Quiet Hollowness
one-shot
Author: Aegis-Kotetsu


     When Al sat silent, there was no breathing heard like in me or any other living human being was silent. No, that's wrong me to say, Al is a human being, just not made of human parts anymore. On the inside, that echoing voice on the inside of the armor is human. The emotion and wisdom in his words, that's human too. ...But, sometimes, it just feels like I'm sitting beside a giant empty tin can, when Al is quiet.

     Not being human, Al doesn't tire, so he doesn't need to sleep. I don't know how he manages being so silent all night long. I don't hear the slightest creak of metal from him. He does the same thing when we're on the train. For a while, we'll talk about things we need to do or have done, but somewhere in the middle of the ride, Al goes quiet again. When he does, I hate those times.

     Every day, when I look in quiet times at those gleaming white pupils inside the mask of the armor, I'm haunted by my mistake. Thoughts come rushing back to me about the reason I joined the State Alchemists and the night that Al just disappeared into thin air, all that was left was a big splatter of blood.

     When I look into that mask, when I hear his voice echoing in the armor, I swear I can hear his screams that night, calling out my name as his body was being consumed. I get chills and tears sting at the back of my eyes.

     Unknown to Al, I keep a picture of him with me in my wallet, of what he used to look like before the accident. Sometimes, on lonely days when I look at that picture then back up to the armor sitting in front of me, I don't see a connection. It's like time had split at that night and I'm with someone else who happens to have the name Alphonse Elric.

     I see those big, bright brown eyes in the picture, and that happy, carefree grin and I think of my brother in how he used to be. I feel happy for a moment or two, remembering his cute face and the way he would grab my hand when he was scared. Then, I glance up to the armor sitting across from me and I hear a familiar voice but... It's like having memories in a can, nothing more. When he doesn't respond, it's like I'm talking to myself, pretending that Al is there. Even when he does say something, it still feels like I'm just pretending.

     Al is so big and brave in that suit of armor, he stands up to bad guys with no fear, he never grabs my hand when he's afraid. ...Or... Was it that I grabbed his hand? Sometimes I want to. There are silly times when I wish I could take apart the armor and put it on myself, just so I could be closer to my baby brother, then the cold steel allows me.

     I'm so afraid of losing him again. Every time we're in heavy battle, I worry about if he's safe. Even though the soul anchor mark and the human body are equally as fragile as one another, it seems like the mark is more fragile. I worry if the rain will get inside the armor and wash away that mark, or if time will erode the blood. But, I guess I would worry about him even more if he did have a human body again. If pieces of him break, crack, or fall off now, I just use a little alchemy and he's good as new, with a gloss even. If he were made of flesh and bone again, I couldn't use alchemy to fix him up, and there is the danger of him bleeding to death, getting infection, or just plain dying.

     If we ever did succeed in returning Al's body and my arm and leg, I'd probably take him home with me and he'd never go outside again! It sounds selfish, but I can't risk losing my brother again. I'd be so damn paranoid about every little thing wrong with, I'd be worse than our mom. But, I'm like that anyway, in armor or not.

     It seems like every which way I turn, I'm in another predicament. Al is my life, my baby brother, and the only person that takes up ninety-nine percent of my heart. I care about Winry too, but she's safe back in Risenbulm, I don't have to worry as much about her. I love Al with practically all of my heart, I'd give up everything for him. My clothes, money, my other arm and leg, and my own skin if I had to. He's everything to me and then some, I just only wish he knew that as deeply as I do. Whenever we talk about the Philosopher's stone, he immediately talks about repairing my arm and leg. ...Honestly, I would rather keep my arm and leg as they are and focus only on Al. Besides, they aren't so bad, they've even come in handy a lot.

     My brother may be a empty suit of armor, but that voice inside of there is real, the emotions he has and the kindness he spreads wherever he goes is real. I don't care what anyone says, I'll find that stone and get my brother's body back, even if it kills me. Yet, knowing Al, he'd sacrifice himself again, just to make sure I was alright.


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