A Letter to Santa Claus
A Neurotic Foreigner Writes to the Great Bearded One
Dear Santa
Although I have never written to you before, I feel it is about time that I did. I am living in Merida now but you know that since you know where everyone lives anyway.
I was wondering... Merida and most of the Yucatecan peninsula presents a particularly interesting challenge to you, since there is no cold weather, resulting in:
a) no snow, making the whole idea of a sleigh somewhat ridiculous;
b) no fireplaces to keep folks warm, since they're already warm enough thank you very much which of course means that there are no chimneys to crawl down and drag stuff down.
On the plus side, rooftops here are flat so that would make for easier landings - just keep an eye out for telephone cables and copper water pipes criss-crossing the roofs. Wouldn't want you to trip and break something and have to go the IMSS, also know as the Instituto Mexicano del Seguro Social.
In the "People's Guide to Mexico" a fun book that you should read before venturing down this way, the IMSS is quoted as standing for Importa Madres Su Salud, which is a not very nice way of saying that the last thing on anyones mind at an IMSS institution is concern for your (or anyone elses') health.
Speaking of the IMSS, keep in mind that all those cute little elves - and probably Mrs Claus as well - need to be afiliados and you as patron or boss have the obligation to be dado de alta in the IMSS as a patron and each elf has to obtain their own form that must be filled out in triplicate with the pink copy going to each one so that when they have a medical problem, they can present their copy to the gum-chewing, eye-rolling receptionist listening to cumbias at the hospital, before taking a number and waiting for some medical attention in the generously termed waiting area which is really a converted bus terminal from the 1960's, only less comfortable.
But let's not complain about the IMSS, shall we? I mean, as one reader of my online newsblurb said "If you don't like it go home". So if we want to be good little citizens, we mustn't say anything negative. Respect our institutions, said the president at one point.
Hoping you never have to actually use the medical services that the IMSS has to offer, I would like to ask you - where do you enter the houses and/or palapas here in Yucatan? And since no one seems to go to bed very early here - aren't you afraid that someone will see you, thereby spoiling the legend?
Does anyone leave you cookies and milk? 
As you may know, peoples concepts of
cookies in Merida are dictated by years of living in isolation from the rest of
the world, and so a good cookie must come in a can. If someone does leave you a
cookie, and this will be extremely rare, it will probably be a globito or a
biscochito. As for the milk, it'll be warm extra-ultra-pasteurized, long shelf
life milk, from a "tetra-brik" package since the fresh version is
virtually unknown, probably due to the fact that a large part of population has
managed for a long time to live without a refrigerator.
What about stocking stuffers? 
This is the land of no-socks, not just among
the popular (economically challenged) classes, but also among the more well-off
top-sider wearing gringo wannabes in the northern sector of the formerly white
city. While Merida is definitely cultural, sock culture is certainly on the
wane. Also, the absence of a fireplace, as I mentioned before, means there is no
mantelpiece which means that those sock holders that are on sale now at Pier One
for 70% off and nobody knows what the hell they are (meat hooks perhaps?) are
completely useless. So where do you stuff those stocking stuffers?
I'm sure you have all these things figured out, Santa, so forgive my curiosity and let me know.
Last but not least, I would like you to put in a few good words with the powers that be to encourage Merida's merchants to act like Christmas doesn't end on December 10th, when they all put their Christmas ornaments and decorations on sale and if you happen to be missing an esfera for your Christmas tree (the real ones, imported from the U.S. and Canada are gone at the beginning of December as well, thanks to literal feeding or should I say treeing frenzies at Costco and Sams where everyone shows their Christmas spirit in the form of elbowing, shoving, cursing and violently arguing with the persons controlling access to the already dry trees...) you're outta luck.
Thanks Santa, and although I don't have any specific wishes for myself this year, I would like to ask you, on behalf of those kids in the villages around the Yucatan, to get them something decent this year, no more of those Chinese hairless Barbies or plastic X-men with the toxic rub-off-in-your-hand lead paints.
And have a Merry Christmas!
