HUMOUR in ELT

3 Buddies 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor  of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK, HE'S  MOVING!!!!!"                                                                          We can use this text as a part of grammar activity when we teach 'would like to'as a pattern of modal. Submitted by Ruken Yalçin

A doctor to his patient: "Mr Palmer, I have bad news and very bad news for you." Patient: "Don't tell me that Doctor! OK, well, what is the bad news?" Doctor: "Mr Palmer, you have only got 2 days to live." Patient: "Oh no! And what is the very bad news then?" Doctor: "That I have been looking for you since yesterday to tell you that!" One day a rabbit goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist: "Do you have any carrots?" "We don't sell carrots. This is a pharmacy", replies the chemist. The rabbit goes out but half an hour later the same rabbit comes in again and asks: "Do you have any carrots?" The chemist answers reluctantly: "We never sell carrots, we sell medicine." The rabbit does this again and again. Finally he asks the same question too many times and the chemist gets angry. The chemist hits the rabbit and breaks some of the rabbit's teeth. The rabbit goes out crying. Half an hour later the rabbit comes in again and asks: "Do you have any carrot juice?" We can use these humours for reading lessons to teach new vocabulary/tenses.                                    Günes Çinkir 2/B