Emerging Courageous Online Magazine - Stories
The Road to Healing by Vicki Davidson
I remember being so excited to start seminary and my first “real” job in a church. All felt right in the world…I was on my way to answering God’s call for me to be a minister. The excitement began to dissipate towards the end of the first semester. My job turned out to be more of a challenge than I had anticipated. My husband had been laid off from work. We were dealing with the emotional after affects of that along with trying to survive financially for the next few months until he found new employment. At the same time, my daughter began experiencing severe abdominal cramps quite regularly for no apparent reason. Underlying all of that was a restlessness within my soul regarding what God was really calling me to. It felt as if my whole world was falling apart.
By the end of that first school year, I decided to take a year’s leave from seminary in an effort to put my world back in order. I also chose not to renew my contract with the church. I needed to be as mentally and emotionally present for my husband and daughter, and myself as I could be. The time off from school would also serve as a time to explore the restlessness concerning my calling that God had given me. Because this restlessness had become so strong, I believed God to be putting precedence on my getting to the bottom of it.
Once we had gotten a handle on our family issues, I turned my attention to God’s calling. As I prayed and looked back at my faith journey, I decided that I needed help discerning what God was calling me to. Journaling has been a part of my spiritual life for many years. There were a number of events and experiences in my journals that stood out to me, but I still couldn’t seem to find any consistent message or messages on my own. I decided to send a selection of excerpts from my journal writings to a few trusted, well respected people in hopes that they might find something I couldn’t.
A couple of weeks after sending out my journal writings, I contacted those people to see what their responses would be. They all said the same thing. It was apparent to them that God had graced me with the gift of healing. I was absolutely dumbfounded by their responses. Never did I find that when I read those same writings. I was encouraged to attend a workshop at religious retreat center. It is a retreat center that specializes in healing ministries. I reluctantly agreed. The first workshop I attended was a beautiful affirmation of the gift that I could not see in myself.
Yes, God had graced me with the gift of healing, but now what? What do you do with a gift like that? I considered healing to be a powerful gift that should not be used or approached lightly. Quite honestly, it scared the mess out of me. I attended several workshops at the retreat center on various forms of healing prayers and methods. For the past year I have been researching spiritual healing, its history inside and outside of the church, along with learning about as many forms of “spiritual” healing as I can – I am still researching. As I research, I am always asking “Where is God in this practice of healing?”, “What are the dangers of the person offering the healing and/or the person receiving the healing losing focus as God being the source of the healing in this practice?”, along with “What does scripture have to say about this form of healing, and healing in general?”
I would like to share what I have learned that healing is. Pain, trauma, and broken relationships damage our souls. The damage can be so much so that our relationship with God has never had a chance to develop or our pain is all we can focus on and our relationship with God breaks down along with our relationships with others. The role of someone with the gift of healing is to be the instrument that allows the one receiving the healing to know just who the healing comes from. There should be no doubt in either the person offering the healing or receiving the healing that God is the one and only one who can heal the soul, the pain and the trauma within. How could it be any other? God is the creator of our souls.
Healing does not usually include an instant miraculous recovery. It is usually a process that includes developing a healing relationship with our God and usually others that we love. Initial healing, whether miraculous or not, is an invitation to begin or renew a loving relationship with God. Through healing God is saying, “I still love you,” “I’m sorry you have been in so much pain,” “Come with me and together we will heal you and your life.” I always strongly encourage people to get connected with a church, Bible study, and prayer group or partner to help nurture their growing relationship with God and God’s people. Finding a trained Spiritual Director is also another excellent way to go. The healing process may involve formal counseling, or continued medical assistance/treatment.
Scripture is full of examples of the invitation and process of healing from God. There is the lady who had bled for many years, the lepers, the blind man, the woman about to be stoned for adultery, the woman at the well, etc. Their healings were only the beginning of a process of healing that would hopefully lead to healed relationships with God and humankind.
For example, consider the life of the lady who bled for many years. Women in her time were considered unclean when menstruating and were to stay away from others until the bleeding had passed. Since her bleeding never passed she had lived a life of being ostracized from the church and community. Her miraculous physical healing was an invitation to a process of creating relationships with the people of her community, learning to communicate and get along with others, and now being able to publicly worship God. Can you imagine how difficult it was for her to totally recover from all the affects of living in isolation for so many years and to re-enter into a social life with her community? Or for the members of her community to accept her into their lives? I’m thinking a good counselor would have been of great benefit to her and/or the people of her community.
When Jesus entered the scene of the woman about to be stoned for adultery, he stated that anyone without sin could throw the first stone at her. When all had tossed down their stones and walked away, he forgave the woman of her sins, and asked for a change of life style- a change of heart and mind. There was no miraculous healing of any physical ailment for anyone during this event. But can you imagine how healing Jesus’ words and actions were to the sense of self worth of this woman?
What Jesus said and did that day was an invitation from God to the woman and the people of her community to re-enter into a new healing relationship with God and each other. Jesus gently, lovingly challenged the community’s social/religious beliefs and practices, offering an invitation to heal those beliefs and practices. This in turn would lead to healthier, more loving, nurturing, and forgiving relationships within the community and within their worship setting. I have to wonder, once this woman and the people of her community had spent some time pondering and discussing Jesus’ words and actions, did they hold on to the invitation offered to them, tuck it away for later consideration because what it asked was too much to tackle right now, or throw it away and completely return to their old ways finding no reasons sufficient enough to them to continue acting upon the invitation? Continued and lasting healing is dependent on what we do with the invitations we are given.
Sometimes we still might think that we are too undesirable, too wretched for God to love or want to have a relationship with. Once word got out that God had graced me with the gift of healing, somehow a few occult survivors found their way to me (I’m sure God sent them). These were people who had turned their backs on God and the church. Not only turned their backs, but cursed God and the church and followed the destroyer. The pain and damage to the soul that these people suffer is unimaginable to most. Yet our loving and merciful God reached out to them to heal them of their pain and to begin a new relationship with them.
Working with these people taught me much about the true nature of our God. God is continuously inviting us into a healing relationship and waiting for the time when we recognize and accept that invitation and are ready to let God fully enter our lives to fill us with love, peace, and mercy. Even when we turn our backs on God, God is still giving us love and care. Jesus himself showed us to what extent our God will go for us.
What I have shared in this brief writing is just a small part of what I want to share with all of God’s people. I was recently asked to co-lead a healing service for the 2002 Quadrennial Women’s Assembly of the Disciples of Christ. That is where the editor of this magazine met me and asked me to share my story in her magazine. With God’s grace, I hope that that was only the beginning of communicating what I have learned and offering my gift to God’s people. God’s gifts are meant to be shared.
I hope to be able to communicate with churches to share my gift and what I have learned, especially regarding the role of healing within and for the church. Over the months to come, I will continue my research and begin writing a book explaining in greater detail what I have learned. Please pray that I serve God and God’s people well and as God intends for me to. Thank you. God bless!Please send email to author to let her know what you think of her story.