Extremely Unofficial S.P.V. Street Cop

Application Form

Electronic Application Form ver. 1.2

Link to the Print 'n' Fax form

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Practice Question

Yes
No

¿Que?

Can you read?

If your answer is no, please forward your employment request to the S.P.V. traffic office near the ex-penitentiary.

General Info

1.	Yes No	Do you have any post-primary school education?
2.		How many households do you maintain?
3.	Yes No	Are you interested in improving your monetary stability?
4.	Yes No	Are you willing to share this new-found monetary stability with your superiors?

Traffic Related Questions

Correct answers will not affect the outcome of this application.

5.	Yes No	Do you have any idea of how to direct traffic?
6.	Yes No	Are you familiar with the different brands of vehicles on the market today and which ones can be stopped for traffic violations, regardless of whether or not one actually occurred?
7.	Yes No	Regarding traffic lights, are you familiar with, and able to discern, the three colors of same?
8.	Yes No	Do you understand the flexibility involved in making a $nap deci$ion at the $cene of an accident?
9.	Yes No	Are you able to discern your left and right?
10.	Yes No	Is parking on the sidewalk illegal for Mercedes-Benz owners?
11.	Yes No	Regarding Lincolns, Gran Marquis, and other large shiny vehicles: Is it acceptable for their drivers to maneuver said vehicles in a weaving fashion and straddling three lanes while driving along Montejo in the Colonia Mexico area?
12.		In the case of smaller, somewhat unpainted vehicles behaving as described in the previous question, what would be the best way to affect an arrest, impoundment, or lunch-money verbal traffic warning? Impoundment preferred. Please submit an answer to this question by email .

Personal Profile

13.	Yes No	Are you willing to wear an ill-fitting awful-colored uniform in public?
14.	Yes No	Are you willing to pose diving through a flaming hoop for recruitment advertisements in the local press?
15.	Yes No	Can you be condescending, patronizing, and vaguely threatening at the same time when pulling over tourists and vehicles with 'gringo' license plates?
16.	Yes No	Do you think garbage cans are useful?
17.		Which of the following can you swing in a circular motion: your club your whistle any other dangly thing at hand all of the above
18.	Yes No	Do you own a pair of mirrored sunglasses?
19.	Yes No	Do you have any qualms about tugging, scratching and generally fondling your crotch in public?

If you have problems with this form contact: SPV Forms People

Thank you for your interest in the S.P.V. Your application will be processed in due time. This process can be expedited with a visit to our commanding officer with the appropriate monetary incentive.

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