Disclaimers and Warnings: Fushigi Yuugi is the property of Watase Yuu, not me. Anyway, this fic contains spoliers for Nuriko's character.

***

I fell in love.

I looked at the sun rise, painting the world a light, fiery hue.

Aa...yes. The first time I had ever laid my eyes on the Emperor, I gave my heart away.

Kourin.

The court princess was in love. She fashioned herself, looking exquisite day by day, in the hopes of gaining at least a glance from the ruler of Konan.

It didn't work.

Apparently, he had someone else since he was a child. He had long fallen in love with a legend, not even knowing what she would look like or how she would act.

I never understood that. How could you love someone you don't even know?

I cupped my chin as I pondered, still keeping my gaze on the glorious sky.

Sometimes I would wonder if what he felt was really love, or a mere infatuation. Maybe he had not fallen for Miaka, but Suzaku no Miko --- his lifelong hope that became a reality.

Ah! Why waste my time thinking about it? It's not like I have a chance with Heika-sama, anyway. especially now that my secret is out.

It hurt, that was the truth.

Everytime I see Miaka and Hotohori in each other's arms, how he looks at her, how he speaks to her --- like she's the most precious thing in the world...

It hurt to watch.

But I did.

And I'm glad I did.

I was finally able to accept that I could not be Hotohori's, and I his.

Hotohori-sama, I was able to let go!

It's hard, but I did it.

Now what I cannot truly comprehend...

...is why I fell for my rival.

Sighing, I clenched my fist.

I do not want to feel this way again.

How unlucky am I in love!

Am I bound to love those who love another?

Am I only meant to be a friend? A protector of the Suzaku no Miko?

Don't I deserve someone who would see me as Tamahome does to Miaka, or Hotohori to Miaka?

Why? Why can I only watch them? Watch them as they live their happy lives loving each other?

Am I just supposed to hurt?

I stubbornly fight tears, refusing to surrender to such a weakness.

No, I am strong. I can withstand anything.

That's what everyone thought.

That's what everyone expected.

No one knew the fragile heart that was within me, maybe even until the point of my death...

and no one will know.

I am free. Free at last of the cruel of love that binded me my whole life.

Death was my salvation.

Or so it would seem.

I close my eyes and bow my head as Miaka and Tamahome kissed under the moonlit sky.

-owari-