Emerging Courageous Online Magazine - Stories
"Noah's Angel" by Susan Farr Fahncke
We didn't mean to keep her. She was in a basket in front of the grocery store
and I really just stopped to gawk at all the teeny kittens, but I took one look
at her lying in my four-year old son's arms and I was a goner. Noah is deaf and
has very few friends to play with. He's getting to the age where his babbling is
no longer like
the other kids his age and now the neighborhood children look at him as if he
were an alien. His hands fluttering excitedly, inviting them to play, he doesn't
realize they don't know sign language and they
don't realize he's every bit as bright and fun as they are - his language is
just different.
I somehow knew that the little black kitten would be his best friend. She seemed
complacent and purred in his chubby arms. Signing "mine", Noah already
proclaimed the kitten to be his.
The weeks and months flew by, and "Angel" became Noah's constant
shadow. I often wondered how she tolerated his slinging her under his arm and
carrying her everywhere, sometimes locking her in his room
with him or "teaching" Angel how to jump from his top bookshelf to his
racecar bed. Angel seemed to take it all in stride, and despite Noah's special
brand of torture for his new kitty, every night I would find her fast asleep
tucked under his arm or sprawled across his back. She really was a Godsend and I
thanked God for her every
night. Nothing hurt me quite as much as knowing my little guy had no playmates,
and Angel filled in wonderfully. Noah glowed with joy when his little black
shadow was near.
Spring came and Angel began to venture outside more and more, chasing
butterflies and threatening the birds from afar, her shiny black coat glinting
in the sunlight. Noah played outside with her and they remained inseparable.
Until last Monday.
Monday morning came and Angel had been out all night, since it was warm and she
loved to stay out more and more. My oldest son, Nick left for Junior High school
and less than a minute later was back in the door.
"Mom, Angel got hit by a car." His chalk-white face revealed the
worst. "She's dead, Mom."
"No, no!" I cried, racing outside to help her. Angel's small lifeless
body lay on our lawn, blood pouring from her head. I reached out to feel
for a pulse. Nothing. She was gone. Her body was still warm and
I realized it had just happened minutes earlier. Hundreds of "If only's"
ran through my mind. If only I had made her stay inside last night. If only I
had let her in earlier that morning. Nothing could bring her back and Nick and I
gently laid her body in a box so we could bury her later.
I had no words for my tiny son who had lost his best friend. I had nothing but
prayers, wishing I could bring her back. I held off on telling Noah until after
preschool so that I had time to think of the best way to tell him. Because of
his deafness, some things are harder to grasp, harder to explain. After school,
I sat him down in the back yard, Angel's box next to me. We had already dug the
hole for her little grave. I told Noah how Angel had played in the street, how
dangerous that is and that a car had hit her. His eyes grew huge as he watched
my hands and my face. Anguish filled his eyes and understanding dawned. We
talked about heaven and that her spirit was now there, but her body was dead. I
felt hot tears pouring down my face as I saw the pain in his sweet blue eyes. I
opened the box so Noah could see that she was indeed gone.
"Wake up, wake up," Noah signed over and over to his lifeless buddy.
He softly stroked her fur, crying. He understood. Noah then placed a special
blanket over her body and we solemnly held a heartbreaking
funeral for the little angel who had brought so much joy. I cried off and on for
my son the rest of the night. I prayed for comfort for Noah and for a way to
give him a new friend.
Both prayers were answered the next day. Together my husband and I finally
reached a decision that had been causing me sleepless nights for months. Now the
answer was perfectly clear. We would be moving in a few months to an area where
we had other deaf friends and Noah would flourish with other deaf children to
play with. It was a peaceful feeling, knowing this was the right thing. I doubt
that we would have seen so clearly, had we not lost little Angel when we did.
My other prayer was answered when Noah woke up and began talking about his kitty
dying. What he said next both shocked and amazed me. My tiny little son told me
that she was in heaven and that God was holding her hand. I don't know where he
got this notion, but I have an idea. And it gave him comfort. He misses his
little shadow, but whenever he thinks about her, he tells me that he knows she
is in heaven and that God is holding her hand. God heard my prayers and gave him
comfort and somehow her passing on opened the doors for me
to see the clear decision that would bring many friends into Noah's life. I
thank God for sending Noah's little angel for the short time that He allowed her
to be with us, and I know that her passing was necessary for me to see what Noah
really needs. We all look forward to the new start and new friends. especially
Noah. And I have a feeling a little angel with a shiny black coat will be
watching over him.
Susan Farr Fahncke copyright 2002
Editor@2theheart.com
http://www.2theheart.com/susan_fahncke
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