[ 100 USELESS FACTS ABOUT ME ]

  1. My mom made up my name by adding Elsie and Alice together.
  2. I have a younger brother who is 9 years younger than me, but we have the same level of immaturity.
  3. I have short brown hair and glasses and countless times people have mistaken me for Harry Potter.
  4. My first word was "ouch", even though it sounded like "oush".
  5. 9 years after my parents got married, they moved into my house, 9 years after that I was born, and 9 years after I was born, my brother was born. Does anyone see a pattern here?
  6. My mom claims she found me in a space pod near the woods, no matter what those lying bastards at the hospital say.
  7. I used to eat glue when I was younger (and I finally got off the stuff last week XD)
  8. When I was 5, I fell down and said I broke my 'antenna'.
  9. I have a best friend named Krystle, who made this site for me.
  10. I kick Krys in the pants when it comes to drawing and coloring in Photoshop, but I don't know a thing about HTML.
  11. I'm obsessed with Monty Python's Flying Circus.
  12. I have the special DVD for Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which I put on my surround sound stereo and add subtitles so I can sing 'Knights of the Round Table'.
  13. I went to the store in the rain to buy a coconut so I could cut it in half and bang them together to sound like a horse galloping, just like in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
  14. My friend Mark and I have made a total of 308 home movies together, 215 of which were edited on the computer.
  15. I helped my dad build my one computer from parts from like 10 other computers.
  16. I have Atari, Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, N64, Playstation 1, Dreamcast, Gamecube, Playstation 2, and a gameboy color.
  17. In Crazy Taxi for Dreamcast, I received the highest score of like $50,000, getting the license classified as 'CRAZY'!
  18. I used to have a unicycle, but I had to hide it from my parents cause I wasn't supposed to have it. Now, I can't remember where I hid it.
  19. I have a bad habit of forgetting where I put things when I hide them, never being able to find them again.
  20. I once watched 'The Little Mermaid' in 5 different languages at my friend's house.
  21. Most of my friends are losers.
  22. My mom says Krys and I came from 'the same hunk of cheese'. We still don't understand that completely.
  23. My uncle once dressed up as Santa Claus when I was 5, I was so horrified I cried and hid behind my TV, throwing tapes at him to make him go away.
  24. I burnt my hand on a 'guaranteed not to burn your hands when you try to get your toast' toaster.
  25. My friend and I put our video camera by the window to tape the snowstorm for the background of another movie. We left it there for 4 hours and 1 car, 1 idiot he-she, and 1 pigeon went by. By the way, the pigeon walked by, not flew.
  26. I can do great impressions, or in some cases, they're so sad, they're hilarious.
  27. I do my own dance at 6 in the morning while my father waits outside in his car for me.
  28. I turn my alarm clock off in my sleep, I swear!
  29. Two blonde girls were hitting on me because they thought I was a cute guy. I would have thought it flattering if I was a guy, but I'm not.
  30. I have very large hands and feet for a girl. Shoe size: 11 (girls) 10 (boys).
  31. I need a whole room just for my shoes, it's not that I have a lot, they're just too damn huge.
  32. My mom calls my shoes 'boats' because they're too damn big and each shoe weighs like 2 pounds each.
  33. I have a tendency to cut in front of people while I walk. I do it unconsciously.
  34. I once tied my friend to a tree upside down because he was annoying me.
  35. I am God, simple as that!
  36. I can touch my nose with my tongue.
  37. I once made a rocket from baking soda and water. Unfortunately, its supports weren't very supportive so the rocket fell over and went flying into my neighbors basement window, totally demolishing their basement.
  38. I put a hole in my carpet just using my feet.
  39. I accidentally tripped during a square dancing thing, causing everyone to fall over domino style.
  40. I'm actually having a fun time writing this because I have like over 500 useless facts about me.
  41. No matter how much self-esteem I have, my mom always finds a way to degrade me in public.
  42. My doctor gave me a needle, but it got stuck in my arm.
  43. I'm immune to pain.
  44. I took a career test at my high school and it said I'd be a good psychiatrist when in real life everyone thinks I need to SEE a psychiatrist.
  45. I used to have a pet duck named Goldie. She used to attack people!
  46. I won a goldfish at a carnival that was supposed to die the next day, but he lived for like 5 years and grew so large we had to transfer him out of his 50gallon tank.
  47. I once made the Roman Empire out of mud. I used a textbook to make it lifelike.
  48. I used to have 2 mice named Algernon and Stuart.
  49. I haven't made my own bed since I got it.
  50. I have a dwarf hamster named Buddha.
  51. Buddha has an obsession with sweet cakes, like donuts.
  52. I have two parakeets that I didn't have to pay for to get. My first one flew in my mom's hair so I grabbed it and took it home. The second, I won in a contest.
  53. I got locked in a storage trunk while I was bored one day.
  54. All the clocks in my house say a different times.
  55. I once made a chain out of paper rings that turned out to be 30 ft long.
  56. My teacher once mistook me for Godzilla.
  57. I live in a box. Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to get back in.
  58. I like to chase children and scare them away because I'm not a little-child person.
  59. I can't keep a conversation online going for more than 5 minutes.
  60. I watch so much CIA that I could double as a detective.
  61. I fall down stairs a lot. One time I scraped like 8 layers of skin off my knee, leaving a huge chunk of flesh missing from it. I was laughing while I was watching the blood ooze out and down my leg before school.
