OAKLAND HEAD COACH KSA QUESTIONNAIRE.

Do your previous work experiences include any of the following?

Offensive coordinator

Defensive coordinator

Zookeeper/lion tamer

Ultimate Fighting Championship participant

California dept. of corrections

Who does your coaching style most closely emulate?

Tommy Tuberville

Thomas "The Hitman" Hearns

Bill Walsh

Bill Murray

Vince Lombardi

Vince McMahon

Which statement best describes your offensive philosophy?

Three yards and a cloud of dust

No harm no foul

If at first you don't succeed, try try again

Speed Kills

Better football through chemistry

Do unto others what has been done unto you

You have the number two draft pick, who do you take to immediately help your team?

v SEC Wide receiver

v Big 12 Linebacker

v Martial artist, preferably with power to levitate and avoid tacklers

v Pac-10 lineman

v Ivy League psych major

v The guy from "The WaterBoy"

If a veteran player commits the same penalty in practice, three consecutive times, how do you respond?

Make him do pushups

Bench him for remainder of rotation

Taser/shock treatment

Trade him for a guy from Stanford

Tell him to keep up the intensity/compliment him on his consistent playing

After a tough loss, a reporter asks you about one of an assortment of random incidents that cost you the game. You respond how?

• After pausing, say that it was a good question but one play does not undo the whole game
• Growl ferociously and say something about entrails being pulled out
• Quickly dismiss it as having nothing to do with the game
• Have charts explaining chaos theory and entropy are part of football, then tell reporter he/she must be the dumbest journalist in America
• Blame someone else's mistake as costing the game
• Grind your teeth and say no comment.

Before a big game, you discover that a veteran was out all night carousing. You respond by asking him:

• If he'd mind sitting out the game
• If he's sober enough to play the game
• Does he need bail make the game
• Stories about the night and if he's got game

Same question, rookie/2^ndyear player

• Bench him, saying he has to taught a lesson
• Fine him, saying he has to taught a lesson
• Taser him, saying he has to taught a lesson
• Trade him for a guy from Stanford

Answer yes or no: Are you available to help move in case of sudden escape to southern California/Nevada ?