Narcissus

by Emerald

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Disclaimers and Warnings: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters are not mine. They belong to Watase Yuu and to some company which definitely does not have any connection to me. This fic contains spoilers for Hotohori's character.

***

The night is beautiful, and its sky illuminated by the stars. There the constellations seem to watch me ... as I watch them.

I look at my reflection in the mirror as I brushed my long hair.

Beautiful.

I have been described as such. And of course, I had come to acknowledge everyone's praises.

Narcissistic.

I know that's what they think of me. Of course they would not say it on my face but I know what they're thinking...

I had been lonely for a long time. At such a young age, only my advisors tended to me, followed all my whims. All the desires of an Emperor. That's all that I have been...the Emperor. The Ruler of Konan.

Sigh.

I want to be seen.

Not as His Majesty.

Not as Emperor.

But as me.

Saihitei.

Perhaps --- that is why I tried to build myself up all the time. I want people to see, to notice who I really am. I want them to look into my eyes, and see a person beneath all those masks they try to put on me.

The Suzaku Seishis. Yes, they are my comrades, and we have established certain bonds that none can break, and for that I am grateful. Now I have some people to talk to -- not about the affairs of Konan, but about those trivial things that even I found to be enjoyable.

I became Hotohori. One of the Suzaku Seishis. I am a member of something, a group. Something which I unconsciously longed for --- to be part of something, instead of looking down on everything from my throne.

Now, I belonged.

When I was told about the Suzaku no Miko when I was young, new hope welled upon me. I thought -- that maybe -- this woman would end my lonely life, my life of living up to a facade. And from that day on, I grew to love a legend, counting the days when this being would turn into reality.

Miaka. She had seen me as I am. And for that I am glad. Though I would have wanted more, I should be content with what she has given me. Her friendship. But my love for her will not change. And with that love I learned to let go and let her find true happiness.

I look at myself in the mirror once again.

Narcissus fell in love with himself and broke the heart of another.

No, I am not Narcissus. I am not like him.

I fell in love with another...

and it was my heart that was broken.

 

-owari-