The sharp corner of the metal hit the hard wood floor and bounced a foot away from her. The small flame from the candle on the table flickered up from the reflection in the silver and caught her eye. She looked down at its shape through tear-filled eyes, the familiarity of it shook her. Its double edge, nearly paper-thin, how it was always cold between her fingers, flimsy, yet pierced her skin so easily. How could something so insensate be so familiar to something so fragile as her tattered soul? It had been her only true companion, the one thing that never failed her, even in her darkest hours - especially in her darkest hours... An extension of her own body, it helped relieve her pain but brought her pain all the same, she always kept it near.

     And she cried. Every tear shed was a bad memory or thought she had built up, now leaving her. But for every one that left, two took it's place inside her and her crying wracked her very being. It only took a moment for her gates to close and lock, and she regained control. Falling back into her usual state, silently staring at her arm, tears rolling down her delicate face.. she felt nothing and everything all at once. She could be the only one to know of her sorrow, for it was her problem and she would handle it the best she could.

     The blood was just starting to become thick, slowly creeping down her pale flesh. It felt warm against her arm just as her tears were warm against her cheeks. The two were the only warmth she felt anymore, for no matter what external temperatures were, she was always cold. Her flesh stayed pale, smooth, and cool to the touch. Her heart had grown cold over time, but was still persistent against her wishes for it to stop forever. She was also cold towards other people, cold enough to give the hint that she wanted to be left alone, cold enough to push them away to a safe distance. Following this precaution had kept her from permanently damaging anyone else, the only person she could live with hurting was herself.

     She sat watching the blood closely, almost tenderly, coaxing it to flow freely. The blood brought the pain to the outside, no longer trapped within herself, it made her feel free. And she felt free every time until the wounds closed with dried blood, her body doing its job to repair the outside, yet seemingly nothing to repair what mattered. This was her release, her escape from the coldness, her escape from reality. She watched, almost at peace, until the blood hardened and the tears dried, leaving her face feeling taut and her eyes feeling exhausted. With the tears and the blood gone she felt complete emptiness, like someone had stolen her soul and left her with only a useless body. Her thoughts, feelings, senses, memories; everything gone, taken over by a dark emptiness like creeping death - teetering on the edge broken realities, delusions and illusions. Hollowed, she sat, knowing why this part of the cutting was the worst; and knowing that something nearly equally malignant would come next.

     Leaving the door locked and slipping on her favorite t-shirt, she crawled in bed feeling like she had not slept in days. The first human contact she would encounter would destroy her all over again: she would feel insane and defiantly wrong for what she had done, and the guilt would wash over her to accompany the feelings of nothingness and the hatred for herself that always clung to her like a dark gray aura looming. She was always happy to sleep after she cut, it offered her a short escape before facing a new day, and it was always somehow easier to fall into a deep uninterrupted sleep. And she slept.

     Her last thought was of sweet death coming to her in the night and taking her away from here, then it came to her in a dream. She was sitting in the dark corner of her room thinking, trembling, knees to her chest, when she felt the atmosphere of her room shift. The air felt lighter, the thick blanket that had always made her feel like she was drowning in life and being suffocated by reality had lifted, to follow her no more. She felt light herself, almost light enough to float away - a step away from being in space. A breeze seemed to be flowing through her room, the flame of her candles danced delightedly, one after another. But it was more like a body of air than a breeze, it seemed to have a mind of its own as it made its path along the candles, making its way to her. She could feel it now, in front of her, almost as if it were looking into her eyes. The body shifted, vaporized into fine, pale blue mist. A strangeness swept over every inch of her, her clothes dissolved, she was glowing as though she were tangled in the lucent arms of Moon. She could feel the mist seeping into her skin, relaxing every muscle all at once until she fell softly to the floor. It was running through her veins now, calming her system, slowing it. The only feeling left was peace, her worries had dissolved as quickly as the air had vaporized.

     She drifted calmly, like a spirit, free... until she was standing in a place where the grass was lustrous and green; the trees were in bloom with leaves of green, yellow, orange, red, and golden brown; flowers of every color were cascading on the hilltops. There were fields of green shimmering with life, animals all around - animals she could only see in books and pictures before, sharing space with people, unafraid, everything rightfully equal. Everything right.