• Liquor. Don't buy beer, because no-one will drink beer at night; it's a mid-day thing, to be had at Heladios with botanas and charming live music. DO buy lots of rum, perhaps some whiskey, and a zillion cokes. Save the really good liquor for your friends only, because if word gets out that you have Chivas available, all those wannabes who would never buy a bottle will drink all of yours. Don't worry about fruit juices and other exotic offerings because, well they're just too exotic. Take a moment to peruse the fine wines available at local stores (there are at least 3 kinds) and buy something white, lite, preferrably sweet, that says on the label 'Serve Real Cold'. This they put on the label to help you identify the quality of wine you are buying; if you were to drink it at room temperature, you would probably vomit.

Don't bother with red wine, at most parties it's simply too exotic. Red wine also brings up that nagging 'room temperature' question. If you serve your red wine at Merida room temperature, will it taste good? If you stick it in the fridge for 15 minutes to bring it down to Lyons (it's on the map) room temperature, will the cold kill the wine?
• On the subject of service, keep in mind that while most waiters look alike, there ARE differences in the way the treat your a)home, b)invitados,  c) dishes. Be aware of the waiter that arrives at your door uncombed and unshaven with his shirt balled up and tied to his bicycle frame. He could be trouble. Tipping is common upon successful completion of his waitering duties, provided he has cleaned all the dishes, glasses, ashtrays; has put the kids to bed with a healthy snack and has washed and fed the family pet.

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