(Our scene opens at a huge mansion, with bass thumping in the background and many many people walking around the front yard. Raptor walks straight past the camera, and straight in. The cameraman follows. We realize he is at Hobo’s raging party in his part time casino! Once inside, raptor sits down at the bar, next to a lady on one side and two men on the other. One of the guys turns around and so does the lady, recognizing Raptor)

Man #1: Ahhh man! You’re that raptor guy huh! Cool!

Raptor: Yeah man, that’s me…

Man #2: That is sooo cool! But, dude, you just missed Timmay….

Man #1: Chill out… I taped it Raptor. It’s in the other room… Hey what does HCT stand for anyway???

Man #2: Hermaphrodite Cock Teasers?

Woman: Hairy Cow Testicle?

Man #1: Homophobic Catholic Taxidriver?

Raptor: No guys… Geez, Hardcore Timmay- Its pretty obvious… I really need to see this so called “promo”

Woman: You really didn’t miss much. I mean, it’s only Timmay right?

Oh no… wait…

No… You didn’t miss much at all.

Apart from the fact that he totally sucked ass at GTA3. But hey, I’ll come watch it with you; but only because I think he has the same brand of bong as I do.

(Raptor looks really confused. Just as he is about to ask what the hell that has to do with anything, Hobo walks straight past and sees Raptor standing there about to walk off)

Hobo: Hey, you’re raptor right??? You just missed that (does the quotation fingers) “Hardcore Kelly”

Raptor: Yeah I heard… I’m about to go watch it… Wanna come with?

Hobo: Nah man, can’t. I’m about to go out somewhere… But hey, you go beat that “the man, the monkey, the egg” guy…

Raptor: Later! (Hobo walks off as Raptor turns around, the two men and the ladies following. They walk past two guys dancing together and a lady keels over and pukes all over the camera man. They reach the TV room, sit and watch the promo)

Woman: What did I tell you! Same brand of bong… (She whips out the bong from behind her back, and runs off, giggling)

Man #1: She really needs to get out more.

Man #2: What the hell is up with this guy?

Raptor: What… Timmay?

Man #2: Yeah man, he totally sucks ass at GTA 3…

Raptor: Well that’s not exactly what I was looking for in a weakness but—

Man #2: No, I’m serious, he sucked major ass

Man #1: Shut up Bob. Seriously… What was with that croc hunter impersonation? I’ve heard a goldfish do a better Australian accent…

Man #2: Besides which, didn’t you do more of a “David Attenborough” type accent… That’s British, not Aussie…

(There is a knock at the door, and in walks another man)

Man #2: Hey man!!! Raptor… This is my Aussie friend, Matt Raw.

Matt: Dude I really find that Croc Hunter show and Timmay’s try-hard impersonation really offensive…

Raptor: Why? Personally I think its funny… Apart from the impersonation… But hey, when you’re dealing with a 5 star try hard, how could you get anything but a try hard impersonation?

Matt: Yeah well that’s all well and good, but it portrays the average Australian as a dumb ass yobbo

Raptor: Yobbo? Huh? What?

Matt: Aussie slang for some dude who wears clothes like that, and talks like a true fuckin yobbo. “In that Aussie accent…”

Man #2: Hey Matt… Did you ride to school on a kangaroo when you were little? Hehe

Matt: Shut the fuck up bob… Jesus Christ you’re a dumbass… Listen Raptor… I want you to beat this fucknuckle for me. Nobody screws with my nationality like that.

Man #2: Yeah, and nobody screws with my…

With my….

Ehh… Umm… With my emotions! The moment he hit the screen, I became oppressive and angry.

Man #1: And he made me bored and depressed. Ever since I saw “That stupid fucking ego dude” Hardcore Timmay, I learnt to bottle up my emotions.

Matt: You guys really need to get out more. Listen, go kick his ass for me… Hey!!! I gots an idea!!! Here…

(He goes into the cupboard and pulls out a camcorder)

Matt: Lets do an Impromptu Match Promo!!!!!!!!

Raptor: Uhh.. I dunno… I really came for a party… To get away from him

Matt: Who? “The hardcore donkey”? Ahh come on… Chill out, your only talking about this jerk… If it was someone like, say, I dunno, An Arkie… God he’s a psycho… then I’d be worried… But it’s all good.

Man #2: Hey!!! Yeah!! That’s a great idea… I’ll do backup vocals….

Matt: Bob… How many have you had tonight?

Man #2: Yeuuuughh… Too many

(He runs out of the room about to throw up. The other man follows him, and Matt turns on the camera and points it at Raptor.)

Raptor: You talk about your fans, hmmm Timmay?? They’ll all thank you when I’m gone eh timmay? That’s good, since you don’t have any fans! And I hope you wrestle better than you play GTA3… Cause man, that was shocking! (he holds up a copy of GTA3 and a sign flashes across the screen saying “BUY NOW!”) You know, Timmay, its damn funny how you try and ridicule me through my name. You know, considering how you’re named after a fucking retard from South Park! You’ve got to be one of the world’s most hypocritical dumbass bastards ever. Just, do me a favor and make sure you don’t show up to Shockwave completely stoned.

Matt: With more emotion Raptor!!! Its you’re career we’re talking about!

Raptor: And Timmay, do you think anyone actually gives a flying crap about those shitty excuses for titles you have? Does anyone actually care if you’re a champion in some b-grade federation? I mean, dude, come on! For all I care, you could hang cardboard around your shoulder and it would be more prestigious. Well maybe not but…. Anyway, you’re not in the little leagues. Those titles don’t count here. You’re hanging with the best of them, so start acting like it! Shape up Timmay, because you and I both know your taking me too lightly. You’re respected here in this federation Timmay, there’s no denying it. But respect doesn’t mean gold either. You know that between you’re respect, and my charisma, we’ve got a hell of a match coming up, and I look forward to it. But just because your massive ego says you’ll win doesn’t make it so. So try and take it easy. And for gods sake, turn off the PS2, get off of your fat ass, and out of the house. I don’t want to have to face a stoned giant revolving blob!

(Matt turns off the Camcorder as Raptor walks out the door to go chat up that Jessica chick)