• -a wedding is at 8:00 pm, you get there at 10:00 and nobody has arrived yet.
• -You really think "Doritos" were invented by the Mayans.
• -You believe lime juice cures almost everything.
• -You believe a shot of tequila cures everything else.
• -When travelling, you bring along small cans of chiles.
• -Leaving the office at 5:00 pm means working "half day".
• -You blame the pollution on "El Popo".
• -You blame the rain on "Un Norte en Veracruz"
• -You blame the traffic on the rich.
• -You blame the crime on the poor.
• -You blame the PRI for almost everything else.
• -You blame los "pinches gringos" for whatever's left.
• -You have more faith in the mugger than the cop.
• -You have more faith in the cop than the priest.
• -You have more faith in the priest than the mayor.
• -You have more faith in the mayor than the president.
• -You have more faith in the president than your spouse.
• -The word "Puente" means five day weekend.
• -You enjoy drinking beer with lime, salt, ice, tabasco sauce and still ask for an imported brand.
• -You know Mexican beer is among the world's best, but with friends,
• you'll still order a Bud Light.
• -Licenciado" is a proper name.
• -On a restaurant table there are more cell phones and beepers than dinnerware.
• -If you order the tacos and your friend orders the enchiladas, you're positive the waiter will get it backwards.
• -You go "pssssst" to catch a waiter's attention... in New York City.
• -You refer to "@" as (Arroba) but have no clue what it means.
• -Your English has seriously deteriorated: you "grab a fart" and call a crowd "ball of big goats", and the object of your wrath is not directed at an antagonist, but rather at his mother.
• -You use the word "este" as a conversation filter... in English
• -You say "good" when answering a telephone... in English.
• -You say "Mandeme" when someone calls you... in English
• -You keep on addressing good friends as barnyard animals.("Buey & Cabron") are the animals most often employed.
• -You refer to a salesman as "maestro"... at Saks Fifth Avenue
• -You eat tacos, enchiladas, morcilla, moronga, and medula, but believe hamburgers are unhealthy.
• -When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that:
• a. he's drunk;
• b. he wants to sell you something.
• c. he's an American.
• d. he's a mugger
• e. he's gay
• f. he's all the above.
• -When someone tells you "I'll call you", you assume that he won't.
• -When someone says, "Let's have lunch next week", you assume he's lived in Los Angeles.
• -"Tomorrow" means "not right now", "never", or "screw you"
• -Calling in sick on Monday is proper behavior.
• -You keep a 20 dollar bill taped to the back of your driver's license.
• -If you want 50 people to show up for your party, you invite 150.
• -If you expect 50 people to show up for your party, you have enough food for the 200 who might show up.
• -You call an 80 year old waiter "joven". You call a twenty year old waiter"viejo". You call everyone else, "hermano", "mano", or "manito". But you call your real brother, "pendejo".
• -You never refer to a friend's mother as simply "su madre", but always qualify by saying, "su señora madre", or "su querida madre", to avoid a misunderstanding which could get you a "madrazo".
• -You assume women fall into three categories: virgins, whores and your wife.
• -You assume your daughters are virgins because they get home before you do at night.
• -You profess, "como Mexico No hay Dos", but secretly wish Mexico City was more like San Antonio.
• -You know the next "sexenio" will be better. You know you're dreamin.

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