"What's going on?" - Marilyn Dixon Pfanstiel

"I can't function like this anymore!!!" was my plea to my physician after fighting insomnia for the last eight years. It had gotten to the point that I was falling asleep at the wheel driving over to the doctor's office. My car hit the ridges along the side and startled me awake - not once but several time on the half hour drive. As I stopped at the stop lights, my head would nod while I was trying to stay alert. It was no use, I can't stay awake. That was the final straw. Something had to be done. I had to find some answers.

Nighttime was a nightmare. It was getting worse. I would toss and turn trying to get comfortable with back and shoulders aching sometimes screaming in pain. Stiffness was so bad that I didn't want to move but had to stretch in order to get moving. Difficulty trying to get to sleep was addressed by meditation which helped the anxiety and busy mind to calm. Finally getting to sleep, I would soon awaken startled unable to go back to sleep. Then there was the urgency to go the bathroom although I shouldn't need to go. Kidney tests were run to see if there were an infection or any kidney diseases but nothing was revealed. Over and over, I would awaken, causing more anxiety about not being able to sleep. Completely exhausted, I would cry out in exasperation, "I just want some sleep". "Why can't I sleep?"

Being plagued with chronic bronchitis and finally diagnosed asthma, the coughing often prevented me from getting adequate rest at times. With a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, I tried various muscle relaxants and anxiety medications to relax me at bedtime. Blood pressure began climbing and anxiety mounted. Medications prescribed included blood pressure medication, inhalers for asthma, ambien, imiprimine, valium, clonazipam, cyclobenzapine, effexor, trazadone and muscle relaxants. The medications left me drugged and unable to function the next day. Herbal remedies included melatonin, valerian, passion flower, hydroxytryptophan, kava kava, St. John's Wort and herbal teas. They didn't seem to have any lasting effects.

I even tried various mattresses finally sleeping on an air filled one that allowed me to adjust to little pressure which helped my night discomfort somewhat. Other treatments included physical therapy, electric stimulation, ultrasound, myofascial stretching, chiropractic and osteopathic adjustments, yoga, massage therapy, and hydrotherapy for the pain. To relieve anxiety, I tried meditation, healing therapy, visualizations, cognitive therapy and psychotherapy. Then full spectrum light was added to help sleep.

Sleep remained elusive , interrupted continuously thoughout the night. I tried various good sleeping habits - going to bed and awakening at the same time, not taking naps, eating well, not eating late, various vitamins and minerals. I was fortunate to get 3 1/2-4 hours of sleep a night. Nothing seemed to help and all the solutions I tried were in vain.

What was going on? Why couldn't I sleep? I needed answers that I couldn't find.

My physician ordered an overnight "sleep study" at the hospital which consisted of a polysomnogram. Various parts of the body are wired to measure the number of times breathing stops, changes in oxygen level of the blood, heart rate, restless leg, snoring or talking during sleep. It never dawned on me that I my breathing stopped during sleep. The diagnosis was "sleep apnea"- cessation of breathing. No wonder I couldn't get to sleep, stay asleep and awoke in a panic and couldn't get back to sleep. UGHHHHH!!!

Treating the problem offers several options. The uvula in the back of my throat is enlarged and could be the obstruction when I slept. Surgery could be performed but still might not solve the problem. Excess weight can be another contributing factor. As I have just lost 30 pounds, it was probably worse before although I could still lose a little more weight. The treatment of choice is a CPAP - nasal continuous positive airway pressure which looks to me like snorkling gear. The mask is strapped to the head making a tight seal and preessurized air keeps the airway open during sleep eliminating the apnea. After waiting for insurance approval, a home health care service brought a machine to my home and instructed me in its use. It takes getting used to and needs an adjustment period I was told. When I first put on the mask, I felt claustraphobic - anxiety attack - panic. I was scared I wasn't getting enough air. If there was ever a time to practice my meditation, the time was now....breathe deeply...breathe deeply...breathe deeply...all night long. Didn't get much more restive sleep that first night but tolerated the mask which I thought was a fantastic accomplishment. I was determined to give it 110% and make it work if at all possible. The second night the mask started leaking air - wouldn't seal. Then next day closer examination revealed the nose cover was not fitted properly. Then it began to work. It is going to be like retraining my body to learn to sleep again. It will be a slow process.

Although this is just the beginning of a long journey and adjustment period, I feel that my question has been answered. I found the cause of my sleep problems. I know now what is happening.  By getting restive sleep, I know my night discomfort will dissipate. I just have to stick with the regimen and have patience...I am confident that by sleeping well,
my moods, my energy, and my life will all improve. . Now, I will try to get some sleep.
Night! Night!

Marilyn Dixon Pfanstiel, June 29,2002
www.emergingcourageous.com