  62. An ostrich tried to bite my head when I went to the zoo.
  63. My friends dared me to tape my left hand together so I couldn't move it and go without it for the whole day. I won.
  64. I was groped by a bumble-bee. He was a pervert, the little bastard flew up my shirt, while I was wearing it.
  65. I have a horrible fear of bees, which I get from my father. When I discovered a whole nest of them in one of my birdhouses, I did the most logical thing for the situation. I ran like hell.
  66. I once jumped into a large mud pond cannon-ball style. I was stuck in that position for an hour trying to get out of the crater I created in the mud.
  67. I took a Spongebob Squarepants test in the newspaper, I was the only one, out of about 50 kids who took it, that got every question right.
  68. I despise peanut butter and jelly. I've always since I was like 1.
  69. I have a friend in Brazil, Germany, China, Manhattan, Georgia, Russia, and Mexico. We never call each other on the phone, so we must rely on the computer.
  70. I don't scream on roller coasters. I'm too lazy to.
  71. I fall asleep in horror movies. My friends think I'm the best person to go with to a scary movie because they can grab on to me for deal life and I'll have no reaction, I'm dead to the world.
  72. People thought I was high because I thought I could fly. Hey, that rhymes!
  73. When my gym teacher asked what we wanted to play, I said we should play with fire and explosives. All my teachers are keeping a closer eye on my now.
  74. I've never run farther than to the top of my block, yet when my class had to run a mile, I finished second and with a time of 7 minutes and 24 seconds while everyone else got like 12.
  75. I don't do rolls. I'm a square person, not a round one, which means, when a curl up, I don't rolls... I stay still. The only way I'll move is if someone picks me up and tosses me.
  76. Krys is so small compared to me, I could pick her up and toss her across the room if I wanted to.
  77. I once wrote a message on a piece of toast that read: When you put a slice of bread into a toaster and it becomes toast, it will never be a slice of bread again. Isn't that so true?!
  78. My body works backwards, the less sleep I get, the more awake I am. The more sleep I get, the more tired I am.
  79. When I went to see 'Hard Ball' with my friends, at the end, two of them were crying while me and my other friend were busy throwing popcorn at these two people making out.
  80. When I was first learning how to ride a bike without training wheels, I rolled down a hill in my backyard and tried to make a turn around the small kiddy pool. Unfortunately, I was too close, so I started to tip over. I stayed slanted, hanging in the air for about 20 seconds, then I just flopped face first, bike and all, into the pool.
  81. On my street's Block Party, I swallowed a dead bumble-bee that my friend accidentally put in my can of soda, thinking it was empty. It tasted like chicken.
  82. I was bit on the finger by a 'dead' fish with very sharp teeth. I swear that bugger was still alive, even though he was stiff and his gills were hanging out.
  83. I like to play with live crabs, it's funny when they claw onto your shoes and refuse to let you go.
  84. My friend dropped a solid can made of steel on my head, I didn't really feel it. I just heard the loud bang and saw the dent my head out in the can.
  85. I walked into a parked car once. Beware of parked cars!
  86. My Spanish teacher thinks I eat students in the hallways when we change classes.
  87. I believed I could take a test with a spoon. I didn't have a pencil, what else was I supposed to use?!
  88. I have stupid spells. I zone out for like 10 minutes without blinking, not even realizing I'm in one until someone snaps me out of it.
  89. I sleep eat. I went to bed and in my sleep, I hopped out of bed, went down stairs to the kitchen, made a ham, turkey, baloney, liverwurst, cheese, bacon, and other meats hero. I know I did because when I woke up, the hard end of the bread were in my bed and my shirt was covered in mayonnaise.
  90. My teachers think I do yoga and pray to Spanish and Algebra gods during class.
  91. My mommy says I have a very complicated brain, she said I'm very intelligent when it comes to school subjects, but common sense... No.
  92. My mom calls me 'her little coconut'.
  93. Mark and I have stuffed animal wars. We take all our animals and throw them at each other until we are completely covered by them.
  94. Some of my friends and I decided to make a World War II movie. We had it in black and white and everything. The only thing was that we needed a bomb, so we had to use a stuffed toy of Winnie the Pooh. He talked when you pushed his nose. Mark was a German solder person, so I had to throw the 'bomb' at him. It hit him, but when it did, Mark hit his nose and said 'Hello, friend' before we put in the explosion.
  95. I tackled a huge kid that was about 6½ ft tall in football. He started whimpering and sat in a fetal position for most of that quarter.
  96. I once got my hand stuck in a hole in my friend's wall.
  97. I threw a stuffed Bullwinkle doll out my attic window because he was a killer in one of our movies.
  98. I like actual oranges, but I hate plain orange juice.
  99. I can balance a bat on my forehead and walk around casually at the same time without the bat falling. I do it all the time, because when I play baseball with my friends, we do self hit and it takes my team three hours just to swing the bat once. I have to keep myself amused somehow, so I balance a bat on my head and casually walk around my block at least 3 time
  100. And finally, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, INCOMPREHENSIVLY, UNDOUGHTABLE, UNDENABLY, STRICTLY, AMAZINGLY YES, NO LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

    back to PROFILE